CHAPTER TWELVE
Considering how rainy the morning had been, it was rather dramatic in the afternoon when the skies cleared up and the sun beat down upon the wet and weary land. The brilliant beams of sunlight caressed the vibrant, green hills, rolling gently beneath the sky as far as the eye could see. As Avrielle gazed off across the land, she often imagined that Heaven would look like this, for surely, there was nothing more perfect on earth than the vales of Cumbria after a rain.
Canaan had two drawbridges, and two gatehouses, and both were open in the afternoon as men moved about. It was easy to see the hills beyond through the open portals. Horses were being moved in and out, in fact, as the stables were growing too cramped with all of the de Wolfe horses these days, so several of them had been moved out to the north where a corral and shelters were built to accommodate any overflow of animals. Although Canaan was fairly isolated where it sat along the Fawcett Vale, they were in close proximity of several farms and the village of Shap was less than two miles to the north, so the castle had a good deal of commerce that took place now that the rains has subsided and men could move without getting soaked.
In fact, it was all rather busy as Avrielle headed down from the family chambers to the bailey below. Sophia was with her, ever her mother’s shadow, but the baby had remained with the old nurse and Stephen was still playing with his toys in de Wolfe’s chambers. It warmed her heart to see Scott paying her son such attention, for he was surely a powerful man without time to waste. The fact that he would give a sad little boy some of it said something about him. The more she thought on it, the more her opinion of Scott de Wolfe changed.
Perhaps the man she’d come to know at the beginning of their association hadn’t truly been the man inside.
Now, she liked what she saw.
Strangely enough, for all of the rain they’d had this spring, the weather hadn’t been all that cold and with the sun out now, the beams were rather warm. It felt wonderful upon the face. With thoughts of Scott de Wolfe on her mind, Avrielle found herself shielding her eyes from the bright sun as she made her way to the kitchens to ask the cook about the level of their stores now that their army had doubled in size with de Wolfe’s arrival. Sophia skipped alongside her, grasping her mother’s free hand.
It was a pleasant day; a normal day. These days, the world was, indeed, normal again for Avrielle. No more crippling grief, no more fits of sorrow. She had a new infant that needed her and children that depended on her, so Avrielle was very much back to her regular duties as chatelaine of Castle Canaan. It was a combination of things that helped her regain her composure but her conversation with de Wolfe that morning had a massive impact on her.
So much had been said between them, and so much angst worked through, that she truly felt as if, no matter what happened, she would be okay. Her children would be okay. Perhaps there was a new husband on the horizon, one selected by the king, but she believed de Wolfe when he said he would try to delay it. She needed to have faith in something these days and, whether or not it had been de Wolfe’s intention, faith was exactly what he gave her.
Faith that all would be well again.
Therefore, common duties became her goal again. She’d spent the past four months unwilling and unable to perform her duties as chatelaine, but that had changed. She had her determination back, her sense of duty, and she felt better returning to a normal routine.
But there was also something about Scott de Wolfe that buoyed her mood.
Avrielle thought on the man as she walked through the bailey, trying to keep Sophia out of the mud puddles. Blonde, brawny, with enormous arms and chest, he was a big man but there was something beyond his size that made him imposing. It was his manner, his expression, his sense of command. It was the way his men did his bidding without question. There was an air about him that reeked of power.
And he was handsome – there was no doubt about that. In fact, Avrielle had never seen a more beautiful man with his fair hair and hazel eyes – but the thing she found most attractive about him was his attention towards Stephen. How could she not help but find that quality attractive?
Avrielle remembered what Nathaniel had said about Scott de Wolfe; he used to be loved by all. A man of great personal charisma, evidently, but those were qualities that went by the wayside when his wife died. In just the short time she’d known him, she could see glimmers of the man who had been loved by all, the warm and friendly man who either died alongside his wife that day or was forcibly pushed aside when de Wolfe decided the only way to cope with his guilt was to become someone he was not. Avrielle had been fascinated by their discussions and she found that she was looking forward to more of them because they had helped her a great deal.
