The two days Tilly was suspended from school were a juggle. Looking out for Trent, trying to be there for her, while also doing my usual shifts, plus my first night at Stilettos.

With everything going on, I was so thankful for Fay. I didn’t know what I’d do without her. I hated that I wasn’t there for Tilly like I should, but the sacrifice would be worth it, right? I’d get Trent’s money, and he’d finally leave us alone.

Unless, of course, he decided to stick around and continue to blackmail me.

I didn’t want to think about that. I’d cross that bridge when, and if, I was forced to cross it. One crisis at a time was all I could manage.

I’d hold Trent off for the rest of the week. I should have a few grand by then, doing double shifts and private dances.

I shuddered and rubbed my hands up and down my arms. I’d done my first night shift. It’d been weird, awkward, at first. But there were cameras in all the private rooms, and Raul had someone monitoring them at all times; plus, he’d put a guy in the hall just outside the rooms, since all the disappearances. He assured me someone would be there in seconds if I raised the alarm.

Thankfully, the two dances I did, neither of the guys crossed the line. One just preferred his lap dance without an audience, and the other guy didn’t even want me to touch him, he just wanted to watch me dance. His hand may have drifted south of his belt buckle a few times, but I guess that was to be expected. I just ignored it and danced.

There’d also been a development on the first missing dancer, Fiona. Her body had been found. She’d been cut, beaten, tortured. Raul was struggling with it; we all were.

Both nights during my shift, I’d gotten a text from Jude, asking me to let him know that I got home safe. He’d been keeping tabs on the case through his contacts on the force, which meant he knew about Fiona being found. He was worried about me, so I made sure to text him when I got home. He’d also checked in during the day, asking how it was going, and about Tilly, how she was coping with the bullying and the suspension.

I liked that he was worried about me. I liked it more than I should. Checking my phone between dances, seeing that he’d answered, sending him another reply.

And maybe another picture or two…

Tilly walked into the living room where I was sitting and plonked down on the couch beside me, leaning into my side, her head burrowing against my arm.

“What is it, Tils?”

“I don’t want to go to school tomorrow.”

I curled my arm around her slim shoulders and pulled her in closer. “I wish I could promise you it would all be okay.” I slid my fingers under her quivering little chin. “If anything happens, you go straight to your teacher. I’ll drop you off tomorrow and have another talk to her…”

Tilly was shaking her head. “No, please, don’t come in. Everyone will think I’m a baby if you do.”

She was getting worked up, her breaths getting shuddery.

“Okay, I won’t take you in, I’ll make an appointment for after school, or…”

Tears began to stream down her cheeks and she burrowed in against me. What the hell was I going to do? I just wanted to make this better for her, and I didn’t know how.

I gave her a squeeze. “Let me go get you a tissue and we’ll work out the best way to handle this together, okay?”

She nodded, lower lip quivering.

I rushed out, grabbed the box of tissues from the bathroom, and detoured to the kitchen for the pack of chocolate cookies I had stashed, and two tall glasses of milk. No, eating our feelings wasn’t a great idea, but right then, I didn’t really care, and as far as I was concerned, milk and cookies was a known cure-all. Or at least it helped, if only for as long as the cookies lasted.

I walked into the living room and pulled up short, almost dropping the glasses. Tilly was on my phone.

I quickly put everything down on the coffee table, and barely resisted snatching it from her hand. “Who are you talking to, Tils?” I tried to keep the fear out of my voice, terrified it was Trent.

“Jude. He called,” she said, and smiled wide. “He’s going to pick me up from school tomorrow on his bike!”

What? I held my hand out. “Can I have the phone, Tilly.”

“I have to go now,” she said down the line. “See you tomorrow, Jude. You’re the best. Blake’s gonna shit bricks when he sees you on your Harley.” Then she giggled at whatever Jude said while she wiped the tears from her eyes with her sleeve, cheeks rosy now, eyes bright.

Finally, she handed over the phone, grabbed two cookies, a glass of milk, and walked out. “I’ll be in my room,” she called. “I need to pick something badass to wear tomorrow.”

I stared after my niece, stunned at the transformation, and finally remembered to call after her, “Watch your language,” before I lifted the phone to my ear. “You can’t be serious?” I said to Jude.

“I was, is that a problem?” he rumbled, in that deep, gritty voice.

I realized I’d missed that voice. I’d heard it in my head when I’d read his texts, but nothing compared to the real thing. Jude Wayland had a great voice.

I mentally shook myself. “Well, for one, you should have asked if it was okay with me.”

He was quiet a beat, then, “Hey, Willa, can I pick up Tilly on my bike tomorrow?”

I growled, and he chuckled. My skin got tingly. “How the hell can I say no now?”

“I guess you can’t.” I heard someone talking in the background, a male voice. “I gotta go, but don’t worry, okay? I’ve got a helmet she can wear,” he said, his voice getting rougher. “She’ll be safe. I’d never take any stupid risks. You can trust me with her.”

