Chapter 17
When Rosalie came home from class, she was looking forward to a night of vegging on the couch, watching movies with Vanessa, but Vanessa wasn’t home. A heavy weight settled on Rosalie’s shoulders, and she dragged her feet until she made it into her room, closing and locking the door behind her. Unbidden, tears slid down her cheeks. It made her angry because they seemed to be broken, just leaking whenever they wanted. It made her feel weak that she couldn’t even control her own body. Being weak was one thing, but being unworthy…
That was how Eric had made her feel. No. That was how Eric’s mother had made her feel. All she could think was that it had somehow finally gotten through Eric’s head, too, and he was waking up to see what his mother had wanted him to all along. It hurt, but it made her glad that she’d given him the six months to think about whether or not he wanted to really be with her. Something told Rosalie that this was going to be the deepest cut that she’d ever had, and she didn’t know what to do to try to start healing. She threw herself down on her bed and let all the tears she’d built up come flowing out of her. At some point, she must have fallen asleep, because when she woke up it was dark outside. She saw the clock on her nightstand, and it told her that it was five minutes till midnight. Five minutes until her birthday. She checked her cell phone. No missed calls, texts, or emails. Fresh tears threatened that Eric hadn’t even gotten a hold of her. She was left to assume that he would now never talk to her again, and that she should just move on. Rosalie burrowed down into her blanket and had to flip the pillow over so she had a dry place to sleep.
When the sun came up, Rosalie had tossed and turned until she had bags the size of golf balls under her eyes. Her pillow was wet on both sides from her tears, and she felt like she weighed five hundred pounds. She didn’t want to move, didn’t want to get up, didn’t want to live. She rolled over and the sun hit her in the face. Rosalie hissed and rolled the other way, trying to find comfort in her blanket by wrapping herself in a cocoon. It was around ten that there was an insistent knock on the door. Rosalie groaned.
“Go away.” The knocking resumed. Rosalie just wanted to be left alone, and this person wasn’t getting the hint. She popped her head out from under the blanket and growled audibly. There was a chuckle on the other side of the door, muffled by the wood, then more knocking. “I said go away!” Her voice was raw from crying, and she buried her head in the blanket again, letting a single tear slide down her cheek. The handle of the door rattled, then turned. Vanessa came in, grinning like an idiot and holding up a bobby pin.
“You know, it’s not hard to get in if I really want to. I was just making sure that you were decent.” The lump of blankets moved just enough to let a hand come snaking out. That hand promptly gave Vanessa the finger, which only made her laugh. “Oh, come on, you. It’s your birthday and we’re going to do it right.” She seized the blanket and gave it a might tug. Rosalie was shocked, but she kept her senses enough to grab the blanket before it was completely gone.
“I don’t care that it’s my birthday. It’s the worst day in the world. Please just go away.” She tried to get her blanket back, but Vanessa wasn’t giving it to her.
“Well that’s just too bad because you have somewhere to be.”
“Yeah, here, under my blanket, in peace and quiet so no one can see me cry.” Grumbling wasn’t getting her anywhere apparently, so Rosalie decided to try sympathy. “I just want to be left alone, ok? I’ve lost the most important thing to me right now, and I just want to sulk until I can find a face that I can put on in front of other people. I can’t face anyone else right now.” Vanessa’s face was impassive, and she just stared at Rosalie.
“Like I said, you have somewhere to be. Get up, or you’re going in your pajamas.” Rosalie didn’t doubt that Vanessa would drag her out in her pajamas, so she decided that even though she might have lost this battle, she wasn’t down and out yet.
“Fine. Get out so I can change.” Vanessa pumped her fist in victory and was made to leave. She paused in the doorway.
“And don’t think that you can just lock me out. We already know that won’t work.” She giggled as she waved the bobby pin at Rosalie. The latter was trying to come up with a way to snatch it and lock the door anyway. “Stop looking at me like that. Even if you get this one, I have plenty more.” Damn. There went that plan. Rosalie just waved an irritated hand at Vanessa, who ducked out and closed the door behind her. Why did the world have to be against her today? It was the one day out of the year when things were supposed to be going her way, and the world decided it was going to have a little fun and do the opposite. Rosalie stalked over to her little window and looked out. Everyone looked happy. The quad was full of people laughing and talking, hanging out between classes. She hated them. She hated them all. The light had gone out of her own world, and the tiny pinprick that was Vanessa couldn’t be found unless you knew exactly where to look. She spared it a glance, seeing that it was doing its best to burn brightly and illuminate the area around it, but Rosalie was still lost in the darkness. She walked over to the closet and absentmindedly flipped through her clothes, coming up with a pair of jeans and a sweater. She didn’t even care if they matched or not, she just couldn’t be bothered. She ran a brush through her hair and threw it up in a ponytail. Opening the door to her bedroom brought her face to face with Vanessa.
