Lucifer
I’ve been in a shitty fucking mood. First, I was angry that I had got rid of Abelie. I know it was irrational but she was a good fuck. More than good, hell I never had better if I was honest and I wasn’t ready to give that up. Plus, she got under my skin. I don’t know what it was about her. The woman constantly beat the shit out of me, not that her blows ever hurt any but I’ve killed for less. Let one of those club bitches even think of raising a hand to me I’d break her neck and here this pint-sized Barbie was abusing the ever-loving shit out of me.
Then there’s her mouth, she’s said enough to have her tongue cut the fuck out. For some goddamn reason the thought never crossed my mind to do anything to her. Plus, those crocodile tears did something to my insides. I didn’t like her crying or pouting and that got her whatever she wanted. But then again, those are the reasons why I didn’t keep her. I couldn’t. She was becoming a weakness to me. The fact I sought her out every night and woke with her every morning was a warning bell. When the time came, I knew what I had to do.
I often found myself going into her old room. It still smelled like her, vanilla. I must be losing my mind because I actually fucking missed her. I’d stopped myself more times than I’d care to admit from going to her house and pounding her until her bed broke through the wall. Then, Bull drops a bomb on me. She was fucking pregnant. As soon as those words fell out of his mouth I felt my world shatter to pieces. I was instantly warped back in time and I was that helpless 17-year-old again with a knocked-up bitch of an ex-girlfriend. All I could do was see Nancy, her spineless, deceptive ass. I stormed over to Abelie’s apartment to tear her a new one. I heard everything she said but it was being drowned out by the memories of my past. No matter what, when I looked at her Nancy’s face was all I saw. Her voice was suspiciously like Nancy’s. Then there was the pain that Nancy caused. All of the things she caused me to sacrifice, the one thing that meant a lot to me that she sacrificed. In hindsight, the entire time I was having a fight with Nancy, not Abelie.
After I stormed out of her apartment, I came back here and got drunk. It wasn’t until a couple of days later that Bull – short for bulldozer – did just that as he stormed into my office and slammed his fist into my face. I was taken aback, since he never comes at me this way. While I was stuck in my shocked state he slammed his fist into my face again and pushed me hard against the wall. Best friend or not, that shit wasn’t going to fly. I prepared myself for a fight when he started flying off the handle.
Apparently, he and Abelie kept in touch which I knew because I’m a fucking stalker when it comes to her ass and she’d told him what happened. He ripped me a new one. I’ve known Bull since I crossed paths with him in a shelter. It was my first time and he helped me out when some shit happened. From there on, we became good friends. He knows all about my past and I his. The fact that we had a lot in common is what bonded us so quickly. We had an understanding about what it’s like to be alone, to raise yourself. At least he had Nettie in his younger years before meeting me. I had no one until him.
Needless to say, he talked sense into me. She wasn’t Nancy, and there wasn’t anything she could really gain from me. It’s not like she was lacking in her own millions. For the first time in my life, I had true regret over my own actions and like the fucking coward I was I couldn’t apologize. My ego wouldn’t allow it. So instead, I decided to bide my time. In reality, I didn’t know how I truly felt about any of it because I didn’t want to think about it. Instead I pushed it to the back of my mind to fester all the while I pretended it didn’t exist and it was driving me mad from the inside out. I know I was being an even bigger jerk and was completely irritable and irrational but there wasn’t fuck all anyone could do about it unless they wanted me to take out my anger on them. The only person I was mad at was Abelie, and all the things she was doing to my fucking mind. I wanted to strangle her then fuck her till she couldn’t walk. I was conflicted with the feelings and thoughts I had about her, and I was afraid to talk or be near her until I understood what it all really meant. I knew that if I gave in to my obsession with her I’d fuck around and fall in love with the bitch. That’s the last thing I needed in this fucked up life.
