Connor turned so his back was to the truck. “Not wrong, really, so much as awkward. Benji saw us by the tree the other night. And he kind of outted us. I think only the two women sitting near us heard, but I can’t be sure.”

“Oh,” Beau said with a drawn-out exhale.

“I hope this doesn’t mess up anything with you. I know you said the team knows, but if it goes public…”

“Don’t worry about me. Not like I have a massive career ahead of me. This is probably my last season playing hockey anyway. I don’t care who knows.”

“Really?” This was news to Connor. “Why?”

Beau shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck. “Not getting any younger.” He smiled at Connor. “What exactly did Benji see? Are we going to have to send him to a therapist?”

Connor chuckled. “Just kissing, I think. He didn’t seem particularly traumatized. Just said that if you weren’t my boyfriend, I probably shouldn’t be kissing you.”

“Did he? Smart boy,” Beau said. “Good morals.”

“Shut up.” Connor shoved him. Still damp from the shower, Beau’s blue hair looked otherworldly in the yellow glow from the sodium lamps. The color had faded over the past few weeks, as if marking down the time they had left together. Connor had the brief thought that when the blue was completely gone, Beau would leave. “So you really don’t care?”

“Really. Do you? I mean, you live here. I know how small towns are.”

Connor sighed. “I don’t know. I don’t rightly care too much. It’s not like I’m actively hiding. More like it just seems irrelevant. I guess I’m going to have to talk to the kids. I don’t know what to say.”

“That you’re gay, and we’re dating?”

“Are we though? Really?”

Beau shrugged and sighed. “He’s six. What are you going to say? It’s complicated? We’re complicated?”

“I didn’t want to have to say anything, I guess.”

“Ever?”

“I mean, I don’t know. Maybe. If I were in something serious, I’d tell them.” Connor kicked at a piece of loose gravel, following it until it hit the tire of an old Honda. “But they don’t need to know about every guy I hook up with.” He snorted a harsh laugh. “Not that there’s been any until now.”

Beau stopped walking. He ran his hand through his hair and looked at Connor like he wanted to say something. Connor waited, giving Beau time to speak. “Yeah,” was all he said.

“They really like you,” Connor told him.

“I really like them, too. So, why are you saying that like it’s a bad thing?”

Because you’re going to leave soon, Connor thought but didn’t say. You’d think he’d never had friends leave before, or had to leave them. Heck, he left the Marines in such a whirlwind of grief and confusion, he hadn’t even said goodbye to the men he considered his extended family.

Connor didn’t want to sound like a whiner, or clingy. He didn’t want Beau to feel bad. He’d known Beau was leaving since the beginning. He’d made the choice to get involved with him, knowing it had a time limit. Maybe even because it had a time limit. He’d wanted to keep it light, this thing between them. It was barely a thing. It wasn’t friends with benefits since they were barely friends and they hadn’t had much time for benefits.

“Is Sean upset?” Beau asked, interrupting Connor’s train of thought.

“About me being gay? No. About you and me, maybe.”

“So, are you saying we should stop? Or don’t stop, but tell the kids there will be no more kissing?”

“Fuck if I know. I’m just figuring this shit out as I go along.” They were almost to the truck. Connor caught Sean’s glance in the side mirror.

“Do you—” Beau cleared his throat and his eyes looked sad. “Do you want to stop?”

“Fuck no,” Connor said immediately. “Are you kidding?” He stepped closer and lowered his voice. “I want to sneak out to your trailer every single night. But those kids have ears like hound dogs.”

Beau smiled. “You could sneak home on a lunch break one day. To check on my work, of course.”

“Of course. I might have to do that. You were so fucking sexy out there tonight. “

The truck horn blared. Sean leaned across the front seat, glaring out the window at Connor.

Connor rolled his eyes.

“I think you’re in trouble,” Beau said. “Want to give me a goodbye kiss?”

“I want to fuck you in the back of the truck,” Connor confessed. Beau swayed closer to Connor, looking like he wouldn’t blink an eye at doing it in the parking lot.

Connor put a hand flat on his chest. “But I don’t want the kids thinking this,” he waved between them, “is more than it is. I don’t want them getting too attached, thinking you’re sticking around. So, we’ll keep it on the down low, yeah?”

Again, the hurt look was on Beau’s face. Connor couldn’t interpret it; he didn’t even want to try.

“Yeah,” Beau said. “I get it. I’m not staying. I never stay long in one place.”

“Yeah.” Well, that was an awkward end to a conversation. Fuck it. There was a bottle of whiskey at home with his name on it. He never got drunk when the kids were around, and they were always around. But one drink couldn’t hurt. “Do you, uh, want me to drive you to the van?”

Beau shoved his hands deep into his pockets. “Nah. I could use the walk. I’m always keyed up after these games. Especially when we win. I’ll see you at home.”

“Okay.” He had never wanted to kiss someone goodbye as much as he did now. He ran his hand over his mouth as an unconscious barrier to his desires. Beau followed the motion of Connor’s hand and licked his lips. “Cut that out,” Connor said from behind his hand.

