CHAPTER TEN
Jeremey
The Roosevelt Project getting started was such a wonderful thing. Darren was so happy being David’s roommate, and they both loved their new jobs, though it was hard work for all three of us. I enjoyed going to Workiva too, helping David and everyone else begin the project which would, eventually, benefit so many other people. But if I were honest, I was worried, because there was suddenly a lot going on, and it was going to get worse.
Something else was coming, something more that Emmet and Kaya had planned, and it had something to do with me. The problem was, I couldn’t begin to guess what this something might be. All through the first two weeks of February especially, Emmet had been strange, nervous, and excited, and when I asked him about it, all he’d say was he had a surprise for me and I had to wait. “You don’t have to keep it if you don’t want it,” was all he would tell me, and then he would say, “but I hope you want it.”
I got so nervous I talked to Dr. North about it, and this was when I discovered two things: I was right, something was going on…and Dr. North was in on it too.
“I don’t want to tell you anything more without bringing Emmet in,” he said, holding up his hands when I started to panic, “but we can certainly call an emergency session, if need be. I can assure you, however, that yes, Emmet has something he’s been working on for you for quite some time, something he’s quite proud of. It’s something you will need to agree to, if you decide you want it, and it’s not something you can say yes to just to be kind to his feelings, which I’ve taken pains to make him understand. However, I have a feeling this is a surprise you will welcome. And I agree with him, this is something that might well help you and your struggles with depression and anxiety a great deal.”
This, frustratingly, was all he would tell me about it, except to say I wouldn’t have to wait much longer for Emmet’s planned reveal, and that he would happily call Emmet in and ask him to explain everything now if I so wished, because a stressful surprise was no kind of good surprise at all.
In the end I decided to trust Dr. North and Emmet and practice my AWARE strategy and sit with uneasy feelings. It turned out as Dr. North had said, too, because not long after we spoke, one day when we went to work, Kaya came into The Roosevelt Project workspace and announced we were all taking a trip together on Saturday. I could tell by the way Emmet reacted that this outing had something to do with my special surprise.
When I woke up on Saturday, I was feeling so anxious that I didn’t want to go anywhere. I was tired, and the world was loud and overwhelming. It had snowed earlier in the week, then warmed up, and everything was slush and ice. Plus I was frustrated with myself, because lately it seemed as if everyone else was so excited with The Roosevelt Project…but I was the depression thorn in everyone’s side, slowing the whole train down. Like everyone at The Roosevelt had gotten into a hot air balloon, but I was dead weight hanging over the side, keeping it from rising. So most of this week I had stayed home. It meant it was harder for David to do his work, but…well, it had to be better than having me there, messing things up. Pretty soon they’d find someone to help him, and they’d forget about me.
Right now, though, I had to go see Emmet’s surprise, not wallow in self-pity. So I got showered, ate the breakfast Emmet put out for me, and let him lead me downstairs.
Emmet’s parents were there, both Marietta and Doug, which I’d kind of expected, and Kaya, as well as Dr. North. Kaya winked at me as she held open the door to the van for me to get inside.
“Emmet, where are we going?” I asked as he sat beside me on the bench seat in the far back.
He fastened his seat belt and began to rock, smiling to himself. “It’s a surprise. But it will take a long time to get there.” He held out his hand to me. “Don’t be nervous. It’s a good surprise.”
I took his hand, and he squeezed it tight. Though he normally doesn’t do extended touch, he held my hand all the way out of town, all the way to Des Moines, in fact.
We drove for hours. “Our destination is in southeastern Iowa,” Marietta called from the front seat, smiling over her shoulder. “We should get there around late afternoon.”
I understood that to mean they weren’t going to tell me anything further about the destination itself. “Okay,” I said, because there wasn’t much else to say.
Kaya sat in the front bench seat with Dr. North. She winked at me, then leaned forward to talk to Marietta. “Hey, should we stop in Iowa City to eat lunch?”
“Oh, good idea.” Marietta tapped her finger on her lip. “We should go to Trumpet Blossom. It’s vegan, and it’s almost entirely gluten free.”
Emmet’s mom had a thing about him eating gluten free, thinking it might be good for his autism. Dr. North seemed excited to eat there too, though, because I guess he’s vegan too. I hadn’t known that, but then, I’d never eaten lunch with him before.
