Chapter Twenty

Bailey

 

An old hand gripped onto mine tightly, veins, age spots, and wrinkles all so clearly it was as if it was real. I knew it wasn’t. I was rustling to wake from the imagery that saddened my soul. Tears streamed down my cheeks, burning the skin, and I knew instantly when I heard the voice, “Bailey, you make me so proud.”

I shot up from the bed, Xander wide awake beside me, his eyes filled with concern.

“Did you have a bad dream?” he asked.

“It’s my dad,” I uttered, still shaken from the memories that continued to flood my mind.

“He’s sick. I’m caring for him—I was caring for him,” I shoved my face into my hands, feeling the devastation of letting him down.

I was the only one, the only child, and there was no one else. I’d been gone almost two weeks. My heart filled with panic as I stood from the bed.

“I have to go,” I gasped, searching desperately for warm clothing.

“Hold on,” Xander gripped my arm, pulling me back to the bed. “Are you sure?” he questioned.

I nodded.

“I’m sure. Jackson Martin, Jack, he retired from the Navy, his cancer is in the final stages, and I’m the only one he has,” I sobbed, pushing my face back into my hands.

Xander’s arms wrapped around me as he rocked me gently to calm my tears.

“I have to go. I have to get to him,” I cried.

“Okay. We’ll leave right away,” Xander promised.

My mother, so young in the memory I’d had of her, had died that year. I remembered standing on a wooden stool, barely able to reach the stove, preparing Sunday fried chicken for my dad to cheer him up after her death. He was alone and had always been alone. My mother was the only woman he’d ever loved, and the only one he ever could, besides me, he’d told me once when I pushed for him to date again.

His strength left him so quickly, barely seventy, and he was already so frail. The cancer tore him apart, even more than losing my mother.

Liam and Xander were preparing for the trip while I gathered clothes, layering them on me as I searched the room for anything I might need.

“So you remember?” Liam asked, his smile sincere, but still somewhat irritating.

I nodded. “I’m a school teacher,” I mumbled.

Shit!

“It’s winter break, isn’t it?” Liam asked, instantly calming my nerves.

“Yes. I remember taking off for a hike the first day after the break. It was supposed to be clear,” I sighed, sitting back on the mattress to catch my breath.

Everything was flooding over me so fast, so violently. I couldn’t handle the shock of being blasted with a lifetime of memories at once.

“It was supposed to be clear that day,” Xander chimed in, breathless and showing his own signs of shock.

His eyes were staring into mine, so lost and filled with pain. I knew there were other questions he wanted answers to, and I was happy for once to give them to him.

“There is no one else, just my dad. I moved back home after he fell ill,” I told him, smiling warmly in his direction.

The relief falling over his face made my heart swell. His feelings were true; they were real. I still couldn’t stand the thought of leaving him here on the brutal mountainside alone. I knew I couldn’t stay with him. I couldn’t leave my dad.

“Come with me,” I urged.

Liam glared at me, and then stared at Xander, who remained frozen in his spot. It was obvious I’d shocked him once again, and it was also obvious that he wasn’t planning on leaving his secluded place in the woods.

“I can’t do that,” he grumbled, lacing up his boot.

“Liam, tell him, he can’t stay out here alone,” I pleaded with his friend to reason with him.

“I can’t tell him that. Xander’s able to take care of himself and able to make his own decisions,” Liam replied.

If he was so able to take care of himself, why the fuck did you rush out here, climb a mountain in a blizzard, and ruin my last few days?

“Xander, please,” I pleaded.

Liam moved away from us, walking out the door and leaving us alone. Xander’s eyes were narrowed on mine, and it was clear he was growing frustrated. I didn’t understand. We were happy together. I knew he hated for me to leave just as badly as I hated to go.

“Why can’t you go?” I questioned.

“I can’t handle living in town. People every day, the hustle and bustle, no thanks,” he sighed.

“Not even for me?” I asked.

He looked like a deer in headlights, his eyes wide and unable to blink. I couldn’t believe he was being so stubborn. If it weren’t for my dad, I would’ve stayed with him. Maybe he didn’t want that either.

“It’s not you,” he stammered.

“Then what is it?” I demanded.

“I told you, I’m not cut out to live in town. I like it out here,” he paused.

“Alone?” I finished his sentence with a huff.

“I wasn’t going to say that, but yes, I do prefer to be alone,” he snapped.

I knew I’d pushed him, maybe a little too far a little too soon.

“So, these last two weeks, that was nothing?” My eyes welled up with tears.

