CHAPTER TWELVE

They’d been driving for about a half an hour when Derek looked over at her and said, “Are you okay?”

She was fidgeting with her seatbelt. She felt like it was choking her all of a sudden and she was finding it hard to expand her lungs. She’d actually woken up this morning anticipating this meeting. She had resigned herself to the fact that she needed to do this but now that they were on their way, she was having images of herself diving out of the moving car to avoid it. She could actually see herself tuck and roll along the side of the Interstate.

“I’m not sure how I am,” she told him, honestly. “I’m suddenly regretting that I agreed to this.”

He reached over and took her hand in his. Not taking his eyes off the road, he brought it to his lips and then lay it back down on the seat. “You’re the strongest person I know,” he told her. “I believe you can handle this far better than I or anyone else I know could.”

She laughed slightly and said, “I wish I had your confidence in me.”

“I’ll try and channel it to you,” he said with a smile. Turning serious again he said, “They’re as nervous as you are.”

“I guess that’s something,” she said. “This is just all so surreal.” He nodded. There was nothing to say to that.

The three hour drive was mostly silent then. He left her alone with her thoughts and for that she was grateful. She tried to imagine what this meeting would be like. She’d seen photos of them, so it was easy to draw up an image of their faces.

The woman— her biological mother, she supposed, had her face. It was so strange to Chloe who never felt like she belonged anywhere to suddenly realize there was someone walking around looking like her and sharing her DNA. She thought about how strange it would have been if Sarah was still alive to look into a face that offered a mirror perfect image of your own. She glanced sideways at Derek.

Sometimes she couldn’t help but wonder if he’d gone through any of this trouble for her if his wife had lived. He thought about how much he loved and respected the Whitemore’s and she came to the conclusion that he probably would have. He would have done it for them, and for Sarah. As it were in reality, he was doing it for her as well as them. She was nervous as hell, but she was grateful to him for caring so much and she was coming around to completely trusting him. She wasn’t at the point just yet of handing her life over to him completely. She had come to terms with the fact that she may never be able to put her life in someone else’s hands ever again. But that was alright because she was confident about one thing…she could handle herself and if she did die, it would be fighting up to her last breath.

She looked out across the beautiful green pasture in front of the house as they drove towards it and the bluffs that rolled out behind the house. It was beautiful and somehow the scene served to calm her insides a bit. She let the confidence she had about facing Jesse someday transfer to doing this today. Either that or Derek had really channeled her some. When Derek drove the car into the circular drive in front of the house, Chloe was sure she was ready.

When he looked at her with concern with his blue eyes, he said, “You ready?”

She nodded, without hesitation. He came around and opened her car door and clutched her hand tightly as they walked up to the house. His hand was trembling and she was almost smiling, thinking that he was the one who needed her support when the door was pulled open. The sight of the woman standing there stole Chloe’s breath and the heat from her skin.

She was wearing a simple but very nice sun dress and she looked like an aged version of Chloe, much more so than she had in the photograph. She had the same bone structure in her face, the high, symmetrical cheek bones and the heart-shaped chin. Her lips were full and her eyes were the same deep brown that hers were without the blue lenses. They were even shaped the same. The difference was they were touched at the corners by laugh lines that only served to add more character to an already beautiful and interesting face. She was in obvious good physical form for her age and her blonde hair shimmered with a healthy luster. Chloe was torn between wanting to throw herself into the arms of the woman who had to be her mother and wanting to run as fast and as far as she could until she collapsed. She knew herself and had she been forced to choose; she would have chosen the latter.

“Hello,” the woman said, tears clouding her eyes. “I’m Samantha.”

“Samantha, this is Chloe,” Derek said.

The older woman put her hand out and Chloe hesitated for just a second before taking it. Samantha didn’t shake her hand once she took it. She squeezed it as if trying to meld it into her own. Her pretty eyes hadn’t for a second left Chloe’s face even as she reluctantly let the younger woman take back her hand.

“Please, come in,” she said.

She stepped back and Chloe and Derek entered a foyer with a skylight that seemed to suck the sunlight right out of the sky. The living room that lay out before them was at the same time elegant and comfortable and Chloe couldn’t help but wonder what it must have been like for Sarah to grow up here. The home she’d lived in had been nicely decorated and comfortable, but it had never had that home-like feel to it. It always seemed to Chloe like Marg and Tom and even Daphne were going through the motions on the outside, trying to convince others they were like them. In reality, Chloe knew from experience that you couldn’t stand on the outside and judge a family by how they seemed to live. Nonetheless, there was something about this woman and this home that made her certain that there had been no beatings and basements here.

