Sam

Craig follows me into the locker room and hovers as I strip out of my workout shorts and into a pair of jeans. I pull off my sweaty muscle shirt and use it to wipe my damp underarms. I need to shower, but I’ll wait until I get to my mom’s house. I’m running short on time.

“Are you sure you have to go back?” he says, his gaze skimming my bare chest for a split second before he looks away and pretends he wasn’t staring at my nipple piercings.

I pull on a clean T-shirt. “I promised Beth I’d come back, and it’s been three months. I guess my time is up.”

“Just because some spoiled, rich bitch—”

“Whoa—stop. You don’t even know Beth. She’s one of the kindest people I’ve ever met.”

Craig waves his hand dismissively. “Okay, fine! But what about Cooper? Are you just going to fall back into his bed and let him use you again, like nothing’s happened?”

That stings, mostly because it’s not that far from the truth. “He’s not using me.”

Craig grabs my shoulders. “What do you call it when someone takes what they want from you, but they don’t give you what you need in return? Hmm? I’d say that’s definitely using someone.”

I jerk out of his hold. “It’s more complicated than that.”

Craig shakes his head, obviously frustrated. “You could have anyone, Sam. I don’t know why you’re wasting your time on this guy. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”

Old dog. That makes me laugh, because Cooper is almost twice my age. I slam my locker door shut and sling my gym bag over my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Craig, but I have to go.”

He grabs me again. “Remember, you can always come back here. I’d give you a job in a heartbeat. Please don’t forget that.”

“Thanks.” A part of me—a small part—wants to take the easy way out and stay here with Craig. Going home is going to be hard, and seeing Cooper again—well, that will be the hardest thing of all.

* * *

I have dinner with Mom and Rachel and explain to them that it’s time for me to head back to Chicago. I can tell they’re disappointed that I’m leaving, but they try to hide it for my sake. I think they were hoping I’d stay for good.

I’m packed and ready to go when a black sedan pulls up in front of the house. There’s no point in delaying this, so I grab my duffle bag and my backpack and head out to the car. A uniformed driver meets me at the rear of the vehicle and pops the trunk so I can stow my gear. Then I slip into the backseat next to Shane.

“I’m not there yet, physically,” I admit to Shane. “I’m close, but I wouldn’t be able to pass the physical assessment right now.”

Shane shrugs. “That’s okay. Just keep working at it—you’ll get there. But you need to come home. Beth misses you.”

I nod. Beth is my client, but she’s also one of my best friends. I miss her. And, she’s pregnant. I’m missing out on all of that, too. I smile, thinking she’s probably got a little baby bump by now.

“And she’s not the only one who misses you,” Shane says, eyeing me pointedly. “Cooper’s been impossible to live with since you left Chicago. I can’t take any more of his moping. You two need to work things out.”

“You make it sound so easy.” Just hearing Cooper’s name makes my heart pound. I can’t imagine being in the same room with him again, seeing him for the first time in… Jesus, has it really been three months? “I’m coming back to Chicago, but not to the way things were before. If nothing’s changed….”

Shane nods. “I understand. But I have faith in Cooper. He knows what’s at stake. I trust him to make things right between the two of you. Give him a chance, okay? He’s been through…situations…that you know nothing about. You need to cut him some slack.”

My throat tightens. I don’t dare let myself think that Cooper’s going to change. “I’m not getting my hopes up,” I say. I can’t afford to.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, we arrive at Dayton International Airport. Our driver pulls up beside a McIntyre Security, Inc. company jet, which is already prepped and ready. Negotiating the steps is a bit of a challenge with my leg, but I manage to get myself and my bags up into the plane.

Once we’re inside, the captain greets us personally, as does the flight attendant.

Part of me is happy to be going home, but part of me dreads it. I have no idea how I’ll react when I see Cooper. I have no idea how he’ll react. I figure he’ll either be glad to see me, or he’ll kick my ass for leaving him. Either way, seeing him again will be tough.

