Chapter Seven
Julia was shaking so hard by the time she reached her office that she feared she might collapse. She grabbed the edge of her desk for support and gradually eased herself into her chair. Still trembling uncontrollably, she bent over at the waist, hiding her face in her hands, and struggled to take deep, calming breaths like the ones she practiced so faithfully in her daily yoga classes. After several minutes of this, she felt a bit more in control and was able to think in a more rational manner, not the panicked alarm mode she’d been in ever since realizing that Nate Atwood – the co-owner of this firm and Travis’ business partner – was by some horrendous twist of fate the same Nathan who’d fucked her senseless last fall.
She’d cried for days after leaving his hotel room, a myriad of emotions ravaging her thoughts – sadness, anger, longing, hurt. One minute she’d be furious at his betrayal, the next she’d be wishing with all her heart that she was back in his arms. The sex – she refused now to call it lovemaking – had without question been the best she’d ever had, the orgasms he’d given her with such ease the strongest she’d ever experienced. The whole night she’d spent with Nathan had been almost dreamlike in its beauty, in the perfect synchronicity she’d had with him.
Her heart and her spirit had both been badly broken after that night for she’d recognized that if things had been different a relationship between her and Nathan could have been amazing. She’d connected with him on so many different levels, even without knowing anything about him. She had fallen into a deep depression after that night with him, a condition that had only been made worse by the unfortunate series of events that had befallen her afterwards – the attempted rape by Vanessa’s boyfriend, her subsequent firing and difficulty in finding a new job, the tough but necessary decision to leave New York and move back home. Her parents had been deeply concerned about her during her stay with them, and Lauren had done her damndest to get her to open up about what had upset her. Under duress, not to mention the affects of too many shots of single malt Scotch, she’d finally sobbed out part of the story to her twin, but hadn’t revealed the name of the lover who’d broken her heart. Julia had been too mortified to admit to her sister that she didn’t even know his last name, and Lauren had already been on the verge of a rampage as it was.
And now fate had brought them together again, a fact she was having a great deal of trouble coming to terms with. How had she never put two and two together and figured that Nate was evidently a nickname for Nathan? Why, when applying for this job, had she never bothered to research Atwood Headley’s website, where a photo of Nathan would have certainly been included? And how were they going to manage to work together after what had happened in New York? Though judging by Nathan’s cool, composed reaction to “meeting” her in Travis’s office, he was going to have no problem in maintaining a strictly professional manner in her presence. He had certainly appeared to handle the shock far better than she had.
Julia was more than a little miffed at this realization, wondering how he could appear so formal and unaffected by meeting again when she herself felt torn apart, her stomach churning bitterly. She knew she’d done a very poor job of disguising her shock and dismay at seeing him again, and it must have been her own reactions that had raised Travis’ suspicions. She wondered what if anything Nathan might have said to him after she left, though she highly doubted he would ever discuss what had happened last September with anyone. But it was certainly possible that even now he was telling Travis they had met before, and that working together was going to be an impossibility. God, what if Travis decided he couldn’t offer her a job after all? She’d just signed a year’s lease on her new flat, moved all of her things up, and was starting to settle in. Would she even be able to find another job here in San Francisco if it came to that? She was just going to have to hope that Nathan kept quiet about what had happened last September, and realize that he had as much to lose as she potentially did if the truth was revealed.
Somehow she summoned up enough focus to return to the project she’d been working on earlier today. She’d missed working, loving the design work she did. It was her own form of artistic expression, her particular individual talent in a family comprised of artists of one sort or another. Her father – Robert – had himself been an architect of great renown until he’d explored another passion of his – designing and building furniture – and made that his primary focus. Her mother was the world famous painter Natalie Benoit, whose landscapes and seascapes graced the walls of many top galleries and private collections. Natalie didn’t paint much anymore, devoting most of her time to the world class gallery she herself owned in Carmel instead. Natalie’s twin Madelyn had been a fashion designer at three different houses in New York, Paris, and Milan before turning her focus to merchandising. And Julia’s twin Lauren was a professional photographer, graduating at the top of her class from UCLA’s film school before being recruited by National Geographic.
