I’m fighting back tears that are so intense my nose burns and my eyes sting profusely. I refuse to look at my sisters or my mother and concentrate on my dad—just his face. Just look at his face and nowhere else. “Daddy!”

I bend and he lifts his arms and engulfs me the way only he can. It always makes me feel safe and loved, even now. Oh God, I’m going to lose him. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. Do. Not. Think. “You look too thin, Little D. Have you been eating?” he asks.

“She’s eating me out of house and home, as usual,” Jude interjects, and I look up and see him by the front doors to the condo that is about to become my parents’ and sisters’ home. My eyes connect with my brother’s, and I know that they’ve kept the severity of my dad’s decline from him too. On the outside he’s smiling his typical mischievous grin, but I can see beyond it to the pain in his eyes.

“Jude’s still a drama queen, in case you were wondering,” I tell our dad, and he chuckles. “Zoey loves having me over all the time. You can ask her when she gets here after work.”

“I hope that’s not too late,” our dad announces, his voice a little slurred, which has never happened during the day before, only late at night if he’s tired. Please may it be the long red-eye that’s making it happen. “I can’t wait to see her.”

“She’ll be here early afternoon. She’s working half days right now,” Jude promises.

“Let’s get you upstairs, Dad,” Winnie says and grabs the back of his wheelchair. Our eyes lock as she pushes past me. She knows I want to murder her.

We get Dad up to the apartment along with all their bags. Their furniture and most of their belongings arrived the other day, and Jude paid a company to unpack everything and set it up, as per Zoey’s orders. She’s consulted with our mom, and they’d picked out exactly where everything should go via multiple emails and Skype calls.

Jude bought the family a three-bedroom penthouse a block from his and Zoey’s house. The building is fully accessible by wheelchair and still has that old-world charm of a classic San Francisco building—bay windows, crown moldings, hardwood floors, built-ins. It’s beautiful, the best of the best, but for everyone it has been made ugly by the reason he had to buy it. Originally we were going to wait until the last possible second and move our dad into a fancy nursing home when it was impossible for him to stay at our family home in Toronto. But then Zoey got pregnant and both Mom and Dad wanted to be nearby for their first grandchild. So Jude decided to get them a place in the city. Dad’s spot in the nursing home is still on hold, but for now they’ll live in luxury a block from their future grandbaby with a part-time nurse who will be coming by every morning to help Dad with tasks like showering and to monitor his health.

I’m huffing like a chubby kid with asthma after lugging the second of Sadie’s two suitcases into the room that will be hers. She requested it be painted a very pale, slightly smoky blue, and it’s incredible. She bought herself a brand-new bed with a gray velvet tufted headboard with bling in each tuft. “I want this.”

“I figured you would,” she replies and smiles. “Tough luck.”

I turn to her, glancing down the hall, but no one is on this side of the apartment but us. “He’s in the chair full-time now?”

She nods. “Pretty much.”

My heart clenches. “And the slurring?”

“That’s not all the time,” she replies and sighs. “But it’s a lot of the time now.”

“Why didn’t you tell us it had gotten this bad?” I demand, trying to keep my voice down.

Sadie frowns. She looks so much like Mom when she does that. They have different smiles but identical frowns. I didn’t notice that until recently, because neither of them frowned a lot while I was growing up. Now it’s much more common. “Mom’s idea. She didn’t want to spoil Jude’s happiness over the baby. And she wanted you to enjoy your job. She said you’d find out soon enough, and you did.”

“What a way to find out,” I mutter and lean against the doorframe. “I felt blindsided when you guys had to help him from the cab to his chair. He’s always been able to walk a little bit, even this summer.”

“I know. It sucks.” Sadie reaches out and hugs me. “Just don’t act like it in front of him, okay? When the doctor first told him he shouldn’t use the walker anymore and should stick to the wheelchair, he melted down. Swearing and raging and even throwing things.”

“What?” I feel a shudder of horror ripple through me.

“I know. It was bad,” Sadie confirms. “He locked himself in the bathroom and basically destroyed it. Mom was frantic and in tears. Winnie busted down the door, but by then the damage was done. I was at work and they called me and I left my shift and came home. We actually had to give him Ativan.”

“Fuck,” I whisper, my heart twisting painfully in my chest. The unfairness of it all is overwhelming, and not just for my dad. But we, the kids, made a vow long ago to suck it up. We can fall apart when he’s gone, but for now we are rocks. Braddock rocks.

“Tell me something good,” Sadie begs, running a hand through her long, sandy-blond hair and releasing it from her low ponytail. Sadie is the no-frills one out of us, probably because of her job as a nurse. I’m wondering now that she’s on a leave and living here if I can convince her to do a girls’ day with me—mani-pedis and massages sound great. “How did things go with the goalie? Did he like the outfit?”

I flush and smile instantaneously. “Yes. A lot.”

“Did you get some?” Sadie looks so damn excited it’s almost sad.