Shane takes a seat at one of the swiveling leather armchairs in the front of the jet, and I move farther back and take a seat on one of the small leather sofas. He pulls a tablet out of a black leather briefcase and switches it on to do some work. He’s a bit of a workaholic, but I guess that’s to be expected when you’re the CEO of a multi-million-dollar company.

I strap in, get comfortable, and pull out my earbuds to listen to music. It’s a quick flight back to Chicago. We’ll be home before we know it.

Once we’re airborne, the flight attendant comes by and asks us if we want anything to drink. Shane opts for a shot of whisky. That sounds good to me, so I ask for one too, along with a beer chaser. The prospect of seeing Cooper this evening has me on edge, and I could use a little liquid reinforcement.

The flight is quiet and uneventful. Just before we land, Shane makes a quick call to Beth to let her know we’re back in Chicago. I bite back a smile. The poor guy can’t even go an hour without hearing her voice.

There’s a car waiting for us at the airport. After stowing our gear in the trunk, we head to the apartment building. Shane and Beth live on the penthouse floor, along with Cooper. I have my own apartment two floors down from them.

When our driver drops us off in front of the elevators in the underground parking garage, Shane says, “Come up to the penthouse and say hello to Beth. She won’t sleep tonight until she’s seen you.”

My stomach drops at his suggestion because Cooper lives there too. “All right.”

Craig’s right. I can’t let Cooper simply pick up where we left off. I can’t do that to myself. I took a stand when I left, and I have to stick to my guns. If he can’t meet me halfway, if he can’t even make an effort, we’re doomed. I’m not asking for much—hell, I’ll settle for him holding my hand in public once in a while. He doesn’t have to make some big declaration—he just has to stop treating me like I’m his dirty little secret.

* * *

I’m a nervous wreck as I ride with Shane in the private elevator up to the penthouse floor. Shane already texted Beth to let her know we’re on our way up, so she’s expecting us. It’s March already, and the baby’s due in early July, so she must be showing by now.

The elevator doors ping as they glide open. Beth is waiting for us in the foyer, and her face lights up when she sees us. Shane steps out of the car first and takes his wife into his arms. Jesus, the way he’s kissing her, you’d think he’d been out of town for a week, not an afternoon. I step out quietly, setting my bags on the floor, and try not to stare at them as they lose themselves in each other. But I can’t help noticing how he cradles the back of her head with one hand, while his other hand slides down to cup her little baby bump. He may be a domineering bastard at times, but no one can fault him for how he loves Beth.

I feel like such a voyeur.

“Feeling okay, sweetheart?” he asks her.

She beams up at him with teary eyes. “Yes. I’m so glad you’re back. And thank you for bringing Sam home.”

“My pleasure, honey.” He releases her, and a moment later she’s in my arms, squeezing the daylights out of me, and we’re both laughing like idiots.

“Oh, thank God, you’re home,” she breathes. When she releases me, she looks me over from head to toe. The last time she saw me—at Christmas—I still had a cast on my leg, and I couldn’t walk without crutches. She squeezes my hands. “You look amazing. How do you feel?”

I shake my head at her. “You are such a liar, princess. I look like shit warmed over, but I’m not complaining. I’m standing on my own two feet again.”

Shane’s youngest sister, Lia, nicknamed Beth princess, and the name stuck. She’s got long, pale blond hair, currently pulled up in a sloppy ponytail, and blue-green eyes the color of the Caribbean. She tears up all over again as she looks at me, and I know where her brain is going. The reason I was injured in the first place was because I pushed her out of the way of an oncoming car and took the direct hit myself. I can tell myself I was just doing my job—after all, I’m her bodyguard, or at least I was at the time. But the truth is, I’d do anything for her. I’d take a bullet for her without a second thought. She’s like family to me.

Beth glances at Shane with a hopeful expression on her face. “Can he come back to work?”