I held the phone tighter, warmth spreading, curling in my belly. “Can you text me when you leave school?”

“Whatever you need, babe, you got it.”

Another shiver. I wanted to be mad at him—for being heavy handed, for assuming I’d agree, for being so damn overbearing—but I couldn’t, not after seeing the smile on Tils’ face. Not after he’d made the fears and the sadness go away. My baby girl would sleep easier tonight, and that was because of Jude.

How could I be mad at him for that?

“Thanks,” I said, because I didn’t know what else to say.

“No problem.”

There was a charged silence. Then I remembered he’d called me. “So, you wanted to talk to me?”

“Yeah.”

When he said no more, I said, “You got your guy?”

“Yep.”

“So…”

“So what?”

“So why did you call?”

“Wanted to hear your voice.”

I sucked in a sharp breath. “Did you now?”

“I was also hoping you might carve out some time for me when I got back, but Tilly told me you’re working tonight?”

My heart pumped hard against my breastbone. “Yeah.”

That voice in the background started talking again and the phone crackled; Jude’s voice was muffled now, and I knew he’d covered the phone so he could reply.

“Sorry, you still there?” he said, after a few seconds.

“I’m here.”

“Looks like something’s come up, so maybe I’ll catch you tomorrow night?” he said.

“I’m working tomorrow as well,” I said, and the regret I heard in my own voice was real. I wanted to see him. After messaging him this week, after everything he’d done for us, I wanted to repay him. But I wanted it for me was well. I wanted to give him that time. There was something between us; a spark, chemistry. And I was sick of fighting it. What would one night hurt? One night to have something good for myself.

“What about earlier?” he asked.

“I’m doing a double tomorrow.”

He cursed. “Damn, Willa, don’t know how much longer I can wait.”

My back straightened at that, at those words. Evan used to say shit like that to me all the time. Micro threats to get his way. “Is that right?”

A pause. “You’re pissed all of a sudden, why?”

Jude was a good guy, but he was a guy, and in my experience, that meant if they didn’t get what they wanted, they turned into assholes. “Are you threatening to back off if I don’t make myself available to you? ’Cause if that’s the case, I have to tell you, it’s an asshole move. Maybe if I was some pining, desperate idiot, I’d be worried that you’d disappear, but I can take it or leave it, remember that.”

“Take or leave what?” he said, his voice so full of gravel, goosebumps lifted all over me.

“You,” I said, with more venom than I’d intended.

He cursed again. “Christ, Willa, that wasn’t what I was doing. I want you, I’ve made no secret about that. I’m not threatening a damn thing. I was just telling you that waiting is fucking hard. I liked talking to you this week. I wanted to see you. That’s it. No ulterior motive. No secret agenda.” A pause. “You know what? Fuck it. Whatever. I don’t need this shit, I need to go.”

I swallowed the bolder that had formed in my throat.

There was no missing the sincerity in his voice…or the anger. I winced.

I’d gotten it wrong again.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I’d reacted like I always did; assumed the worst, lashed out, went on the attack. His words stung, his disappointment and frustration with me coming through loud and clear. And yeah, hitting a little too close to the bone.

“Jude…’

“I’ll text you when I pick up Tilly tomorrow.” There was a pause. “And for fuck’s sake, keep yourself safe. I know you’re out of this psycho’s target zone, but don’t, not for any reason, leave the club without security.”

There he went, being all thoughtful again. I still struggled with the idea that Jude really was just a nice guy. I’d never believed they actually existed, and now I was pretty sure I’d ruined everything. How many times could I push him away before he gave up on me? “Jude…”

“Gotta go.”

He disconnected.

I think I just got my answer.

* * *

I heard his bike later that night, while I lay in bed, heard the engine cut off. The exterior stairs to my apartment were wrought iron and could make plenty of noise. I could admit that I was listening to that familiar sound, waiting to see if he’d come up, if he’d knock on my door.

The sound of the lower apartment door banging shut was a dull thud in the darkness.

Of course he didn’t want to see me. I made sure of that.

He’d probably be in his bedroom soon, maybe the bathroom. All that strength, those bulging muscles shifting as he showered, or climbing into bed. I wondered if he’d look up, if he’d think of me a couple floors above him.

Those thoughts scared me. I knew better than to think like that, to let myself imagine a scenario where it wasn’t just Tilly and me. That wasn’t for me, and not just because Rebecca had made me promise. Love, relationships, they were twisted, they hurt, they lied. Everyone, apart from Tilly, had cut me in a way that was deep and had left an ugly scar.

Even my mom. She’d tried to hide it, but she’d slipped up more than once, had made it clear she resented Rebecca and I, that deep down she blamed us for our father leaving, for the shitty life she had. Then later, she hadn’t tried to hide it at all. She’d left when we were old enough, like our dad.