Julia was also something of an artist, certainly not on the same scale as her mother, and she preferred sketching with pen and charcoal to painting. She’d spent many peaceful hours while staying with her parents the past several weeks drawing and dabbling, with the incredible views from the oceanfront home in the Carmel Highlands her father had designed and built serving as inspiration. Robert had framed several of those sketches for her, and she’d hung them in her new office.
Once again blissfully absorbed in her work, the shrill ring of her office phone startled her. Since she’d only been here a scant week, she’d had very few calls so far.
“Julia McKinnon,” she answered professionally.
The caller didn’t identify himself but she knew his voice intimately. “We need to talk,” Nathan stated bluntly. “I want you in my office at 5:45 this afternoon. Is that a problem for you?”
She almost flinched at the terseness of his tone, the barely repressed anger that simmered at the surface. Her spine stiffened, outraged that he would be mad at her considering the circumstances, but she only replied stiffly, “Not a problem. I’ll see you then.”
He disconnected the call without further comment, and she replaced the receiver, her hands beginning to shake again. Damn the man for having this effect on her, for rattling her otherwise perfectly composed nature, she thought in annoyance.
A quick glance at her watch revealed that there was still nearly an hour until she was to meet Nathan. Most people – herself included – typically left the office between five and five-thirty, so she assumed he’d chosen the slightly later time to ensure they weren’t seen together. She struggled to focus on her project now, her concentration once again shattered because of Nathan. After several fruitless minutes, she gave up and carefully put all the materials away. Julia was a neat freak, very fastidious about putting everything back into its proper place, and having a tidy work space. It was like that at her apartment as well - everything perfectly put together and organized, especially with her clothes, shoes and bags.
She spent the remaining time until her enforced meeting with Nathan by answering some emails she’d been too busy to deal with lately – to Aunt Maddy, Gerard, Sam, and Lauren, who was currently climbing some mountain peak in Tanzania for a photo assignment.
At precisely 5:40pm, she powered down her laptop and stored it away, then walked in what she hoped was a confident and assured manner toward Nathan’s office. She was relieved to see that Robyn was gone for the day, as were most of the others in the office.
Julia stood silently in the doorway of Nathan’s office for long seconds, watching him unobserved as he worked. Her heart ached in spite of her better judgment as she took in his gorgeous face, the thickness of his rich, dark brown hair, the way his pale blue dress shirt strained across his broad chest and shoulders. She remembered in vivid detail how well defined his pecs and biceps were, how warm his skin had been beneath her hands and lips, how he’d groaned when she’d taken him into her mouth and -
He glanced up then and saw her, and their gazes locked in much the same way they had that very first time on Park Avenue. This time, though, he didn’t smile at her, merely beckoned her inside almost brusquely.
“Close the door behind you, and take a seat. I’ll be right with you.” His voice was terse as he finished whatever he was doing on his computer.
Julia walked slowly into his office and sat in one of the chairs facing his desk. She gave the office a quick, assessing glance, liking the overall space with its gleaming hardwood floors, the natural light that streamed in from the windows, the big mahogany desk, and the various pieces of art. She might have added a slightly edgier, more modern vibe to what was overall a rather traditionally decorated room, but couldn’t fault the design per se.
She was studying the various framed certificates hung on the wall above his credenza – his diploma from UC Berkeley, his certification from the AIA, awards he’d won – when he finally spoke.
“How did you find me?”
Julia’s head swung to meet his gaze in disbelief. “Excuse me?”
Nathan leaned back in his desk chair, regarding her across the wide expanse of mahogany, with an expression of barely checked anger. “Come on, Julia. You don’t really expect me to believe that your working here is some sort of wild coincidence, do you? The only logical explanation is that you somehow found out who I was and where I worked, and was lucky enough that there was a job opening. The only real coincidence is that you happen to be an interior designer and that I co-own an architectural design firm.”
