CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Emmet
I enjoyed being engaged, mostly.
The trouble was dealing with people finding out I was engaged. Jeremey’s parents were uncomfortable. He hadn’t had much contact with them since he moved out of their house because of their rocky past relationship, and Dr. North had said he thought it was a good idea. I did too. But when we got engaged, Jeremey insisted he had to meet with them. “How could I get married and not tell them?”
So we went to tell them, and it was awkward. They’ve never liked me, and they didn’t like me that day either. They don’t think I’m a whole person because I have autism, and they think Jeremey should be with someone better. Dr. North said also they didn’t want to see Jeremey growing up, but I think mostly they don’t want him growing up with someone with autism. I wish we could have skipped talking to them, but this is part of being an adult. They’re going to be my in-laws, and a lot of people have difficult in-laws.
It wasn’t only Jeremey’s parents who judged us though, and some of them judged Jeremey as much as they did me. This was the problem of our being so public, with all the performances. People saw us everywhere and knew our business, and they left comments on our videos and our social media pages. The word got out about our engagement, and some people thought we shouldn’t be getting married, which always made me upset. They were total strangers, faceless and usually nameless, interjecting their thoughts and opinions on our lives and our worth as people. I wasn’t supposed to read those comments, but I often did anyway. Jeremey did too, and they upset him more than me. He had to go hug Mai for a long time afterward. There were mentions of the R word and people saying people like us shouldn’t get married.
What did they mean, people like us? Who decided they got to judge us?
Mostly, however, people were happy for Jeremey and me, and now when we did our events for the foundation and the project, I could talk about my fiancé instead of my boyfriend, and when Jeremey and I did our dance, our rings would catch in the light and I would remember I was getting married, which always made me feel good.
The other problem I had was one Sally told me was a common problem for engaged couples, which was everyone asking when we’d set a date for the wedding ceremony. We had not set a date yet because right now our focus was the vote and too much planning at once would upset Jeremey, so we’d decided to make those decisions later in the summer, since we weren’t in a hurry. But it was always the first question people asked, and it was annoying.
I did feel a little more adult, being engaged. Jeremey said the same thing, though he said it wasn’t so much grown up as that he belonged.
“It’s such a normal thing, to be engaged. Living at The Roosevelt makes me feel like a regular person, no different than anyone else in Ames or the rest of the country. Being engaged for me is similar to you getting a job a Workiva. It’s a life step I wasn’t sure I was going to get to take. I’m glad I get to do it. It’s not why I said yes to you, but it’s a nice benefit.”
I thought about trying to work something about that into my speeches but it was personal between Jeremey and me. I kept it in mind, though, because it was just another thing The Roosevelt Project and The Roosevelt Foundation stood for: making safe places for people like Jeremey and me, where we could feel normal and do whatever we wanted.
“What normal do you want?” I asked Darren one day when we were sitting together in my apartment. He was visiting me, helping me with a program on my computer. “I have my job and my engagement to Jeremey, my apartment here, and The Roosevelt Project. What are you looking for? Not for other people, but for you?”
Darren considered this before signing to me. I think I would like to fall in love. With a person in real life, not online.
I was surprised to hear him say this, because usually Darren didn’t want to do this. He said he preferred to keep romantic relationships confined to people on the Internet where they couldn’t get complicated with physical expectations. I signed back to him. Do you have someone you’re in love with?
Darren made his sign for no—he doesn’t care to shake his head. But I think I let myself hide too much when I lived at Icarus. Being with The Roosevelt Blues Brothers has taught me to let myself be with other people. To be myself in my body as well as my mind. I want to find someone who wants to go on walks with me and watch movies with me and play games and get in fights, and care for me. Someone who doesn’t care that when I laugh I bark like a dog.
I smiled. I like your laugh. It’s sharp and pointed.
Yes, but I can’t fall in love with you because you love Jeremey. Also you focus on sex too much.
It was true, I did prioritize sex, and I was in love with Jeremey. There will be other people who like your laugh. We’ll find them.
