Chapter
9
Bobby
Had a day ever passed by so excruciatingly slow before? Bouncing on the balls of my feet, I ran my hand through my hair for possibly the hundredth time, cursing the clock for not moving faster.
“Hey, man, chill out. You’re going to make me nervous, watching you pace around this lobby like a tiger trapped in a cage.”
Looking back at Declan I was about to pop off a smart-ass comment, but before I could open my mouth to say anything, a car horn honked from out front. Boyd was sitting in front of the hotel in his Jeep. Walking out the front doors with Declan, Boyd rolled his window down at our approach.
“Get in your SUV and follow me.” With that short command, he rolled his window back up and waited for us to comply.
We drove in the opposite direction of San Antonio; heading further into the small town of Poteet, Texas that Belle now called home. After what felt like forever, Boyd finally led us to a place I certainly hadn’t expected to stop. A high school. Parking in the back of a packed out lot, we exited our vehicle to meet with Boyd.
He seemed on edge as he walked up to me. “Tonight’s the high school’s homecoming football game. Belle is here. It should be about half time now. I’m going to walk you to the far end of the bleachers, then we’ll make our way towards where she is. I’m going to tell you now, man, don’t let this get ugly. Belle is already going to kick my ass for bringing you here, so do not make it any worse for me than it already is. No matter what you see, be cool.”
After that eyebrow raising statement, Boyd turned around and started walking towards the stadium. Declan and I exchanged dubious expressions before following him. I didn’t think much on why Belle would be at a high school football game because Belle had always loved to watch football. She preferred the local games over watching the professional ones on television. Stuffing her face with hot dogs and dancing to the marching band were some of her favorite things to do. The only suspicious thing going on was Boyd’s comments so far. Maybe whoever Belle’s ‘man’ was, presumably the mysterious Seth, would be here with her. Maybe he worked for the high school.
If Boyd didn’t want me to react to having to face the man who was keeping the love of my life from coming back to me, then Boyd had another thing coming. I wouldn’t start a fight or anything. No, but I would do my damnedest to show the guy Belle couldn’t keep her eyes off me. Do whatever I could to prove I still affected her in all the ways that mattered. That would sting for any guy’s ego.
As Boyd had promised, the game was in half time. The marching band was on the field, playing loud tunes with the crowd hooting and hollering their approval. Boyd led us to the far end of the field on the home team side. Staying close to the front of the bleachers that were over-flowing with locals, we slowly started to make our way towards the center.
I was scanning the crowd, looking for Belle, when Boyd suddenly stopped in front of me. Looking over his shoulder, I saw her standing next to the coaches in a huddle with the football team. Confused, yet intrigued as to why she would be out there, I stood as still as a statue, watching her talk to the coaches and players before the huddle broke apart. Was this ‘Seth’ one of the coaches? Maybe the tall, blonde-haired wimp wearing the baggy polo? A snort of disbelief escaped me. No way was Belle going to pass over me for that loser. My sudden desire to beat the guy to a bloody pulp didn’t mean I was jealous, either. Not at all.
Okay, maybe I was a little jealous.
Walking over to the end of the bench where the players sat, Belle leaned against the fence, propping her elbows up on either side of her. I was about to ask Boyd what this was all about when a player broke away from a group and jogged over in her direction. As the boy stopped right in front of her, I felt all the air seize in my chest.
Breathing suddenly seemed impossible.
He stood about three inches taller than Belle, making him about five-nine. His chestnut brown hair was cut almost military short, but liberally covered in bright blonde, natural highlights. His build was leanly muscled and sported a tan much deeper than Belle’s creamy pale skin. The kid looked around as if he was searching for someone when his head turned in my direction and I instantly knew. If his build or hair hadn’t been enough to tip me off, then his face sure as shit did. The boy was practically the spitting image of me, except for his mother’s moss green eyes.
Behind me, Declan swore loudly, “Holy shit. Tell me I’m not seeing what the fuck I think I’m seeing, man.”
