30
Charlie
Two days before Christmas, and I'm ready to use a hammer to every store that's playing Christmas music. It used to be my favorite, but that's before I became nauseous after everything I ate. It started yesterday and the fact that I don't even want Ava's goods—and by goods, I mean anything comprised mainly of sugar—I'm pissed off.
“Hey, Charlie.” Sydney surprises me at my side.
“Oh. Hi, Syd.”
Do not ask her about her father. You do not care. He could have fallen down a well at this point and you would not care.
“Can you help me pick something out for my dad?”
We slide between the shoppers and the tourists filling into downtown. Tonight is Climax Cove's big winter festival with Santa, aka, Hank from Nail Me Hardware.
“Right now?”
“Yeah. You know how I barely get out from his thumb. He dropped me off and is letting me go on my own for one hour.”
I like Sydney too much to deny her request even though I’m equal parts enraged and madly in love with her father. “Do you have anything in mind?” I look around, wondering where he's watching her from. Because I know that man and he didn’t just drop her and go.
“I figure you might know better than I would.”
I shake my head. “Syd, I know you must know. Don't play dumb with me.”
“I know he screwed it up. Is it true though…are you pregnant?”
I stop on the spot and lead her over to stand by a nearby bench.
“Please tell me your dad told you?” I say.
She shakes her head. “Nope.”
I place my hand on her shoulder. “I'm sorry, Syd. You should have found out from your father.”
She shrugs. “It's okay, but you are, right? So, I'm going to be a big sister?”
I nod, unable to hide my smile. “You are.”
She rushes toward me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. “Please take him back. I know he's stubborn, but I know he loves you.” I close my eyes at her words, hoping that her dad will come to the same realization she has.
“This is for you.” She hands me a letter and then she's gone, lost in the crowd walking away.
My name is scribbled on the outside of the letter in Garrett’s handwriting, and I sit down on the bench.
I open the heavy envelope, finding a puzzle piece inside, along with a letter.
Charlotte,
You will receive three letters today. The first might be hard to read, but I do hope you continue on.
Melissa was my first love, first kiss, first everything. The two of us grew up together. Although there are times I wonder what our future would have looked like, I can't say for certain. What we were when she passed is all we will ever be. It took me years to finally come to grips with the fact that nothing will ever change that.
I can't offer you those firsts because they were already given to someone else. Someone I loved deeply. Someone who gave me my daughter. That is a part of my life you weren't a part of, but it was a happy time in my life and I can't ever deny that fact or look back on it with anything other than fond remembrance.
But I have memories of you, too. Memories of you riding your bike, your scraped knees, the way you used to hang around and trail after us even when Vance tried to get you to go home. Summer trips to the pool, eating popsicles on your front porch, playing games outside on summer nights. Though our relationship wasn't romantic and you were years younger, you are still a part of my past.
If I could do it all over again I’d have sat with you longer on your front porch, listened to your dreams and never have let Bobby Sinclair pull your pants down that one time at the park.
If you're interested in continuing, your next letter will be delivered in an hour.
Love,
Garrett
I fold the piece of paper and stuff it in my pocket along with the puzzle piece. I appreciate the honesty in his letter. Although I've struggled with being second best, Melissa was part of his life and that fact won't ever change. So, either I welcome her memory into our relationship, if only for Sydney’s sake, or we'll never make it long term. She's Sydney's mom and his dead wife. There has to be room for them to remember her in our lives and I'm happy he's embracing that fact rather than denying it. For me, it signals a shift and I can only hope that he’s ready to tackle the past, present, and the future head-on now.
* * *
I'm in Steaming Hotties, grabbing a green tea because I can't drink caffeine. Argh. Who said pregnancy was fun?
“Hey,” Ava and Cat say in unison, sitting down at the table with me.
“Are you my second letter?” I ask and Ava tries to keep a straight face while Cat smiles.
I hold out my hand. “Not yet,” Ava says. She turns her head sharply to Cat. “You're hopeless. You know that, right?”
“I just want them to get back together.” Cat claps her hands like a seal.
I roll my eyes and push my hand closer to Ava.
“You are seriously no fun.” She digs it out of her purse and slides it across the table.
“Is he watching?” I lean closer and whisper.
Ava does the same. “No.”
“Really?” My lips tip down.
“Stop asking questions. You'll ruin the surprise. This is his big moment to woo you back and right his wrongs. Enjoy it.” Ava leans back, glancing at the bakery display, probably checking on her own inventory.
