I was torn from a delightful nap by the excruciating vibration of my phone against my lamp. Crap. I overslept. The hectic morning of interviews at the University left me drained in addition to the exhaustingly late night spent video messaging with my little sister in Vancouver, all of which caused me to crash at two in the afternoon. I swiped the screen, tentatively waiting for Ella to scold me for oversleeping.
“You’re going to be late,” she warned, her voice full of irritation. I pulled my free hand down my face in exaggerated agony.
“I’ll be there in ten minutes. It’s two blocks from me. Promise.”
“Fine.”
“Ten minutes,” I repeated, hoping to ease her sense of anxiety. I know she wouldn’t have cared about attending Jesse’s graduation party without me, had his stepmother not been such a disapproving woman. My primary purpose was not to celebrate Jesse’s success, but to be Ella’s companion throughout the event. I could hear the relief in her voice before we hung up.
Fortunately for the sake of time, I’d already showered for my interviews, so I only needed to touch up my makeup and find something to wear, as if searching through my closet would be a quick and painless task. I stood in the doorway, tapping my fingertips along my hips as I studied my wardrobe options. I had too many clothes and not anything to wear, and the pressure of my ten-minute deadline wasn’t helping. I pulled a sleeveless, mint green lace dress from the hanger and pulled it on. The hem rested just above my knees and flowed like a wave as I spun around in search of my matching earrings and silver sandals. I touched up my mascara and pulled my hair into a bun just at the top of my neck before flying out of my building to meet Jesse’s family and friends.
I wasn’t the only person late to his graduation party. In fact, I wasn’t that late at all. It started at seven, and I got to the Monona Terrace rooftop at five minutes after seven. I scanned the crowd looking for Ella, but mostly ensuring I knew where the free bar was.
“You made it!” Lizzie’s teasing condescension was my initial greeting, her arms full of warmth as she hugged me.
“I’m not late,” I reminded her. “Not more than what is fashionably acceptable.”
“I love your dress. Ella’s held hostage.”
“By the evil stepmother?” Lizzie nodded in response, giggles erupting from both of our lips. She pulled me deeper into the crowd that had developed on the rooftop. I spotted Ella clinging to Jesse’s arm near one of the massive buffet tables swelling with food. Her heeled feet shifted uncomfortably against the floor, as if they pleaded with the tiles beneath to give way and let her fall in to escape Jesse’s parents.
“God,” I groaned, “I can’t believe she’s wearing that.”
“She’s certainly had work done.” Lizzie laughed and reached for two glasses of champagne from the passing server. “Here you go, my dear. I imagine we’ll both need some liquid courage to maintain composure throughout this event.”
“Thanks.” I clinked my glass against hers.
“So tell me more about your date with Declan last weekend,” she encouraged, her eyes sparkling with inquiry. “He told me you guys had a good time.”
“It was nice.”
“That’s all? Just nice?”
I sipped my champagne and smiled at Lizzie. There wasn’t much more to say. I could have expanded on how awkward it was to see Sean and Kelly, but why open that book? Ella bounded toward us, as though breaking free from restraints. Her hands clung to our shoulders.
“Oh my god,” she gushed, “I am so glad you’re both here.”
“How is Mrs. New Boobs?” Lizzie teased.
Ella’s eyes rolled in exhaustion before she returned our laughter. “Killing me. I’m not good enough. Directing the children’s theatre isn’t good enough. Finishing school a year early isn’t good enough. I shouldn’t,” she reached for a passing glass of champagne, “drink as much.”
“Cheers!” I lifted my glass in the air to meet Ella’s and Lizzie’s in response.
Jesse’s stepmother was the sort of woman who spent her time in the tanning salon when she could spare a minute from the treadmill or plastic surgeon’s office. Her bleached hair was pulled tightly into a twist, her roots barely showing beneath the years of dye. The minimal brown satin dress that covered her frame wasn’t enough fabric for my sensitive eyes. She left little to the imagination as her orange legs stuck out for miles beneath the short hem of her tight dress before diving into nude stilettos. Her boobs were perkier than mine, and I was only twenty-five. The more I studied her, the more she reminded me of what Sean’s girlfriend would look like in thirty years. Shudder.
Lizzie, Ella, and I wandered together in our comfortable clique toward the railing. The water on Lake Monona was rippling a soft hum in response to the gentle breeze. The horizon glimmered with the blurred twinkle of pier lights and the purple blend of police car lights.
“I’m glad you two didn’t bring dates,” Ella continued as we silently studied the indistinct horizon. “It means there’s more of you for me.”
“That’s why we don’t date, Ell. Specifically, for your peace of mind,” Lizzie replied cynically. “But I was just trying to get the scoop on Avery’s date with Declan. She won’t spill.”