“Yes,” I say, because clearly she’s deprived and needs to live vicariously through my sex life. “But you can’t—I mean it—tell Jude. Or anyone. Ever.”

“Jude who?” Sadie quips and winks. “Was it good? It was great, wasn’t it? Goalie sex is the absolute best. They’re remarkably flexible and so damn crazy. God, I miss crazy sex. Or any sex.”

I laugh at her. “He was all those things and also insanely intimate.”

She looks pleasantly surprised at that. “Nice.”

“But it’s a one-time thing,” I say firmly. “Has to be. Once he makes the team, it’s completely off-limits. We’re bending the rules the way it is, and that’s dangerous.”

Sadie moves past me, out of her room and into the hall. I join her. I can hear our parents, Winnie and Jude talking somewhere at the other end of the condo, probably in the master bedroom, which Jude had renovated with wider doorframes and a shower Dad could roll his wheelchair into.

“Good sex is harder to find than a good job,” Sadie announces as she swats my ass playfully. “Remember that.”

“You need to get laid,” I remark and she nods emphatically.

“Does goalie boy have a friend?”

“Shh!” I command as we get closer to the voices. She lifts her index finger and makes a cross above her heart on her chest.

We turn the corner and find everyone except Dad in the large kitchen.

“Jude, this is more than we could have ever hoped for,” Mom is saying and she reaches out and grabs her only son in a bear hug.

Jude rubs her back and kisses her cheek before pulling back. “It’s nothing.”

“I hate that you’re blowing your money on us when you have Zoey and the baby to think about now,” Mom confesses softly with that same frown Sadie had earlier.

“Mom, Jude has more than enough money to take care of the baby, Zoey, and you and Dad. Two times over,” Winnie reminds her of what we all know. Jude nods in agreement.

“Besides, Zoey has enough money to take care of herself and the baby without his help,” I add and smile. “So do not feel guilty. I don’t when I eat his food or use his Netflix or hack into his Amazon and order myself Jimmy Choos.”

“You do that?!”

I shake my head. “No, but now I know I can, because you clearly don’t check.”

Mom chuckles at our banter. Good, that’s what I was going for. Jude ignores me and takes Mom by the hand. “Let me show you Winnie’s and Sadie’s rooms down at this end. Away from you and Dad, so you have some privacy.”

I watch them head out into the hall and walk down to the other end of the condo. I glance up and watch Winnie’s face fall instantly as she pulls out her phone. “Fucking hell, Tyson! It’s been less than twenty-four hours.”

“That sounds like a good start to a long-distance relationship,” I remark as I watch her angrily type something into her phone. Winnie and Tyson have been dating since high school. You’d think they’d be married with babies by now, but the fact is, they don’t seem to really like each other all that much. I think her deciding to move here with the rest of the family is finally going to be the nail in their long overdue coffin.

“He is pissy because I didn’t tell him when we landed.” Winnie rolls her eyes. “And I haven’t told him what weekend to come visit yet. He wants next weekend, but hell, we just got here, and I don’t even know where my room is. I just need some time to get used to everything before I have to make him get used to everything.”

“Ah, true love,” Sadie quips, and I try not to giggle. In all honesty, this is serious. And it’s a perfect example of why Sadie and I aren’t in any rush to bring anyone else into our lives permanently. Winnie looks up and stares at both of us with a mix of annoyance and something else, like frustration. She bows her head again and goes back to texting, but Sadie isn’t done talking. “Dixie scored the goalie.”

“Shh!” I command harshly and stick my head out into the hall. Mom and Jude are nowhere to be found, thankfully. “Where is Dad?”

“He said he was going to lie down.”

“Does he need help?”

Sadie shakes her head.

“He’s okay with that stuff for now, especially because Jude got him one of those adjustable beds like in the hospital. He can lower it and raise the top or bottom.” Winnie is finally done texting and sticks her phone in her back pocket. “Now what’s this about nailing the goalie?”

“Shh!” I hiss. “I hooked up with that guy from the junior team. It was hot, and now it’s over. And no one—especially Jude—can know.”

Winnie shrugs. “I love keeping shit from big brother, so no worries. But why is it only once if it was so good?”

“I just wanted to do it to get him out of my system. That was our plan.”

Winnie looks like she’d have more faith in the existence of unicorns than in anything I’m saying. She’s always had a way of seeing right through my bullshit. “So you’ve worked him out of your system? He’s no longer attractive and charming now that he’s given you what I can only assume is great sex?”

“Fantastic sex,” Sadie pipes up and instantly lowers her voice before I can shush her. “It was also insanely intimate. Her words.”

Winnie’s smile grows at that. “Okay, you have to figure out a way to keep this going, Dix.”

“It’s impossible,” I reply and sigh. “And I may be up for a promotion at work, so the last thing I need to be doing is anything that will screw that up. I have a five-year plan, and he isn’t in it.”

They both roll their eyes simultaneously. “Ah, right. You are conquering the male-dominated business world one press release at a time,” Winnie chirps, and I flip her my middle finger.