I was sitting in my office, pissed off that fucking Led’s lazy ass fucking missed the deadline for this deal and we lost out on making a good $5 mill. Fucking dick head I tell you. I was on the computer looking for some new shit for us to get into when Bull walked in. I looked up.
“What’s up man?”
“Lucifer…”
“I’m kind of busy right now, can I hit you later?” I asked.
He sighed. “This is import – “
I was irate. “It can’t possibly be that fucking important. Fucking morons lost out on money now I’m looking to try to cover for that and make even more. Unless it’s a fucking contribution to the fucking club then get the fuck out.”
I hated talking to him like that but sometimes… he could be a pain in my ass. “Would you fucking listen?”
I glanced back at him and I noticed the change in his stance. He was getting defensive, and annoyed. Me, I didn’t give a flying fuck I was already way past that. “No. Get the fuck out.”
“John!” he shouted.
My head snapped up and my face turned into a snarl. “Don’t ever fucking call me that again you son of a bitch.” He knows how much I hate my name. I hate it and everything it represents.
He stormed to my desk and knocked all of the papers off and leaned over so we were almost nose to nose. “You know what, I shouldn’t even fucking tell you shit. You don’t deserve to know if you’re this much of a bastard.”
I looked into his eyes and saw he was tormented and I instantly felt like a dick. He wasn’t normally this persistent over bullshit and I should’ve recognized that already. Instead, I’m so focused on my damn self and my issues I’m not paying attention to what’s happening around me. That’s a very fucking dangerous thing in our line of business. That could be the difference between life and death.
I slumped back into my chair and sighed. “What Bull? What is it?”
He scoffed and looked at me in disgust, I didn’t blame him. “You done being a prick? I need you as fucking calm as possible right now before I tell you this shit, you hear me?”
My body tensed. I didn’t like shit like that being a prelude to something important. My stomach clenched and I felt something twist. It was like a red siren begun going off in my head and I knew what he was going to say before he said it. Actually, not what but who and from the look he was giving me full of concern and skepticism I knew I wasn’t going to like it one fucking bit. “What happened to her?” I asked through gritted teeth.
A pained noise fell from his lips and he looked physically sick with the words on the tip of his tongue. “Nothing happened to her, but she left.”
I flew out of my seat. “What?” I asked confused.
“She fucking left. She asked me to meet her to eat and catch up today so I did and when we were done she told me she was leaving. She’s going and not coming back.”
My chest tightened and a million feelings bombarded me at once. I felt lost and didn’t know which one to grab onto. “Why? Why is she running? Did someone hurt her? Is someone after her?” I fired off question after question to Bull.
He looked me dead in the eye with a look that practically screamed that I was missing something. When I only continued to stare at him blankly he shook his head. “Yea. You.”
I stayed rooted to the spot even after Bull left the room but I didn’t notice anything. All I could see and hear was what he just told me. She was running from me. She was fucking running from me. I felt a lot of things, most I couldn’t even fucking name and I wanted to pull my hair out, scream, kill someone… any and everything. Shit, I know I got pissed but seriously she had to fucking know I wouldn’t hurt her. I’d never fucking hurt a hair on her head. When I couldn’t get a grip on myself I decided to grip onto the emotion I knew. The one I could control, the one I was most used to.
Anger.
Pure red hot anger. The type you could feel pulsing through your veins pushing you on egging you to release it. I held on and I held on tight. This type of anger, made everything zoom into focus. One thing on your mind and one thing only, revenge. And you’d do any fucking thing in the world to get it. I was going to find her ass and drag her back kicking and screaming. Then I was going to make her pay, make her pay for doing this to me. From trying to take my kid away from me, from trying to hurt me, from making me fucking care. She left me, even though I warned her not to. She’s going to learn not to fucking cross me. She hasn’t met Lucifer yet, but she’s going to. I’m going to find her and she’s going to regret this for the rest of her life. I left my office with a mission and I wasn’t going to stop until I finished it.