Truth be told, she was simply looking forward to him.
It was a thought that should have given her great guilt. She had only been widowed these few months. But something de Wolfe had said to her was staying with her, something she was unable to shake – life moves on. In her case, she would move on without Nathaniel. Hadn’t Nathaniel liked de Wolfe? Then perhaps de Wolfe was a man he would entrust with his widow.
It was a secret thought she had.
Perhaps we can both give each other some comfort.
It wasn’t a thought born of lust, but purely for practical reasons. Selfish reasons, too. She didn’t want to marry someone she didn’t know, but she knew de Wolfe. Nathaniel had known de Wolfe and he liked the man, so it seemed like the logical solution. Lost to her thoughts, Avrielle was nearing the kitchens when a figure stepped in front of her. Startled, she looked up to see her father standing in the sunlight.
“Goodness, Papa,” she said, quickly stepping back. “You startled me.”
Gordon smiled thinly, distracted when Sophia ran to her grandfather and threw her arms around him. Gordon hugged his granddaughter but his eyes never left his daughter.
“I see that you are out and about this morning,” he said. “How are you feeling?”
“Very well, thank you.”
“No lasting effects from the birth?”
She shook her head. “None at all. I feel very well.”
“And the infant?”
“She is well also.”
Gordon nodded, pleased to hear that his daughter and new granddaughter were well enough. “Where are you and Sophia going now?”
Avrielle gestured in the direction of the kitchens. “I was going to see the cook,” she said. “With all of these extra soldiers, there is a drain on our stores.”
Gordon nodded faintly. “De Wolfe’s army has been here more than two weeks,” he said. “You are just coming to see to the stores now?”
Avrielle shook her head. “I have spoken to the cook several times about the food we have,” she said. “But I have not spoken to her in a few days about it. Why do you ask?”
Gordon’s gaze lingered on her for a moment before shaking his head and returning to hugging his granddaughter. He didn’t reply to her question and that made Avrielle suspicious.
“Why do you ask, Papa?” she asked. “Is there something wrong with the food?”
He looked at her. “Food? Nay, not that I am aware of.”
It seemed to Avrielle that there was still something unspoken because conversations with her father were usually much easier than this. Something was amiss; she could feel it. “What is on your mind, Papa?” she asked. “You did not come here for idle conversation. Do you have something to tell me?”
Gordon never could slip anything by her. He wasn’t one to dance around a subject, especially not with her. He and Avrielle had always had such a good relationship, but something like this… addressing some rumors that he had heard from some of the men… that was difficult for him. He didn’t even know if he believed them, but he had to know the truth. Therefore, he asked the question he’d come to ask.
“Have you seen de Wolfe today?”
She nodded. “This morning, in fact.”
Gordon’s jaw began to tick and Avrielle swore she saw the warmth from his eyes drain away. “I am not sure I would proudly announce that if I were you,” he said quietly.
Her brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
Gordon looked highly displeased, an unusual state for him considering he was usually the calm and rational one. Avrielle rarely ever saw her father cross, and that concerned her. She opened her mouth to question him but he held up a hand, a gesture of silence, as he looked to Sophia.
“My dearest,” he said to the girl, “will you go into the kitchens and see what the cook has planned for the evening meal? Your mother will come to you shortly.”
Sophia nodded eagerly and skipped away, splashing mud as she went. Lifting a hand to shield her eyes from the bright sun, Avrielle waited until her daughter was out of sight before speaking.
“What is wrong?” she asked. “Why did you send her away?”
Gordon’s expression of displeasure had not left him. “Would you so proudly flaunt your sin, Avrielle?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Men saw you leaving de Wolfe’s chamber at dawn. The entire castle is aware of it.”
Avrielle still wasn’t following him. “Aye, I did,” she said. “Stephen was in his chamber.”
Now it was Gordon’s turn to appear puzzled. “Stephen was in de Wolfe’s chamber? What was he doing there?”
