He pounds on my hotel room door way too fucking early just like I told Dixie he would. Levi is nothing if not predictable. It’s hilarious that he and my parents are always at such odds, because he’s more like them than either Todd or I could ever hope to be. Our parents are always calm, always punctual, never raise their voices or act brashly. I’ve never seen them cry, not even after my grandmother passed. Levi is exactly like them in that way. Or he was until he met his girlfriend, Tessa.

I fling open the door and come face-to-face with him. He grins—it’s too big not to be sarcastic. “Hey! You’re up!”

He knows I was far from up.

I leave the door open and wander back toward my bed, but before I can fall face first into it he’s got a hand on my shoulder, keeping me upright. “Since you’re up, throw on some clothes and let’s go for breakfast!”

“What is it about dawn that makes you such a fucking cheerleader?” I ask, but I stumble toward my open suitcase because I know he’s not going to let me go back to bed.

“It’s almost nine, Eli. Dawn was hours ago,” he says to me, like nine a.m. makes him any less of a psychopath. “The team plane leaves at noon for Milwaukee. You’ll be joining us soon, so get used to it, little bro.”

I dig around for a clean shirt and the only jeans I brought.

“You look wrecked,” he tells me. “Did you and Jasper go out after the event?”

I nod. I love when he makes up my excuses for me. “Just for a few.”

“Find any chicks?” I glance over and he’s cocking his dark eyebrow at me like a jovial sitcom dad. I roll my eyes.

“What, are you trying to live vicariously through me?” I grin as I pull on my olive-green Henley hoodie. “Sorry, big bro. I’m not kissing and telling just because you’re tied down.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way. You know, even when I was single I wasn’t exactly into sowing my oats,” he replies and leans his ass against the dresser. He glances at his watch as I head into the bathroom and try to calm my bedhead. “Come on, princess.”

“Yeah. Yeah.” I wet my hands and run them through my hair and then grab my coat off the chair and head to the door. “Wherever you’re taking me better have bacon. I’m not getting my ass up at this hour for anything less.”

The streets are pretty quiet because the rest of San Francisco isn’t insane enough to be wandering around so early on a Saturday morning. I follow him left down the street the hotel’s on and then right down another street, which is more like walking down a cliff. I’m totally cabbing it back. There is no way I’m climbing this later.

He tells me about the road trip he’s heading out on, which is three games in three cities over five days. And then he does what I know he’s going to do and asks me about my upcoming games. I tell him we have two at home this week and one away on the weekend in Vancouver, Washington, against the Winterhawks’ farm team.

“You starting?” he wants to know.

I nod tersely. “The two home games, probably.”

“Not the away one?”

“I don’t know yet. I’m assuming it’ll depend on how the two home ones go.” I try not to sound too annoyed. These questions are his job, not just as my brother but as the captain of the team that drafted me.

“It’s good they’ve gone back to starting you.” I already know this. “The more ice time you get with them, the closer you are to getting ice time with us.”

“Only if it goes well,” I remind him as we stop in front of a place and he reaches for the door. As soon as I step inside I’m greeted by the smell of bacon. Thank Christ. “And it’s been going okay.”

Levi seems to absorb that information and the look on my face. As the hostess leads us to a table near the window he says, “Is this one of those situations where you hold yourself to a higher standard than you should?”

I shrug out of my coat. “No. I’m average at best right now. Why do you think I’m not already in Eddie’s spot?”

Okay, there was no hiding my annoyance in that. Levi’s dark brown eyes soften, and that makes me more annoyed. He must see that too, because as we sit across from each other he clears his throat and sets his expression into something more neutral. “You think it has something to do with the accident?”

“Nope,” I say firmly as my phone buzzes and I reach to dig it out of my coat pocket. Man, I hope it’s Dixie. “I think I need to adjust to the level of play. It’s different than college. Here, these guys are all trying to prove something every game, so they can get moved up to their NHL team. It’s fine. I just have to work harder, and I am.”

“Okay.” Levi rubs his jaw as the waitress says hello and asks us if we want coffee. “Black coffee and a large orange juice, please.”

I look up at her and smile. “Do you guys have lattes? I would kill for a vanilla latte.”

“We don’t. But we can make a mocha with the hot chocolate and coffee.”

“Then a large one of those and also a large apple juice,” I say and glance at my phone, disappointed it’s only a text message from Jasper. The waitress scribbles down the order and trots off. “Jasper wants me to meet him for breakfast.”

“Invite him here,” Levi says and gives me the address. I text Jasper back. “You know, if the accident is still bothering you the team has access to a—”

“If you say ‘shrink’ I will pour my mocha over your head when she brings it. Whipped cream and all,” I warn him seriously.

Levi looks a little stunned but recovers. “I was going to say sports psychologist.”

