Epilogue
Nina
I woke up in a sweat and sat up straight in bed with my curls damp and pasted to my forehead. It was that nightmare again.
A vision of Cole at the other end of a crowded room, me on stage with my band, catching sight of Cole’s hand grazing Rosalie’s waist. Them leaning close together, Rosalie smiling, laughing at something that Cole had said. Him whispering something in her ear. Me jumping off the stage, running towards them and yet never coming even close to them. Me still running, still screaming, calling out for Cole, but he doesn’t even turn to look at me. He doesn’t even know that I’m there. Rosalie laughing still, Cole reaching out to tuck in her hair behind her ear, grabbing her face between his hands, squeezing her cheeks before he covers her mouth with his. I’m shrieking still, tears streaking down my cheeks. I want to call out to him, tell him I’m still here. That I love him and don’t want to lose him, but Cole doesn’t even turn. He doesn’t know I’m there. Nobody knows I’m there. Nobody knows who I am.
I shook my head, to drive the remnant thoughts of the nightmare out of my head. I turned to my side and saw the empty bed. Cole’s side of the bed was cold. He had called me at the last minute, after I had already set the table for dinner; to tell me that he needed to stay home that night. He was going to have to burn the midnight oil trying to close a business deal. He had phone calls to make to Germany.
I slid my damp warm legs off the bed and stood up on wobbly feet. I got this nightmare every night that I didn’t spend with Cole. The same one, over and over again. This constant fear, even after eleven months of being with him, that one day he was going to leave me for another woman. That I was never going to be good enough for him.
I went into the bathroom and washed my face with cold water, when I looked up at my reflection in the mirror, I felt like my skin was peeling off, my lips were dry, there were dark circles under my eyes. When was the last time I had slept an entire night’s worth of sleep? Probably three nights ago, when I spent the night in Cole’s house. Being with him was driving me nuts, and the last thing I could do was tell Cole what was going on. I couldn’t have him know just how insecure and untrusting I was of him.
xxx
“I need to do that last bit again,” I said into the microphone. I was sitting on a stool, in the small soundproof room of the recording studio. Across from me, through the glass wall, I saw my sister walk in and take a seat behind Liam, the sound editor, who was helping me record the songs.
“Actually, lets take five,” I said and hung up the enormous earphones and jumped off the stool. I walked out of the room and straight into Clara’s arms. She had been away to Europe for several weeks, overseeing one of Cole’s projects. He was training her to take up a position in his London offices. His end goal was to scale back his need to travel to London as often, and allow Clara to take up that responsibility.
It had been six months since she started working for his firm, and they were getting along really well. It wasn’t my idea to get Cole to hire Clara, he had come up with it all by himself after I had introduced them over dinner one night at my place. They hit it off and my sister had never been this professionally happy before.
“You look well, slightly pale, but very well,” I said into Clara’s hair as we hugged. Clara was gushing when I pulled away from her.
“And you look excited. I heard some of your song, it’s coming along very well,” she said and squeezed my shoulder.
“It’s taking time though. I’ve spent the past four months on this album, and only managed to record three songs yet,” I said to her, taking in a deep breath.
“These things take time,” she countered and I shrugged my shoulders.
“And money…Cole’s money,” I said, looking away from her.
“He wants you to be happy. This is what you’ve always wanted to do, this is what you’re good at. You should take this opportunity, sis. Mom and dad are so proud of you,” Clara said, as we walked out of the studio arms entwined. I leaned my head on her shoulder and sighed.
We hadn’t said anything to each other for several moments, before Clara pulled away from me and fixed her eyes on me worryingly.
“Are you still thinking about that? Do you still have those nightmares?” she asked and I didn’t want to meet her eyes. I had told her about them in a moment of desperation. I was hoping that she had forgotten about them. Cole was the ideal boyfriend. I knew I had no reason to worry. He was doing everything he could to prove himself to be worthy of me. When I didn’t reply, she had her answer.
“I don’t want you to force yourself to do something you don’t want to do, but Cole is perfect for you, Nina. And I’m not just saying that because he’s my boss,” she said and rolled her eyes. I forced myself to laugh at that.
“I know he is, and I can’t even begin to describe to you how much I love him. All this fear, these nightmares, stem from how I feel about him,” I told her and Clara nodded her head.
“Then trust him. Enjoy what you have with him. There is no greater joy than to be in love, and he is in love with you. Treasure what you have, sis,” Clara said, and it was only when she was done talking that I noticed the happy expression on her face.
“What’s going on? Why are you saying these things to me?” I asked her and Clara’s face erupted in a full-fledged smile. She couldn’t keep it in any longer.
“I’ve met someone, in London, Nina. I’m in love,” she giggled and my hands rose to my mouth. I was so happy for her. Clara was exactly like me. I knew how difficult it was for her to open her heart to someone. We were laughing and hugging in no time, she was gushing and I was excited.
“Who is he? What’s his name? Tell me all about him!” I screeched and Clara continued to laugh.
“Richard Collingwood. He’s English, partner at a law firm. I met him because I was looking for representation for our firm in the UK. We were working together for a few days before he asked me out. He’s absolutely gorgeous and charming and a complete gentleman,” Clara was rushing with her words, trying to fit it all in one go.
“I’m so happy for you, Clara. This is amazing. When can we meet him?” I said, clapping my hands.
