Sunny
“Today’s the day! Can you believe it?” Larissa squeals as she squeezes me into an unwanted hug. “I am so, so, so excited for you!”
“Shut up. Please.” Kitka rolls her eyes while walking towards the fridge for a bottle of beer, despite it being only eleven in the morning. She gives me a nod up and down before focusing on my growing belly. “Damn, girl, you sure it’s not twins?”
“Seriously?” I shoot back, knowing it does no good. The five months since we found out I was knocked up and I went with the Cobra scheme have been hell on Earth. Kitka hasn’t gone a day without giving me some kind of jab or sting. Lately, it’s been commenting on how freaking round I was getting. Even with about two months to go, I Iook as though I’m about to burst.
“Oh, c’mon Kitka, you’re not excited to find out if she’s having a girl or a boy? That’s like the best part of this whole thing!” Larissa, on the other hand, has been nothing but a giddy fool over me being pregnant. First, I thought it was because I was out of commission. Me being both claimed and knocked up meant I didn’t work the bars or take on any of the boys. It’s less competition for her and Mary to fight over under Kitka’s new, iron-fist rule. But then, she started acting sweet, genuinely sweet. A few months back, she bought me a few yellow onesies with the money she had from tips. I almost cried over how kind it was. The hormones didn’t help.
“I couldn’t care if it’s a mole rat… or some kind of other animal.” Kitka’s eyes peer at me half-open. We both know what she’s referring to. She played these games early on when there were questions about the fast romance between Cobra and me, and the rumors about him dumping Kitka swirled. Killer had to stop her from giving away too many hints that the baby wasn’t Cobra’s. I watched that shit show go down and couldn’t have been more pleased to get her off my back—at least for a while. Now, Kitka’s gone back to Kitka bitch mode.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, shut your bitch-ass mouth, Kitka,” Larissa snaps. Then she turns to me and says, “Seriously. I’m excited. I can’t believe you’re letting me go with! I’ve always wanted to go to one of these appointments.”
“It’s nothing, really,” I reply. “They put some gel on you, show you some pictures, and you’re out of there.” That’s a lie, really. The first time I saw my baby on that screen, I burst into tears. I was alone, sobbing in a white, undecorated hospital room with only the image of my baby floating in a pool to keep me company. That’s why Larissa’s coming today. I need to share this with someone.
“What does Cobra think it is?”
“He, uh, hasn’t said.” Actually, the truth is that Cobra hasn’t said anything. At all. We don’t exactly talk when I go over to his place every night. Killer’s been generous by upgrading Cobra’s condo to a two-bedroom for the baby, but the nursery has been turned into a place for me to get the hell out of his way and lay low until morning when I can creep back to my apartment and sleep with both eyes closed.
“That’s a shame. I think it’s a boy! I read somewhere that if you’re carrying low, it’s a boy. If it’s high, like a basketball, it’s a girl.”
“What if you’re somewhere in between?” I ask as I take a look at myself in the full-length mirror. I’m still so unused to seeing myself like this.
“C’mon.” She laughs. “We gotta go.”
“Good luck,” Kitka murmurs under her breath. “You’re gonna need it.”
I turn to ask her what she means by that, but Larissa is practically dragging me out the door. We walk the five blocks to the hospital, arm in arm, as she gossips about Mary’s new boyfriend or the new recruits the club has just brought in. There’s some talk going around that most of them are boys from the Ruby Eyes, a street club that’s been up against the Wilderkind in territory disputes. If that’s true, Killer’s getting an army ready right before our eyes.
But all that fades out of my mind once we’re in the hospital room with the blue, cold jelly practically melting on my bare skin. I hold my breath and close my eyes until the silent nurse is done with the scan. She clears her throat and then says reassuringly, “It’s okay now, dear. You can open your eyes. The baby’s doing great—measuring right on time. I’d say you’ve got another month-and-a-half to go before you meet him or her.”
“Wow,” Larissa whispers as she stares memorized at the picture of my baby on the monitor. Unlike my last ultrasound, the baby’s feet and toes are so distinct, so human. I watch it jump and then feel it kick against me all at the same time, and I laugh—my first real laugh in months.
“So… do you want to know?”
“Yes!” Larissa shouts.
“Yeah, I do,” I agree, giving her a knowing glance.
“Well, it’s a—”
She stops in the middle of her answer as we hear a crash on the other side of the door. We all turn our heads towards the entryway as the voices grow louder.
“Sir! You cannot go in there! We will have to call the police if you do not leave! Sir!”
“Call the fucking cops!” a man growls. “I need to see her! I need to see the baby!” The door suddenly swings open, and Larissa jumps back just in time to avoid being hit by it. Holding tight to the handle, Bear breathes in heavily as if he’s just run a marathon to get here. He looks about that way too. His curly brown hair is always unruly, but today, it’s a total mess. He’s wearing black, tight sweatpants and a plain white T-shirt. I wonder if he just got out of bed and ran here given that he’s still wearing a pair of beat-up sneakers and not his usual riding boots.
I attempt to sit up, but my weight and the pressure of where the baby is lying drags me back down to the table. Instead, I call out to him, “What the hell are you doing here, Bear?”
