Chapter 38

Aurora

“Triple shot soy latte extra hot with one pump of vanilla, please.”

The barista takes my order like it’s nothing. The coffee shop is brimming with people, all shouting their complicated orders, and it doesn’t seem to faze the guy in charge.

It’s funny how coffee-centric we’ve become as a society. Starbucks was once a new thing, a novelty. And now it’s a commonplace.

All I know is that this is my favorite place to be. There’s nothing like getting a caffeine high before Pilates class starts. I’ve dedicated myself entirely to physical fitness in trying to relieve my brain and body of worries about Anders.

Also, I find myself striving to be in perfect physical form, just in case one of the Grayson brothers calls me again.

I take my latte to the streets of New York City. Wind is whipping through my hair as fall transitions to winter. I pull my North Face coat tightly around my body, trying to keep out of the elements.

It’s invigorating, being out like this. I love the cold, because it wakes me up.

I walk the length of two blocks to the Pilates studio. On the way, my friend Megan meets up with me. She’s in the same class.

“Hi, babe, got your coffee?” she says, laughing, knowing my need for espresso.

“Yep. Can’t do class without it,” I say.

We’re both wearing leggings and furry boots with warm coats on top. She and I were destined to be friends. We knew it on the first day we met each other in Pilates.

Megan is a lot like I am. She grew up with money, and she lives on the Upper East Side.

“You know,” she says tentatively. “I’ve seen your brother Anders a couple times now out on the town.”

The last thing I want to do is talk about Anders. More and more people have been approaching me with concerns about him.

Before, his addiction used to be somewhat of a secret, a secret only I knew. Now, he’s being so sloppy in public that people are starting to take note. The last thing I need on my plate is for all of our friends and acquaintances to know what’s going on with him.

Until this point, I had no idea that the entire town knew of our situation. I’ve been thinking I have to get a handle on it, but it’s spiraling out of control.

I guess that’s the nature of addiction, right? I just know that he better agree to go to rehab soon. He has to.

How I can force his hand on this, I have no idea.

I try to sound nonchalant as I say, “Oh, yeah? Did you talk to him?”

“No, Aurora. He’s in really bad shape. I think he’s hanging out with the wrong crowd. He definitely seemed high. He didn’t even recognize me. I mean, I’ve known the guy for ages.”

Her voice and expression are concerned. If only I could unleash all of my struggles and worries on her. I would do anything to have someone to talk to regarding my brother.

As of this moment, only Dr. Pembroke knows how bad the situation is that he’s gotten himself into.

“Oh, well,” I say to her, deflecting. “Sometimes he parties a little bit too hard. I’ll talk to him about it.”

She looks satisfied with my response. We walk together to Pilates.

I get on the reformer and try to follow the instructor’s directions, but my mind can’t focus.

“Control it. Make sure your muscles are lifting against gravity,” she says.

I can’t think of anything but what Megan just told me.

It’s not a good sign that Anders didn’t even recognize her. The fact that his behavior is starting to cause concern for our friends is unacceptable. I prefer to remain more low-key than all of that.

People don’t even know the half of it. They have no idea he sold my virginity to the highest bidder. They have no idea that since then, he’s blowing through virtually three billion dollars.

They have no idea just how in bad shape he is.

And they have no idea that I feel utterly alone in dealing with him. With no parents or family to speak to, he’s all I’ve got, he’s all I have. And I’ll be damned if I let him go down the drain.

My muscles burn, and I attempt to breathe through it. I know I’ll be sore after this class. I try to focus on feeling everything.

It’ll help take me out of my head and back into reality.

“Use your powerhouse,” the instructor says.

I focus on my core and try to bring it all in. Throughout the class, I work to stretch and strengthen my body. By the time I leave, I feel like I’m in total alignment.

“Okay, that was tough,” Megan says, kissing me on the cheek. “I’ll see you next week then, right?”

“Yes, sure thing. Wouldn’t miss it. Have a good weekend.”

I decide to walk all the way home.

I need the stress of the situation to dissolve. Pilates class was hard, and I definitely feel sore, but my mind is still on my brother. Every time someone tells me they’ve seen him acting out of control, my heart breaks a little bit more.

I need the air and the action on the streets of New York City to help clear my mind. I need to fix the situation—only I don’t know how.

The walk home helps, but as soon as I get back, I log into my bank account to see what’s been happening. Anders has disappeared from the apartment again. He’s nowhere to be found.

And yet right there, glaring me right in the face on the screen, is evidence of what he’s been up to.

Almost all of the three-billion-dollar fortune we had has gone away.

I put my head in my hands and start to cry. There’s no going back.

I don’t how to fix this. He’s ruined us again.