She stared back at him, appalled by his arrogance. “Are you kidding? Even assuming that I was able to figure out who you were – Mr. No Last Name, No Occupation, No City of Residence – why would you think I’d want to see you again, much less work with you?”
He shrugged, but his composure looked a bit less cocksure than it had. “Revenge, obsession. Maybe a little of both.”
Julia smirked. “Really? You think I somehow managed to find out your name – by what means I have no idea – then stalked you several thousand miles across the country because I wanted to get back at you? Or worse, because I craved another fuck? Sorry, you weren’t that good.”
Nathan’s eyes narrowed and shot out sparks of light blue fire. “That’s not what you said that night.”
Enraged, she got to her feet, leaning over his desk. “As I recall, both of us said a lot of things that night. But one of us intentionally neglected to say the one thing that would have instantly put a stop to everything else – something along the lines of ‘by the way, I’m already spoken for’.”
He winced at the angry lash of her words. “I deserve that, I suppose. But that still doesn’t explain how you found me or why you followed me cross country.”
She let out a rather undignified hoot of laughter. “For real, Nathan? You’ve still got me pegged as some Fatal Attraction-like stalker? Well, think on this one. I’m normally not a vain person, but I’m not naïve, either. I know I’m hot. Men have been telling me that since I was twelve. If I wanted a man that badly all I’d really need to do would be to walk inside the nearest bar or club or even a grocery store, and let nature take its course. It would take little to no effort on my part to get whatever man I wanted. And he sure as hell wouldn’t be one who’s already taken.”
Julia could almost see steam rising out of his ears as he, too, surged to his feet and glared at her.
“Then explain to me how this could have happened,” he demanded. “If you didn’t know who I was, and you didn’t come here because of me, how and why are you here?”
Aware that her legs were shaking again, she sank back to her chair and took several deep, calming breaths. “I needed a job, and I knew Travis through a mutual acquaintance, “she explained quietly. “We spoke on the phone and arranged for me to interview with him. And here I am. Nothing more sinister or complicated than that.”
Nathan frowned, clearly not satisfied with her explanation. “Why would a native New Yorker just pull up stakes and move clear across the country for a job? I would have imagined there were plenty of design jobs in Manhattan. And why did you need a job in the first place?”
She clasped and unclasped her hands nervously, not really wanting to have this particular conversation with him and knowing she’d need to choose her words carefully. “I’m actually a native Californian. I grew up in Carmel, and my family still lives there. I only lived in New York for a few years after college. And I’d been thinking of moving back to the West Coast for awhile. Things at my job hadn’t been comfortable for months.”
“Go on. Why did you leave your old job?” He sat back down in his chair.
Julia sighed, silently damning his persistence. “My boss hated me. Call it professional jealousy, who really knows, but she never wanted to hire me from the beginning. Her former partner was the one who hired me on, and mentored me. Has Travis ever mentioned someone named Gerard?”
Nathan nodded. “Of course. I’ve actually met Gerard once or twice when he came out here for a visit. He was your boss?”
“Yes. He and my aunt were classmates in college and remained friends. Gerard brought me on as an intern right after I graduated, and then hired me full time. Things were great until he had a bad breakup and decided to leave New York far behind, including his share in the company. Then everything sort of went to hell very quickly.”
“This boss of yours – the one you claimed hated you. Just out of curiosity, how old is she?”
Julia shrugged. “Early to mid forties, I’m not exactly sure. Why?”
He gave a short, humorless laugh. “And you really wonder why she disliked you? I’m sure professional jealousy was a big part of it – Travis told me you’ve already won several design awards. But I’m just guessing she was also wildly jealous of you as a woman. As you so succinctly phrased it, you’re hot. If your former boss was almost twenty years older than you I doubt she enjoyed being reminded of that fact every day.”