“Ma’am, is he with you?” a security guard asks me from just outside the door. The older man is half Bear’s size and probably twice his age. Even if I told him to take him away, I doubt he’d get Bear out of here without backup or a gun—or probably both.
“Yeah, he is,” I reply through gritted teeth.
“Sunny… should I…” I nod towards Larissa who leaves as quickly as she can. She doesn’t look up at Bear when she brushes past him. Who knows what she must be thinking, but I know it’s not going to stay in this room for long.
“Can we have the room please?” I ask politely. “It will only be a minute. I’m so sorry about this.”
The staff and doctors who had poured into the room file out one by one past Bear. No one dares get close to him, even though he looks harmless as he stares, mouth agape, at the monitor.
The door shuts, and I turn to him. “How did you find me?” I demand.
“Why, Sunny?”
“How did you find me?” I press him.
“Kitka. She told me to find you here.”
That bitch. I should have known. She had been acting like she owns me for weeks now, and I let her get away with it because she knew my secret. Now I should have seen that this was her revenge plan all along.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks.
“Because I couldn’t,” I say in a hushed voice. “Our lives… this baby’s… it’s already fucked up. We can’t be together and keep this kid safe.”
“You made that decision on your own,” he replies.
“No. I didn’t. Kitka found out and told Killer. Killer felt guilty for letting me sleep with you in the first place and came up with the whole Cobra thing. It was the only way I could keep the baby and you safe.”
“You should have told me, Sunny,” Bear answers. He sounds more upset than angry, and my heart breaks for him. It was unfair of me to do this, but he needs to see that what I did was the best for everyone involved.
“It was my only option. And it still is. Larissa out there is gonna tell everyone, and you’re not safe here or with me.”
“I don’t care!” Bear slams a fist into the wall behind him. “I don’t care what the fuck they’re going to do to me, I’m not gonna leave you or my baby again.”
“You have to. They will kill you and me.”
“Come away with me,” he shoots back. “Let’s get the fuck out of here before they can find us.”
“It’s too late for that.” I point at my beach ball or basketball of a stomach. There’s no way I’m in any condition to get on a bike for a road trip to who knows where.
“We’ll find a way.”
“This is the way!” I shout. “Bear! Please! Go back to your life and your club. Forget about the baby and me. We’ll be fine. I’ll take care of him.”
“Him?” He tilts his head to the side.
“I don’t know,” I mutter, “I just feel like… Ugh. Bear. Please!”
“I don’t want to leave you, Sunny. I’m not taking no for an answer. Get the hell up and let’s go.” He walks towards the door, ready to burst it open.
“There are other girls out there, girls who aren’t impossible or tainted,” I quietly say. I remember those rumors about him wanting Filthy Bastards girls and how he may have hit on Kitka back in that locker room before the boxing match. That story hasn’t left me in the months that have passed, and it calls back to me now.
“Other girls?” Bear exhales deeply. “Sunny, there hasn’t been another girl—not since you.” He walks back towards me and takes a seat at the doctor’s rolling chair. His large hand rests on my cheek. Every part of my mind is screaming to push him away, to make him take a step back, but I can’t. I don’t want to let go of the feeling of his skin on my skin. I tilt my head up towards him, my mouth ready.
“Bear…” I sigh. And before I can finish whatever it is I’m trying to argue his lips are there. Tilted to the side, I struggle to cling on, but as soon as we link, it’s like lightning. The baby kicks and dances, and I seriously think he or she can feel this too—this electric current that pulses through me when I’m with Bear. Time stops, at least the urgent time that pounds the seconds passing in my eardrums, and I feel as if I could float right here on the doctor’s office table.
“We can do this, Sunny,” Bear says as he pulls away. “You don’t know what I’m capable of. I could protect you. I could die for you. Come away with me. Please. Say yes.”
A million pieces inside of me pull apart at the seam. Everything in me, including the dancing baby, is crying out to take his hand and leave everything behind me. But there is no future in that. There is no security—just open roads and knowing that we will always be on the run. No matter where we were, we would always be looking over our shoulders.
My head trembles as I shake it. I will myself not to cry. I’ve already said goodbye to him three times now. Why couldn’t this stick? Shouldn’t I be used to it by now?
He stands up slowly, pushing the chair behind him so that it rolls away towards the wall. He doesn’t say a thing to me, just walks out of the room and back towards the waiting area. I struggle to catch my breath before Larissa bursts into the office.
“Oh my God, Sunny! Are you okay? What did he do? What did he say? Was he upset when you told him it wasn’t his?”
“Uh…”
“Don’t worry about it. I called Killer and Cobra. They’re on their way. If they find him, they’ll know what to do with him.”
I sit up straight, the blood pooling to my head. “You did what?!” I cry.
“I called them. They should know when you’re under attack. Bear could’ve killed you.”
“Oh, Larissa…” I grab a towel off of the table and wipe the goo from my stomach. After throwing my shirt back on, I barely give her a glance before I storm out of the room and off towards where I heard Bear go. The nurses shout at me, but I ignore each one of their cries. This was more important than knowing the sex of the baby or paying my bill.
This was me saving his life.