Avrielle nodded impatiently. “He has not had anyone to play with since Nathaniel is gone and you and Jeremy seem to be so busy with other things,” she said. “At least, I do not want him around Jeremy these days because my brother seems to have lost his mind, although I do not care if he plays his games with you, but you are always busy with Jeremy.”
Gordon was peering at her. He waved a hand at her, sharply. “Cease your prattle,” he said. “Why was Stephen in de Wolfe’s chamber?”
Avrielle wasn’t happy with the way he was speaking to her. “Because he wandered into the man’s chamber last night after I had gone to sleep and demanded de Wolfe play games with him,” she said. “When I awoke before dawn and realized he was missing, I went looking for him and found him in de Wolfe’s chamber. That is why the soldiers saw me leaving.”
Gordon’s expression of displeasure turned into one of realization. “God’s Bones,” he sighed heavily. “Is that what happened?”
She had no idea why he seemed relieved. “Aye. What else did you think?”
Gordon cast her a long look. “I thought what men thought who do not know the truth,” he said. “The soldiers that saw you leaving de Wolfe’s chamber have spread gossip that de Wolfe has taken you to his bed. What else are they to think after seeing you leave the man’s chamber at dawn?”
Avrielle’s jaw fell open. “Taken to his… his bed?” she gasped. Her face began to turn shades of red. “Truly, do the men at Canaan think so little of me? Do you think so little of me?”
She was growing angry, quickly, and Gordon sought to soothe her. “It was a natural mistake,” he said, trying to downplay the entire thing. “Given what they saw, can you blame them? Men have foolish and lascivious minds.”
She would not be eased. “Clearly, you thought the same thing, as evidenced by the comment you made to me about flaunting myself,” she said furiously. “I have never given you any cause to think so poorly of me. Instead of listening to such gossip, you should have defended me!”
Gordon was feeling contrite, embarrassed, mostly because she was correct. He should have been defending her. Now, he had to defend himself in the face of her wrath.
“I am sorry,” he insisted softly. “’Tis simply that… well, last night, your brother and de Wolfe did, indeed, have a fight. A very bad fight. Your brother was beaten very badly and cannot rise from his bed today. I thought… I thought de Wolfe had perhaps gone after you in a final act to humiliate your brother.”
Avrielle understood him clearly. “He did not,” she hissed. “He was kind to my son when the child wandered into his chamber, looking for comfort. He sat up with Stephen into the night and played with him, playing with those little, wooden men you made and those little, wooden siege engines. And you have the nerve to believe that he would force me into his bed simply to humiliate Jeremy? I am ashamed of you for thinking such a thing.”
Truth be told, Gordon was ashamed of himself, too. “I am sorry,” he repeated quietly. “I do not blame you for being enraged.”
Avrielle was more than enraged; she was hurt. Hurt that Gordon would think she was capable of such a thing, to simply surrender to a man who would force her to his bed. Shaking her head, she simply turned away.
“Go away, Papa,” she said. “I do not wish to speak with you anymore.”
Gordon was feeling sad and desperate. “I will again say that I am sorry, Avrielle,” he said. “Given what has happened around here since de Wolfe arrived, forgive me for being unbalanced by it all. I spend my days trying to prevent your brother from being murdered by de Wolfe and it has taken its toll. And now I must worry about these rumors of you and de Wolfe… truthfully, I am not sure how I am going to keep your brother down once he hears them. He will go mad.”
Avrielle shot him a heated look. “Then make sure he does not hear them,” she said. “Or tell him the truth of the rumors before they reach his ears. Honestly, Papa, Jeremy must learn to control himself. The man has been far more trouble than he is worth as of late.”
Gordon knew that. He averted his gaze. “I know,” he muttered. “I have never seen him like this before. But nothing at Canaan is as it seems any longer, not even him. I am sorry if I offended you, my daughter. I pray you will forgive an old man’s mistake.”
Avrielle wouldn’t look at him. She was standing by the old garden gate, with the dead garden beyond. At that point, she simply shook her head and opened the gate, anything to move away from her father and the slander he’d heaped upon her. Slamming the gate in Gordon’s face, she hoped he would take the hint and leave her alone, for she had nothing more to say to him.
