Chapter Twenty-Three

BEING A champion was fun. The city threw them a parade, and Ethan and Riley spent their day with the Kelly Cup at a local children’s hospital and then took it to Cruisers. It seemed appropriate.

Ethan did his best not to think about the future, though he was going to have to do it sometime soon. His mom and sisters were sad he wasn’t coming home for the summer. But they knew he wanted to be with Riley, and since they loved him and shit, it was cool.

They also sort of adopted Riley’s sister, Madison, who was still planning on opening her accountant firm after passing her CPA exam. Ethan kept forgetting what that was and sometimes mixed up the initials. He wondered if she’d run into Sierra, the game-show-winning computer programmer, since she was taking some exam-prep classes at the University of North Florida. That led to a few thoughts he definitely couldn’t share with Riley, which was sad, but a guy could have a private fantasy or two about his boyfriend’s sister. Right?

That meant of course that Riley might be having them about—

Private for a reason, Ethan reminded himself. Besides, he was happy with Riley, and they were good. Better than good actually. They were great. Thank you, cheap Irish whiskey and Riley’s bookmarked porn folder.

As for Riley… there was no doubt about his future with the team. Shortly after the Storm won the Kelly Cup, Riley spent hours at a meeting with his agent, Coach Spencer, and Brett Rivers, the General Manager of the Sea Storm. Brett had been a hockey player in his younger days—a goal scorer, but a bit of a tough guy too. Ethan definitely appreciated that and liked him a lot. When Riley came back, he looked hot as hell in the suit his sister picked out for him, and he was all smiles. He told Ethan that a scout from Tampa Bay’s big-league NHL team, the Lightning, had been at the meeting too. Apparently he was impressed with Riley’s performance and wanted to make sure there was a two-way deal in Riley’s next contract with the Storm.

“They wanted me to play some games for Syracuse,” Riley said, referring to the AHL affiliate for the Lightning. His dark eyes were shining. “The weather isn’t as nice as here, but still. Pretty cool, huh?”

Riley was the master of understatement. It was very cool. Ethan suggested they see if Riley’s new tie would work on Ethan’s wrists—it did—and if he could fuck Ethan before Ethan could get his hands free—he could.

Since his contract with the Storm was over, Ethan was technically a free agent. He made sure the coaching staff and the front office for the Storm knew he wanted to play there again next year, and he fervently hoped that scoring a game-winning goal in the finals would keep his spot. He knew the coach liked him.

Most of the guys on the team went home for the summer, so Ethan and Riley spent a lot of time hanging out with Ryan, Zoe, Bennett Halley, and Madison. Lane and Jared came for a visit, and Riley rented a house on the beach in Destin for a week. It was an awesome vacation, and Riley and Halley—who actually liked to be called “Ben,” a fact known to not a single one of his teammates—actually became friends. Ethan knew that was a huge relief for Madison. They had a great time, and if Ethan and Riley fucked while they listened to Jared and Lane doing the same in the bedroom next to them, who needed to know about that?

At the beginning of June, Ethan and Riley each got a text message from Ryan, asking if they’d meet him at Cruisers.

“So, it seems the Sea Storm Captain’s Curse is alive and well, me hearties,” Ryan said, affecting a pirates’ growl for some reason. “I’ve been traded.”

Everyone stared at him. “But you can’t be traded,” Ethan said, sounding frantic. “You’re getting married.”

“We can get married in other states besides Florida,” Zoe pointed out. She sniffled. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I’ll miss Cruisers. I thought maybe they’d cater our reception at a discount.”

“Unless they know about all those free milkshakes you gave Courtnall,” Ryan teased. “And I know. It sucks. We did want to get married on the beach. Because… beautiful and also cheap! Luckily me and the little lady here are going to Bakersfield. So, beach wedding plan is still a go. And before you ask, they traded me for a defenseman and a prospect. And no. I don’t know who.”

“Bakersfield seems nice,” Zoe added. “At least Ryan didn’t get traded somewhere terrible.”

“Like Spartanburg,” Ryan said with a comical shudder. They all crossed their fingers and rapped their knuckles on the table. Even Zoe. Everyone knew if you pissed your coach off, you’d end up a Spitfire.

“I heard they’re getting a new coaching staff, though,” Ryan continued. “Maybe they’ll get rid of that crazy goddamn goalie of theirs—the one who yells all the time—and get a better one.”

“Not me,” Riley said, rapping his knuckles again. “Shh. Don’t talk about trading goalies.”