My heart started to pound so hard I could actually hear the blood whooshing in my ears. Unable to move my feet, I watched as Belle and the boy turned in the opposite direction of where I stood to watch Sheriff Jenkins approach them. Jenkins reached the pair, leaning over the fence to give Belle a hug and a kiss on her forehead before reaching out to playfully slap the kid on his back. They stood there, talking and laughing, as my feet finally found motivation and started moving forward on automatic pilot like a robot.
I was vaguely aware of Boyd grabbing my arm to stop me. Declan was saying something behind me. None of it really registered. I was suffering from tunnel vision and all I saw were the three people I was quickly baring down on, acting like some perfect little family the caveman in me knew should be mine. Wasn’t that a funny concept since I hadn’t even known I’d had a family to begin with? Something in me was trying very hard to see through the haze of anger threatening to overwhelm me so I could sort the facts and information that was being thrown at me like a freight train going off its tracks. It was chaotic, horrifying to watch, and when it all finally hit me, it was going to crush me to an emotional death.
Before I could get very far, Sheriff Jenkins looked up and saw me. His face paled before lines of tension formed around his lips as they became a disapproving frown. Dropping a hand on Belle’s shoulder, he nodded his head in my direction. She spun around to face me as Boyd finally hauled me to a stop with the help of Declan grabbing my other arm.
Her face flashed shock seconds before she noticed Boyd standing somewhere behind me. A split second later, she transformed into the familiar spit-fire I’d known all too well, years ago in high school. She rushed out of the small gate a few feet away from her, stalking towards us. The Sheriff was hot on her heels, as he apparently saw disaster in the making. I couldn’t remember feeling more stunned, or lividly pissed, in my entire life. I braced myself for the anger that was so obvious on her face, but frankly didn’t give a fuck what she thought she had a right to be mad over. Whatever she was feeling was nothing compared to the raw rage I had coursing through my body. The woman I’d been pining over for years had kept my own goddamned son from me!
The moment she got within feet of me, she pointed her finger at my chest. “You need to leave, Bobby. Now is not the time or place for this and it sure as hell isn’t how I intended to tell you.”
Brushing past me, she stomped right up to Boyd before Sheriff Jenkins could catch her. “And you! You son of a bitch! You had no right!” Her fist pulled back and, before anyone could stop her, she punched Boyd square in the face. A loud crack ripped through the air as Boyd fell backwards to the ground, clutching his nose. Blood poured between his fingers and down his chin. The Sheriff now had Belle restrained with both of her arms pulled firmly behind her back so she couldn’t do anything else. “Dammit, Boyd, you had no right!”
Declan’s hand was still clutching my arm firmly. As if he was afraid I might flip my shit on someone. Staring coldly at Belle’s furious face, the kid in question ran up to grab her arm, hauling her backwards.
“Mom! MOM! What are you doing? Come on, you know what coach said. If you get in anymore fights they’re going to ban you for the rest of the season. You promised not to get in any more fights. What’s going on here?” He was shaking Belle gently to get her attention.
Suddenly panicked, Belle started to push the boy backwards towards his team. “Seth, go back to the bench, please. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make a scene. I swear, but I need you to go back to the bench now.”
Seth planted his feet, effectively stopping Belle from pushing him any further. Giving her a stern look, he stood there, waiting for an explanation.
“Not now, Seth! Later, I promise. Go back to your game. We’ll talk about this later. Tell Coach I’m sorry and I promise to behave.” Giving him a push she yelled, “GO!”
Seth started walking backwards, warily watching his mother, before glancing at the rest of the group with confused eyes. Shaking his head, he turned and headed back to his team, who had subsequently been staring at the whole scenario that was taking place. Belle turned back to face me, tears now streaming out of her eyes. Sheriff Jenkins was still at her back, looking at me with a steely expression on his face.
“I’m asking you to leave, Bobby.” More tears fell, her lip began to tremble and she pleaded, “Please.”
My voice came out low and rough, “How old is he, Belle?”
“I’m begging you, Bobby. Please don’t do this here. Leave now, we can talk about—”
“HOW OLD IS HE, BELLE?” I bellowed.