“Yeah, because the wooing stops pretty quick after they’ve caught you,” Cat says with some humor to her voice, crossing her legs and watching me open the letter.
My finger runs along the seam.
“Maybe I don't need wooing,” I say like my stubborn self.
The two exchange a look but then smile on at me.
Charlotte,
The greatest gift in my life has always been Sydney. I can't deny that she's number one in my life, but she's going to be in a tie with our little one soon.
I watch you with Sydney and my heart bursts open like an explosion of confetti. She needs a mother figure, and I can think of no one better than you...someone she feels comfortable talking with about things I’ll never understand or relate to, someone to watch Gilmore Girls with, someone to initiate family traditions that she'll carry on to her own family some day. She's grown to love you.
She's not the only one though. You might worry that it's only your body I crave, which I do. I'd put dirty words in here, but I'm worried you'll keep this in a box and our kids will read it one day. Let's just say…your physical appeal is only a small part of what makes you irresistible. It's your heart, your patience, and your persistence, too.
I regret not seeing what was right in front of my face sooner. But these last months with you…I feel like my old self. I feel like the future is bright and anything is possible. For the first time, for as long as I can remember, I’m excited for the future and what it might bring, not burdened by the past and fearful of what might come. That is the most precious gift you’ll ever give me…until our son or daughter arrives.
You'll need a ride for your next trip, so, be prepared to be picked up in one hour.
Love,
Garrett
I swipe the tear that's fallen down my cheek.
“Okay, gotta go.” Cat stands, having never taken off her coat. She leans down and gives me a half hug and kiss on the cheek.
“Forgive him, Charlie. He knows what he did.” Ava does the same as Cat with a small hug and kiss on the cheek.
“Bye, girls.”
I sit down and sip my tea, before folding the paper and stuffing it in my pocket.
I rest my hand on my stomach and murmur, “I think your daddy might just be ready for us.”
* * *
I'm gazing up at the Christmas tree in the middle of the downtown courtyard when someone takes my hand and pulls me away.
“Hey,” I pull back to see Vance.
“Hey, little sister.” He smiles and reaches for my arm. “I'm your chauffeur for the evening.”
“After everything he did, you're doing him a favor?”
He opens up the passenger seat of his rental car and waits for me to sit down.
“If you're staying in Climax Cove, you better get rid of this car.”
He shuts the door and rounds the front to the driver's side.
“I'm heading back to L.A. in the morning. It's time I go back.”
I'll miss my brother, but he's never been one for small-town living.
“Really, on Christmas Eve you’re leaving?” I whine.
“I promise to visit more often. I'll have to since I’m getting a niece or a nephew in the new year.” He smiles and turns the key in the ignition.
“You better. Otherwise we're coming down to see you.”
He drives slowly through the streets cluttered with people and turns the car down my parents’ street.
“Why are we going to Mom and Dad’s?”
“Relax. They’re in downtown for the festival. I’m just following orders. I was told to drop you off here.”
He stops in my parents’ driveway, hands me a letter, and then reaches across and opens the passenger door.
I spot Garrett's truck parked on the street and I realize how anxious I am to see its keeper.
“Thanks, Vance.” I lean forward and kiss his cheek.
“I told him this is his second strike, one more and I’ll have to kick his ass. It's my brotherly duty.”
I smile. “Thank you.”
“Go live the life you've always wanted, sis.” He ushers me out and then he's quick to back up and drive away.
I'll miss him.
For the third time, I slide my finger along the seam of the letter and unfold the piece of paper.
Charlotte Rose,
My future begins today. My future is you. In the first letter, I talked about how you weren’t able to be a part of all my firsts, but what matters most, I think, is that I want you to be a part of all my lasts.
My last kiss, my last love, my last mother to my child.
I can't take back the way I acted when you told me you were carrying our child. If I could I would because you deserve better. You both deserve better. I should have hugged you and reassured you that we'd get through this together. I freaked out, but I want you to know that it’s only because I love you…because the thought of losing you is too devastating to even consider.
I could list five hundred reasons why I fell so deeply and madly in love with you, but the reason that was the tipping point is that you saw the true me and never gave up on trying to pull me back to the surface. Looking back I realize that you’ve never given up on me, even when you were a graduating senior writing that essay that came to mean so much to me. But, I gave up on you, on us, if only for a moment.
Sorry will never be enough and I know that. But, you have my solemn promise that it will never happen again. I refuse to live my life on the sidelines any longer, refuse to let fear have any power over my decisions. The only way for me to prove that to you is throughout the course of our lives together.