“You know that isn’t true,” he growled.

I wasn’t sure I knew anything.

I shrugged, realizing talking to Xander was like talking to a brick wall. He was set in his ways. As fucked up as they were, I couldn’t change them. Maybe this time we had together did mean something, maybe it didn’t. All that mattered was my father and getting back to him.

Xander moved towards me, his arms opened and inviting me into his warm, hard chest. I turned, quickly dismissing his invitation for consoling.

“Just get me down the mountain,” I snapped, moving towards the door.

Tears warmed my cheeks as the cold air blasted ono my face.

“Are you okay to get down the mountain?” Liam asked.

“I’ll be fine,” I sighed, wiping away the tears before they froze to my skin.

“Are you sure you don’t want to wrap your ankle?” he pushed.

I shook my head, moving past him and towards the clearing that I assumed led to the path.

“Wait up,” Liam called out, rushing up beside me. “Xander’s a good guy. I know his feelings for you are genuine; he just isn’t cut out for that stuff,” Liam offered.

I sniffled, wiped my face, and turned to the man who I’d once hated. He was kind and sincere, and I appreciated him offering me condolences. I knew he didn’t have to, that if he truly just wanted me gone, he would have shoved me onto his back and ran me down that mountain.

“What stuff, life?” I sassed, rolling my eyes in Xander’s direction as he walked out of the cabin.

“I don’t think he ever thought he could love anyone,” Liam whispered.

I looked over my shoulder at Xander, his face filled with grief and remorse. Love? Did Xander love me? I knew I’d fallen for him. Even if it was too quickly, I loved Xander. If he truly loved me, he wouldn’t let me leave like this.

“I’ll let you guide, brother,” Liam patted Xander on the back as he walked past us.

“Stay in the middle,” Liam instructed me as he dropped back to take the rear.

The first few steps were nice and clear, but once we reached the path, things got a little slick. The sun had melted most of the snow into a slush, but the drainage from the melted ice created a mudslide.

Liam held on to my back as we carefully made it down the steepest part. Xander turned to me several times to offer assistance, but I refused to give him the satisfaction.

About a quarter-mile was fairly flat, just a hint of an incline. Once we hit the rippling creek, things were downhill for a couple more miles. Liam held on to me, kept me steady when I started to slip, and guided me down the path with only one slip. The mud was cold, clinging to my pants and seeping through to my leg, but I wasn’t going to let it, or anything else, stop me from getting down that mountain.

That familiar sadness filled me as we got closer and closer to the end of the path. What if he didn’t make it? What if there was no one to care for him and he died all alone?

My heart sank hard into my chest, making it tough to breathe as I took that last step.

“I’m sure you’re dad’s fine, just worried,” Liam offered.

I smiled at the man who I had a deep respect for now. He was truly genuine and a great read on people. I hadn’t even voiced my concerns about my father, he just knew, sensed it, read it on my face. It was an amazing gift, and in the moment, very appreciated.

“Thank you,” I smiled. “I’m really sorry I was such a pain in the ass to you,” I added.

He chuckled, opening his arms and pulling me into his chest for a hug. I was almost taller than him, but his strength was obvious by his grip. I looked past his shoulder to my car, half-way iced over and partly melted. I sighed at the thought of going back to my life, forgetting about Xander. I wasn’t sure I could forget about him. I loved him.

“Let’s get you home,” Liam said, patting me on the back as he released his grip.

I turned around to find Xander standing there, speechless, expressionless, and offering no invitation of a hug.

“Thank you for everything,” I smiled.

He nodded. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, if anything at all. Was he holding back his emotion, or did he have none? I knew Liam knew, but I knew he wouldn’t tell me. That was his brother, and brothers don’t rat on one another.

“You be safe,” he winked and started to turn back towards the path.

“You’re not going with us?” I questioned.

“No, you’re in good hands,” Xander assured me, nodding at Liam.

My eyes welled up with warm tears that quickly fell to my cheeks. Xander turned away, walked through the brush towards the path, and within seconds, disappeared from my sight.

My heart ached at the thought of never seeing him again. Liam put his arm around me and guided me towards his truck. He opened the frozen door, helped me inside, and then let himself in the driver’s side. It didn’t start at first, or on the second try. I wondered if Xander was watching from a distance, ensuring we made it out okay, but no matter how hard I looked, I couldn’t see him out there.

Finally, the third attempt was successful, and the truck started. We sat there for a few moments while it heated up, and once the warmth of the heater started to blow, I began to feel happy about going home.