“Nothing to spill.” I put my hands up in defense, spilling some champagne from the glass in my left hand. “Whoops.”
“Is he cute?”
“I think so,” Lizzie answered Ella. “What say you, Avery? Cute or not?”
“He is quite handsome,” I divulged, blushing. “But he works with Lizzie, and that could be weird. I’m just so focused on getting a job right now.”
“How were your interviews this morning?” Ella probed, sipping from her flute. “Do you think they went well?” I shrugged, not wanting to overthink the morning, and took another sip from my glass while I turned to observe the party. Jesse was no longer with his parents, as they moved on to mingle with some other relatives.
“I’m going to text Declan,” Lizzie hummed, reaching for the small silver phone in her purse.
“Don’t,” I warned her. Ella giggled between us, her fingers tickling her lips with anticipation. Lizzie began manipulating the screen with her fingers, deliberately enunciating each word as she typed.
“Declan. I’m at the Terrace. Avery…wants…to…see…you…send?”
“Yes!” Ella squealed, almost spinning in a circle.
“No,” I scolded her, reaching for the phone. Lizzie’s arm flew into the air in defense, but I continued to reach for her phone as both of our glasses splashed with champagne. As I grabbed for her phone, standing on my toes, Lizzie lost her grasp, and it slipped from her hand.
“Crap,” she mumbled, staring at me. The three of us turned to look over the railing, more champagne pouring from Lizzie’s glass. Fortunately for Lizzie’s phone, it landed in the small rose garden next to the sidewalk one level beneath us and not in the lake.
“I’ll get it.” I sighed with exaggerated disdain and handed my glass to Ella. I could hear them laugh as I glided away through the party guests and down the ramp. The main walkway of the Terrace, with its glorious view of the Capitol, was filled with couples and tourists stopping to take pictures. I recognized some of Jesse’s friends still filtering in. I continued down the ramp and walked to the back of the building where Lizzie’s phone rested in the rose garden. Gross. I shivered when I noticed the slugs sliding by the phone. I squatted on my heels and started to reach for the phone.
“You know there are bathrooms inside, right?” Damn it, Sean. I grabbed the phone, dusting it off on the waist of my dress, and clumsily stood to meet my interloper.
“I know.” I rolled my eyes. “I wasn’t going to the bathroom, pervert.”
“What were you doing?” His perfect teeth sparkled as his mocking smile spread across his face.
“Not that it’s any of your business,” I stammered, “Lizzie’s phone fell over, and I came to rescue it.” I adjusted the length of my dress, suddenly a little uncomfortable and aware of the vacancy around us and my champagne.
“I see.” He snickered. “Do you need some help?”
“Nope. What are you doing down here?” I noticed his hands slide into the rear pockets of his slim jeans as he watched me.
“I just got here. I came from the bike path.” He nodded in the direction behind him.
“Where’s your girlfriend?” I tried not to hiss, forcing casual and fake curiosity from my lips.
Sean was still smiling at me, but now a small chuckle escaped his perfect mouth. “I don’t know.” Was he mocking me? I cleared my throat and looked at the screen on Lizzie’s phone. Thank God. No message was sent to Declan.
“Come on, Ave.” Sean took my elbow, and my skin froze. “The party’s upstairs.”
I remained at Sean’s side as we walked along the ramp to the rooftop, where I quickly spotted Ella and Lizzie at the railing. Ella was pulling her head back from the edge, as if she watched me below, just as Jesse returned to Ella’s side, his stepmother linked at his elbow. She seemed genuinely proud of Jesse, but it was hard to read her sincerity when we had suspicions that it was the party she enjoyed more than the purpose behind it. Parties for Jesse meant a lot of men, cute hipster men with tattoos, clean-cut men with tailored attire and fancy watches, and mischievous men with smiles that melted your insides. Jesse knew, and was close with, everyone. It was overwhelming, but not to Mrs. New Boobs. I caught Lizzie’s eyes widening as Sean and I approached. I glared at her, returning her phone.
“Sean, dear,” Jesse’s stepmother affectionately kissed each of his cheeks, “it is so nice to see you.” It looked a little too affectionate, and that wasn’t just my personal bias. I think the four of us gagged in unison.
“Always great to see you, Mrs. Adler.”
“What’s new with you, dear?” You are married. And fifty. Step off. I turned my glance away from Sean and Jesse’s stepmother. Jesse nuzzled Ella’s hair, whispering something to her that forced a pink glow along her cheeks. I pulled two glasses from the passing tray and handed one to Lizzie. Jesse copied, giving one to Ella.
“Why does he need to do that?” Lizzie snorted. “Stupid unbuttoned shirt and all gold skin and crap.”