“Where’s Trevor?” Derek asked, looking around.

One of the tears the woman had been holding back escaped and began its slow descent along her jawline. She wiped it away and said, “He’s out back. Will you take Chloe to meet him? I’m going to get us some tea.” Samantha was still looking at Chloe’s face and although it was slightly unnerving to her, it was oddly comforting at the same time.

“Of course,” Derek said.

He put his hand on the small of her back and Chloe could still feel Samantha watching them as he led her out through a set of beautiful French doors to a veranda decorated with wicker furniture with plush cushions and so many plants it was like being in the rain forest. A man sat at one end of the patio with a book in his hand. At the sound of the door, he looked up as if expecting his wife. When he saw Derek and Chloe, he dropped the book and seemed to not even notice as it hit the cement beneath his feet.

He stood up quickly and said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you’d arrived.”

Derek smiled, looking like he was doing his best to ease the man’s nerves and he said, “Trevor, this is Chloe.”

Trevor came closer and Chloe could see that he, like his wife, seemed to take good care of himself. He was much taller than Chloe had imagined him. His hair was a mixture of brown and gray giving him a wise, distinguished look she thought and his eyes were large and much deeper brown than hers like pools of dark chocolate.

He held out his hand and when Chloe reached out to take it, she was suddenly drawn into his arms and held so tightly that she could actually feel the beating of his heart against her chest. She was shocked and a little frightened, but as he held her there, she felt the deep wracking sobs begin to form in his chest and rise up into his throat and she found herself wanting to comfort him. She folded her own arms around him and let him pull her in tighter.

The tears she’d been holding back took on a mind of their own and as she cried against his firm torso, she could feel her own body shake. She didn’t know how long they stood there like that crying for the years they’d all missed and could never get back before he, at last, released her and held her back so he could look at her face. He lifted his hand and with a gentle swipe of his finger, he wiped a tear away. His eyes and his expressive face were a myriad of emotions. There was grief as well as relief and sadness as well as joy. He brought a hand up and she flinched slightly as he ran it down the side of her head, petting her hair. He felt the flinch and suddenly his face carried another emotion, regret.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you. I was overwhelmed.”

Chloe’s heart had been aching since she’d gotten her first real look at her mother, but it tugged harder at hearing him apologize for wanting to touch her. She could only imagine that he would want to make sure she was real. The ghost of his daughter was standing in front of him. The daughter that was so cruelly taken from them. Chloe was sure that when they looked at her, it wasn’t the baby they were seeing. It was Sarah. It would take her a bit to come to terms with that. But for now, she got the feeling that she was safe with these people and whatever came after today, she would be able to handle it.

“It’s okay,” she said at last. “This is a strange situation. I’m sure that none of us know how to act.”

“Please, come sit down.” Samantha’s voice came from behind them and when Chloe turned and saw the table had been set with tea and cups and what looked like homemade cookies, she didn’t have to see the fresh tears on Samantha’s cheeks to know that she’d witnessed the exchange between her and Trevor.

They all went over and Derek held out her chair for her as she took a seat at the table with her parents. She looked at the delicate teacups and the cookies and she tried to recall a time in her life when Marg had gone to this much trouble for her. She was sure the woman who called herself her mother had baked…she’d watched her more than once. But fresh, homemade cookies were not a memory that overshadowed all of the others burned into her psyche and once again she had to wonder what Sarah’s life here had been like.

The silence was awkward and at last Trevor broke it by saying, “I suppose none of us really know where to begin…”

“We’re so happy you came, Chloe. We could never begin to describe…” Samantha’s words became lost in her sobs and her husband put an arm around her and pulled her into his shoulder.

He looked at Chloe and said, “We’re just overwhelmed.” Chloe felt the hot tears burn her cheeks as they started to roll again and she said, “I understand. So am I. I didn’t know what to think at first when Derek told me about you. I guess I still don’t know what to think. I am willing to take a DNA test. I wouldn’t want to lead anyone to believe anything that may not be true.”