Beau grinned. “See you later. Get those kids to bed. I think I need your help with something in the trailer.”

Connor nodded, and then walked the last few feet to the truck.

The kids were on him as soon as the door closed.

“So are you?” Fiona asked.

“Am I what? Be more specific.” He started the truck, and the radio blared to life with some Fall Out Boy, one of the only groups they could all agree on.

“Are you gay, and are you dating Beau?” she said with over-exaggerated patience.

“Yes.” He pulled out of the spot, meticulously checking his mirrors and blind spots to buy himself some time. Beau stood there, hands still in his pockets, watching them go. “And no. Not really,” he qualified. Fuck, why had he said that?

“Yes gay, no dating Beau?” Fiona pushed.

“Yeah. Yes.”

“You should have told us,” Fiona scolded. Sean gave a grunt of agreement.

“Yeah. I should have. I’m sorry.” That was Connor, always getting it wrong, always sorry for something.

“You can kiss people you’re not in love with?” Benji piped up from the back seat.

“You can,” Micah said with a glare Connor could feel on the back of his neck. “But you shouldn’t.”

Connor hadn’t known eleven-year-olds could be so prudish. Sean snorted a short laugh. Connor couldn’t help looking over at him with a grin that Sean returned. He looked in the rearview mirror to see the other three kids. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow morning, okay? I promise.”

A quick check at the side mirror showed Beau still watching them as he got smaller and smaller in the reflection. As Connor paused before turning out of the parking lot, Beau waved goodbye. Connor stuck his arm out the window and returned his goodbye, then headed home.

* * *

Benji fell asleep before they were home. He grumbled something but didn’t wake when Sean carried him out of the truck and into the house.

Connor sent the other kids to bed, promising to talk to them in the morning.

“I think you should date Beau,” Fiona said, pausing halfway up the stairs. “He’s really cute and funny and smart and great at hockey and has an amazing body.”

Connor groaned and rubbed his face with both hands. “Bed. I don’t even care if you go to sleep.”

“Beau and Connor sitting in a tree…” she sang.

He threw a couch pillow at her.

Micah hugged him. “I like Beau, too, and I don’t care if you’re gay.”

“How do you even know what that means?” Connor couldn’t stop himself from asking.

Micah rolled her eyes at him and shook her head. “I’m not a baby. Brandon in my class has two moms, and everyone knows Mr. Sheary has a boyfriend. You’re so old.”

Didn’t he know it? He hugged her and kissed her head. “Go to bed, okay?”

She hugged him back. “We love you, you know.”

Tears sprung to Connor’s eyes, and he clutched her to him, a weight lifting off his heart. That was the first time any of them had said those words to him.

Truthfully, he hadn’t known. He’d hoped. On the long flight home, all he had been able to think about was how he barely knew these kids he was now completely responsible for. He’d hoped they would like each other. To his surprise, he’d discovered he loved them more than he’d known he could love anyone. But still, he had never said it to any of them. He didn’t want to make them uncomfortable; hadn’t wanted it be an obligation for them to love him back. He would completely understand if they didn’t.

“I didn’t know that,” he confessed. “I love you, too. All of you.”

“We know that,” she said to his relief. “I’m sorry we don’t tell you.”

“It’s okay. I didn’t tell my mom and Brent enough either.” He wasn’t sure he’d ever told Brent. There was no way he was going to make the same mistake with the kids. “Is it okay if I say it again every now and then, though?”

She considered it thoughtfully, cocking her head to the right and narrowing her eyes. “Yeah,” she finally said. “Especially to Benji, he needs it the most because he’s the littlest.”

Connor hugged her tightly. “You’re the best big sister.”

“Hey!” Fiona protested.

“You suck as a big sister,” Micah said, her arms around Connor’s neck.

“No, she doesn’t. Now go to bed, both of you, please?”

“Can we have pancakes and bacon in the morning?”

“Sure. If you go to bed right now, I’ll make chocolate chip happy faces on the pancakes. If you don’t, gruel for everyone.”

They both giggled and ran up the stairs. “What is gruel?” Connor heard Micah ask.

“I think it’s like oatmeal. Like gross, thin oatmeal,” Fiona answered.

Connor sighed. One crisis averted. Two if you counted Benji falling asleep. Hopefully, Sean wouldn’t want to talk anymore. Connor couldn’t deal with it. He waited up for half an hour, but Sean didn’t come back downstairs.

Beau still hadn’t come home. As he straightened up the living room, carrying dirty cups and plates into the kitchen, Connor thought about the look that had been in Beau’s eyes earlier. Had he been the one to screw things up between them? Was Beau mad at him?

He waited up another half an hour, resisting the urge to text until he realized that he wouldn’t know if Beau had been in a car accident. It’s not like Connor was on his emergency contact form.

You okay? he sent.

Long seconds passed without an answer. Finally Beau responded. Yeah. All good. Be home soon. Sorry.

No big deal. Just wanted to make sure it wasn’t a car accident.

Oh no. I’m really sorry. No.

K. I’m going upstairs. Check in if you want.

Connor walked slowly up the stairs.