“Because he thinks he is a gift from the gods,” Ella replied, rolling her eyes and mirroring my posture as we leaned over the railing.
“Give him a break,” Jesse cautioned, humor lacing his words. “It has to be really difficult to be the prodigal one.”
“Blah, Jesse, why is Nancy so…such a…” Ella struggled with her words.
“Cougar?” Lizzie suggested.
“Because that’s a quality my dad found endearing? I don’t know.” He shuddered. “Let’s just get through this party without any casualties.” I smiled, considering if he referred to victims of his stepmother or his disastrously charming roommate.
***
Lizzie and I sat against each other, her head resting on my shoulder as our mutual buzz tingled away and Jesse’s guests began to leave. We clung to an enormous planter that overflowed with geraniums and long, green grasses, reminding me of fireworks. Ella, safely in Jesse’s arms, politely stood at his side in the middle of the rooftop while dismissing guests with a smile. I kicked off my sandals, allowing my bare feet to dangle just inches above the brick floor of the rooftop. With our backs to the lake, our fuzzy vision was focused on the massive marble Capitol as it towered over the horizon three blocks away.
“I’m so done with this place,” Lizzie mumbled. “I’m going to move.”
“Oh? To where?”
“Somewhere else,” she sighed with a giggle. “Just somewhere else. Don’t ask me for details, Ave.”
“Sorry, ma’am.” I snickered. “Listen. The thing with Declan…” Lizzie lifted her head and turned to face me, curious and alert.
“There’s a thing?”
“No. Yes. Well…I just don’t want to date right now. It’s too much work, and I’m hoping to get one of the jobs I applied for, so I’ll be so busy.”
“You’re just afraid.”
“Of…” I prompted, hoping she would enlighten me enough so I wouldn’t require therapy in the future.
“Change, among other things, and that you might actually be happy.”
“I am happy,” I scoffed. Lizzie’s head lifted, and she gazed at me, pulling her left hand along my cheek with a smile.
“Oh, Sean, I love you. Sean, I hate you. Sean, I love you. Declan, you’re okay, but I’m with and not with my friend, Sean,” she mocked. “You’re not happy being single, Ave.”
“I resent that.” My cheeks tingled with embarrassment and a little anger. “I’m not in love with anyone, and that’s fine with me for now. I’m more than capable of caring for myself, and I value my independence.”
“But you’re missing out. You’re missing out on dating and having fun. Just go on another date with Declan. I promise it will be worth your while.” I glanced at her suspiciously.
“He’s smitten,” she continued, “but that’s all I’m saying.” They talk about me? Wonderful. Not! I rolled my eyes at Lizzie and returned my gaze to the Capitol. I wasn’t in love with Sean. I hadn’t even been in a serious relationship since undergrad, and I was the one who broke that off. Irreconcilable differences. Once a lazy jerk, always a lazy jerk. I climbed from the planter, adjusting my dress. Lizzie cleared her throat, joining my vertical position, as Sean approached once Mrs. New Boobs released her constricted embrace.
“Hey, hot stuff.” Lizzie winked at Sean. “Come over here.”
“Stop,” I snapped, not out of embarrassment for me, but for her own sake.
Sean ran both hands through his hair, squeezing it above his ears while he exhaled. “That woman…” He shivered. “What are you two lovely ladies up to over here?”
“Our buzz is over,” I pouted. He tipped his head to the side, mocking the frown on my face.
“When do you leave for Miami?” Lizzie inquired. “Because that’s just what the world needs, Sean, more swoon-worthy tan guys who aren’t single.”
“Lizzie!” I blushed at her forwardness, but absolutely agreeing with her. I shook the enticing image of Sean on a beach from my mind, forcing back my smile.
“Well, Elizabeth,” his tone seemed humorously challenging, “believe it or not, I’m not the hottest guy out there.”
“Oh my…are we really having this conversation?” I mumbled, glancing around for Ella and Jesse, willing them to come back to us.
“You know, Sean,” Lizzie’s voice lingered on the final sound of his name, as if mocking his use of her full name, “you’re one walking weapon.” She poked her index finger into his hard chest.
“Maybe.” He flashed her a grin, raising his eyebrows in flirtatious agreement and clutching the fist she held at his chest. Bastard.
I put my left hand on Sean’s shoulder and my right on Lizzie’s, distracting them. “Goodnight.”
“You’re leaving?” He seemed surprised, and I didn’t know how to handle that.
“She’s leaving me here with this,” Lizzie pretended to eye Sean with disgust, “walking advertisement for hotness.”
“Yes.” I smiled. “I’m leaving you with the walking advertisement. And you,” I looked at Sean, “with her. Good luck.”