She knew he was unbalanced. They were all unbalanced and struggling to stay on an even keel, but that didn’t excuse him of accusing her of being a whore.
Dejected and sad, Avrielle planted herself on the stone bench in the midst of the dead garden and wondered if that sense of normalcy she felt was just a farce. Maybe things weren’t normal, after all.
Maybe they would never be again.
*
He saw her disappear through the garden gate.
Scott had been emerging from the spiral stairwell from the upper level and out into the muddy, brightly-shining bailey when he saw Gordon and Avrielle over by the dead garden walls. As he watched, Avrielle went into the garden and Gordon wandered away, heading into the guard room over by the rear entrance to Canaan.
Scott didn’t like the thought of the woman going into that garden again. That place seemed to drag her down, with nothing but bittersweet memories that weakened her. He wondered if she hadn’t slipped in there to hoe at the ground again; perhaps she hadn’t moved on with her grief at all but he was hoping that wasn’t the case. Surely Gordon would have prevented her from regressing, but as Scott had come to realize, Avrielle du Rennic was a woman with a mind all her own. He seriously wondered how Nathaniel had kept the woman in check. Not that Scott had any better luck to that regard with Athena.
See what it had cost him?
With strong-willed women in mind, Scott crossed the muddy bailey towards the walled-up garden, peering in through the iron bars of the gate when he came to it. He could see between the slats, spying Avrielle seated on a stone bench. She was simply sitting there among the dead, wet garden, surrounded by puddled water and gray vines, staring into space. But at least she wasn’t hoeing. Scott thought it would be best to announce himself before she started.
Pushing the gate open, he stepped inside, his gaze never leaving Avrielle. She immediately looked at him, startled, when the gate opened. As he approached her, she stood up with an expression of apprehension on her face. Before he could even open his mouth, she spoke.
“My father told me what the men were saying,” she blurted. “I am very sorry to have caused you any shame or trouble, my lord, truly. I had no idea that anyone would notice that I came from your chamber this morning and put rumor to it.”
She was nervous; he could see it. He smiled. “And I came to apologize to you about the same thing,” he said. “Soldiers gossip like old fishwives. I am very sorry that they have slandered your reputation and, if you give me permission, I shall speak on the subject to my men and insist that nothing untoward happened.”
Avrielle’s cheeks mottled a faint pink, relief evident in her expression. “God’s Bones,” she breathed. “I thought you had come to berate me.”
He grinned, an unusual gesture, indeed. “And I fully expected you to berate me,” he said. “But it is no one’s fault other than the soldiers who spread such lies. I will not let those who have sullied your reputation to go unpunished.”
Avrielle realized it was the one of the first times she’d seen the man smile and her heart began to leap strangely at the sight. His smile carved deep dimples into both cheeks and revealed big, white teeth. The man was so brutally handsome that it made her heart race, something she couldn’t ever remember feeling, at least not like this. Something about Scott de Wolfe had her feeling giddy.
“You are most kind, my lord,” she said, “but I do not believe it is necessary to punish men who came to a conclusion that wasn’t all that unreasonable. They did see me leave your chamber at dawn and it was a logical assumption, I suppose. But I appreciate you taking the trouble to set the men straight. For my children’s sake, and for the sake of Nathaniel’s memory, I do not want them believing the worst of a widow and a mother.”
Scott nodded, feeling his heart flutter just a bit, too, as he looked at her. It was impossible to look at the woman and not feel some kind of lightness in his soul and heart, even in the midst of a nasty rumor that could damage both their reputations. As Scott looked at her, he realized he wouldn’t have been too upset had the rumor actually been true. If ever he would consider taking a woman to his bed, it would be Avrielle.
“Nor do I,” he replied, a bit belatedly because he was looking at her so. “I am sure it will blow over, as most of these things do. Meanwhile, I want you to do something for me.”
“Anything, my lord.”