Darren used his laugh then, but it was a soft bark. Are you Super Emmet now, saving everyone? You should save David too. He wants a partner more than me.
I wanted to help David too, yes, but first I had to figure out how to shelter the sea. All the Roosevelt Blues Brothers are super. We’ll save each other, and everyone else too.
We kept trying, kept going to our events, kept spreading our message. Darren worked hard online, boosting our videos in chat rooms local, statewide, and beyond. We needed the votes from people in Iowa, but he pointed out it didn’t hurt to keep the message coming in from the outside as sometimes pressure worked best from the outside in. David continued to be the resident charmer, always working the front lines of our events and sometimes going with his father to talk with people at private functions for the foundation. Jeremey continued to help each of us in his own way, and though he was the invisible Blues Brother in many ways, he was also the one we relied on the most, because he was always there, propping us up, offering the hand of support we didn’t know we needed.
I tried not to be overconfident, but I did feel good about our chances. So did Kaya, and so did Bob.
“The numbers look good,” Kaya told me one day after work. “The Roosevelt Foundation is just getting started, but it’s strong, and the polls are in our favor. The actual vote among the representatives is still a dead heat, but what I hear is the opposition is running scared. They think we’re going to win, Emmet.”
I was excited about this news, but in the end I think it would have been better if Kaya hadn’t told it to me. It made me lower my guard and let me be ruled too much by my emotions, and when RJ King found me, I wasn’t ready for him.
It was after an event in the park in Story City. The other Blues Brothers and I had gone after our performance to enjoy the antique carousel. They turned the calliope off for us while we rode as otherwise it would be too loud. David needed to go to the restroom once we were done riding, so Jeremey went with him to help, and Darren joined them in case they needed more help, and I decided I would make sure Bob and Kaya didn’t need anything as they finished talking with donors. They had told us we didn’t need to be around, but I thought I would make sure they hadn’t changed their minds.
I didn’t find Bob or Kaya in the pavilion, but I did find RJ King. When he saw me, he stopped talking to the man he was having a conversation with and came over, wearing a smile I didn’t like.
“Mr. Washington. How lovely to see you. I was hoping I would run into you, and here you are. Might I take a few minutes of your time to make you a proposition? Come walk with me outside. It’s such a lovely day.”
I thought about saying no to him, but I noticed people were watching us, people who might be donors Kaya and Bob needed. My octopus stirred, uncomfortable with RJ King’s trick and the situation in general. I decided the best move would be to follow him because I could always get away from him outside, which would also mean other people wouldn’t see me leaving.
I followed him out the door, humming softly.
He was right that it was a lovely day. The leaves were full on the trees now, and a soft, warm wind made them rustle as we walked beneath them. He had a large stride, but he didn’t rush me, which was kind of him at least.
“Your project is doing well, Emmet.” His voice wasn’t loud and slippery as it normally was. It was as if he had taken off a jacket, and this was the real RJ. “I will admit I underestimated you and your friends. I’m impressed. Well done.”
I wasn’t sure what to say, so I didn’t say anything. I thought about getting away from him as I’d originally planned, but since he wasn’t being an asshole, I decided I could stay a little longer. Maybe I would discover something that could help us beat him.
He continued to speak, still calm, still unlike the usual RJ King. He was almost kind, in fact. “This being said, as much as I admire what you’ve been able to do—perhaps because of how much I admire it—I wanted to let you know, there’s no way you’re going to get what you want. And I suspect I know your answer already, but I wanted to put this on the table all the same. If you were willing to stop now, to quit flaming the fires and ramping people up and making things annoyingly difficult for me, I’d be willing to quietly incorporate some of your ideas into my plans once the bill is passed. Not all, of course. They’re too expensive and my investors would never stand for them. But I could work some of them in as a gesture of my appreciation.”
I stopped walking and stared at his back, not sure what he was saying.