She was sitting on Trevor’s right side and he had his left arm around Samantha. Not wanting to assume she was ready for more contact, he held his arm out and let her move into it. She surprised herself at the need she felt for it. She was never one who longed to be touched or held…not since she was five and she realized that it would only end in pain. But something about this man made her want to fold into his arms and hide from the world. He was her daddy. He was the one who would always protect her. Tom Ward had been a vicious, evil stranger and somehow, instinctively she knew that this man would move heaven and earth to keep anyone from hurting her and for that moment, there was nothing in the world she feared.

When they passed that crying stage, Trevor asked Chloe to tell them about herself. She bypassed the horror story and instead said, “I started NYU right out of high school. I want to be a teacher one day.”

“Fabulous,” Samantha said. “Are you close to finishing?”

“I am, but I’ve taken some time off. I had to earn some money so that I could pay for my master’s class.” That wasn’t a complete lie, so she felt a little better about it.

Trevor and Samantha told her about their real estate business and Samantha gave her a tour of the house. It was five bedrooms and four baths and it had an office and a game room and Chloe just couldn’t get over how welcoming and unassuming the whole thing was.

Samantha completely broke down again when they got to Sarah’s room and it was Chloe who took the older woman into her arms and offered her comfort. When Samantha was able to breathe once more, she said, “I’m so sorry. This is just so…”

“Please don’t apologize. You don’t have anything to be sorry for. I would like to ask you a favor though.”

“Anything,” Samantha said. It was a strange place for her to be in, but Chloe believed her. At that moment Samantha was like a fairy godmother, waiting to grant Chloe’s every wish. She found herself glad she wasn’t a scam artist. These poor people seemed so vulnerable that she wouldn’t doubt they’d be easy to take advantage of.

“Can I have a few moments here in Sarah’s room…alone?”

Samantha didn’t speak. She looked like she feared she would start crying again. Instead, she offered a smile and a nod. Then she squeezed Chloe’s hand and closed the door as she left. Chloe turned and looked back across the room. It was probably just as Sarah left it before going off to college and meeting the love of her life. Chloe shuddered at that. How alike were the two sisters who had never met— that they’d fallen for the same man?

The room could have been on the cover of a magazine. The large bed was covered in a soft cream comforter and stacked high with comfortable looking pillows. The cream colored curtains were cotton eyelet fabric and tied back with wide bows. The two windows curved outward and were framed in dark oak and each contained a pale pink cushion on the seat tucked inside of it. The closet had double doors and matched the oak trim around the windows. The dresser was heavy oak and looked like it might be antique although it was obviously well cared for. The mirror above it showed Chloe a reflection of the woman who should have grown up here.

Chloe walked over near the dresser and picked up one of the many perfume bottles there. She brought it to her nose and smelled it. It was a fresh, clean scent. The kind that Chloe herself like to wear. She opened the closet and choked up when she saw that one whole side was lined with stuffed animals and dolls, likely all of the important ones from her sister’s happy childhood. Chloe doubted that Marg kept anything of hers after she left home, not that there would have been much to keep.

There was a chair that sat next to the bed and it was embroidered in fine green silk and a bookshelf that sat next to it with books that ranged from the early reader and Dr. Seuss to Romance novels and Classics. Chloe went over and picked up a few up. They were titles that she’d read herself. It was so strange, like being in a parallel universe where another person, the exact duplicate of you, had lived your life.

There were photos on a shelf on the other side of the bed. Framed memories of her sister that she would never know. Chloe walked over and looked at them. They ranged from when Sarah was probably about four or five until adulthood. There was one of her and Derek there with her parents, the same one Chloe had seen that morning on the yacht. She reached up and took one down from the middle. It was a picture of Sarah in a cheerleading uniform in an antique silver frame. The teenaged girl in the photo was smiling broadly and if one were to guess, she didn’t have a care in the world.

Her long blonde hair was tied up in a bow at the back of her neck and the look in her eyes was pure confidence. She looked happy, something that Chloe probably never looked at that age. Chloe found herself suddenly cursing her luck and wishing that she had been the one. As soon as she thought it she realized with a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach what that would have meant. She wished that her sister had to endure Tom and Jesse. With a trembling hand, she sat the picture back where she’d gotten it from and before she left the room she whispered, “I’m sorry, Sarah. I didn’t mean it. I just wish that I could have known you.”