So yeah, those scars still hurt. One more cut, and I knew there’d be nothing left. The last of me would bleed out, leaving me an empty shell.

I’d been discarded one too many times. And honestly, I couldn’t take another hit.

That’s why I’d shoved Jude away, why I’d shoved harder than he deserved.

He terrified me.

The damage he could do terrified me.

But what terrified me more was ignoring this thing—this huge, buzzing, electric tension between us, this hunger that was all consuming, because I knew deep in my gut, I’d never feel anything like this again.

But worse, that I’d never know what it was to be wanted the way I knew Jude wanted me.

* * *

Jude’s text came just like he said it would, and I hovered by the front window, waiting for him and Tilly to get home. I heard Jude’s bike before I saw it. And when they came into view, my breath stuck in my throat. Tilly wasn’t on the back, Jude had her in front of him, the solid, strength of his thighs and arms caging her in, big hands on the handlebars, making sure she was safe.

I had the door open and was coming down the stairs before he’d turned off the engine. He kicked down the stand and swung his leg over the back, then lifted Tils off after him.

I could see under the helmet she was wearing, which was smaller, and obviously made for a child, that she was smiling, wide, bigger than I had ever seen her smile.

My heart felt like it might burst in my chest from the sight of it.

Those big hands of Jude’s were undoing the strap under her chin, and he was smiling just as wide, sexy straight white teeth, flashing. He put the helmet on the seat and as he was turning back, Tilly threw her arms around him.

Jude looked taken aback for a split second, then he wrapped one of his arms around her narrow shoulders and gave her a squeeze. His head lifted, eyes coming to mine, and he gave me a chin lift. He was still angry with me. I didn’t blame him.

It didn’t matter, though, because I was close to running to him, and throwing myself in his arms, like my niece just had.

Tilly spun to me, eyes bright, face animated, a picture of pure joy.

“Did you see me!”

I grinned. “I saw you, baby.”

“You should have seen it. Jude pulled up and while he was putting on my helmet, I saw Blake heading to the bus. I told Jude which one he was and when he walked past us, Jude said his name. That’s it, nothing else, then lifted me onto his bike.” She giggle-snorted. “You should have seen Blake’s eyes go all big. Then he ran to the bus and got on, but I could see him watching as we rode off. It was so cool.”

“Wow, it sounds like it,” I said, struggling to find words, to focus on my niece, now that Jude was right in front of me, because this guy, this awesome guy, was not a fake, or a pretender. Jude was the real deal. There was no more doubt, not anymore. And he’d just gone out of his way to make my niece’s day, to make her smile when he didn’t have to. I mean, it wasn’t like he was trying to impress me. Why would he, after I’d kicked him in the teeth repeatedly.

“Can I go tell Fay?” Tilly said.

“Sure thing.”

I watched her tear off, flying up the stairs to Fay’s brownstone to pound on her front door. It opened and Tilly’s excited, “You won’t believe what just happened,” reached us before she went in and slammed the door behind her.

I turned back to Jude; he was watching me, expression wary.

“Thank you, for that, for…you made her smile. I don’t think she’s ever…” I had to stop, when embarrassingly, my eyes started to sting. “She hasn’t had a lot to smile about lately.”

His gaze moved over me, over my face, and his jaw tightened. “It was no problem. She’s a great kid.”

There was a distance between us, an invisible wall. I’d built it, brick by brick, and I didn’t know how to fix it. How to bring him close—but not too close. How to give us what we both wanted without breaking my promise to Rebecca, without earning myself another permanent scar.

“Where did you get the helmet? Did you borrow it?” I asked, to break the silence.

He glanced at it and his expression went blank. “No. I got it for my nephew. He used to love my bike.”

I didn’t know Jude had a nephew, but it wasn’t a surprise he had a family; a brother or sister, or both. The way he was, I imagined they were pretty great too. They’d have to be. And really, there was no reason I would know. I’d never asked, and he’d never volunteered the information.

“How old is…”

“I need to go,” he said, voice grittier than I’d ever heard it.

Yeah, he was still pissed with me. But I didn’t want him to go, not yet. The least I could do was offer him a drink, a paltry offering after what he’d done for Tilly, but I couldn’t just let him go with a measly thanks. “Do you want to…”

“I need to head out,” he said, cutting me off again. “I’ve got stuff to do, paperwork from the case to tie up after being away.”

Yep. He’d given up on me. I’d blown it. I guess that saved me from my dilemma. I should be happy; he saved us both possible future drama. There was no risk of falling for him now. Still, I crossed my arms because I was afraid I’d reach for him, that I’d wrap myself around him and beg him to stay. “Of course,” I said instead.

“Say goodbye to Tils for me,” he said, then shoved the small helmet in one of the saddle bags. He swung his leg over the seat, started the bike, and without another glance my way, roared out.