Chapter Two

 

Research and shopping thankfully done by Tuesday, she was more than ready to get on with this Valentine’s Day.

A part of her worried about rejection. Her husband had seemed so distant, such a stranger almost, since losing his job. She hoped it was money worries or his concerns over finding work, maybe some masculine thing she wouldn’t understand, rather than his losing interest in her. Not minimizing what he was going through by saying something wrong had been what had kept her mouth shut this long. Yet, she was determined not to fall into the rut of long-term complacency. When couples grew apart, crazy things could happen. She trusted him, always had. Life just had a way of pummeling people sometimes, especially when they tried to face the bad alone, until they were but frail representations of themselves. Bad decisions could be made. No, she refused to just let her marriage go. She would fight for them and for him. If only she knew how to help him.

She was not going to look back over the years of her marriage someday only to be surprised it ended. She was much more proactive than that. He was going to know that she cared, if nothing else. He was going to agree to her help, her support, at the least. She would not get to be like a lady in a movie whose mother told her once it seemed her marriage was over that it was not the worst thing in the world to find that you love your husband. She knew that now, and damn it, she was going to do something about it.

In the morning, she had made mention to Michael of the kids being gone and making him dinner as she gave him coffee and a kiss. He’d returned with only a grunt for a response. So she needed to enhance her mood to add that spiritual touch to the ritual of preparing the food. First order of business, then, was taking some time to meditate and center herself. Lighting the hearth candle, she envisioned them enjoying the meal together. In her mind there was a stolen kiss as a dish was set on the table. The idea of feeding him steamed asparagus with lemon for increased hormone production and literal zest made her smile as well.

Getting to the actual work, she first cured the crab. She concentrated on having power over the negative in her marriage as she cracked the shells open. Grounding the bacon, she took her aunt’s advice and used pro-offered action. She blessed the nutrients in the meats to provide energy for their sexual ritual.

Dessert she hoped would come in bed, making use of the passion fruit salad with a sauce made with orange for love, ginger for energy, and honey for sweetness. Of course, she had gotten whipped cream just in case things went where she planned them to.

Once everything was done, she set it on serving plates and left them on warm in the oven. She sat down, willing him to get home before the food became ruined. It seemed time passed at the same pace that a chocolate heart melted in the freezer,. Finally, she heard the door creak as it opened and his keys hit the table beside the front door. Clicking the oven off, she scurried to move the platters of food onto the table. Her heart beat faster with each of his footsteps as she could hear him remove his shoes and hang his jacket. Moments later, he stood in the entry to the kitchen, looking like he would rather be anywhere else. Even in old jeans and stained sweatshirt, he looked sexy. Damn!

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” she chirped as brightly as she could manage.

“Yeah. You too. What’s this?”

“Dinner, as promised. Crab and asparagus with bread and a salad.”

“Crab? Bit extravagant for a one income family, isn’t it?”

“I still work. We are not destitute. I thought a splurge was in order in honor of the day, in honor of us. That is, if you still want there to be an us!” Her voice had pitched, tears filling her eyes as she willed them not to fall down her cheeks. She didn’t know where the anger, which had rose with heat up through her back, had come from so quickly. One minute she had been hopeful and anxious, the next she was like a volcano of negative emotions.

“What do you mean, if I still want there to be an us?” he said, with his usual bored tone taken up barely a notch.

This infuriated her to no end. Every muscle in her body tensed, her shoulders to the point of muscle spasms. Her blood must literally be boiling from the flush she felt over her chest and face.

To hell with the food being wasted; she spoke her mind with her hands clenched. “Are you serious. You walk around here like a zombie, barely paying anyone in this house any attention. I know you have lost your job and all, but you still have a family. And you are hurting them each day you walk by us with barely a grunt of acknowledgment. Okay, maybe you have a little more for the kids, but not for me! I have every right to ask if you still want there to be an us, if you still love me!”

He stood there, not even blinking. His face was scrunched up, but he made no move to speak or reach out to her or anything else. With the heat now a fiery inferno on her neck and a slight tremor working its way down her spine, she spun on her heel to run from the room.

His hand on her arm shocked her enough to make her squeal. He yanked her around to face him again. The tears forming in his eyes made the ones in hers overflow.

“I never thought you would have to ask me that!” His voice rose in anger, startling her because she had expected softness. “We are supposed to be there for each other in good times and bad. For me, this is a bad time! I need you to understand as much as you can what losing a job means to a man. I am battling demons here, whether ones formed by male pride or not. I need you to stand by me right now, not demand things of me. Shit! Fuck! I’m mad at me, not you! I just need you to try to understand.”

Since his voice had gotten progressively lower from the swearing on, she took a deep breath and tried to form a response, though her brain felt full of cotton balls, ones wet and soaked with unwanted valentine chocolates. The crazy, albeit snarky, thought helped calm her, if nothing else.

“I just wanted to reconnect with my husband, who has come to feel like a stranger lately. Even in your state. Which, by the way, I have supported you by giving you the room to do whatever it was you needed to do. Maybe I could have been and done better! But I wasn’t sure what to do! So I just gave you space! But, good goddess, it is Valentine’s Day. Can’t you be troubled enough to have dinner with your wife? Maybe say I love you? Make love?”

His head dropped as he let go of his death-grip on her arm.

“Sorry.” His voice was deep and low. He paused, shaking his head. “Just sorry. I’m sorry about the way I have been acting. But more, I am sorry that I have made my wife have to ask if I love her. I’m angry with myself, not you.” He looked up at her then. “I do love you. Please, never doubt that.” The tears falling over his cheeks were all the apology she needed. Her heart broke for him.

“I won’t. Ever again. I love you too.”

She kissed him on the cheek, but he pulled her mouth to his. His kiss was fire, burning not only her lips but setting her whole body to kindling as it always had before.

“I love you.” He kind of shook gently her as he spoke. “Let’s sit down and eat this meal you have obviously spent a lot of time on.”