I groaned and looked down at my phone screen.

Tash: Ok, how about this, guess who I am and I’ll send you a picture of what I’m wearing right now…

Tash? I didn’t know if I was groaning at the fact that she hadn’t let up messaging me all morning, or the fact that I couldn’t remember a damn thin having to do with any ‘Tash’. She messaged me out of the blue from a number I had apparently saved, but other than that I was drawing a blank, and sending her vague messages back while I tried to think of why the hell she was sending me flirty texts right now. I started typing…

Hugo: Rumpelstiltskin?

I hit send and regretted it immediately. I should just put her out of her misery or ignore it and put me out of mine, but I don’t know. I hadn’t been myself lately.

I walked up and down the aisles of Outdoor Depot and tried to find the things on my brother’s list. He said he’d seen some foam rollers here on sale and begged me to pick some up for him for the new gym. I was just about to tuck my phone back into my pocket when it pinged again. A grainy picture of some woman in pink panties. I groaned again.

Was this my demise? Not a secret love child or having a mafia husband try and kill me for seducing his wife. Not as a legend to take my place amongst the likes of Casanova and Don Juan. Not in a blaze of glory but here, in the Outdoor Depot in the morning, having a painful text chat with the world’s most oblivious woman. Had I peaked? When a man is bored with a woman in underwear, he’s bored of life.

Ping.

Tash: Bingo, looks like you guessed right. Now I only hope you don’t guess anything more about me…

I cringed internally and shoved my phone away. I’d been called shameless more than once in my time on earth. Was it shame I felt right now, this sticky, gross feeling I couldn’t shrug? I don’t know. I paced the aisles and was getting irritated I couldn’t find Max’s stupid foam rollers.

And then I saw her.

I froze and blinked quickly like a startled deer. She hadn’t seen me yet. At first I couldn’t believe my eyes but they insisted: it was her. Rebecca Morris. I’d recognize that flaming hair, that pout anywhere. Rebecca was the real poster woman for the word ‘voluptuous’. She had one and a half of everything, it seemed. Big hair, big eyes, big lips. And that body of hers? Don’t even get me started on her—

Ping. My pocket vibrated with, presumably, another desperate message from the mysterious Tash. Rebecca heard the sound and casually turned to look. Shit. I hadn’t realized I was staring until she looked up and caught my eye.

“Hugo?”

I tried to laugh and wave hello but my throat was dry. She put down a jacket she had been holding and came over. Then all of a sudden she was there, right in front of me. Her hair, her eyes, her lips. She smelt like flowers and cream and chocolate.

“Uh, hey,” I said. You’d never fucking guess I was a pro at this. That I, a PhD level flirt with some serious black belt seduction skills and dozens of single earrings in my bedside table, was 100% tongue-tied.

“Hugo. Weird to bump into you like this,” she said. Her face was completely expressionless.

“Yeah, crazy.”

“They say, like, when you bump into people a lot all of a sudden, it means you’re both temporarily entangled on a quantum level.”

“Cool,” I said. Me, the boy who had once slept with three separate women in a single evening, who didn’t have a belt long enough for the notches he’d accumulated, who was even approached by other men who hoped some of my sex appeal would rub off on them… there I stood like a sack of off-brand potatoes and said ‘cool’.

She shrugged and gestured behind her.

“Anyway, I was just buying a few things for an upcoming trip, nice bumping into you,” she said and searched my face.

“Oh yeah, I was just getting a few things too, it’s been a crazy day…”

“Oh yeah, me too, busy busy busy,” she said with a nervous laugh that seemed to make every part of her jiggle.

“So uh, a trip, huh? Trying to squeeze in a bit of a life before Hybrid Golden chains you to a desk?” I said and tried my famous roguish grin on her. I don’t think it worked. Damn. She laughed, but not really.

“Oh, I see you heard about my promotion. God, this is a small town. I don’t mind, honestly. I work hard. It’s nice when you persevere with something and it actually pays off.”

Those lips used to say such amazing things to me. Those were the same lips that had muttered the same delicious moans over and over again in my ear. Those were the lips that had kissed me, had told me I was cute, had whispered naughty things to me in crowded train stations. Now they were cold somehow. Everything felt wrong.

“Well, that’s great. I’m glad you finally found something that worked for you,” I said, and only then realized how condescending it sounded. She smiled again. But not really.

“Well, yeah. It’s really working for me,” she said and gave a self-satisfied little toss of her head. Oh my god. She was actually bragging.

“So, a friend from the office is having a bachelorette this weekend out in a cabin in Dogwood Forest? It’s going to be amazing,” she said. I couldn’t shake the amusement I felt that she was trying to show off right now.

“Wait… a bachelorette …in the woods?” I laughed. “Sounds riveting.” She wasn’t the only one who could be a little mean.

“Oh, it will be, believe me. She’s a little older than the other women in the office, so she’s not into the whole ridiculous boozing around thing anymore, thank god,” she said and rolled her eyes.

I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Thank god? The Becky I know would have thought the ridiculous boozing around was the best part.”

“Well, I’m not like that anymore,” she said and this time, she made no effort to keep on with her fake smile. We looked at each for just long enough for me to realize that she was mad as hell at me. And come to think of it, I was mad as hell at her. Since when did she swan around with this superior attitude? She hadn’t even begun her new job and she was already acting like she was god’s gift to the world in Spanx and acrylic nails.

I shrugged and pulled my gaze from hers.

“Dogwood Forest, huh? You’ll need a lot more than a thin raincoat for that,” I said and gestured to the rack in front of us.