She made her way back out to the veranda and was greeted by three pairs of anxious eyes. She smiled at them all to put them at ease, but she wasn’t ready to sit back down just yet. They politely went on with their conversation as she walked over to the edge of the patio and looked out at the peaceful surroundings. She really loved it out here. It was like being on the other side of the world. She would like to live in a place like this someday. It would be a nice place to raise children. That thought reminded her why she was here. She should have been raised here. She felt a swell of anger in her chest. She was cheated out of so much and thrust into a world of nightmares and for what? So that some greedy man could line his pockets with cash. Who was that callous over human life? She tucked that thought away as she began to feel the tears well up once again. She didn’t want to cry again. She didn’t want to have to explain why. She started to turn back towards the others when a glint of something on the hillside caught her eye. She stood and looked in that direction for several seconds. Nothing seemed to be glinting now or moving. She was just paranoid. The thoughts of Jesse never went away.

“You okay?” She heard Derek’s voice behind her and she turned around, “glint” forgotten.

“I’m good,” she told him.

He took her hand and led her back to the table. Samantha had taken out the book with all of the mementos she’d save during her pregnancy. She found an ultrasound picture that she didn’t even realize she still had. It had been done at five months when they suspected multiple births. The babies looked like two little dark peanuts. The photos then were much less detailed than they are today. They didn’t actually even look human, but to a parent or the other half of a set of twins, it was an amazing sight.

She laid it down in front of Chloe and said, “This is the only picture I have of the two of you together.”

Chloe picked it up and looked at it with a smile on her lips, with more tears in her eyes. She wanted the tears to stop, but she was sure there would be much more where those had come from. “We were beautiful,” she said.

Samantha got up and hugged her again and once more, they cried together. They eventually went into the kitchen and Chloe helped Samantha make dinner. That was nice. No tears for either one of them. It almost felt real to her then. While they cooked, Samantha asked her more about what kind of teacher she wanted to be and what grades she would like to teach. She told her that she had an aunt who was a teacher and had been for over thirty years. When she talked about other relatives, she’d say, “Your Aunt so and so,” Chloe knew they had to have struggled with the idea of her as much as she had but they were doing such a wonderful job of making her feel comfortable.

Chloe and Derek ate dinner with them and then dessert. Samantha and Trevor seemed to be looking for ways to drag it out. They stayed until just after the sun went down and finally Derek looked at Chloe and then back at the Whitemore’s and said, “We should get going. It’s been a really long day.”

“Why don’t you stay here? We have plenty of room and it’s such a long drive back to Rhode Island. It’s late. Derek, you’re tired. You don’t need to drive that far tonight.” Samantha’s eyes looked terrified and Chloe wondered if it was memories of Sarah’s late night accident, or that she was concerned if she let Chloe go, she’d never see her again.

“We have a room in the city for tonight,” Derek told her. “We won’t be driving back until tomorrow. I think we’re much too exhausted for that.” Samantha looked relieved by that but still disappointed that they were leaving.

“Since you’re not going home tonight anyways, you should just stay here,” Trevor said.

“I enjoyed the day,” Chloe said, “Very much. I surprised myself because I was very skeptical that I would. You’ve both made me feel so welcomed and so comfortable. But, I hope you can understand that I need some time to process all of this. It’s overwhelming, to say the least, and Derek’s right, I am truly exhausted.”

“Of course,” Samantha said, “I’m sorry. We didn’t mean to be selfish. It has been exhausting. We’re just so sorry to see you go.”

Chloe smiled at her. She doubted either of them could be selfish if they set out to be that way. “You weren't selfish. You were being concerned,” she said. “It’s just going to take me some time to wrap my head around all of this.”

They both nodded and Trevor said, “Take all the time you need, Chloe. If you have any questions or you need anything at all, please don’t hesitate to call. We’re going to hope and pray that you choose to see us again, but we’ll leave that up to you.” He looked on the verge of tears now too.

Before they left, Samantha and Trevor both hugged her again. They both acted like letting go of her was the hardest thing they’d ever had to do. After all, they’d been through, she doubted it was, but it actually felt good to be the center of that kind of positive attention. It wasn’t something she was used to, and she knew it would bother her more than comfort her if it happened too often, but they seemed more than willing to let her ease into slowly, so that’s what she would do.