I pulled on some of Lizzie’s blonde curls before I departed, winding down the ramp and to the main walkway toward my street. I felt the tug on my arm while I waited at the pedestrian crossing on Doty Street, and I almost spun into one of the self-defense stances Lizzie, Ella, and I learned at the persistence of Jesse. It was just Sean. Oh, it was just Sean. His eyes seemed strained, filled with a curious sense of alarm…whatever it was, it was beautiful.
“You shouldn’t walk home alone, Ave.”
“I’m fine,” I assured him, but he didn’t believe me. I wasn’t going to win this argument.
“Let me walk you home.” He put his left arm around my shoulders. “It’s just two more blocks. If you get attacked, I’ll defend. If you don’t get attacked, then I’ll know I protected you.”
“You dork.” I blushed, thankful he couldn’t see in the sparse streetlight. “Thanks for thinking of me.”
“I’m always thinking of you, Avery.” Melt. How can he say things to me like that and not expect me to take it as more than just friendly concern?
As we waited for a city bus to yield in our favor, Sean changed the subject. “Do you think I’m swoon-worthy?”
“Uh…what?”
“What Lizzie said back there, about me being swoon-worthy.”
“Oh. Right. The walking advertisement for hotness.” I chuckled and crossed the street. “I’m surprised you need a second opinion.”
“So you don’t think so.” He clutched his chest and pouted. “Burn.”
My only response was the girlish giggle erupting from my lips. What was I supposed to say to that? Oh, yes. And please come upstairs. I don’t think so. I valued our friendship too much to even inch close to that path; that’s why I tortured myself with silence. There was a crowd of people gathering outside of the bar at our next intersection, forcing us to linger in an uncomfortable silence for a moment as the people cleared away. I glanced at Sean from the corner of my eye.
“What?”
“Nothing.” I grinned. He was swoon-worthy.
Once the crowd dispersed, we continued down the final block toward my apartment. We both glanced up at my corner unit. I left my lights on, as I always did when I planned on returning at night. Sorry, planet. I climbed the steps to the main door, searching my small pink purse for keys. Sean slowly strode to mount the final step with me. His hands wove around the railing behind him as he balanced against it, his knuckles protruding through his skin while he tightened his grip. Oh my god. This guy is killing me.
“Do you want to come up for some coffee or something?”
“I shouldn’t.” Sean’s perfect face parted into a familiar smirk. My skin tingled. Surely it was just the champagne and muggy night, nothing more. It felt warm, too warm, like we were passing some foreign energy between each other. It was different, vulnerable. I shivered, and he beamed. This needs to stop. I reached out to wrap my arms around Sean as a farewell, his back flexing under my fingers. His hold tightened around me, securing our embrace as his head rested on my shoulder. I felt my hair move as Sean inhaled deeply against my neck. Oh, no. This needs to stop right now.
“Thanks for walking me home, Sean.” I tried to keep myself composed. “You better make sure you get home before Jesse’s stepmom gets there.”
“Gross.” His laughter eased my nerves, and his head lifted. “See you later, Avery. Hey, Ave?”
I turned from the main door to my building and studied his face in response, his emerald eyes glowing with an unfamiliar emptiness. I hadn’t imagined the vulnerability before. Something changed. I placed my right hand on his rough cheek when he wasn’t responding.
“What is it?”
He shook his head with eyes closed. “Never mind.” Sean stepped backward down the three cement steps and paused on the sidewalk. “Goodnight, Avery.”
I opened the exterior door and glimpsed over my shoulder to his absence. What the heck was that? I ascended the stairs to my apartment and found immediate comfort in the small air-conditioned room I called home. My purse and keys were tossed on the turquoise shelf. I peeled off my dress, dropping it in the laundry basket outside of my closet, and pulled a t-shirt over me. I fell onto my bed, but my mind was restless. After a few minutes of trying to distract myself and drift off unsuccessfully, I hopped across the room for my phone. I typed a message to Sean, his peculiar companionship still on my mind.
Me: Thanks for the chaperoned walk home. I feel much safer now.
I set my phone on the windowsill next to my bed and snuggled beneath the duvet. I blindly reached my arm over my pillows for the buzzing phone moments later.
Sean: My pleasure. Lock your door. Weirdoes everywhere.
Me: You’re the weirdo, Sean.
Sean: ;)
Me: When do you leave for Miami?
Sean: Sunday. Coffee before then?
Me: Sure. Jesse’s going to miss you.
I waited. No reply. I set my phone back on its bed for the evening and drifted off. I was going to miss him too. No witty and dangerously flirty banter, no butterflies, no inappropriate feelings for one of my best friends, no Sean. What was I going to do for the next few weeks?