The rise and fall of her chest was rapid now. It was apparent to anyone who looked at her that she was trying desperately to keep herself together emotionally. That would have been something that tore me to pieces before, the thought of hurting her like that, seeing her that way. Now, I couldn’t scrape enough heart to care if her web of secrets and lies had finally caught her. She should have thought about that crap before intentionally keeping my son away from me. At this point, she would be lucky if I didn’t wrap my hands around her throat and squeezed. Without answering me, she twisted her body to face Sheriff Jenkins.
“Charlie, will you look at Boyd’s nose for me? I need to go have a talk with Bobby.”
Jenkins obviously didn’t like that request. He speared me with a look that promised retribution if I did anything he might consider out of line and then reached over to grab Boyd, helping him off the ground. Belle stepped forward, grabbed my hand tightly in hers, and started pulling me back towards the far end of the field.
There was a time when I would have done anything, absolutely anything, to have her grab my hand again. Crawl on my hands and knees over broken glass. Beg. Sacrifice a limb. Sell my soul to the devil. Whatever it would have taken to feel her smaller hand gripping mine with the kind of strong, desperate hold she had on it now. No more.
Wrenching my hand out of hers, I caused her to stumble sideways in shock from my violent reaction. I walked past her as something inside me died. I didn’t want her holding my hand. Right now, I didn’t even want her breathing my fucking air. I only wanted two things from her right now; an explanation and my son.
Declan broke off from us to sit on the end of the bleachers as I led Belle to a patch of grass behind one of the football goals. I stood there for a minute, staring down at her as my body shook with an assault of emotions, refusing to take my eyes off her for even a second. Afraid that if I did, she might disappear on me again. Or I might miss a clue to whatever might tell me what was going through that twisted head of hers.
The crowds around us cheered as the football teams took the field to start the third quarter, totally oblivious that my world was crashing down around me. Never before had I been tempted to raise a hand in violence towards a woman, but right now, I was fighting back the urge to reach out, grab her shoulders and shake the shit out of her until she gave me what I needed. Words. A sincere apology. Her heart and a big shiny knife for me to stab it with on a silver platter. Something to give me an indication she wasn’t the heartless person my rage was starting to see her as.
Pointing a trembling finger at her I roared, “You, BITCH! You’d better start fucking talking, ‘cause I swear to God, if what comes out of your mouth doesn’t somehow make this understandable for me, I’m going to haul your ass into court and nail it to the goddamn wall!”
Belle looked up, avoiding eye contact with me and searched for Seth with her eyes. After finding him, her eyes filled with fresh tears as she crossed her arms over her chest in a defensive posture—shoulders hunched, curling in on herself, trembling from head to toe like she expected me to lash out at her physically as well as verbally.
Keeping her eyes on the game in front of her, she started to speak in a small voice, “He’s fourteen. He was born May 30, 1997 in Austin, Texas.”
A slightly disbelieving laugh slipped out of her before she continued. Wasn’t that a giant ass joke, too? What did she have to be surprised about? Surprised her deceitfulness had caught up with her? Shouldn’t I be the one making that kind of disillusioned laugh because I was the one who’d just found out I had a fourteen-year-old son who I’d never met?
“I told you what happened the day your momma gave me the letter where you broke up with me. I was coming over to beg them to let me live with them, ‘cause you and I both know if my daddy had found me after what I’d done to him…” She shook her head, looking to be lost for words. “I was sporting a multitude of bruises from his drunken rage the night before, Bobby. He would have beat me half to death this time if I’d tried to go back and I couldn’t take it anymore. The thing is, I didn’t get a chance to ask your parents about staying before your momma handed me that letter.”
She kept her eyes averted and shrugged her shoulders.
“After I read it, well, I couldn’t bring myself to tell your parents what happened with my dad or ask for their help. You’d just got done telling me that you didn’t want us anymore. Didn’t want our forever. I knew I couldn’t stay with your parents now and I damn well couldn’t stay with my father anymore, so I left. I didn’t realize I was pregnant until a couple of months after arriving here in Texas.”
