ASHLEY’S SUV FOLLOWS me up the hill. At every intersection, I expect her to turn and disappear.
She’s behind me when I take the right, leading us north toward Langley and past the schools. When we get to the community park, I make another right and park near the athletic fields.
Without prompting, she gets out of her car and walks over to my window.
“Are we going to play in the castle? Swing?” Her snark is strong, but the untamed, crackling energy of her anger has subsided.
Reaching into the backseat, I pull out my old bat and batting helmet. I keep them in the truck in case I need to work off some frustration and anger of my own. Passing them through the window, I hand them both to her.
“No, we’re going to take out your frustration on a different kind of balls.”
“You brought me to the batting cages?”
“Ah, you catch on quick.” I wave her away so I can open my door. “I only have the one bat and helmet, so we’ll have to take turns. Unless you don’t feel like sharing, then they’re all yours.”
“This is a first.”
I point down the path to the pair of cages. “After you. Trust me, you’ll feel a lot better after cracking some balls.”
No one else is around, which is good because I imagine there’s going to be a lot of cursing involved.
“Do you come here often?” She eyes me while I set up the pitching machine.
“Not as much lately, but yeah. This is my secret to a stress-free life.” I laugh at the idea of my life ever being completely without stress. “I find this the best therapy for when I want to kick someone’s ass, or even my own.”
I walk over to her and gently put the helmet on her head. It’s a little big until she adjusts her hair into a ponytail and tucks it underneath the helmet. She resembles an angry kitten and damn if I don’t want to risk her claws to kiss her.
Patting the helmet, I ask, “You know how to hold a bat, right?”
“What if I swing and miss?”
“Try again next time. No judgment here.”
I’m not expecting her to suck as much as she does. After five pitches, she hasn’t come close to even getting a piece of the ball.
“Wow, you are really terrible.”
“Fuck off, Carter.” She lets the bat droop until the top rests on the ground.
“Didn’t you play softball?”
“No way. Mom said it was a boy’s sport and I was better off in swim or dance.”
“Nothing involving balls?”
She wrinkles her nose. “You’ve met my mother. Balls were to be avoided at all costs.”
“Okay, then I’m going to have to help you.” I pause the pitching machine before stepping behind her in the cage. Technically, I should be wearing a helmet, but I only have one. I’ll use her as a human shield if necessary. Of course I don’t tell her that.
“Let’s see.” I hum as I position her hips and shoulders in front of me. “Spread your feet farther apart. Right. Like that. Good. Shoulders down, elbows bent. Perfect.”
“This feels awkward.”
“Then we’re getting close.” I wrap my arms around her, mirroring the angle of her elbows. Placing my large hands over her smaller ones on the bat, I test a few swings. “Okay, you know the saying ‘keep your eye on the ball’?”
She nods and the helmet brushes against my face.
“Do that. Eye on the ball, swing through. Twist your hips.” I take another practice swing with her, allowing the front of my body to brush against her back. “You’re ready.”
Stepping away, I hit the button to release the first pitch. Quickly ducking behind the plate and protective chain-link fencing, I barely escape before the ball slams into the metal a few inches from where I was standing ten seconds ago.
“I got a piece of it!” Excitement replaces the other emotions in her voice.
“Good for you!” I give her a thumb’s up. “Try again.”
After another strike, she manages to knock the stuffing out of the next one. The familiar crack of the aluminum as it makes contact with a ball echoes around us.
“Now you’re getting it. Imagine the ball belongs to the asshole with the mustache today.”
Another swing results in a satisfying thwack of metal on leather. She does a little dance, shimming her butt and waving the bat around.
“Focus.” I match her grin.
“Asshole,” she yells as the next ball flies off her bat.
“Micro Dick,” she shouts at impact. “Take that, Tiny Fingers!”
“Hey now, we can’t control the size of our appendages.” I cross my arms and widen my stance.
She barely glances over her shoulder at me before she swings at a ball.
With a wiggle to her hips, she assumes the pose for another pitch. Nothing happens.
“Did I break it with my awesome talent?” She glances between me and the pitching machine.
“You’re out of balls.”