“Oh, I’ll be fine, thank you. I’ve been once before to do the Fox trail, and it was amazing. I went with a bunch of people a few years back, but this time I really wanted to get it done on my own, you know? So I’m hiking out there a day before, and I’m meeting them all at the cabin,” she said with that same little self-satisfied smile. The Becky I knew hated hiking almost as much as she hated holier-than-thou sobriety, but I bit my tongue. After all, I hadn’t seen her in five years, maybe she’d changed.

“Alone? Wow, that’s brave.”

“Well, like I said, I’ve done it before.”

Becky had always been super confident. But this cocky side of her, the arrogant way she was looking me up and down right now – this was not a side of her I was familiar with. I didn’t like it. But maybe what I really didn’t like was that after everything we’d been through, all it took was a few years to erase it all and have her talking to me like, I don’t know, I wasn’t hot or something. Every second that went past now felt like it was dying with a million little unsaid things. Of course she was mad at me. I had left her. I got that, I wasn’t a heartless monster.

“Hey, Becky, I—”

“It’s Rebecca,” she said.

I sighed.

“Rebecca. Look. I know that we have a long history and a lot went down back then…” I scanned her stony face. Of course, it was understandable that she’d be hung up on me all these years. “But Becky, I mean Rebecca, I won’t ever forget what we had, you know? I still think about you all the time…”

She laughed so loudly the person at the end of the aisle gave us a quick glance.

“Are you kidding? You’ll never forget me? Well, isn’t that sweet.”

My face felt hot.

“Look, Becky, I’m sorry, I can tell you’re really mad, but listen—”

“No, you listen to me right now,” she said and leaned in so close so quickly I was a little taken aback. “You don’t get to do this now, not to me. I’m not some pathetic little girl who’s going to give you an ego boost. You don’t get to do what you did and then enjoy having me pine all over you. What kind of an idiot do you think I am?”

I was stunned.

“Becky, woah, I don’t know—”

“Rebecca,” she said and pinned me with her gaze.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“It would be nice if you said something sincere. It would be nice if you actually could put aside your monumental ego for half a second and think about me for a change. But you’re not going to do that, so how about you just say nothing? You don’t mean any of it, so don’t say it,” she said, the words tumbling angrily. But now I was getting angry.

“Okay, Rebecca, can you just calm down? All I said was I’m sorry…”

“Exactly. That’s all you said.”

The tension between us was so thick it nearly hurt. She was standing close to me now, so close all I could smell was the flowers and the cream and the chocolate, all I could think about was her full, beautiful chest heaving indignantly in front of me… I raised up my hands in defense and tried to smile to diffuse the situation.

“Okay, look, I’m not having a fight with you like this, that’s crazy. But don’t tell me about ego, when you’re the one who thinks that one lame promotion means she can…” but before I could finish she started walking away, her coyly red hair flouncing behind her like a diva’s.

“Becky, wait, come on,” I said. She spun around and nearly felled me with the fire she had in her eyes just then.

“Just …get something warmer, okay? Dogwood is cold this time of year,” I said and gestured helplessly to the racks she had been rummaging through. She held my eye contact and deliberately picked the lighter jacket and tucked it under her arm.

“I’m good. See you around,” she said and turned to go.

“Wait! Can you just …Becky, I know you’re mad, but I…” here I couldn’t help but get tangled up in those soft blue eyes of hers, each as haunting as a powder blue moon. “I meant what I said. I think about you all the time.” The urge to reach over and grab her was strong. There was a time when every inch of that gorgeous body was all mine. Once I could have leant in and tasted those lips any time I wanted, and my hands were free to explore any part of her, to pull her into me whenever I needed her. Now, the empty space between us felt embarrassing. How the hell did we land up here?

“I’m trying to be sincere with you here,” I said and took a step towards her. But she only gave me that cynical laugh again.

“Well, look at you, it’s great you’re having fun talking about your feelings I suppose… never thought I’d see that,” she said, a million miles away from me.

“Well… people can change,” I said, weakly.

“Of course they can. People change all the time. But not you.”

I was just about to jump in and defend myself, to beg her to try and remember how things used to be, when she reached into her purse and started rummaging around.

“Oh, by the way, I’ve just remembered. It really was funny I should bump into you; it must be fate or something. I was going to leave these in the donation box, but… here,” she said and thrust a plastic bag at me. “You left them there the other night, remember?”

My shoes. They felt like lead in my hands. So heavy that they collapsed with me into the floor and sucked me into a deep, dark black hole where I could no longer even see the disappointed look on her face.

“Becky, please…”

“Goodbye,” she said, and this time I didn’t have the heart to try and stop her.

Ping.

Tash: Well, trick question, Rumpelstiltskin doesn’t have a last name, but hey I guess you talked me into it! ;)

I stared at the attached picture of anonymous, pixelated breasts on my phone screen. It was like looking into a horrible mirror: this is what I had now, instead of Becky?

I was so good at attracting women I could clearly do it without even trying anymore. I literally had girls throwing themselves at me, and could scarcely keep up with all the Tashes, the Kirstens, the Caras and Katies and Chloes and Kylies… But I had never felt more like a failure in all my life.

I stared dumbfounded at my screen and all once, like a ton of bricks, I realized what a monumental ass I was. Some woman I’d already forgotten was on the other line and I didn’t give a damn. I only wanted the woman who had stormed away from me a moment ago.

It wasn’t the fact that Becky had insulted me. What stung was that …everything she said was perfectly true. I hadn’t changed. While I fucked off and tried to forget about her, she was busy becoming an even more awesome version of herself than when I left her. There had been a time when Becky and I were on the same beautiful, easy train to the future, together. And now I was beginning to feel like I had fallen off that train a long time ago, leaving her to belt ahead, and I was only just realizing how lost and behind I was.

To hell with Max’s stupid foam rollers. I marched out the store, tossing my shoes in the trashcan on my way out. I didn’t know how. And I’m not sure I even knew why. But I decided there and then that I’d win her back.

One way or another…