“She’s going to be the next Ryanne Bateman,” Sadie adds, her tone dripping with annoyance. She thinks I’m too OCD about my career. “A rich, successful businesswoman with no one to share the empire with.”

“I don’t need a man to be complete.”

Sadie nods. “Of course you don’t. But you also can be successful and have a man in your life. The two aren’t mutually exclusive.”

“Not this man. He’s a fun time, but that’s all,” I reply. They both look completely unconvinced, but I don’t want to debate this anymore, mostly because I know I can be easily defeated. If they push me just a little bit more I’ll break down and call him, like I’ve wanted to since I woke up this morning. I decide to change the subject. “Are you finally going to break up with Tyson now that you live here?”

“I don’t live here,” Winnie corrects. Her gray eyes, the exact same shade as my mom’s, hold a stern glint, and I can tell she’s not just trying to convince me of this. “It’s a temporary situation. Tyson will adapt, and I’ll move home eventually.”

“Or he can move here when we all decide to stay,” Sadie mutters under her breath, but Winnie still catches it.

“He’s not dual like us,” she replies. “He can’t just move to the US.”

“Unless you marry him,” I add in a perky, helpful tone I know is anything but helpful. They’ve been together almost ten years now, and somehow she thinks we’re the ridiculous ones for bringing it up.

“I’m not marrying him right now,” Winnie says flatly. “I’m scared to plan it and then something happens to Dad and…I just don’t want to at this time. And he’s too needy right now. Could you imagine how needy he’ll be if we get married?”

She stomps out of the kitchen. Sadie rolls her eyes. I point in the general direction Winnie just went. “That is exactly why I don’t want a relationship right now. Winnie is miserable trying to be what Tyson wants and deal with all this family stuff. Better to just stay single.”

Sadie shrugs. “Maybe. But Jude and Zoey make it work.”

“Yeah, but Jude is different. He always defies the odds.”

“You do too,” Sadie replies and smiles.

“Whatever. The fling with my goalie was perfect. Fun, satisfying and all the sadness and stuff about Dad doesn’t have to be his problem.” I walk over to the front door, just across from the kitchen, and grab my purse, which I dumped there when I was schlepping the luggage up.

“He doesn’t know about Dad?” Sadie questions.

I shrug. “He probably does, because the team knows, but he didn’t bring it up and I wasn’t about to,” I explain to her. “It’s nice to be with someone who doesn’t talk about it, you know?”

I watch her nod as I instinctively grab my phone out of the front flap and start to check my emails. The team is flying out for a road trip today, so things should be relatively quiet at work.

“Jude! You need to get to the airport, like five minutes ago!” I yell and notice I have a message.

It’s Elijah. My heart instantly flutters even before I read it, and then when I read it, my heart adds flipping to the fluttering. It’s another cheesy pickup line, but it’s about hooking up again. “Can I crash at your place?” Is he serious?

I must be biting my lip when Jude walks into the hallway because he chuckles at me. “You look like you’re trying to solve a math problem.”

“Get your ass to the airport,” I reply, my eyes never leaving Elijah’s text. “They aren’t going to hold the plane, golden boy.”

“Are you okay?”

I move my phone to my chest so he can’t see the screen, then look up at him. I know instantly he’s talking about Dad. “Why didn’t anyone tell me he wasn’t walking at all anymore?”

“I didn’t know until last night. Mom called me to warn me,” Jude replies. “And I couldn’t exactly break it to you at work last night. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” I sigh. Our eyes meet, and my pain is reflected back in his. “Now go. I’ll come over every night to help them settle in and make sure Zoey isn’t overexerting herself.”

He reaches out and hugs me. “Okay. Thanks. Call if you need anything.”

“I will.” I give him a quick squeeze and then pull back and shove him. “Go.”

“Guys!” Jude calls out. “I’m heading out.”

Our sisters call out good-byes and our mom comes scurrying down the hall to give him a hug. I take the opportunity to reread Eli’s text. As I’m reading another one pops up.

I’m smiling so large it distracts my mom from the waving she’s doing as Jude heads out the door and down the stairs. She looks at me, perplexed. “You could light the sky with that smile, Dixie. What’s causing it?”

“No one,” I reply and side hug her. “Just happy you’re here.”

She kisses my forehead and pats my hair. “That’s a load of hooey, but I’ll get his name out of your sisters, don’t you worry.”

I laugh. “When it’s important, I promise I’ll tell you. This is nothing but a little fun.”

“Well, go have your fun.” My mom motions toward my phone as she pulls away. “I’m going to go check on your dad. Maybe catch a little nap next to him.”

I nod and watch her go before glancing at my screen again. I should tell him no, I can’t see him again. I can’t because my parents are living here now and my dad is dying and my work is about to get really intense with the prospect of this promotion and I don’t need his antics, as charming as they are, to distract me. But there’s time to be an adult later. I text him back.