Shane shakes his head, and I know it kills him to disappoint her.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, no,” he says. “Not until he can pass the physical assessment. Miguel will continue as your bodyguard until Sam can come back.”

My gaze keeps turning to the open foyer doors that lead into the apartment. I can see part of the great room and a bit of the kitchen through the open doorway. My heart is pounding at the thought of seeing Cooper again, and I’d be lying to myself if I said I wasn’t looking for him to walk through those doors any second. He has to know I’m back.

“He’s not here, Sam,” Beth says.

Her words hit me like a sucker punch to the gut, and I don’t know how to feel. Relief that I don’t have to face him for the first time in front of an audience? Hurt that he’s not here to see me? Panic? What if he doesn’t even want to see me? “Where is he?”

Beth shrugs, looking apologetic. “I don’t know. He left a half-hour ago, and he didn’t say where he was going. I’m so sorry.”

I try not to let them see how much this hurts. “I guess it’s for the best.” Right now I just need to get out of here and be alone. I pick up my bags and walk back into the elevator. “It’s late, and I’m tired. I’d better unpack and crash for the night.”

“Will I see you tomorrow?” Beth says, eyeing me hopefully. “How about having dinner with us?”

“Sure,” I say, although my heart’s not in it at the moment. Right now I just feel numb knowing he left on purpose. “I’ll come over after you get home from work. We can catch up then. I want to hear all about little baby boy McIntyre.”

* * *

I take the private elevator down to the main lobby where I can catch an elevator that goes to my floor. There’s an amorous young couple behind me in the car as I ride up to my apartment. I keep my eyes glued to the doors, trying to ignore the sounds of their furtive kisses and quick breaths, his moans, her quiet giggles. God, I envy them. They can hold hands and kiss and be playful with each other in public without drawing unwanted attention. Just my luck I had to be born queer.

I get off at my floor and haul my bags to my door, setting them on the floor so I can fish my key out of my pocket. Once I manage to get the door unlocked and open, I drop my bags inside and close the door behind me. My heart is still pounding and my adrenalin level is through the roof, but all that worry about seeing Cooper again was pointless. In all my mental preparation, I never considered the possibility he wouldn’t even be there.

And yeah, that stings like a bitch. He’s avoiding me. For the first time since I left Chicago, I wonder if I did irreparable damage to our relationship by leaving him like that. The thought makes me feel sick.

I have to admit, it’s good to be back in my own apartment. Even though the place has been closed up for months, and the air is slightly stale, it’s home. I flip on the living room light, and my heart slams against my ribcage when I see Cooper standing across the room. “Jesus!”

Steely blue eyes crinkle at the corners as he gives me a lopsided, hesitant grin. “Sorry, darlin’. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

The sound of his rough voice sends shivers down my spine, and I simply stare at him, my gaze eating him up. I didn’t realize how starved I was for the sight of him.

We stand eye-to-eye, both of us the same height, six feet, although he’s more muscular than I am, his shoulders broader. He looks a bit haggard, with faint shadows under his eyes, like he does when he’s not sleeping well. Maybe the nightmares have been bad lately. I’ve lost count of the number of times he’s awakened me in the middle of the night, struggling against invisible bonds in his sleep.

He’s lost weight. Not as much as I have, but he looks leaner and meaner somehow. He’s still bigger than me. He’ll always be a bit of a bruiser. His gray hair is cut short, a holdover from his years in the Marines, and he’s got three days’ worth of salt-and-pepper stubble on his cheeks. But that little bit of beard can’t hide his jawline, which looks like it’s cut from stone. Damn, he looks good.

Aching need hits me low in the gut, and I find it difficult to breathe.

“You could have warned me,” I say, grasping for something to say. Anything. My mind is reeling. He’s here…right in front of me. He didn’t leave the penthouse simply to avoid me. My pulse is through the roof, and the roar of blood rushing through my skull is deafening. “You scared the hell outta me.”

He stalks toward me, and I automatically take a step back, coming into contact with the door.