“Please call me Scott when we are in private. It is not an honor I afford most people, not even those closest to me, but you and I have been through enough in our short acquaintance that I feel it is appropriate. Will you do this?”
She grinned, her cheeks turning that sweet pink color again at the unexpected request. “I will,” she said. “You have my permission to call me Avrielle because you are correct – we have been through quite a bit together. I feel as if you have become an old friend.”
He laughed softly, flashing those white teeth. “I am honored,” he said. “I hope you may always look to me as a friend.”
“I am sure I shall.”
He flashed those dimples, his eyes glittering at her. “As I am,” he said. “Now, as one friend to another, I must ask a question.”
“What is it?”
“What are you doing in the garden? The last time I found you here, you were not in the best frame of mind. You are not feeling melancholy again, are you?”
Avrielle well remembered that day. It was a day that had been the beginning of recovery for her, knowing very well that Scott had everything to do with it. She was touched that he should be so concerned for her but, given the tone of the morning’s conversation, she wasn’t surprised.
“Nay,” she said. “Not melancholy. But may… may I tell you something?”
“You may.”
She looked around the dead garden. “This was the first place I met you,” she said pensively. “Do you know why I was hoeing?”
He watched her, the shape of her face, her lashes as they fanned out when she blinked. “I would assume it had something to do with your grief for Nathaniel.”
She nodded. “It was, but there was more to it,” she said. “I came out here every day and hacked at the ground. Just hacked at it. And with every hack, I cursed Nat for making a promise he never kept. In a sense, I was hacking him. I was hacking at the world at large. All I know is that I had the urge to do it, to demonstrate my anger. But the conversation you and I had this morning – it is strange, but it made me realize just how angry I was. It wasn’t so much that I was grieving Nat’s loss – it was simply that I was so angry with him. But I do not feel so angry with him now.”
Scott listened to her soft voice and realized one thing; that great beast of emotion, the one that had finally clawed its way right out of his chest, was now filling up every part of his being. Now that he’d let it free, he was feeling things he’d spent years trying to erase. He’d forgotten what it was like to listen to a woman’s voice, to be comforted or aroused by it. He forgot what it had been like to bask in her presence, a glorious goddess who was benevolent with her smiles and her words.
God, he’d forgotten all of these things. But, this morning, when they shared their monumental conversation, he should have realized it was going to spell trouble for him. Everything he’d fought to suppress was coming forward whether or not he wanted it to.
Truth was, he wasn’t so sure he wanted to keep it all suppressed any longer. At least, not with Avrielle.
She’d given him back his ability to feel.
“As I said this morning, each individual has his own path through grief,” he said. “You are strong. You have three young children who need their mother very badly. You will come through this, of that I have no doubt, but I am glad I have been able to be of some help, small as it has been.”
Avrielle shook her head. “But you are so wrong,” she said. “You have been a great deal of help, more than anyone else has. While my brother has been trying to take control of Canaan and my father has been embroiled in trying to stop him, I have been alone in this. I told you that before; I feel as if Nat has left me alone to fend for myself. But this morning, you gave me hope, Scott. I know you live the warring way and I know you have suffered great loss, so mayhap you are not accustomed to someone thanking you for your kindness, but I am doing just that. You have shown my family and me a great deal of kindness.”
He was feeling a bit embarrassed at her praise. “It was my duty and my pleasure.”
Avrielle’s big eyes glistened at him. There was something more in her eyes than simple gratitude, he thought, and he was both intrigued and frightened by it. Was it… dare he say it… interest? God’s Blood, the mere thought was ludicrous!
“I am glad,” she simply said, finally tearing her eyes away and looking about the garden. “Thanks to you, I no longer feel the urge to hack at this earth, although this once used to be a lovely garden. This winter was harsh and very wet, so I did not spend any time here tending it. After Nat died… well, I did not feel like tending it at all other than to claw at the earth, and now it is suffering. I suppose that I should like to revive it if I can, but that would take effort. With a new infant, I am not sure I can spare the time.”