We did end up eating at the Trumpet Blossom Cafe, and I liked it a lot. It had a nice atmosphere, and the food was good, though it was a little different from what I normally ate. Doug bought us Dairy Queen for dessert after, which annoyed Marietta, but I said the chocolate malt I had really hit the spot, and she stopped scolding him. I worried if Dr. North would be offended because he was vegan and I was eating ice cream, but he only smiled at me.
Doug didn’t only smile, he winked.
I was sleepy after the food, and when I started to doze as we got on the road once more, Emmet let me put my head on his lap and sleep. He petted my hair and my shoulder, soothing me.
“You can nap, if you want,” he told me. “I’ll tell you when we get to the surprise.”
I love you, Emmet, I thought, but I was too tired to say it. So I squeezed his knee, then drifted off to sleep.
When I woke, we were at a farm.
It wasn’t a typical kind of farm, but it was definitely a farm. I saw barns and tractors and sheds, and bales of hay and horses. But there were also lots of buildings, long ones, and some smaller ones that didn’t appear to belong on usual farms. There was also a house, and a man and woman had come out of it to greet us. Marietta went up to them and shook their hands, and so did Kaya and Dr. North. Then they all came over to us.
The woman, middle-aged with weathered skin and a wide smile, put her hands on her hips and looked between Emmet and me. “Which one of you is Emmet? I want to meet the powerhouse who got this whole project started.”
Emmet leaned forward, rocking in place. “I’m Emmet. But I don’t know who you are.”
She laughed. “Sorry about that.” She stuck out her hand. “Sue Grant.”
Emmet didn’t accept her hand, but he relaxed, his rocking gentling. “Yes, I know you now. You’re the owner and head trainer. I’ve sent you several emails.”
“Yes you have indeed, and I’ve enjoyed them all.” She withdrew her hand, not seeming upset that Emmet didn’t take it, and turned to Jeremey. “You must be Jeremey, then. Are you ready to go meet your girl?”
I frowned at her. “I’m sorry. I’m Jeremey, yes, but I don’t know what you mean.”
“She’s a surprise,” Emmet told Sue, rocking more anxiously.
“Ah.” Sue tucked her hands in her pockets. “Well, let’s get you to your surprise, then, shall we?”
I still didn’t understand what was going on, and I was unnerved to hear my surprise had a gender. What in the world had Emmet gotten me? I glanced at the pasture to my right, the one full of horses, and I shuddered. Oh, please no. I was afraid of horses. Besides, where in the world would I put one?
Sue and Emmet didn’t lead me to the horses, though. They took me into the smaller building that was painted red with a large sliding door. When Sue opened it, I was hit with a strong smell that reminded me of the time I’d volunteered at the animal shelter. Then I heard the barking.
Dogs.
A rush of emotion I couldn’t name went through me. Did Emmet get me…a dog?
Except as we walked down the hallway, I couldn’t shake the feeling this wasn’t a shelter. It was too neat, too clean, and there weren’t enough dogs. I’d only seen three, and they were working with people. Staff members waved at us as we passed. The dogs in the rooms with them wore vests, and the animals were sitting like they were learning tricks.
What kind of shelter was this? Was this a breeding place instead? Something was up.
Then we came around the corner…and there she was.
The dog was a golden retriever, sitting on a mat in a room, wearing a red vest and looking right at me with the most beautiful brown eyes in the world. Sitting so still, so patient, as if she’d been waiting my whole life for me to show up, and now I was here and she was too.
My breath caught, and I squeezed Emmet’s hand.
He squeezed back.
A trainer stood beside the dog. She smiled at me, crouching beside the animal. “Hello there. Are you Jeremey?”
I nodded at her, feeling like I was lost in a dream.
The trainer gestured to the retriever. “This is Mai. She has some training to do, but she’s ready to meet you and get to know you today. Mai, go to Jeremey.”
The dog stood, and with those brown eyes never leaving mine, she trotted over to me, sat, and looked up, waiting.
I stared at her, lost.
In love.
“Comfort Jeremey, Mai.”