He stopped too and turned to me. His face hadn’t changed, but his tone was flatter now. “It’s not an offer I’ll repeat. You’re making headaches for me, and I’d like to see them go away. But understand me when I tell you, there’s no way you’ll win. Whatever that woman is telling you, whatever fairy tales you’re spinning, at the end of the day, I’ll prevail. So if you want any victory at all, Emmet, this is where you take it. Here and now, in this park. You have my word I’ll keep my promise. I’ll let you tell me what parts you can’t live without, and I’ll be honest about which ones I can work in. I know what you think of me, but I’m not a monster. I’m a man. A father, a grandfather. I respect you, what you’ve done. I want to help you. This is how I can do that. Let me, Emmet. Let me help you.”
My octopus writhed, but it was more confused than upset. I understood what it was feeling. I had to rock and flap gently as I tried to find a way to respond. “You could help me by helping us win. You could join our foundation. You could back our project. You could get out of our way and help us get votes.”
“That wouldn’t help my business or the people involved in my business. I have to put them first.”
“I have to put my people first. They don’t want money, either. They want lives.”
“My businesses want to give your people lives. Better ones.”
Now I was angry, and so was my octopus. I didn’t like the way he said your people either. “No you don’t, because you don’t listen when we tell you the lives you’re offering us are bad ones, ones we don’t want.”
“Life isn’t always about what we want.”
“Except when you want to give things to the people in your businesses.”
His smile was flat and cold. “You’re too young to understand the way the world works, but one day you will.”
“Bob is the same age as you, and he understands it the same way I do. So does my mother, and Dr. North, and most of the medical profession in the country. You twist facts until they look like the ones you want them to be. You create the definition of normal that suits you best, but there’s no normal, RJ King. You can think you’re not a monster, but to me and to all the people like me, you’re the enemy. No, I won’t let you help me. And no, I don’t believe it’s guaranteed you’re going to beat us.”
King held up his hands. “Yes, this is what I suspected you would say. But I had to try.” He sighed and lowered his hands. “I do wish you well, Emmet. I hope your facility is able to stay solvent despite what I know about its projected trajectory. I hope your marriage to your friend is a happy one, and I hope I’m able to help you find happiness.”
I never, ever wanted RJ King to be a part of my happiness. “I don’t need you to give me anything, or any of my friends. And we will all be happy. We’ll beat you too.”
RJ King didn’t say anything, only shook his head as he turned away from me and walked across the park.
I didn’t tell the others about RJ King’s comments to me, not right away. I told Jeremey once we were alone in our apartment that night, lying on my bed with him, as he had his arms around me, being my sensory sack.
Jeremey was upset, but he kept calm as best he could. “He’s a terrible man. But you’re amazing for being able to keep your cool around him. I would have cried or run away, or maybe hit him.”
I hadn’t wanted to hit him, or run. But I did hate him more every time I thought about him. “Do you think he was bluffing, or do you think he knows something about the vote? Do you think he’s right, that we have no chance of winning?”
Jeremey sighed. “I have no idea. I want to think he’s bluffing, but there’s no way to tell, and in the end, does it matter? It’s not as if we’re going to stop. At the end of the day we have to push forward and hope for the best. We’re going to get people to the rally, and we’re going to get those representatives to vote.”
He was right, of course, and so I did my best to put it out of my mind. It wasn’t easy, though, and the next day I told the others, first Darren and David and then Kaya and Bob. Darren and David were both angry, especially David, and so were Kaya and Bob. Kaya got one of her funny looks, as if she wanted to throw things, and Bob started touching his face a lot, frowning at the floor. I asked them the same question I’d asked Jeremey. “Do you think he’s right? Do you think they will win?”
Kaya shook her head. “Absolutely not. The polls are against them. We still don’t know how the representatives will swing, but if their voters are telling them to vote for us, how do you think they will go? I feel good about our chances. Mostly I’m furious this jerk thought he could bully you. Was he trying to rattle you? Make you upset?”
I considered this. “No. He wanted me to know he wasn’t a monster.”
“Ah. Cleaning his conscience. Good for you for not letting him off the hook.” Kaya brushed her hands together. “I’ve never wanted anything more than how much I want to beat this man. Not only to win for our cause but to defeat this jerk. I hate his kind. I want to see him go down, and I want you to be the one who does it, Emmet.”