She felt her cheeks flush. “I’m not sure her reasons for disliking me really matter. The point is that she basically made working there extremely unpleasant for me and I’d been thinking about finding another job for some time before she -.” Her voice trailed off, unwilling to reveal any more information.
“Before she what?” he persisted. “Did she fire you, Julia? And be honest. You know I can find this out very easily from Travis, and I know you’re smart enough not to have lied to him about something like this.”
She nodded, keeping her eyes downcast, afraid of giving too much away if he saw her face. “Yes, she fired me. And made it very, very difficult for me to find a job anywhere on the East Coast. Vanessa knows a lot of other designers and made sure to spread the word quickly that they shouldn’t even consider hiring me. Moving back to California soon became my best option.”
“You realize you’re avoiding the real question, don’t you? You need to tell me why she fired you, Julia. Again, I can find out the truth from Travis but I’d rather hear it from you.”
She closed her eyes, having been afraid all along that he would insist on knowing this information and not at all eager to re-hash the trauma she’d suffered yet again. “Please, Nathan. It’s not something I really want to talk about, okay?”
“Too bad. If you got fired for the wrong reason, then as the co-owner of this company I damn well need to know about it. And if I’m not satisfied with the reason, I’ll insist that Travis release you.”
Julia gasped, her gaze flying up to his. “You’d really do that? My God, I know you don’t want to work with me, but you have no idea how hard it was for me to find a job, Nathan. I had to move back in with my parents for the past couple of months while I was looking for a new position. Please don’t take this away from me.”
His expression softened at her plea but he was still insistent. “Just tell me, Julia. How bad can it be? I mean, if it was something really bad like embezzlement I’m guessing your ex-boss would have pressed charges.’
She shook her head. “No, it wasn’t anything like that. It was – oh, God, this is really hard for me. I’ve tried to just forget about it.” To her horror, she felt tears begin to trickle hotly down her cheeks and she brushed them away impatiently.
Nathan’s expression turned to one of concern, almost alarm. “Jesus, what the hell happened? How bad could it have been to make you cry?”
Once again she refused to meet his eyes, staring down at the floor as she haltingly related the story about the night Philip had attacked her in the office. She kept the details to the bare minimum but Nathan heard enough of the sordid tale to push himself away from his desk and surge to his feet in a rage.
“What’s this fucker’s name?” he demanded as he began to pace back and forth behind his desk.
She was sobbing quietly by now, her whole body quivering as she wrapped her arms around her midsection. “Philip. I’m not sure of his last name. It’s Russian or Czech, something long and complicated. What difference does it make?”
“Because I’m about five minutes away from booking a flight to New York, finding this guy, and cutting his balls off,” Nathan said harshly. “How badly did he hurt you, Julia?”
She covered her face with her hands, trying vainly to stem the flow of her tears. “Nathan, please. I really don’t want to talk about this anymore. It’s obviously very upsetting to have to relive that night again.”
He walked around the side of the desk to kneel in front of her, his hand cupping her cheek, his thumb brushing away her tears. “I’m sorry, baby. Sorry that I wasn’t there to prevent something like that from happening, to protect you, to kick that bastard’s ass into the Hudson River. Just answer this one last question, and then I promise we’ll never talk about it again.”
Her bottom lip quivered and he clasped her hands tightly in his as she shook her head. “God, this is hard. I still have nightmares sometimes.”
He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. “It’s okay, baby. You’re safe now. No one is going to hurt you again. Now just tell me what I want to know and the subject will stay closed after that.”
Julia took a deep breath before murmuring in a barely audible voice. “He – he split my lip. My jaw and cheekbones were bruised. One black eye. Three cracked ribs. Scratches and bruises in too many places to count. That’s about it.”
“So he never actually -“
“No.” She cut him off. “It never got that far. Vanessa interrupted him before anything could happen.”
Nathan made a harsh noise. “You don’t call getting beaten and broken anything? Jesus, I hope like hell the fucker is rotting in some jail cell right now.”