Mai stood, put her paws on my legs, then stroked gently against my chest, whining softly at me, begging me.
I melted, letting go of Emmet and falling into the dog’s arms.
She covered me with dog kisses, loving licks on my face and neck, nuzzles complete with grunts that made my insides turn to goo. I hugged her close, wanting to cry and laugh at the same time. My whole body shook, reeling from shock and wonder and joy and fear, afraid to believe this might actually be the surprise they had brought me here to have. It couldn’t be this, that we’d come all this way for a dog. Not for this beautiful dog, this wonderful animal, this perfect girl…might she be the secret Emmet had been keeping for me?
I ached all over, something primal in me wrapping around her, unwilling to let her go. This was what I wanted, what I hadn’t known I wanted until right now.
But what if I was wrong, what if they were only showing me a dog, and now I was attached to something I couldn’t have?
I had to ask. I couldn’t get any more attached, couldn’t let my heart break any more than it already would if I’d guessed wrong. “Is this…is she for me?” I whispered.
“Yes.” Emmet stood behind me, not touching me but standing close. “She’s a service dog. Your service dog. She’s trained to help people with depression and anxiety. She can go with you anywhere in public. If you go to Target and you get overwhelmed, she can help you. If you’re at Workiva and you need a break, she can help you get to a safe space. If you’re at home alone and depression is bad, she can get you your medicine and a bottle of water, or the phone. She can stop you from hurting yourself. She can fetch someone to help you. She can comfort you when you need comforting and be your companion when no one else can be there.”
I withdrew from Mai, looking at Emmet, too stunned for a long moment to say a word. “She…she can do all that?”
“Not all, not quite yet.” Dr. North said this, coming closer to get a better look at Mai. “She’s still learning, which is why she can’t come home with you today. The staff here will work with her, and with you, and with me, to help her be the perfect service dog for you and you alone. Which is why it’s so important for you to be on board with this decision, Jeremey. Right now she only knows basic commands. She’s finishing her standard training, but when she’s done, she’ll have to start Jeremey training. Once she begins customizing to fit your needs, you have to be ready to commit to her and to the program.”
I wanted to commit to her right now. Forever. I drew a deep breath to steady my voice. “When will she be done with her standard training?”
The handler smiled. “She’s so close. Mai’s such a good girl, working so hard, I bet she’ll be ready by the end of the month.”
I stroked Mai’s ears, her neck, shutting my eyes when she nuzzled my face. “I didn’t know this kind of dog existed.”
“They’re expensive,” Emmet said. “This is why Workiva had to help. Mom found a grant, but Workiva had to help us finish. It takes a lot of money to train dogs like Mai. But I wanted to get one for you after I saw a man with one at Target. I’ve been trying to find one ever since, and now you can have one too, if you want one. If you want Mai.”
“Oh, I want her.” My heart felt as if it might explode, it was so full of love. “Thank you, Emmet. Thank you, Marietta, Doug, Dr. North, Kaya—everyone. I didn’t…I had no idea you were doing anything like this.”
Marietta came closer, crouched, and kissed his cheek. “You’re part of our family. We’ll do anything for you.” She smiled at Mai. “She’s beautiful. What a princess.”
Emmet came around the other side, petting her in a more halting, Emmet way. “I wish she could come with us now.”
“Once you’re ready to make it official and the paperwork goes through, we’ll bring her to The Roosevelt for some on-site training, even if her standard training isn’t quite finished. Then she’ll come back here and finish her lessons, and then she’ll come home for good.” The trainer smiled at me. “In the meantime, we have some training for you too. You need to learn how to use your new dog. She’s a good worker, but you need to know how to tell her what to do. We’ll help you figure it out. Are you ready to learn?”
I stroked Mai’s neck. Stared into her sweet face, her eyes, thought about how she was my dog. My dog. Not only my dog, but my helper. My tool so I could do better at work and in every part of my life.
Would she make that much of a difference, I wondered? Would having Mai mean I could go to work with David more? Would having her on my team, as my aide mean I wouldn’t be The Roosevelt Blues Brother left behind all the time?
I wasn’t sure, not yet. But I did know when I looked into Mai’s eyes, I didn’t just feel love. I felt hope.
“I’m ready,” I said, and let hope soar.