“I don’t think this is really wood,” said Zoe. “Sorry to point that out, Riley, but I don’t want you to go to Spartanburg either.”

“You can knock on some real wood later. At home,” Ethan said suggestively. Riley blushed. It was cute that he still did that. “Oh man, Sloany. I’m gonna miss you. Remember how we had all those crazy plans to live together and cause epic chaos…before we went and fell in love?”

“Is there something you’re not telling me about you and Ethan, baby?” Zoe asked Ryan, batting her eyelashes. “You keep insisting that you’re straight. Except for Tom Hardy.”

“I’m sorry, but everyone would do him. I don’t care how straight you are.”

“I meant fell in love with different people,” Ethan muttered, slumping down in his seat. He felt his face turn bright red.

“But yes. We were going to have epic chaos. I’m glad we didn’t, though, ’cause this year was pretty rad.” Ryan raised his water glass. “To rad years, epic chaos potential, good friends, and not playing for the Spartanburg Spitfires.”

They all clinked their glasses, and Ethan pushed aside a strange feeling of impending doom and focused on spending a nice afternoon with his friends. Bakersfield was far away, and they would only play each other twice since their teams were in different conferences. It sucked.

“So I wanted you guys to know I got traded. But we also have a house to sell and so… you guys want to buy a sweet house on the beach? It’s a cozy little love nest, and me and Zoe totally got rid of any bad relationship mojo from Zoe’s batshit crazy ex. So no worries there.”

“Phew,” said Ethan, pretending to wipe sweat from his brow. “I’d lose sleep over that.”

“If y’all don’t want to, it’s totally fine,” Zoe chimed in. “We thought we’d see if your sister wanted it, Riley, but we wanted to check with you two first.”

“Think about it. You don’t have to decide right now or anything,” Ryan put in. “I don’t have to report to Bakersfield until the end of July. So we’re having one last golden summer, boys. Let’s make it count. It’ll be just like a movie. Only not the kind two out of the three dudes here might like to watch.” Ryan paused. “Unless Tom Hardy’s in it.”

“Or Channing Tatum,” Zoe muttered, pretending to cough.

Ryan tugged one of Zoe’s pigtails. “Shhh. Keep my secrets, woman. That’s what marriage is all about. That and ogling hot girls in bikinis together.” Ryan grinned at his fiancée. “At least we’re not going to Alaska. Ogling hot girls in parkas doesn’t sound as fun.”

“Don’t be silly, Ry. They have hot tubs in Alaska,” Zoe pointed out, and then cleared her throat. “Let’s move on.”

They didn’t talk about the house again, but Riley asked Ethan about it on the way home. “So, do you think we should move in there?”

Ethan’s heart started hammering in his chest. “You want to move in together?”

Riley hit him in the shoulder. “We already live together, dude.”

“Yeah. But like… we’re roommates.”

“You’ve been sleeping in my room since Madison moved to the hotel during the finals, Ethan.”

“I’m lazy,” Ethan protested, fiddling with the radio. “And I get laid a lot in your room. Where’s my incentive to move?”

“You called your old room the guest room the other day,” Riley pointed out. “And all of your clothes are in my closet. Do you not want to live with me anymore? Is that it?”

Ethan pulled out his lighter, messed with it, and wished he could smoke. “It’s not that. It’s just that I don’t know about next season yet. Can we wait to decide about where to live until after I get a contract?” Ethan felt his stomach give an unpleasant lurch. “If I get one,” he added a little darkly.

Riley gave him a sharp look. “Why wouldn’t you get one?”

“You heard what Sloany said. We traded him for a defenseman. I’m the weakest one we’ve got. Right?”

“You’re not weak. You’re the enforcer. I know how hard you hit, dude.”

“I meant I’m not the strongest skater. That’s all. And I know I scored a game-winner, but that was my only goal last season.”

“You’re not supposed to score goals, though.”

“Okay, Lane,” Ethan joked. “And I just meant that game. It sort of felt like my last in the Sea Storm’s teal tornado, you know?”

Riley slammed on the breaks and jammed the car into park. They were at the apartment, but it was still more dramatic than usual. Maybe Ethan was a bad influence. “What do you mean?”

“Just forget it,” Ethan muttered, opening the door.

Riley grabbed his wrist before he could slide out of the car. “No. Ethan, look at me. Hey. Come on.”

Ethan felt stupid at having made a thing out of what was really not a thing at all. “Just ignore me. I’m having sad feelings about Sloany. Okay? And it makes me nervous when I hear we picked up another defenseman.”