She shook her head. “No. I didn’t press charges. I just wanted to forget it ever happened and leave New York as soon as possible.”
He stared at her in disbelief. “Are you fucking kidding me, Julia? You just let him walk away without any consequences? And then let that bitch fire you because her boyfriend’s a rapist?”
Julia shuddered. “It was a living nightmare, Nathan. One I wanted to wake up from and forget as quickly as possible. I didn’t want to deal with police, attorneys, trials. Vanessa has piles of money, she would have hired a top lawyer for him and gotten the charges dismissed, and I would have had to go through all of that trauma for nothing. No, I made the decision to just walk away and I don’t regret it. Now, it’s time to stop talking about this. For good.”
He brushed her hair back behind her ear, gave a brief nod, and then stood. “All right, if that’s what you wish. We won’t discuss it again.” He took a seat behind his desk. “But what we do have to discuss is how in hell you and I are going to be able to work together given the circumstances. After all, I’d be a complete and total bastard at this point to force you out wouldn’t I?”
Her voice choked. “Oh, God. You’d really do that? Please, Nathan. I need this job more than you can even imagine. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep working here.”
“Relax, Julia. I’m not going to fire you. I did have thoughts of trying to find you a job at different firm here in town, but I doubt we could pull that off without having to tell Travis about what happened last September. And, not to borrow that ridiculous Las Vegas cliché, but whatever happened in New York definitely has to stay in New York. Have you discussed it with anyone?”
“Just my sister. But I never mentioned your name. And I didn’t tell her much, though being twins she always knows when something’s upsetting me.”
Nathan’s eyes widened. “You have a twin? Identical?” At her nod he shook his head in disbelief. “Christ, there are actually two women who look like you? That’s unbelievable. But to get back to what I was saying, you never mentioned any of this to Travis, did you?”
“No, of course not. And I don’t plan on discussing it with anyone else. I’m fully aware that you could get me fired very easily, Nathan, so I will definitely be a model of discretion,” she said quietly. “I pride myself on being a complete professional at work. You don’t have to worry about me ever acting inappropriately. Just please give me a chance to prove myself. I’m actually a very good designer and I’m thrilled to have such a fantastic opportunity like this one.”
“Let’s be perfectly clear here, Julia,” he stated firmly. “No discussion or reference to meeting in New York to anyone. Not even the slightest hint of flirting or impropriety between us. We are to have strictly – very strictly – a business only relationship. If you can agree to that, then I’m willing to give this a try on a trial basis. Otherwise, I’ll make some calls and try to find you another job close by.”
She shook her head.”No, that won’t be necessary, I assure you. I agree completely with everything you just said. It won’t be a problem to work together, I promise.” She glanced down at her clasped hands again. “If I’d had even the slightest suspicion that the Nate Atwood who Travis kept mentioning was actually the Nathan I’d met in New York, there’s no way I would have taken this job or even interviewed for it. I’m not here to make trouble for you, or make working conditions difficult. I’ll do whatever is necessary to be able to keep working here.”
“All right, then. Let’s hope that we can keep things professional.” He paused a moment before continuing on, somewhat awkwardly. “There’s just one more thing. This might be a little touchy but it has to be said. At some point in time – whether it’s here in the office or at an outside function – you’re likely to meet Cameron, my fiancée.”
Julia couldn’t help the little shudder that passed through her body. “Most likely, yes.”
“I’ve got to ask you. Please don’t say anything to her about what happened. I know I treated you badly, Julia, but none of that was her fault. Don’t take it out on her, okay?”
She stared at him in hurt disbelief. “You really think I could be that vindictive? I guess we don’t know each other very well at all, do we? Don’t worry, Nathan. I won’t rat you out to your fiancée. After all, you’re just my boss now, aren’t you?”
He exhaled deeply. “Thank you, Julia. I know I deserve your anger but taking it out on Cameron won’t solve anything.”
She stood, fighting back a fresh onslaught of tears. “I’m not that sort of person, Nathan. Besides, doing something like that would only further ruin the memory of that night for me. And for me, at least, it was the most special night I’ve ever known.”