Scott looked around the garden, too. As he’d noticed before, it was filled with growth, some dead, some dormant, and nearly all of it overgrown. There were a few spots of color where spring flowers had pushed up through the mud, but he believed her when she said it used to be beautiful. He’d noticed that the first time he’d ever seen it.
“Surely the child will not take all of your time,” he said. “That is why you have a nurse. With the child tended, you can do other things, like coax your garden back to life.”
Avrielle shrugged. “Mayhap,” she said. “There is a man on the outskirts of Kendal who sells flowers and seeds for farming and gardening. Nat used to take me every spring to visit him to get seeds for my garden. I suppose I should like to visit him one of these days to see if he has anything left for purchase. The time for planting is nearly over.”
Scott looked at her. “Why not go tomorrow?”
She looked surprised. “I… I do not know if that is possible,” she stammered, unprepared for his suggestion. “A venture like that takes planning, and I cannot go alone. My father is quite busy these days so I suppose I will have to wait until he can escort me.”
Scott put his hands on his hips, looking around the garden one last time, before giving a shrug. “I do not have anything terribly pressing,” he said. “I will escort you. Can you be ready to depart at dawn?”
Avrielle looked at him in surprise. “You will take me?”
Scott nodded. “Certainly. If you will allow it.”
Would she allow it? At the moment, Avrielle couldn’t think of anything she’d rather do. Spending more time with a man she clearly had a good deal in common with, that she found some comfort with, was an inviting prospect, indeed. A smile crept onto her lips.
“Can we bring Sophia and Stephen?” she asked. “It would do them good to get out of the castle for a day. They always liked to go with me to see the man, anyway. He gives them sweets.”
Scott nodded. “Indeed,” he said. “Getting a sweet is a good enough reason as any for them to go.”
“And a wagon? We will need it in case he has flowering plants that I may purchase.”
“Aye, my lady.”
“Oh – and a pallet in the back of the wagon for the children. They have been known to sleep the entire way back home.”
“It shall be done, my lady. Anything else?”
Avrielle shook her head, positively aglow with the prospect. “Are you sure you have no other pressing duties?”
He gave her a half-grin, a sort of knowing smirk that set her heart to racing. “Nothing more pressing than you,” he said quietly. “Or your children. I will be ready for you at dawn on the morrow.”
“Thank you, my lord.”
“Scott.”
She grinned. “Scott.”
He nodded, satisfied that she could make a habit of calling him by name, and turned for the old, half-rusted gate. “I have duties I must attend to now, one of which involves you, so I will beg my leave of you for now.”
She cocked her head. “What duty involves me?”
“Speaking with the king’s messenger.”
She immediately sobered. “Is he still here?”
Scott nodded. “He is,” he said but refrained from telling her that the messenger had heard the rumors, too. Something in him wanted to protect her from that shame. “He is anxious to return to Edward so I must… explain things to him and send him along his way.”
There was anxiety on her face now. “Will you tell him I am unable to travel? If he sees us leaving tomorrow at dawn, he may think you are lying.”
“You will leave that to me. Meanwhile, should you need anything, send for me.”
“I will,” Avrielle nodded, watching him walk towards the garden gate, thinking he had a rather proud and attractive walk. She rather liked watching him walk. “Thank you, Scott. For everything… thank you.”
He glanced at her as he pulled the gate open, casting her a hint of a grin. It was there and then it was gone, but the effects lingered.
If she hadn’t known better, she would have sworn he was flirting.
Avrielle watched him until he disappeared through the gate. After that, she was quite aware that she had a smile on her face as she, too, left the garden after him. But it also set her to thinking about someone who might have watched Scott go through the gate and then her shortly thereafter. Even though their encounter had been completely innocent, that was how rumors got started, as they’d discovered this morning. While Avrielle realized she probably should have been more careful, a large part of her didn’t care. Men were going to think what they wanted to, no matter if she was careful or not.
Besides… she should be so fortunate should Scott de Wolfe really show her that kind of attention.
She couldn’t wipe the smile off of her face for the rest of the day.