“I’m still angry. I need more venting.” She taps the bat on her sneaker, lifts it behind her shoulder, and does a chopping motion a few times. “I’m getting good at this.”
“I’ve created a monster.” I point at the balls lying on the ground at the other end of the run. “We have to pick them up if you want to go another round.”
She tosses two into the automatic pitching machine. “The collecting balls part isn’t nearly as much fun as hitting them.”
When we finish clearing the area, she holds the bat out to me. “You should hit some.”
“Are you sure?” I grip the bat and switch it to my left hand. Balancing the flat end on my palm, I attempt to keep it upright. Yes, I’m showing off by doing dumb boy tricks.
“Go for it.” She removes the helmet and shakes out her hair.
Time slips into slow motion as I stare at her. My sad imagination doesn’t do right by the real woman standing in front of me. I haven’t gotten laid in months, too wrapped up in the potential of us, so I’ve had to rely on my memory and imagination in the ol’ spank bank. Having her in the batting cage is going to the top of my Ashley fantasies.
“Carter?” Amused, she snaps her fingers in front of my face.
“Okay, prepare to be dazzled.” I shoo her behind the fencing and start the machine. I set the speed higher than what I had for her and then stretch my shoulders. Giving her my best sexy grin, I ask, “Ready? You might want to sit down or hold onto something so you don’t swoon or faint.”
“I think I can handle it. It’s been a few years, but I went to enough of your games to remember you in action. Let’s see what you’ve got.” She indulges my cockiness.
I step into position and wait for the first ball by taking a quick couple of practice swings. I only get a piece of the first and hit a ground ball.
“It’s a good thing you have a nice ass because you ain’t impressing me with your swing.” Pretending to be unimpressed, she plays with the end of her ponytail.
Seeing as I’m staring at her in surprise over the ass compliment, the next ball almost hits my shoulder. Luckily, I duck out the way at the last second.
“I’m enjoying the view and the breeze, but I’m not seeing much contact.” She’s openly heckling me now.
I brush my thumb over my lip to get her attention before I point in the far corner. Lining up for the next pitch, I crush the ball. Satisfied I’ve still got it, I swing the bat around and slam the next ball too.
“Damn,” Ashley whispers from her spot behind me.
“Too much for you to handle, darlin’?” I give her a wink because why not.
The empty park reverberates with the metallic sound from my bat every time I make contact. When I’m out of balls, I remove the helmet and rest it on the tip of my bat.
“You want another turn?”
“Yes!” Her enthusiasm makes me smile. “I never knew how great it would feel to hit things. Such a release. Do you think boxing feels like this? Or even better? I’m thinking about looking into taking classes.” She makes a few jabbing and weaving motions.
“Okay, Laila Ali. Let’s get you set up for more ball bashing.” I set the helmet on her head and then collect the balls.
We go another two rounds, heckling each other and smashing the shit out of buckets of baseballs. After I hit the last ball, my shoulders burn with exertion and sweat dampens my forehead. Lifting the bottom of my shirt, I wipe it away.
“Point proven?” I ask as I drop the fabric.
Her focus remains glued to my stomach.
“Ashley?”
“Huh?” She doesn’t bother to look at my face.
I duck my head to be in her line of sight. “Hello?”
“What?”
“You have a little drool. Right here.” I touch the corner of my mouth. “And here.” I dab at my chin.
“Shut it, Kelso.” Her eyes blaze with heat, but it’s not the same anger she had on the ferry. No, this is a different emotion all together.
Smirking at the lust in her expression, I call her out. “I will not. You were totally ogling me.”
“I wasn’t expecting you to take your shirt off.”
“I didn’t. I merely lifted it to do a gross guy thing and wipe forehead sweat on it.”
“Fine, you weren’t intentionally exposing yourself.”
“Now you make me sound like a perv. We’re at a park. Where children play. There’s a friggin’ pint size castle over there.” I point to the complex of wooden buildings.
Her gaze darts to the playground.
“No, I will not make out with you in the castle,” I tease her.
“I wasn’t even—” Her eyes cut back to mine.
“Right. Let’s not lie to each other.” Teasing, I step closer and wrap my fingers around the thin metal of the fencing.
“Have you ever?” She shifts until only a few inches and the fence separate us.