“Maybe you should come to London with Cole next month. We could all have dinner together. He’s dying to meet you too, he’s heard all about you,” she said excitedly. I bit down on my lip. A trip to London would be nice. I’d never been before and it could be a nice little surprise for Cole too. He’d been urging me to travel with him.
“Maybe I will. I have to go back to my recording now. Will I see you later, maybe for dinner at mine tonight?” I said to her, and gave her a quick peck on her cheek.
“I have to go see Cole now, I have a meeting with him in half an hour. Dinner at yours sounds like a good plan. See you then, sis,” Clara said, while waving and walking away from me. I remained standing, waving at her as I watched her getting into her car parked at the side of the road.
I was smiling by the time she drove away, still happy about how excited she was about her new man. This guy would have to be awesome for Clara to open up to him, to be this much in love. It had reminded me of how much in love I was with Cole. I took in a deep breath and relaxed my shoulders. My sister was right, it was time to look ahead. It was time to take it to the next step. I was going to tell Cole that I was ready to move in with him.
xxx
“…and then I found a love letter waiting for me at my desk the next morning,” Clara was gushing. She was sitting across the table from Cole and myself. I was smiling at her, beginning to feel a little nervous now as the night went on.
It wasn’t until several moments later that I felt Cole’s hand seek mine out. He squeezed my hand and let it remain on my lap. The glass of whiskey was in his hand, and he swirled the ice around in the amber liquid. I looked at his profile, the sharpness of his jaw and his nose, the strength in his face, the stubble on his chin. He was still the most handsome man I had seen. He was still capable of setting my body on fire with just one look.
Clara must have caught me looking dazedly at Cole, because she suddenly stood up from the dining table.
“Thanks for the meal, sis, I’ll help clear the table up,” she said and started picking up plates and dishes.
“I’ll help you,” Cole said and made to stand up, but I jerked him back down.
“No, stay, Clara can manage,” I whispered to him and Cole turned to face me, his brows slightly crossed.
“Everything okay, baby?” he asked and brushed my cheek with the back of his hand. His gray eyes were piercing my soul with that gaze, and the back of my neck grew hot. It was difficult for me to admit that I was willing to take our relationship to the next step. I was nervous of what I was committing to. But I was sure of it now. Cole was the man for me.
Clara was giving us some privacy, trying to stay out of earshot but my apartment was too small for her to be completely out of the way. In the small confines of my place, Cole always appeared too big and monstrous, his height shooting up to the ceiling, his shoulders broad and heavy. He was still looking at me, he had picked up on my nerve-wracking vibes.
“I have something I want to say to you tonight,” I said in a stammering voice, and I bit down on my lip. I had been with him for nearly a year, and I had never loved a man as much as I loved Cole. There was no reason to hold back any longer.
“Before you say anything, my love, I want to confess something,” Cole said and my heart stopped. My mouth fell open and suddenly, my shuddering heart was convinced that he was going to reveal something horrible to me. I was retreating into myself already, as Cole reached out and held my hand in his.
“I want you to know that I have never loved anyone before, not even close to how I feel about you, Nina,” he said, looking me straight in the eye. I was just about managing to hold his gaze. I gulped, afraid of what was going to come next. What had he done? What truth was he going to confess now?
“You have changed my life, just by being there for me, and I just can’t get enough of you,” he continued and I still waited with baited breath, preparing myself to hear the worst.
“I know you want to take things slow and I want to give you time, but I can’t keep lying to myself any more, baby,” he said and a soft whimper escaped my lips. He was breaking up with me! In front of my sister!
“I want you to be my wife. I don’t want to push you. I want to give you time to think about it and I’ll wait forever if it takes that long for you to make a decision,” Cole said, and I watched in terror as he slid off the chair and got down on one knee in front of me.
My mouth was hanging open now, and behind me, I could sense Clara losing her mind. Cole was looking up at me, with a wide smile breaking on his face. He had already started to extract a small blue velvet box from the pocket of his pants. He flipped it open as I stared at him, wordlessly. A sparkling teardrop shaped diamond, lined with smaller pink diamonds on the band. It sparkled violently in the dim light of my kitchen.
“Nina? Please tell me you’ll consider it,” I heard his voice again and I gasped. My hands flew to my mouth and at a loss for words or action, I slid off the chair and got down to my knees with him.
“I was going to say I’m ready Cole. I’m ready to move in with you,” I screeched and threw my arms around his neck. I felt his arms close in on me, hold me to himself. I could feel that I was crying, sticky fat tears were rolling in lumps down my cheeks.
“And this? Will you marry me? Or is it too soon? Hell knows I want to be with you forever, my love, I don’t want to spend a single waking moment without you,” Cole’s face was hardened and dark, he was glaring at me, like he was holding his breath to hear my answer.
“Yes, Cole, yes, I will marry you. In a heartbeat. I’ve been so stupid for making us wait this long. I knew the first night I met you that I wanted to be your wife,” I shrieked and we were kissing. Clara was clapping and jumping with joy behind us.
Cole’s lips were on mine, our bodies were pressed together, and with our mouths still fused, I felt him seek out my hand and slip the ring on to my finger. When we pulled away, we were out of breath.
“I didn’t know what you were going to say, Nina. I was so afraid that you still didn’t trust me, that you wouldn’t want to do this,” he said and I shook my head, the tears streaking my ruddy cheeks.
“I don’t want to do anything else. I want to marry you, Cole. I want to be with you forever,” I said, overwhelmed by the rapture of my truest feelings. My fairytale ending was actually happening. It was all coming true.