“I’m going to brush my teeth. Give me some space, sheesh.” Vanessa was indeed looking like she was about to go running after her to make sure that she didn’t just disappear. To her credit, she left Rosalie alone. Apparently, seeing the jeans and sweater made her trust Rosalie enough to brush her teeth. She was dressed, so she must be cooperating, right? Wrong. Rosalie was dressed and she was going to brush her teeth, and Vanessa was going to take her wherever they were supposed to go, but she was bound and determined to be sullen and unhappy through it all. Whatever it was. When she got to the coed bathroom, she saw a guy standing in front of the mirror shaving, and it made her heart skip a beat. Rosalie froze in the doorway. The guy looked like Eric…a little anyway. The pain came slamming back, threatening to spiral her down into an abyss, but then the physical pain of the door closing on her heels snapped her back to reality. She steered for an open sink as far away from him as she could possibly get, then got very interested in the preciseness of putting toothpaste on her brush. She stared at herself, into her own eyes actually, the whole time she was brushing her teeth. When the door opened and closed again, she used every ounce of willpower in her not to turn around and see if the boy had left. She finished up and left the bathroom, coming back to see Vanessa waiting by the couch with her coat and keys. Rosalie rolled her eyes.
“You really can be annoying sometimes, you know that?” Her voice came out a little gruff, but she couldn’t help it. Part of it was still raw from all the crying, and the other part was irritated anger. Whether it was righteous anger or not, it was still there. Vanessa gave her a mock bow, acknowledging that yes, indeed, she was irritating, but that she was damn proud of it, too. “Why are you so intent on dragging me out today? You know that I feel like crap already. If you were really my friend, you would let me wallow in pity in my own bed.”
“Nope. I’m not a pushover girl, I’m a delivery girl. Let’s go.” That made no sense to Rosalie at all, but she didn’t want to expend the energy it would take to figure it out.
“Whatever. Take me to the torture you have planned.” Vanessa’s face grew slack and she snapped to attention, like a soldier, saluting Rosalie and holding her coat out for her. Rosalie rolled her eyes and shimmied into the coat, grumbling under her breath. Vanessa took her role as escort very seriously. She stuck out her arm, bent at the elbow, as if she were a gentleman escorting a lady in eighteenth century England. Rosalie chose to ignore it, instead gesturing that Vanessa should lead so she could follow. The girls made it to Vanessa’s car, and Vanessa tucked her in before slamming the door. “Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”
“Nope. It’s not my right.” Rosalie growled under her breath again, crossed her arms over her chest, and glared out of the window. Vanessa was in a jovial mood. She turned on the radio and started to sing along. Her voice wasn’t perfect, but it was pleasant, and this time she was grossly over exaggerating, making it sound much worse than it was. Rosalie rolled her eyes. She’d decided that it was better not to say anything at all. If she did, Vanessa would just spin something positive on it, and she didn’t want any positivity at the moment. She really just wanted to get the hell out of this car and crawl into a hole where no one could find her. Vanessa turned towards a road that she recognized, and her heart started to thump painfully in her chest. She was sure that it was beating loud enough that Vanessa could hear it as she slowly turned her head towards her friend.
“Where are we going?” Vanessa just shrugged. “I demand that you tell me right now!” Rosalie’s voice shook with anger and fear, and Vanessa frowned at her. She’d sworn not to ruin the surprise, but her friend was really starting to get upset. What should she do?
“It’s going to be ok, Rose. I promise. Can you trust me?” If that question would have been asked at any other time or location, Rosalie would answer yes with full confidence. As it was, Vanessa was driving her towards Eric’s neighborhood, even after she’d poured her heart out and told her how much it had hurt when he’d decided that he deserved a social princess. Rosalie was starting to think of jumping out of the car at the first available stop sign or red light. She reached for the door handle. Vanessa saw it and hit the lock button. “I know you’re mad right now, but trust me, this needs to be done.”
Fear flooded into Rosalie. She was taking her to Eric’s house so that he could officially break up with her in person. That way she wouldn’t have to worry about getting home because she had a friend with a car right there. Oh she was slick! That meant that she’d coordinated with Eric for all of this! Pain and betrayal swept through her all over again, ripping what little dignity and stability she had left out of her. Vanessa pulled up in front of Eric’s house, opened the door, and dragged Rosalie out before slamming the door and driving off.