“Same difference,” I return and frown. “I’m not a head case. I’m fine. This doesn’t have to become a thing. It happened. It’s over. I’m fine. Lots of players get cut by a skate and keep playing just as well as they did before. My slump is not skate related.”

“You know this because…?”

“I know this because I researched the fuck out of this injury when it happened.” I’m so over this conversation. “And seven players in the last twenty years have been severely cut by a skate blade during a game. Two of those were neck cuts, one of those got the jugular like me. And that goalie, Casey O’Rourdan, played for two seasons after the injury.”

Casey O’Rourdan had started out as my inspiration, but now he haunts me. He really did recover immediately, like it was nothing, and even used to joke about it with the press. I’m desperately and completely irrationally jealous of him now. But of course I leave that part out.

Levi seems to think about this, or what to say to me next, and the waitress comes back over with our drinks and asks for our orders. Levi orders an egg white omelet with spinach, turkey sausage and whole wheat toast. I get a three-cheese omelet, a double order of bacon and an English muffin. Then I explain to her that we have a friend coming and order Jasper a coffee, a cheese omelet and pork sausage with sourdough.

When she’s gone Levi is staring at me with an open mouth. “How the fuck do you play a hockey game filled with grease and fat?”

“Pretty well, actually.” I shrug. “Now can we talk about something other than hockey? Like how has Tessa not left you yet?”

He laughs sarcastically. I take a sip of my apple juice and then realize I’m way more dehydrated from last night than I thought and promptly chug the rest. Dixie gave me quite the workout, and not just physically. That girl got under my skin.

“Why are you smiling?”

“I’m just happy for you.” I’m not lying. I am happy for him, but I’m smiling over Dixie. I reach for my mocha and a spoon and scoop up the whipped cream and stick a heaping spoonful of it into my mouth. I swallow it down. “Seriously, though, I mean, you just never wanted to do the crazy, wild, no-strings sex thing?”

“It was never appealing,” he replies and shrugs his broad shoulders. I love bugging Levi about being an inch taller than him, but I try to ignore the fact he’s a little bit broader. “I mean, it’s not like I was a monk. I had a few girlfriends and everything. I still wanted to fuck, just not with people I didn’t like…or even know.”

I nod and play with my spoon in my mocha. “I loved random drunken hookups in college. Going to the bar with the guys, finding some hot girl to flirt with and dance with and then…”

Levi laughs. “Yeah, and that’s not abnormal. But why are you using past tense?”

“I don’t know…” I pause. “Maybe I’m open to, you know, trying the relationship thing.”

He lifts that damn eyebrow again.

“Don’t do that. You look like Dad,” I say.

The eyebrow drops. Before he can ask a question, though, Jasper is dropping his giant body into the chair beside me with an exasperated sigh. “Hey! I’m starving and the only thing that will fix this about-to-be raging hangover is serious sausage and eggs.”

“That’s what I ordered you.”

“You’re a godsend.” He side hugs me like a total girl, even dropping his head onto my shoulder for a second. I can’t help but laugh.

Levi is amused too as he sips his boring black coffee. “How come you’re more hung over than Eli?”

“Because Eli didn’t go out with Eddie Rollins after the event,” Jasper explains and runs a hand through his disheveled white-blond hair. “That guy took me to like seven different bars trying to score.”

Levi looks confused, and I know I look guilty. “I thought you said you were with Jasper last night?”

“You said I was with Jasper. I didn’t correct you.”

Jasper smiles. “Wait a minute, your brother doesn’t know about Julie?”

“Julie?” Levi repeats and that fucking eyebrow goes up.

“Yeah, Dad.” He drops the eyebrow. Thank God I had the good sense to store Dixie’s number under a fake name in my phone. “There’s a girl named Julie. Would you like to meet her parents? Maybe drive us to the prom?”

“Okay, relax.” Levi rolls his eyes. “Is she the reason you’re thinking of a relationship?”

“Yeah.” I wish I could bite back my smile, but I can’t. “But it’s complicated.”

“The best ones always are,” Levi says, almost under his breath.

The waitress brings our meals and we eat in silence for a bit until Jasper finishes his last chunk of sausage and asks, “So speaking of complicated, did you really sleep with Braddock’s girlfriend during playoffs?”

Levi stops chewing mid-bite and gives Jasper his infamous captainly glare. “Really? That’s your question to the guy who leads the team you’re going to join one day? Maybe not that soon, if you keep asking those types of questions.”

Jasper’s pale Swedish skin starts looking sunburned, and I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from chuckling. Jasper is too new to know that Levi’s death stares aren’t as deadly as they appear—most of the time, anyway.

“I…I just…I mean, there’s just a lot of talk…and I thought…” he stammers.