You pulled me from the depths of depression not once but twice, now it's my turn to have the strong shoulders and do the heavy lifting. I promise to be the father of this family we're developing and be strong enough to hold everyone up.
If you still believe in me, step through that front door so we can start again at the beginning of what will be our last.
Come to me, baby.
Love Always,
Garrett
I fold up the letter and turn the doorknob of my childhood home. I walk through the house and in the kitchen sits Garrett at the table, candles lit all around him.
“Hey.” He stands and rounds the front of the table.
“Hey.”
“You got them all?”
I nod.
“Do you have the puzzle piece?”
I nod, digging into my pocket to retrieve it. I hold it up and he looks at it warily for a moment before he begins speaking again.
“This is where your words changed me as a man and a father. Your mom gave me that paper right here, eight years ago. And if you would have taken me back easily, I never would have realized this.”
He takes a towel off a puzzle on the kitchen table.
There's a picture of Melissa in the top left corner and then one of him and Sydney and lastly me on the far right. It was taken at the tree lighting ceremony a few weeks ago.
“Sydney said something to me…she said that you were the missing puzzle piece to our future. I love you, Charlotte Rose and I want you to fill that void and be my future.”
I twirl the puzzle piece around in my fingers and he studies me the entire time, his posture stiff and looking like he’s barely breathing.
Slowly, I insert it in the open spot, and the puzzle is complete.
Relief washes over all his features. “You forgive me?” he asks.
I nod with tears in my eyes and he hugs me, squeezing me tight and I feel at home again. Almost as if all the pieces of myself have been slotted back into place where they should be.
After a few minutes, Garrett places his hand on my stomach and falls to his knees.
“I can’t wait to meet you, little one. You were a shock, but the best surprise I’ve ever had in my life. Now, has Mommy been saying bad things about Daddy?” He glances up at me and I roll my eyes, but I'm sure from my smirk he can tell that I have. “Well, it's all true, but don’t you worry because Daddy is changing every day.”
I chuckle. “Come here.”
Then I grab his face with both my hands and place my lips to his knowing that nothing will ever tear us apart again.
Two Weeks Later ...
Tomorrow is the first day back to school after holiday break and I’m struggling to get all my things organized after moving in with Garrett and Sydney on Christmas Eve. My life is in a bit of a shambles lately and presently I'm missing my messenger bag with my computer in it.
I feel like I've been in la-la land as of late, lost in Garrett's world for the past few weeks. Not that I’m complaining—Garrett’s world is a pretty damn awesome place to me.
Garrett walks in with a bag in his hand and places it on the bed.
“What did you get?” I ask.
“It's a gift for you.” He moves to his dresser, not really paying that much attention or seeming to bother with watching me open the bag.
“Jeez. It's been two weeks since you gave me a gift. I understand what Cat and Ava were talking about with the lack of wooing once you get together,” I joke. I sit on the mattress and pick up the bag.
He doesn't say much, and his back is to me, so I start taking the tissue paper out.
I grab the heavy item out of the bag and smile, even though I’m a little confused.
He got me a new placard for my desk that says Charlotte Shaw. I never realized how nice that name sounds.
I look up and there he is on bended knee in front of me holding up a box with a large diamond ring inside.
I suck in a breath and my stomach lurches. “Garrett.” I cover my mouth, and the thought that I wish I was in anything but yoga pants and a T-shirt flits through my mind.
“See,” he winks. “I can still woo.”
“You can.” Tears spring to the corners of my eyes.
He scoots forward. “Charlotte Rose, I know it seems crazy and too fast but I promised myself that fear would never hold me back anymore…marry me.”
“Is that all you have to say?” I hold the placard up that has what will be my married name. “Pretty presumptuous of you.”
He chuckles, not faltering from his position. “I'm a man of few words.”
I shake my head. “Oh, I don't think so.”
“Well, not anymore.”
I smile.
“Charlie?”
“Yeah?”
“Answer the question.”
I look right into the set of eyes I've dreamed of half my life.
“Yes, nothing would make me happier than becoming your wife.”
He exhales a relieved breath. “Thank God. Now, Sydney is coming back in one hour. Get naked.”
“How romantic.” I fall to my back and he slides the diamond on my left ring finger.
“Perfect. Now you're even sexier with my ring on your finger.”
“What’s going to happen when I’m too swollen from being pregnant to wear it?”
“You’ll still be sexy as hell.”
I hold it up in the air and then look to him, hovering over me. “I love you.”
“I love you more, Charlie. Thanks for sticking with me until I was smart enough to realize it.”