“Okay. But even if you aren’t signed here, you could still play somewhere.”

Ethan yanked his arm out of Riley’s grip like he’d been burned. “Right.” Something hot and angry gathered in the back of his throat, making him feel like the Sea Storm’s angry water tornado. Great. “Somewhere else.”

“Ethan—”

Ethan stormed out of the car, up the stairs, into the apartment, and went into the guest room. Damn it, his room. He walked out on the balcony and defiantly shoved a cigarette in his mouth.

Riley followed two seconds later, of course. He took the cigarette right out of Ethan’s fingers, threw it on the ground, and stomped it out with his shoe.

Ethan protested, but Riley pulled him back into the house and pushed him up against the wall.

“Listen to me,” Riley said. “I didn’t mean that I wanted you to go somewhere else. I just meant I would never make you stay here for me, because that’s not fair. I want you here. Of course I do. You know that too. So don’t act like this.”

Sometimes Ethan hated that Riley being all aggressive and taking charge made him feel better. It was one of those times, so of course he had to fight it. “Fine. So we break up if I get traded and only stay together if I don’t?”

Riley narrowed his eyes. “You know that’s not what I meant, what I said, or what I want. I don’t want to break up. Why would you think that?”

Ethan opened his mouth and then closed it. He banged his head back against the wall. “I don’t know. Because it’ll be hard to be together if we’re in two different states?”

“Hey, Ethan?”

Ethan opened his eyes and looked warily at Riley. “What?”

“If I wanted things to be easy, I wouldn’t play goalie. And I wouldn’t want to be your boyfriend. But I love being a goalie and I love you. Okay? So calm down.”

“Make me,” Ethan snapped, and luckily Riley knew him well enough to know that was exactly what Ethan needed him to do.

So Riley dragged him into the living room and fucked him over the couch from behind, one hand wrapped tight around Ethan’s neck. Riley was athletic and ridiculously coordinated and he knew exactly how to give it to Ethan rough and perfect just like Ethan wanted.

He also bit the back of Ethan’s neck when he came—hard enough that when Ethan rubbed his fingers against the skin there, he could feel the indentations of Riley’s teeth.

Later they watched Orange is the New Black. They might be two guys in love, but no way were they missing out on a show about hot bisexual girls in prison, even if there was an awful lot of talking. Ethan said, “I want to stay together. Obviously. But I don’t want you to buy a house for us if I can’t be there. And I don’t know what’s going to happen. And I hate that, but… that’s how it goes. And I know I need to stop smoking.”

Riley nodded. “Okay. Then we’ll wait to see about signing a lease until you know what’s up with your contract. But I’ll tell my sister about the house. She’s getting tired of living in the Ponte Vedre Inn anyway.”

“But I like using their pool and charging all our drinks and snacks to her room,” Ethan said. He leaned up impulsively and kissed Riley on the mouth. “I’m getting over you having so much money when it comes to how easily I can get a Jameson’s on the rocks and some chicken nachos while lying on the beach.”

“I’m glad I can provide you the life you deserve,” Riley said dryly, and Ethan snorted and elbowed him in the stomach.

As it turned out, Madison was thrilled to buy Zoe and Ryan’s little house. So Ethan could go on worrying about his contract in silence and pretend that wasn’t what he was doing.

“You could always call your agent,” Riley told him one night, during one of their Syfy monster-movie marathons.

Ethan was trying to work out if fighting a mega shark with a giant mechanical shark was awesome or stupid. “I could. But I don’t have one.”

“Oh.” Riley thought about that. “Do you need one? I like mine.”

“Probably not,” Ethan joked and changed the subject. “Piloting a mecha-shark, that looks like fun. I’d make a good mechanical robotic shark captain. Don’t you think?” There was water in Jacksonville. Maybe he could do that instead of play hockey. You could smoke cigarettes in a submarine. Right?

A few weeks later, Ethan got a message to come to the arena and meet with the coach. The second he heard it, Ethan knew something was wrong. You met with the GM to sign your contracts, unless you were a last-minute addition to the team or something. You didn’t get called to see the coach unless it was a trade.

Riley calmed him down as best he could by pinning him to the floor and fucking him hard—harder than he ever had—and giving Ethan rug burn on his knees and his elbows. He liked it, and it quieted him down so much that he didn’t talk for almost an hour. That was almost an eternity in Ethan-time, but it didn’t make him any less nervous about the meeting.

Riley insisted on driving him, which was probably for the best. In the arena parking lot, Riley kissed him and said, “We’ll be fine. Okay? No matter what it is.”