Numb. I was utterly numb. Running my hands unthinkingly through my hair, I heard my own voice waiver as I asked, “How could this have happened, Belle? I thought you were protected.”
She dropped her head until her chin touched her chest. “Remember me being sick a little over a week before you left? Apparently, those antibiotics the doctor put me on canceled out the birth control I was taking.”
I looked from her to the field where Seth—my son—was playing quarterback. Seth launched the ball down the field to where one of his teammates ran it for a touchdown. Belle’s voice cut through the awe I was experiencing while watching what felt like a flashback from my high school days.
“He’s just like you. Looks like you. Excels at everything he does, just like you did. The only things he got from me are my temper and green eyes. The boy blows up worse than fireworks on the Fourth of July. It’s a heck of a thing to watch. He’s been hell on wheels from the moment he took his first step.” Her voice dropped to a barely audible whisper, “He’s the only reason I survived you leaving me. Seeing him every day, with your face, your nose, your… everything… Well, he made me feel like I still had a piece of you all this time. Just like you used to promise me I would.”
Clenching my jaw against the pain I heard in her voice, I shook my head in denial. With what her home life had been like, it wasn’t as big of a surprise to me as it should have been she’d felt like I’d thrown her away for good after that dumb ass letter. Still, it didn’t change that what she’d done was wrong. It didn’t stop the hurt that was burning deep into my body like a vat of emotional acid.
“You didn’t have the right to do this to me.” The voice inside my head screamed, she didn’t have the right to do that to the love we’d shared, but I didn’t let it out. Pointing a finger that was still trembling with my anger towards the football field, I told her, “You didn’t have a right to do this to him. Did you hate me so much you would do something as despicable as keep us apart? Did it make you feel better to know you’d pulled the ultimate act of revenge by keeping me away from my own flesh and blood?” I roared.
Somewhere in my head, the sympathetic conscience my parents had raised me with told me that she’d had it hard on her own—I should give her a break—but my overwhelming anger voided those thoughts out. She’d kept my child from me. ME. One of the few people in our whole town who had watched over her, who’d protected her from the dangers at home. I’d been the one she’d given her virginity to, along with the first ‘I love you’ she’d spoken out loud to someone other than her dead mother and her best friend. How dare she keep my only child from knowing his father?
Because you were the one who left her when she needed you the most.
The fury pulsing through my veins made the urge I’d had earlier to wrap my large hands around her delicate throat as punishment, stronger. That way I could squeeze the life out of her as literally as she’d metaphorically done to me. The battered heart in my chest reminded me that I could never bring myself to actually hurt her. No matter how mad I got, I’d always love her. Or, at least, the girl she’d once been to me. Didn’t that seem like a cruel fucking joke karma had played on me? Here I’d been pining away and looking for the girl I’d loved with every fiber of my being and, when I finally found her, it was to find out she’d hurt me worse than anyone could have ever done.
Declan and Riley had been right that first day I’d talked to her outside of our headquarters meeting room. My angel was gone. The woman she’d become was proving too hard to love. Whose fault was it she’d become this way? The mother who hadn’t had the backbone to stand up to the man she’d essentially let kill her? The father who was supposed to love his daughter and instead treated her like something he’d found distasteful on the bottom of his boot? Or the boy who’d told her that love wasn’t a fairytale, but something truly real? The boy who had then left her alone, unprotected and, apparently, pregnant. Goddamn, my own throat felt like it was being strangled by invisible hands of self-contempt.
“You should have told me, Belle,” I finally ground out.
Running hands roughly through her hair she sighed in frustration. “So, I could spend the rest of our lives wondering if you’d stayed with me because you loved me or because I trapped you by being pregnant? Look, Bobby, I’m sorry.” Her voice cracked as more tears started to slide down her cheeks. “Really, sorry. Sorrier than you’ll ever know. This past week has made me realize I was wrong for keeping him from you, but look at all of this from where I am sitting. You didn’t want me anymore and I was used to not being wanted.” She turned her tear-laden face back towards me. The breath hitched violently in her chest as if she was incapable of taking a solid breath.