“He wasn’t dating her anymore when we hooked up. But I didn’t tell him about it, and it was stupid and, yeah, the team could very well have lost playoffs because he, rightfully, could barely share the ice with me. There’s rules, on and off the ice. I broke them. Don’t be me.”

Jasper nods. I feel this need to stick up for Levi even though I know Jasper isn’t judging him. “Jude and Levi worked it out. Jude’s happier now than he ever was with Tess.”

“Oh, cool.”

“Yeah, he’s going to be a dad and everything.”

“Anyway, the point is, no fucking with other players’ girls,” Levi repeats and puts his napkin down on his empty plate. “These guys are your brothers. Treat them that way. And no fucking with the staff or the ice girls.”

He stands up, grabbing his wallet out of his back pocket. “And no fucking with the staff’s friends or family for that matter. Or the friends and family of teammates. Sounds like a lot, but San Francisco is a big city. I’m sure you’ll find someone not off-limits. Eli clearly did.”

Jasper nods and I pretend not to be paying attention because he not only just told me not to fuck around with staff, which I’ve already done, but he added family of players to that list and, fuck, Dixie is that too.

“I gotta run. Want to swing by Tessa’s salon and say good-bye before I head to the airport.” Levi dumps more than enough money on the table to pay for all three meals. I could protest, but the dude’s a millionaire, so I’ll let him get it. He points to me. “I want more info about this Jessica later.”

“Julie,” I correct. “And I’m gonna spend another night, can I stay at your place?”

“Really?”

“Coach says I don’t have to be back until Sunday afternoon practice.”

“So Julie is local?”

“Yeah.”

He seems to think about it. “Tessa is there, remember, so don’t bring your girl there and make a shit ton of sex noises.”

I laugh. “No sex noises. Julie has her own place. I just need a place for my bag.” I think about it. Dixie doesn’t know I’m coming. She might have plans or maybe not want a round two…especially after what I have to say, but I have to try.

He smirks. “I’ll let Tessa know. You still have your key?” I nod. “Here’s hoping you just need it for your bag. Oh, and wear a condom.”

“What? Yeah! Of course. Shut up.”

He laughs deeply, waves to both of us and heads out the door.

“Casco is intense, Casco,” Jasper says and leans back in his chair.

“Yeah. I know.” I grab my phone and start texting Dixie. “I didn’t really want him to know about Julie yet.”

“Why not?” he asks as we both grab our jackets and get ready to leave.

“Because it’s complicated, and I’m honestly not sure how she feels about things,” I explain as we make our way to the door.

“Are you kidding me? You two have been texting each other a billion times a day for over a week,” Jasper says as we step out into the blustery late October morning, the streets much more bustling than they were before. “What happened last night? Was the sex bad?”

“Fuck no. Far from it.” I button up my coat and try not to groan because we’ve started climbing that damn mountain of a hill. “It was the best sex I’ve ever had.”

“So…?”

I look at Jasper and then shrug. “It’s complicated.”

“Yeah. You said that. I get it. She’s here and you’re in Sacramento, but not forever,” Jasper reminds me. “But it could be worse. She’s not your teammate’s girlfriend. I mean, ex-girlfriend, or any of that other shit that Levi mentioned. Holy smokes this hill is a bitch.”

“Yeah, the hill is a bitch,” I huff. I take a minute to get up the thing before adding, “And you know Levi’s right about those rules he listed. But he also broke them intentionally, and it all turned out okay.”

I don’t know why I’m saying these words out loud. They’re not for Jasper, they’re for me. “I’m betting if you asked Tessa, Levi and Jude, they’d do it exactly the same if doing it differently meant the results would be different.”

“True.” Jasper checks his phone for the time. “My flight is in a couple hours, and I want to catch a nap before I pack.”

I nod and follow him into the hotel. “I’m just going to throw my stuff in my suitcase and head to Levi’s. See you back at our apartment tomorrow before practice.”

“Sure thing. Good luck, buddy.” Jasper smiles. “She’s lucky to have you.”

I grin. “I hope she feels that way.”

Inside my room I stare at my screen. She hasn’t responded to my text. Weird. She’s always pretty snappy. Up until last night I thought she slept with her phone in her hand. I’m beginning to worry my text was too typical for us. Like I should have sent something better—something more—after last night. Maybe I should have sent something other than Hey my name’s Microsoft, can I crash at your place tonight?

But seriously, what am I supposed to say? Sex with you just made me like you more. I want to have a secret long-distance affair while I’m in Sacramento because I can’t quit you. Are you in?

I mean, even that isn’t really the truth. Sex with Dixie was fantastic, but being with Dixie in general was amazing. I could have stayed there last night and watched her sleep until dawn. She looks like an angel when she sleeps. I know this can’t go on forever, but it can go on a little longer, and I need it to. I hope she does too.