I was less interested in taking people down and more concerned about protecting The Roosevelt and our project, but I knew what she meant. It was what Darren had asked me about, the Super Emmet thing. I did want to be a hero. I wanted my Elwood Blues moment.
I only hoped my algorithm could hold, that it would be enough.
Finally, they set a date for the vote. It would be the last Friday in June, which meant now we knew how much time was left between now and then to get our work done. We scheduled our last events, our final rallies, and we organized a rally for the day of the vote at the statehouse, for people to go and talk to their representatives and to gather on the grounds outside and be seen for the cameras as the vote came in. Hopefully it would also be a victory party afterward.
We had contacts from groups outside of Iowa too, people who wanted to work with the foundation and model their fight on the one we’d begun in Iowa. They were waiting to see how well it worked with the legislature, but even if it didn’t, they said they wanted to use the model, and of course we told them yes.
One more big change came in the space between the announcement and the vote, one that was good but I wasn’t sure how I felt about it: Kaya got a new job. She gave her notice at Workiva because as of June 30 she’d be working full-time as the director of The Roosevelt Foundation.
“I’ll miss working with you so much.” She cried as she told me, pressing a wadded-up tissue to her eyes to catch the tears, but most of them ran down her face anyway. “I know I’ll still see you because you’ll volunteer with the foundation, but it won’t be the same as working at Workiva. But I want to help build what we’ve started, to protect it. I hope you understand.”
I did understand, and I thought she’d make a great director. But I would miss her too. I wished she could do both jobs. I tried to tell her all this, but I ended up rocking and hugging her and crying a little too.
I didn’t have a lot of time to be sad, though, because we were so busy getting ready for the lobby day. I was helping Darren with some of the online things, and so were Jeremey and David. People from all over the world wanted to know how the vote was going to go. We had become a movie everyone wanted to know the end of.
I just hoped it was a happy ending, not a tragedy.
Two weeks before the vote, I took a walk one night to my parents’ house. I had texted them to let them know I was coming over, so my dad was waiting on the front porch for me, hands in his pockets and smiling as I came down the sidewalk. “Good to see you, son.”
I signed hello, as I wasn’t feeling verbal.
He didn’t press me to talk as I went inside, and my mom didn’t either once she saw I didn’t want to speak. They let me sit in the kitchen and watch them work around me, making coffee and dinner and talking to each other, sometimes to me too but mostly letting me be quiet and by myself.
The house always felt different now, not the same as it had been when I’d grown up in it. I missed it sometimes, though I was glad to have my own place with Jeremey. Sometimes it was comforting to come back and remember what it was like to have this place be my home, to have my mom and dad busy around me when I was overwhelmed. Like right now.
They made me a snack and a cup of herbal tea, and we sat together on the deck, where we could watch trains as they went by. I rocked silently, then started to hum as I got ready to talk. They waited patiently for me to begin, not rushing me.
I’m scared, I signed at last.
My dad put down his cup of coffee. It’s natural to be scared, he signed.
I felt tears threatening, but I asked the octopus to please keep them back. For once he listened to me.
I don’t want to disappoint everyone.
My mom didn’t stop her tears, but she didn’t look sad. She looked complicated, but if I had to pick an emotion from her face, I would guess proud. You won’t disappoint anyone. We’re all so proud of you. No matter what happens, Emmet, we are all so proud of you.
I couldn’t stop my tears anymore either. I don’t want King to win. But I’m afraid he will.
My dad wasn’t crying, but his smile was sad. If he wins this time, you’ll fight and find a way to beat him next time. And we’ll help you. So will a lot of people. Remember, Emmet, no matter what it feels like, you aren’t facing this alone.
My octopus stroked my head as the tears fell down my cheeks. It’s going to hurt so much if we lose.
Now Dad was crying too, one tiny tear that caught on his nose. We’ll be with you, to help you heal, if that happens.
We all cried together, for a while. And when I went home, I felt a lot better.