“Do you honestly think I would load you down with a woman you didn’t want because you got me pregnant? Sure, I was mad at first. Determined Seth and I would make it on our own and we have. It’s been hard at times, but we pulled through. Then, as time went on, the anger turned into regret. You don’t think I didn’t feel guilty anytime he asked why the other kids had a father around and he didn’t? It’s been rough on that boy, not having his daddy. I did my best to fill both roles, but it wasn’t the same. Thing is, he’s so strong he never complained. Always told me how lucky he was to have a mom that loved him as much as I do. Those times were the worst. What a hypocrite I was to stand there and let him hug me while saying that, right? The woman who was supposed to make all the right decisions in his life had made the biggest mistake of all. How was I supposed to go about fixing that? It took everything I had not to break down and call you or your momma; that way he could have y’all in his life, too.”
Both of her hands buried into her hair, fisting the strands as she pleaded, “But there was a problem with that. I’d had to practically run for my life, Bobby! If my father had found me, there was no telling what he would have done to me. I had a son to think about! A child to protect from the monster who had made my life hell. Not to mention that I didn’t know if he’d had those cops he’d been talking to that day press some kind of charges on me. What would Seth and I have done if my father had me charged with something ridiculous like attempted murder for attacking him with that whisky bottle?”
She was ranting almost hysterically now. “Then, I would think about that you had probably moved on with your life. Maybe met someone. Married. Had kids or whatever! My brain couldn’t wrap around messing up your life. That train of thought would lead me to the reality that I wanted you to be happy wherever you were. How afraid I was that we might mess that up. So I stayed away.”
Belle’s voice was choked as she finally lost what was left of her control and dropped to her knees with body-racking sobs. Her hands dropping out of her hair so she could beat a fist against her heart. “I’m s-s-so sorry, B-Bobby.”
Silence settled around the two of us as she kneeled there in the grass. Still numb and now unsure of what to do, I stood in front of her as she cried so hard I wondered if she would be physically sick. Some small part of me said I should hold her while she was like this; offer some kind of comfort, some forgiveness. Instead of offering any of those things, I stood there, watching an older version of the girl who’d once been my everything, try to force herself to stop crying. Trying to get her erratic breathing under control.
Unable to look at her any longer, my attention turned blindly to the game. Fourth quarter had started, I realized numbly. Seth’s team had a solid lead by twenty-one points. Soon the game would be over. Everyone would leave to head home with their loved ones and I couldn’t help thinking that Belle would leave with Seth. Taking him to a home I’d never been a part of, invited to, or even welcome at. It tore me up inside to realize all that I’d missed in their lives. The day Seth was born. His first steps. His first words. I’d missed my son’s first everything.
Her small voice cut through my thoughts, “What do we do now, Bobby? I don’t expect you to drop your life for a kid you’ve never known about. I’ll do whatever it is you want me to, just please don’t take my baby away from me.”
My head was filled with a million things I couldn’t possibly process at the moment. The only thought I could latch onto was that hell would freeze over before Belle kept me away from my son a minute more than was necessary.
With a voice sounding one octave above ice, I answered her, “You’re not keeping me from him. That’s my boy out there and I’ll be damned if he won’t know his father from here on out.”
I watched the tears continue to stream down her face, although silently now, as she nodded her head in acceptance. “Okay, Bobby.” She hesitated. “But can we hold off on telling him tonight? Maybe you can come by the house tomorrow so we can talk to him then? He’s going to be exhausted by the time we finally get home.”
I stood there, my heart hammering away in my chest. “I’ll be there tomorrow morning. Text me your address so I can use the GPS to find you. And I swear, by all that’s Holy, your ass better be at the house with my boy tomorrow. If I get there and find out that you’ve run off on me again, I will hunt you down to the ends of this earth and you will pay in ways you will never recover from. You get me?”
She nodded back woodenly.