“Made out in a children’s play area? I think you know the answer.”
“Tree house doesn’t count.” Her mouth curves with a sweet smile. The nostalgia is getting to her.
“Are you wanting to check something off your sexual bucket list?” I waggle my eyebrows.
“The last thing I need is to get caught defiling a princess castle. Can you imagine the field day the island harpies would have?” Resigned, she sighs. “I can see the police report now.”
“Isn’t getting caught part of the thrill?”
“We’re not teenagers anymore. No forgiveness for hormone fueled stupidity.”
“Where was the understanding when we were teenagers? ’Cause I remember a lot of judgment.” Leaning my forehead against the fence, I meet her eyes. Between her parents and some of the guys on the team, people had a lot to say about what Ashley and I did, or didn’t do, when it came to sex.
The touch of her hand on mine surprises me, but not as much as the feel of her lips on my forehead. She’s standing on her tiptoes to reach. I shift my position and capture her mouth with my lips. Kissing through the small diamond opening isn’t ideal. I keep my mouth closed and give her a quick peck before unlinking my fingers and exiting the cage.
Pressing her against the fence, I resume kissing her. Our bodies connect from thigh to chest. With a happy sigh, I entwine our fingers and lift our joined hands above our heads.
“Hold on,” I breathe against her mouth.
She doesn’t argue or make a snarky comment. Instead, she arches her back and grinds her hips into mine.
“Fuck,” I whisper right before I thrust my tongue into her mouth and claim her. I want her right here against the batting cage, hidden in the long shadows of late afternoon. No one’s around. Neither is anyone likely to show up after dusk to the community park.
God, how I want her.
Keeping my eyes closed, I run my hands down her arms, skimming the sides of her breasts and waist, then cup the roundness of her hips. Her body has changed over the years. Where there were a mix of fledgling curves and angles, she’s filled out in the most beautiful way. I want to see her naked, study every change and relive every forgotten memory while I get to know this new version of Ashley. My love for the seventeen-year-old is nothing compared to the growing feelings I have for the woman she’s become.
Panting, I drag my lips away from hers and graze her check, and then jaw with my beard. I kiss and nip down her neck, inhaling her fresh scent mixed with sweat and freshly cut grass from the park. She responds with soft gasps and moans of pleasure, releasing her hands to grip my hair as I nip the sweep of muscle between neck and shoulder. Her deep exhale brushes over the hair on my forehead.
“Castle?” I ask. In my desperation and impatience for more of her, the word comes out more like a plea.
“Carter.” Her fingers grip and pull on my hair.
I tilt my head back to ease the pain of the tension we’ve created. Half opening my eyes, I blink at her swollen, flushed lips and pink burn on her cheeks from my beard.
“Hmm,” I hum because all I can think about is her naked and under me. Or above me. Reverse cowgirl with her hair flowing down her back. Or her tresses wrapped around my wrist.
I lean forward to recapture her sweet mouth, but she stops me with a hand to my chest.
“We’re not alone.”
Fully opening my eyes, I notice she’s illuminated in light. At least it’s not flashing blue and red.
Keeping my body over hers to protect her, I twist my head to see who’s driving down the road.
“Looks like it’s a county truck.” I squint to read the lettering on the side.
“Great.”
“I know a lot of the park and rec crew. Won’t be a big deal. At least we’re not naked.”
“Was never going to happen, Carter.”
I give her a quick peck. “Never say never. Not today. Or tomorrow. But someday I’ll build us a tree house if there’s a need.”
The truck pulls to a stop by our vehicles and I realize whoever is driving probably can’t see us from this angle. I step away from Ashley and quickly adjust my erection, tucking it into the waistband of my boxers.
“Stay here. I’ve got this.” I pick up the bat and helmet, then casually stroll around the corner into the swath of light from the truck’s headlights.
“Carter Kelso?” a guy’s voice calls out from the cab.
I can’t make out the face clearly and shield my eyes.
“Man, what the hell are you doing out here in the dark? You know we close at dusk.”
“Mack? That you?” I recognize the mop of brown curls sticking out of the window. Of all the guys who could’ve shown up, I’m relieved it’s Tyler Mack. He’s a kid and kind of looks up to me.