“I couldn’t do this with an audience,” he says, his voice gruff.

I swallow hard, feeling wary, and excited, and pissed off, all at the same time. “Do what?”

His voice drops. “See you again.”

He steps in front of me, just inches away, and I can feel the heat rolling off him in waves. The faint scent of his cologne hits me like a sledgehammer, knocking the breath out of me. Memories of him come crashing back, swamping me, making my heart pound. His scent, the feel of his body draped over mine, his touch. My belly clenches in anticipation, and my balls start tingling. I can’t do this! I can’t just roll over for him like nothing happened.

Anger replaces my initial shock at seeing him again. “Well, now you’ve seen me.” I jab my thumb at the door behind me. “You can go now.”

He looms closer, his hard gaze going to my mouth. Oh, shit. He’s going to kiss me. I raise my hands to hold him off. “No, Cooper. We’re not going to just pick up where we left off. If that’s what you came here for, you’d better go.”

 He keeps coming as if he didn’t hear a word I said. When he’s right in front of me, he moves fast as lightning, grabbing my wrists and pinning them to the door above my head. I could pull free if I wanted to, but the truth is, part of me doesn’t want to. Part of me wants to just give in to him. But the stronger part of me knows I can’t do that. I have to stand my ground. “Don’t!”

“Don’t what?” He makes it sound like a dare.

“Don’t kiss me.”

“Who said I was going to kiss you?”

He’s so close now, I can feel his warm breath on my face, and I can see the short stubble of his five o’clock shadow. With a shock, I realize he’s been drinking. Not beer, but the hard stuff. Suddenly, it feels like all the air has been sucked out of the room, and I can’t catch my breath. I sag against the door. “Cooper, please don’t.”

He’s still staring at my mouth. “Why not?” He glances crudely at the front of my jeans. “Looks like you want me to.”

I shake my head. “No, I don’t. I can’t keep doing this. Not unless something changes.”

His eyes narrow, and he shakes his head. His easy dismissal of my feelings cuts me deeply. He’s killing me. And the sad part is, I want him so badly I can barely think straight. It’s been so long.

His jaws tighten, making a muscle jump in his cheek. “What we have together is good, damn it! Why can’t you be happy with that?”

“Because I’m sick and tired of being your God-damned dirty little secret! If you don’t want me enough to man up—”

The next thing I know, his mouth is on me, his lips grinding mercilessly into mine, his breath hot and heavy, spiced with whisky. I taste blood, but I don’t know if it’s his or mine. I guess it doesn’t matter. Either one of us would gladly bleed for the other. That’s what makes this so hard. He’s fucking everything to me, but if I don’t stand my ground now and force the issue, we’re doomed. Resentment will eat me alive, and eventually I’ll grow to hate him, and that will destroy us both.

He transfers my wrists to one hand and grips my jaw tightly with the other, stroking my short beard as he holds me pinned to the door.

“I fucking love you, and you know it,” he says, sounding resentful, as if the words are being forced out of him.

The vibration from his voice travels down my spine and straight to my ballsac, zapping me. My balls tingle as my traitorous dick begins to swell, filling the tight confines of my briefs. I make a pained sound and have to shift my stance to make room for a quickly growing erection.

When he skims his mouth lower and play-bites the edge of my jaw, I gasp. Then he spins me so that I’m facing the door. The hard ridge of his erection presses against my ass, reminding me of what I’ve been missing for these past several months.

“You think I don’t want you?” he hisses in my ear, furious. “Do you feel that, you little prick? That’s me, wanting you. I want you so badly I can barely fucking breathe! I love you, and you left me! You little shit!”

I only have a moment to register the unmistakable pain in his voice before he thrusts against my backside, grinding himself into me and short-circuiting my brain. Even through our jeans I can feel the thick ridge of his big cock pressing between my ass cheeks. It feels so damn good, I groan loudly and push back against him. My knees go weak, and the butterflies in my belly make me dizzy.