Unable to look at her a moment longer, I turned my gaze back to the boys on the field. Contemplating how one person could feel so many different things at the same time? I was furious she’d kept the knowledge of Seth from me. I was suddenly terrified at the idea of being a father. A father to a teenage son no less. That period in a boy’s life when they had more hormones than common sense.
If I weren’t so disgusted with her, I could almost respect her for being so gung-ho about raising our boy alone, with no help except—presumably—for Miss Reba; one frail woman suffering from cancer. The thing was the two of them should have never been alone; they should have been with me. They were supposed to be my family and she had denied me of that.
Where would this lead us all now? Suddenly Seth was going to have a father in his life; one who hadn’t been around all this time. Would he be mad at me because I hadn’t been there for him? Or would he understand that I couldn’t make up for the past, but I would always be a solid presence in his future?
The rustle of movement told me that Belle had stood up to wipe the grass from the legs of her jeans. “I’ll text you the address, Bobby. We’ll see you in the morning. I’ve got to get back to the team now, but you’re more than welcome to finish watching the game. You might enjoy seeing how much Seth is just like you on the field.” Without saying another word, she walked quietly away. Leaving me to my sullen solitude.
Minutes passed before a set of heavier footsteps walked up to me. I knew, without looking up, it was Declan.
“You okay, man?”
Eyes now glued to Seth on the field, I stood there considering the question. There was no easy way to answer it. “That’s my boy out there, Declan. My son.”
Declan considered him. “Yeah, I already guessed since he looks like a little Bobby mini-me. That’s a pretty big bombshell to drop on a guy’s lap. How’re you handling it so far?”
Shaking my head, I looked up at the stars to consider how I wanted to voice the screaming thoughts in my head.
“How could she not tell me, Declan? How could she carry him in her body—under the heart she swore was mine—then give birth to our son, raise him, and never even let me know? What kind of fuckin’ person does that?” I growled, my throat and eyes clogged with unshed tears.
A few silent minutes passed before Declan cleared his throat as if he were uncomfortable. “Can I speak freely with you, man?” I nodded. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I can see why she would have. I don’t agree with it, but I can see the misguided why of it. You told me you broke up with her, right? Well, I’m guessing she hated the thought of what you might say when she felt you didn’t want her. She was young, scared, and not sure what to do. She did what her less than wise teenage brain felt was best at the time.” At the cold look I shot him, he held up his hands to hold me off. “I’m not saying I agree with what she did, or that it was right, but I could damn sure understand why she did it, if I put myself in her shoes at the time. Is she going to let you be a part of his life now?”
“Yeah,” I croaked. “I’m supposed to head over there tomorrow morning so we can talk to him.” A million scenarios ran through my head on how that might go. For the first time in years, I was scared of an unknown situation. You could send me alone into a terrorist camp in Afghanistan and I wouldn’t blink an eye at the mission, but having to face one fourteen-year-old boy had my stomach in knots. “Do you think he’ll like me, Declan?”
Declan punched me in the arm. “Are you kidding me, man? Once he gets to know you, I’ll bet he’ll love the hell out of you. Congratulations, man! You’ve got a kid and you didn’t even have to change a shitty diaper.”
I barked a surprised laugh and then looked over at Declan. “Yeah, I’ve got a kid. Who would have thought I’d ever be a dad? Believe it or not, though, I would have given anything to change that shitty diaper. What kind of dad is this going to make me after I’ve missed so much in his life?”
Declan snorted. “Wait. You’ll see. You’re going to be the best dad because you won’t take a minute with him for granted. More importantly, I’ll be the awesome Uncle Declan. Can I teach him how to shoot a sniper rifle?”
I laughed at the idiot next to me while watching my son’s team win the game. Belle was right, Seth looked a lot like me playing on the field and, even though I was still upset, the future suddenly looked a little brighter than it had in a long time. I couldn’t wait to tell my parents. They were going to be ecstatic over Seth. Life might end up being pretty damn good after all, even if Belle was no longer where I’d originally pictured her in it. It was amazing how your heart could feel so full and yet shattered at the same time.