I rest my forearm on the door casing of his truck. “Oh, you know. Hitting some balls.” My other hand lifts the bat and helmet as evidence.
“In the dark? You got glow in the dark balls?” He chuckles. “You might want to get those checked and sleep with better women.”
For most guys, dick and ball jokes never get old and we never grow out of finding them funny even if we pretend we do.
He stops laughing and his eyes widen. “Hi, Ashley.”
Of course she didn’t listen to me. Why would she start now?
“Hi, Mackie.” She stops next to me.
“Oh.” He clamps his mouth shut.
“You okay there?” I swat Ashley’s hand away from my ass.
“Didn’t realize you . . . you weren’t alone. Together.”
“We weren’t having sex in the kiddie castle, in case you were worried.” Resting her hand on my bicep, Ashley smiles up at him. “Although we did discuss the pros and cons.”
Seeing Tyler’s deer in headlights expression, I sling my arm around her shoulder and pull her tight against me. Tempted to press her head into my chest to keep her from saying more, I instead go with the truth. “Giving Ashley some batting lessons.”
Mack chokes on his own spit. “Is that what you’re calling it these days?”
Ashley bristles beside me and mumbles under her breath, “I was kidding. For fuck’s—”
I interrupt her.
“Hitting baseballs with a bat? Pretty sure that’s what it’s always been called.” I’m playing innocent because I am. So is she. “Unless you’re implying we’re lying.”
“It’s just . . .” He pauses. His focus skates over Ashley’s body, sticking on her chest before he makes eye contact with me.
“What?” I tilt my head farther into the cab until I’m inches away from Tyler. “Just what?”
He meets my eyes and then glances at Ashley, who is now standing slightly behind my shoulder. When he repeats the motion again, I get his point. I don’t like it, but he’s made himself clear.
“Oh, you think because I’m with Ashley Kingston, we’re gettin’ busy in public?” I’m completely in his face now. “Fucking each other’s brains out in the community park? Because it’s Ashley?”
Ashley tugs on my waist. “Simmer down, Kelso.”
I let her drag me so I’m no longer half inside the cab. “Is that it?”
He blinks at me and his hand flexes on the steering wheel.
“Tyler?” I spit the word out.
“No,” he mutters, not making eye contact with either of us.
“No what?” Jesus, I sound like a dad calling out his kid.
Ashley’s voice is soft and gentle. “Leave it, Carter. We can forget we ran into each other.”
“No, you deserve an apology.”
“I meant because she’s so hot,” Mack confesses.
“What?” Ashley and I ask at the same time.
“I didn’t know you two were together. I, um, I’ve had a crush on Ashley since I was a kid. I think you babysat me once when I was in elementary school.” He races to make his confession in one long breath.
Get the fuck off the island. Mackie has a crush and has probably been rotating his juvenile fantasies of Ashley through his spank bank for years.
“I did?” Ashley releases her stranglehold on my belt loop. “I totally don’t remember that. I used to babysit all the time. Wait, were you the kid obsessed with wearing the duck costume? All the time?”
Mack blushes. “I loved that thing.”
“I remember you! You wore it in your school picture in first grade.” A sweet smile lights up Ashley’s face. “So adorable.”
“Right, junior furry is adorable,” I mutter under my breath but not quiet enough for Ashley not to hear me and elbow me in the ribs.
Their conversation turns from wink-wink nod-nod to familiar nostalgia of growing up on an island together. I shift my weight from foot to foot while tapping the bat on my boots. Tyler finally picks up on my mood and shuts down their stroll on memory lane.
“Sorry about earlier.” Tyler directs his words at Ashley.
“Not a big deal. You’re not the first.” She dismisses his previous insults like they’re no big deal.
I swallow a growl and it rumbles around in my chest.
“Sorry I almost kicked your ass,” I half-apologize, half-remind Tyler.
“I’d kick my ass too if some guy said the same about my girlfriend.”
“She’s not my girlfriend.” I try to catch the words my mouth released before my brain caught up.
Et tu, Brutus?
I’m afraid to look at Ashley, but since my body parts are rebelling and doing whatever they want, my traitor eyes seek hers.