I sag against the door as my resolve crumbles. “Cooper, please.” Please what? Please don’t do this to me? Please fuck me?

I’m panting with arousal so intense it hurts. My left leg buckles, and he catches me with a strong arm around my waist.

“Do you feel this?” he grates, grinding his cock into me. “Do you?”

“Yes!”

“Does this feel like I don’t want you?”

“No!” My eyes are burning now, from the mix of salt and tears, and from the searing realization that no matter how tempted I am to simply give in, I can’t.

Cooper grips the back of my neck and marches me toward the bedroom. I stumble in the dark, dizzy from the mix of arousal and exhilaration rioting inside me. Blood is surging into my dick, and I’m hard as a pike. This is what I get for going without him for so long.

Cooper pushes me face down on the bed, bending over me as he presses the side of my face into the bed. I’ve never seen him so angry.

“You are fucking mine, do you hear me?” he hisses in my ear. 

“Yes!” I squeeze my eyes shut. How did I ever think I could leave him? How did I ever think I had any control in this relationship? I have none, because he fucking owns me, and we both know it. “Cooper, please.”

“Please what?” He takes a deep breath, and his voice drops to a low rumble. “Tell me what you want, Sam.”

“I can’t do this right now.” We both know if he forces the issue, I’ll cave.

For a moment, I think he didn’t hear me. The room is silent—too silent. The only sound I hear is the rush of blood through my skull. Abruptly, he releases his grip on my neck and pushes himself away from me, leaving me suddenly alone and feeling bereft. I roll into a sitting position and stare at the floor, at his scuffed black boots, too shaken to face him. I’ve never denied him anything before. Never.

“Do you want me to go?” he says, his voice hollow. Jesus, he sounds hurt.

I gaze up at him, desperate for him to understand. “No! I don’t want you to go.” Please don’t go.

At the moment, with his hands propped on his lean hips, he looks very much like the Marine drill sergeant he once was. “You don’t want me, but you don’t want me to leave either. What the hell do you want?”

I grab one of his hands and squeeze it, grateful for the contact. Then I rise and stand before him, steeling myself for the possibility of rejection. “Stay with me tonight. No sex, just sleep with me. I’ve spent the past three months alone in my bed, missing you. Needing you. Stay with me tonight. Please.”

His expression tightens. “You’re the one who left.”

Left me. I can hear his unspoken accusation. I did hurt him.

“I know, and I’m sorry. I had to.” I reach up with both hands and touch his face, brushing my thumbs along his sharp cheekbones. “I love you, Cooper. It killed me to leave, but when you refused to dance with me at Beth’s wedding…it was the last straw. We were in a safe place, surrounded by family and friends. I knew if you couldn’t stand up with me there, you never would. And I need you to do that. I need you to stand up with me, claim me, claim us. I need you to be my boyfriend, not just my fuck-buddy. Not in front of the whole world, but at least in front of the people who love us. People we trust. You say you love me. I need you to act like it.”

His expression is fixed, hard as stone, not giving me any indication of what’s going through his mind. But his eyes—his eyes aren’t quite so stoic. I see a flash of panic in their depths, and if I didn’t know better, I’d think he was scared. But that’s impossible. Nothing scares Cooper. He’s a force of nature.

He paces, running his fingers through his hair, and for a moment, I’m afraid he’s going to walk out. But then he stops and returns to stand in front of me. His hands frame my face, and his voice softens. “All right, I’ll stay. Have you eaten?”

“No,” I say, nearly dizzy with relief.

Some strands of my hair have fallen loose from my topknot, and he tucks them behind my ear. “You need to eat,” he says. “Let’s order in, and we’ll watch a movie or see if there’s a game on tonight. How does that sound?”

My throat works as I swallow hard, then nod. “That sounds great.”

Cooper pulls me into his arms and kisses me gently, his touch both soothing and familiar. “Welcome home, Sam.”

I feel as if a great weight has been lifted from my chest, and I can finally breathe again. “It’s good to be home.”