Chapter Nineteen
Carina
I was more nervous about dinner than Jackson seemed to be. Being from Texas and being from a family of nearly all men, I wasn’t sure how he’d do with the almost all-female group of friends I’d cultivated since I’d quit modelling full time, moved to Los Angeles from New York and tried to broaden my prospects. Television and movies had been a bust, apparently taking my clothes off wasn’t the same as acting. Gaming was paying the bills, but I couldn’t expect that to be a lengthy career. My friends had come from every part of the gaming and entertainment world and as females, we’d bonded together over the sexual harassment, misogyny, and under-representation that was a huge part of the industry for us.
He seemed to sense my apprehension and took my hand before we walked into the restaurant. The warm pressure of his fingers on mine somehow slowed my heart beat to a less breakneck speed, and kept me calm, at least until I saw Shelby and Liz both staring at us from the far side of the table.
“Uh oh, they see us.” I breathed as the hostess escorted us through the maze of tables.
“Why is that an uh oh?”
“Because I think at least one of them is already imagining you naked.” His hand tightened on mine and I realized he’d taken my hand to make him feel better, not me. It made me smile that he’d sought the same comfort from me, that I’d sought from him. Maybe we could work things out to be awesome between us. I squeezed his hand back and we reached the table.
Shelby’s boyfriend, Nick, jumped up to shake Jackson’s hand, and Shelby slid out of the booth so we could sit in the back and she would still be next to Nick, which put Jackson either hip to hip with Cassidy’s girlfriend, Liz, or on the other side, with Shelby. I weighed the options and decided Liz was far less intimidating than Shelby, and Jackson would have safer conversation with the two girls, than with my lovely, overprotective friend or her slightly crazy boyfriend. I motioned Jackson to slide in first, and as soon as I was all the way in next to him, I put my hand on his thigh, hoping the contact would settle the butterflies in my stomach.
Jackson, for his part, was admirable. He talked easily with Cassidy about programming and game developing, and I was doubly glad I’d sat them together. I had totally forgotten that Cassidy had recently started a business as a consultant working with big-name developers as she streamlined their businesses and worked to bring new talent into their companies.
Unusually quiet, Shelby sat and watched from Nick’s side. I finally leaned over and asked her what she was thinking, but all I got from her was a noncommittal shrug and a thoughtful look. I asked Jackson to order for us both, meaning I wanted a Diet Coke and for him to eat something, and went to the restroom. I had just pulled the lip gloss out of my clutch, when Shelby entered behind me, and leaned against the sink with her arms folded, watching me.
“What is it, Shelby?” I asked as I wiped a smear from the edge of my lips.
“What have you done, C.J.? The last time you had that look in your eye, you ended up in Vegas, and very nearly married, if memory serves.”
“Yes, it does, and that’s not a mistake I intend to make twice. We’re not getting married, Shelby. I mean, I don’t know if we’ll ever get married, but that’s definitely not a conversation we’re having yet.” I turned to her and grinned. “The sex is pretty hot though. I mean, that alone would be worth marrying a guy built like that for, right?” I watched her face as she struggled to control her words.
“So, sex is a good reason to get married?”
“I’m kidding Shelby. I mean, not about the sex, it’s fantastic. Jackson is a great guy. He’s the real deal.”
“Has he fallen for you yet?” I glared at her reflection in the mirror, and she avoided my stare, taking out her compact and repairing nonexistent flaws.
“What are you talking about?”
“Oh, come on, C.J. You know guys always fall in love with you in no time at all.”
“Yeah, and if you haven’t noticed, they tend to fall out of love pretty quickly too.” My stomach clenched. I’d been with three different guys, publicly, in the previous three years. No sooner did we’d decide we were meant to be, then I ruined it. Every damn time.
“Getting chased off isn’t the same as falling out of love, Sweetie. I’ve run into one of your exes after the fact. He was still stupid in love with you. He just truly believed he was the worst mistake you’d ever made.” She sighed. “There’s something, I don’t know… solid about this guy. I’m not telling you to marry him, but, if anyone was going to stick around, it would be him. Just don’t make him wish he hadn’t, if you can help it.”
I threw my lipstick back in my little purse and shut with a snap. “Damn. You don’t pull your punches, do you?” I tried to storm off, but she grabbed my arm.
“I love you enough to be direct. Besides, you’ll have forgiven me by the time I do your make-up tomorrow. You love me.” She let go and I walked off without another word. But, by the time I’d reached our table, and saw Jackson laughing at something Cassidy had said, while Liz rolled her eyes at her girlfriend and even Nick was leaning forward with a grin on his face, my anger had cooled from searing heat, to the discomfort of realizing she was right.
Jackson was a tech prodigy, but he was from that hardy stock I remembered from my youth. The men that put on their boots and their hats and took pride in their work, their homes, and their people. Jackson took pride in me. I wasn’t just a fuckable girl to him. I was his people. I blinked away the sudden tears that burned the backs of my eyelids, and as if he knew I was thinking about him, my guy glanced up and looked right in my direction, worry flashing across his face before I smiled and he returned it with a grin.
I worked my way back behind the table again, playing with Jackson’s hand in his lap. I regretted leaving home, where we’d be in comfortable clothes, just hanging out. Meanwhile, Jackson kept the table in stitches, exaggerating his accent and telling them stories that he’d shared with me, about skinny dipping in the muddy shallows of the lake and learning about leeches the hard way, and the first time he was thrown form a horse badly enough to break something. I tuned in to the stories laughing as hard as I had the first time I heard them.
“So, imagine me, ten years old, my britches caught up on a big ol’ fence post, screaming for help while this bull charges the fence from the other side, slamming his head into the post so hard I swing and bounce on the other side of it, my feet dangling off the ground.” Jackson was mid-story when Shelby returned, and he paused as she sat down.
“Please finish. Sorry for the interruption.” She said quietly, gesturing with her hands for him to continue. He grinned and nodded, and I wondered if he’d stopped to be polite, or for dramatic effect.
“Well, there I am, bouncing around, wishing for once that my shorts would tear, when I see my older brother come running across the field, full tilt. He grabs me, yanks me right out of the shorts, and runs away with me over his shoulder like a bale of hay, in nothing but my little white underoos, and my tee shirt.” The entire table erupted in laughter at the picture and Jackson paused again until it died down. “They refused to let me take the shorts down. It took two years for there to be a wind high enough to dislodge those stupid things. But, I tell you, I have never been back inside that pasture, not in almost fourteen years.” He scratched the back of his neck and shook his head. “Stupid, fucking crazy-ass bull.” The pure venom in his voice started another round of laughter, and it took a few minutes before any of us could talk again.
“Oh, my Lord. I thought I had funny stories to share, but everything I laugh about now, seems to be stuff I was once arrested for.” Liz sighed, still wiping tears of laughter from the corners of her eyes. “I’m glad we have a little good clean fun in the group now. We need it.” Cassidy raised her glass in agreement, and Nick and Shelby followed suite. I grinned up at Jackson, who looked happy, and a little overwhelmed.
“Well, shoot, Son. I would’ve held off on introducing you to them if I’d realized they’d like you better than me.” I winked and hugged his arm. It felt good to not be the odd man out with the couples anymore. Even better that Jackson fit in so well with my weird crowd. I looked around the table, and any irritation with Shelby for being honest and calling me out melted away. This time, I didn’t want to chase anyone away. These people were my family, and watching them laugh and drink like we’d all been friends since the beginning, I made a silent wish that we could hold on to that moment, and never change.