The crease between her eyes and frown are small stabs to my heart.
“Really? Does that mean you’re single?” He flashes a quick smile at her.
We both look at Ashley, him all full of hopeful optimism, and me glowering.
“Always. No ring on this finger.” Her eyes quickly bounce to me before she gives him a slow, seductive smile.
“Cool.”
“No, not cool.” I sling my arm around her shoulder again. Ignoring how she tries to shrug me off, I stare down my new rival. “Don’t get any ideas, Mack.”
Ashley slips her arm around my waist. Damn right, she’s with me. See? She’s groping my ass like she owns it. Which she does, but not literally.
“Ouch!” She pinches me. Hard. I jump out of range and she laughs. “Mack, maybe I’ll see you around?”
“No, you won’t.” My voice is calm but my face is wearing my “what the actual fuck is going on” expression.
She ignores me. “I’m house sitting on the island this summer. I’ll be around a lot.”
The more she plays this game, if that’s what she’s doing, the more I want to make her mine. Is this what hard to get is all about? Wanting what’s out of reach?
“Great. See you around.” Tyler beams at her. “You too, Carter. Heard you’re up for a contract with the parks. Good luck with that.”
Why does he have to be nice?
“Yeah, you too.” Hold on, I don’t mean to wish him good luck with Ashley. I’m not . . . what’s the word? Magnanimous? Yeah, no. Not me.
He drives away before I can clarify. Happy to be alone again with Ashley, I brush the back of my hand against hers.
“If you lift your leg and pee on me, I’m never speaking to you again.” She spins and walks toward her car.
“Ew. No worries, I’m not into kinky stuff.” I trail behind her. “Wait. Are you leaving?”
“I’m not planning to sleep in the castle.” Her voice is clipped.
Panicked, I catch up to her and reach for her hand. “Hey.”
“Don’t.” She spits out the word.
“Please. Stop.” I move in front of her, placing myself between her and the car.
“Fine.” She sounds resigned to me blocking her, but she isn’t happy about it.
Oh, shit. It’s worse than I imagined. “What did I do? We were kissing and I’m pretty sure both of us were enjoying ourselves. Then Mack shows up and now you’re storming away.”
“Nothing’s going on so why do you care?” She’s angry again and now I might be the cause.
“Huh?”
“Isn’t that what you told Tyler?”
“Mack? The kid you were flirting with in front of me?”
“After you told him we’re not dating.”
I replay the conversation. “I said you weren’t my girlfriend.”
“Then proceeded to paw at me and glower at him like some sort of territorial dog, snarling and showing your teeth.”
I do my best wolfish smile. “Like this?”
She rolls her eyes.
Okay, not the time for humor. Plan B.
“You’re not my girlfriend and we’re not dating. Isn’t that the truth? I haven’t asked you to go steady and we’ve yet to go on an official date.”
“Right. Of course. I’m only the girl who you make out with in secret.” She bristles.
“Stop putting words in my mouth.” I rehash her sentence. “What do you mean in secret? I’m not hiding.”
“No? Kitchen at Erik’s party? My house? Batting cage in an empty park? See the pattern? No one else is ever around. Am I your dirty little secret? You’re no better than Tom.”
Shit, she makes an excellent point. “I didn’t tell Mack anything because I’m not sure where we stand. We haven’t gone on a real date. Burgers and tacos don’t count. I didn’t ask you out all proper and formally. And Tyler Mack isn’t the first person on my phone tree I’m going to call to squeal about dating you. It’s none of his business. Except now you’ve given him false hope and he’s going to be hanging around you like a stray cat trying to get on your kibble train. You feed one of them and they tell their friends. You’re going to spend the whole summer fighting off their lame attempts at winning you over. You only have yourself to blame.”
I finish my defense and blow out a long exhale.
“Happy?” she asks, anger sparkling in her deep hazel eyes. “Are you fucking kidding me? I only have myself to blame? For ‘guys being guys’ and being assholes? For people not having enough in their own lives to do they have to gossip and invent shit about me?”
The soothing effect of the batting cages fades as her anger returns.
“No, far from it.” I tense. “You’re right. None of his actions are your responsibility. You can’t control him anymore than the dirty old man at the coffee stand earlier.”