“Love you,” Ethan muttered. Then he followed up with “I want a blow job when I get home.” Just because it sounded like a good thing to say. Not as sappy. And he did really like blow jobs.

Coach Spencer ushered him into the office and had him close the door, which was definitely not a good sign.

“Look, Kennedy. I know how twitchy you are, so I won’t make this too long. Here’s the thing. I know you wanted to come back and play here next year. I like you, and you’re a good guy to have around. A loudmouth. But that’s okay.” Coach smiled at him. “And that was the best timed goddamn goal in history. So don’t think I’ve forgotten that.”

Ethan didn’t smile back. “Thanks.”

Coach Spencer sighed. “The team’s not re-signing you, Kennedy. At least not right now.”

Even though Ethan had known it deep down, it still stung to hear it out loud. “Not right now? What’s that mean?”

“Exactly what it says. Not right now. I can’t give you a contract this early, and I know that fucks up your plans. Here’s what I can do, though. I can put in a word for you with some coaches I know on a few teams that could use a good teammate and a great enforcer. Or, if you really want to play here, I can give you a tryout in the fall. But, Kennedy, you’ll have to commit to a strict training regimen, you’ll have to stop that goddamn smoking, and you’ll have to be serious about wanting to play hockey. And even if you do, there’s no guarantee we’ll have a spot for you. And if you wait that long, you might find yourself without a team to play for at all.”

Coach Spencer suddenly lost all his bluster. “I want you to listen to me, Ethan, before you decide to take me up on either of those options. I want you to take some time and think about your future in this league. I want you to really think about what it will mean for you to go join a team that’s interested in your fighting more than your playing. I want you to think about ten years from now. If you’ll still be such a smiley bastard who wants to go visit old people and kids all the time.”

Ethan tried to say something, but the coach shushed him with a raised hand. “Go look at Jared Shore—not Shore from last season, but the thirteen seasons he played before that one. And I hate to be a dick, Kennedy, but Shore was a much better technical player than you. Your attitude is the best thing about you as a player, and I mean that as a compliment. But I won’t lie to you and tell you that you’re Sidney Fucking Crosby on the ice, because you’re not.” Spence paused. “Which is good, because fuck Canada. Seriously.”

Ethan stared hard at the poster behind Coach Spencer’s desk. “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say.”

“You’re not. You’re supposed to listen. You like playing hockey, and I know that. But where you give it your all, where you give your heart and soul? It’s not on the ice. It’s in the locker room. You love your team more than anything, and I don’t want you to find yourself sent away, year after year, from a team that feels like family, because that would kill you. It would take everything you love about this sport away from you, and I have too much respect for you to watch that happen. So I need you to put yourself first for once and think about what really makes you happy and why you want to play hockey. You’re always fighting everyone else’s battles, Ethan. This one’s all yours, and I need you to fight like you always do. You don’t give up, and that’s the thing I can’t stand to see you lose.”

Ethan pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, mortified at how that speech made him feel. No one, no one, had ever said anything like that to him in his whole life. It was the sort of tough-love thing a father might say to his son. Ethan had never had one of those, but he still knew it when he heard it. And he didn’t know what to say. If he tried to express his simple, profound gratitude at having someone care that much about what happened to him, he’d cry like a baby.

Coach Spencer was quiet and let Ethan take a few deep breaths and gather his composure.

“I know that wasn’t easy to hear, Ethan. It wasn’t easy to say either. Like I said, I like you. It’d be easy to keep you around. But that doesn’t mean it’s the best thing for you, because I don’t think it is. I think there’s something else out there that will give you back everything you put into it. I don’t think it’s playing hockey. But I will help you in any way I can, if you want to prove me wrong. People do like to do that on occasion.”

Ethan gave a soft laugh that sounded like a hiccup. “Thanks, Coach,” he said, and saying the word made that awful feeling rush up again. He knew he had to get the fuck out of Spence’s office before he lost it.

“Thank you, Ethan, for how hard you played for me this year. I don’t want you to leave here and think I wasn’t grateful or didn’t appreciate it, because I am and I did. This team couldn’t have won a championship without you, and I don’t just mean that because of that goddamn amazing goal you scored. I mean because of who you are as a person and a teammate. I hope you understand that all I want is for you to stay that way.”

“I understand, Coach. Thanks.” Ethan took one last deep breath and left the coach’s office, closed the door behind him, and ignored the hot sting of tears blurring his vision as he made his way to the parking lot and went to find Riley.