Nathan groaned. “God, Julia. Don’t -“
She held up a hand. “Don’t say anything more, okay? Right now it’s as though that night happened to two other people a long time ago. Let’s just leave it buried in the past. Now, if that’s all, I’d like to leave now.”
He nodded, unable to meet her gaze. “Yeah, that’s it. You can go.”
Julia felt the hot tears threatening to spill over again so she turned and left without another word, wondering if she was kidding herself that she could actually work with Nathan under these circumstances. She just knew that she didn’t have any other options but to at least give it a try, even if it meant having her heart broken all over again.
Nathan was practically shaking as Julia left his office, and headed immediately for the cabinet where he kept an assortment of liquor and glasses. He pulled out the bottle of twelve-year old Macallan and poured himself a healthy portion, not bothering with either ice or water. He tossed half of it down in one gulp, badly needing the fortification it would hopefully provide him. The last time he’d been this shook up had been on that damned plane ride home after having left a heartbroken Julia behind in New York.
He wanted to fling the heavy crystal tumbler against the wall and watch it shatter into tiny pieces as he tried to imagine how upset and terrified she must have been after almost getting raped in her own office. He slammed the glass down on his credenza, struggling for control as he recalled her tearful sobs and trembling hands while choking out the story of what had happened. And despite his promise to her that they wouldn’t speak of the incident again, all he really wanted was to book a flight back to New York, find this bastard and pummel him into a bleeding, broken mess. All he would need to do was call Travis’ friend Gerard – Julia’s old boss – and find out the last name of the fucker who’d hurt her so badly. It would be just that easy.
But then, as the whiskey began to have its desired effect, he started to calm down and think more rationally. He couldn’t call Gerard and ask him such a question without betraying his past with Julia, and he wasn’t naïve enough to believe that Gerard wouldn’t immediately turn around and share this information with Travis. And God knew his business partner already suspected something fishy was going on. Travis was a nosy bastard, always probing and prodding, and loved to gossip more than a little old lady. And given the animosity that existed between Travis and Cameron, there was no way in hell he could risk the knowledge that he and Julia had had a passionate fling getting out. Travis would find some way – discreet or not – to plant doubts in Cameron’s mind and then all hell would break loose.
‘Fuck it all,” he muttered, plopping down onto his desk chair and slumping against the high, padded back. ‘What a goddamned fucking mess. How in hell am I going to be able to work with her every day, especially when she looks like that?’
Julia was ten times more beautiful that his recollections of her, and seeing her in the flesh again had made him excruciatingly aware of how much he still wanted her. Four months apart had done absolutely nothing to dim the stunning physical attraction they shared – it had flared to instant and burning recognition the moment he’d met her eyes again.
He tortured himself by wondering if she already had a new boyfriend out here in California, and how many men she’d been with in the months since he’d met her in New York. He saw red as he recalled the almost haughty manner in which she’d coolly informed him that she could have pretty much any guy who caught her fancy, and didn’t have to waste her time on someone like him. What made matters so much worse was the fact that she was absolutely right. Julia could conceivably date a different guy every night of the week for a month, and have her pick of who she liked best. Or simply start over again with a fresh batch.
He’d probably just made a huge ass of himself, therefore, by insinuating that she was still pining over him and laying down rules about keeping things professional between them. Hell, she’d probably been so pissed off at the way he’d treated her in New York that she had forgotten about him before his plane left the ground. And then she’d likely hit up one of the many bars or clubs in Manhattan and found some attractive guy who wasn’t already engaged – a guy who’d probably worshipped her and treated her like the goddess she was.
No, he thought angrily. It wouldn’t be Julia he was going to have to worry about to keep things professional between them. He was the one who was going to have to make a superhuman effort to keep his fucking hands off of her, and somehow remember that he was engaged to another woman. The way he looked at it, he sure as fuck had his work cut out for him.