Her shoulders relax. “I think you’re finally getting it.”
She’s right.
“Men are assholes,” I grumble.
“Your words, not mine.” She manages a half smile. “Not all men are assholes. Or at least not all the time. Some men are permanent assholes.”
“You’re starting to sound like a logic problem.”
Her nose scrunches up. “And you say you’re not smart.”
“Not smart enough to keep my mouth shut.” I peer at her with one eye closed, making sure we’re good again.
“Kibble train?” Ashley bites the inside of her cheek.
“I’m standing by kibble train. The goods. The sugar. The never-ending satisfaction of the love of a good woman.” I let loose my grin.
“Who said anything about love?”
“Forgive me for bringing up the L word.”
“I’m not a lesbian. Sure, I’ve kissed a few women in my life, but I haven’t dove into the lady pool. Not my thing.”
Okay, now really, what’s going on? I’ve lost track of this conversation. Ashley’s talking about me peeing on her and lady-on-lady love. I’m simply a man who is standing in front of his first love asking her . . . shit, I think that’s from a Rom-Com movie Mom rented ages ago. I’m quoting chick movies. I need to push the reset button.
“Last night you said you were anti-relationship. What if I wanted you to be my girlfriend? Part of that bargain would involve public displays of affection. Handholding in the middle of the day on a busy sidewalk. Picking you up for dates. Paying for said dates because it’s the gentlemanly thing to do. Good night kisses and pining until I see you again. Being monogamous.”
She narrows her eyes to the point her dark lashes almost meet. “Do you?”
“I do.” Church bells ring in my head because I’m a weirdo.
“Is this going to be like the time you asked me to go steady then wouldn’t talk to me for five days?” She’s bemused, but guarded.
“Give a guy some slack. I was in shock. I never thought you’d say yes.”
“And if I say yes now? Can you handle it?” Her finger jabs my bicep.
Grabbing her finger, I kiss the tip. “Remember what I said to you at Erik’s party?”
“When you turned me down?” A frown replaces her faint smile.
“I didn’t. I told you I want more. And I do. The whole kaboodle, not just the kibble train.”
“No matter what you’ve heard, I don’t do kaboodle. No way.”
My grin matches hers. “We’ll see. Once upon a time, you gave me your heart. I was young, stupid, and the biggest idiot ever when I told you I didn’t want it. Even if I’m not worth a second chance, I want one. More than I’ve wanted anything. I was an idiot when I let you think I wasn’t in love with you, didn’t want you, could live my life without you.”
Her eyes go soft around the edges and she quickly blinks away the sudden flash of tears.
I sweep a tear off her cheek with my thumb. “I didn’t lie to Mack. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but soon I’m going to make you mine. And this time, I’ll never let you go.”
I mean every word, but like a wild thing not used to kindness from humans, especially named Kelso, she backs away from me.
Once she’s a safe distance between me and her car, she shakes her head no. “You have me up on a pedestal in your memories. I’m not that girl anymore.”
“Doesn’t matter what you’ve done or who you’ve been with. I don’t care. The past is past.”
Her spine stiffens and she pulls her shoulders down. “I’m not apologizing.”
“And I’m saying you don’t need to—”
She cuts me off. “I don’t date. I don’t have relationships. This,” she points to the center of her chest, “has nothing to do with the rest of my body. I refuse to listen to my heart over my mind ever again.”
While making her declaration, she assumes a fighting stance with her feet spread and her arms half-lifted. Only a fool would keep pushing her.
I think we’ve established where I fall on the idiot scale.
“Ashley, your heart isn’t something you can ignore forever. It’s like the annoying message that pops up when you’ve been binging on Netflix for too long. Hello, are you pretending you don’t have a heart? Do you want to continue lying to yourself?”
I realize too late I’m now the grizzly.
“I’m done with whatever game you’re playing.” She pulls on the door handle of her Jeep a couple of times before she accepts it’s locked. Even the beep of the locks disengaging sounds angry in the empty lot.
Our fun time ends up feeling more like a cage match where neither of us will leave unscathed. We’ve both lost battleships in today’s war.
I want her heart. She’s willing to give me her body.
Where do we go from here?