Why the hell isn’t she answering?

“Yo, we’re ready to roll out at zero one. We’re meeting up in ten to go over the mission once more. You good?” Wyatt’s in the doorway, casually leaning inside the frame with crossed arms.

“Yeah, sure,” I mumble.

His forehead creases as he straightens his stance and drops his arms. He knows something’s up with me. We’re a team, one unit; we can read each other.

But is something wrong with me?

I’ve had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach for weeks, and it’s not about the mission. I never get nervous on ops. I live for them. We were trained at BUD/S to remove fear from the equation, so I know going into Iran in a couple of hours isn’t what has me rattled.

“I’ll meet up with y’all in five. Just trying to see Cindy and Lily before we leave.” I turn back to the laptop screen and end the unanswered Skype call once again, killing the annoying beeping sound before I try one last time.

“All right.”

I lean back in the chair and narrow my eyes when the call finally connects, and my daughter’s face fills the screen. Lily’s long blond hair is draped in front of her shoulders, and her huge emerald-green eyes trap me, giving me a serious ache in my chest. It’s been months since I’ve been home. She’s almost five, and I’ve been away from her more than I’ve been with her. She’s the reason I’m not sure if I’ll re-enlist when the time comes in four months.

But she’s also why I do what I do—to protect her, to try to make the world a little better for when she grows up.

“Hi, baby girl. I miss you.” My index finger goes to the laptop screen as if I can actually touch her tiny palm as she waves, her dimples popping as she smiles.

“Hiya, Daddy. I miss you too. Mommy is packing. She says we’re going to see the Big Apple.”

I lean in closer. “Where’s Mamma? Can you put Mamma on, baby girl?”

“Okay, Daddy. Love you.”

“Love you more.” I kiss two fingers and press them to the screen, and Lily does the same. It’s our ritual goodbye.

A moment later, Cindy is on camera, and I’ve lost sight of Lily. Now I’m certain as to why I’ve been hanging on the damn edge.

My wife.

She’s been off for a while, but I haven’t wanted to admit it. With the way her brows pinch together and her lips draw tight, I can tell she’s holding something back from me, something I don’t want to hear.

I catch a glimpse of my mother’s old record player off to the right behind her. It’s closed and probably collecting dust. When we first got married I would play my mother’s jazz music and dance around the living room, trying to get Cindy to move with me. She always hated that record player. She’d shirk away and raise her palms, insisting I was crazy for wanting to dance in the middle of the day just because it was a rainy afternoon.

Not once did she dance with me.

My gaze snaps back to Cindy as she wets her glossy pink lips and brushes her dyed blond hair to her back. Her green eyes aren’t on mine. She looks past me as if someone is standing behind my chair. I almost peek over my shoulder just to be sure I’m alone.

“Where are you going? What’s Lily talking about? Another trip to your mom’s?” My body tenses as an unnatural pull of stress ropes me in, and I grind my knuckles against my thigh. “Cindy?”

She finally looks at me.

I almost regret it, because the look in her eyes…well, it’s as if she’s a ghost.

“Noah.”

My name used to sound good when she said it, but now it’s as though the word has become an inconvenience, my existence a nuisance.

“I don’t have much time,” I say as anticipation cuts me open. Give me a terrorist to face any day, but a pissed off wife…not so much.

“When are you coming home?” She knows the answer to that because I can never give her definitive dates.

“I don’t know. Maybe sooner than I thought.” I didn’t think the raid in Iran would happen this month, so I’ll probably get back to Virginia in a matter of weeks.

“Well, I’m going away for a little while…so, uh, we won’t be here when you get back.”

I blink like a damn fool as I try to make sense of that.

“What do you mean?” I stand, needing to be on my feet for this conversation. I brace against the desk, palms down, a grimace spreading across my face.

“We’re leaving. I’ve already had a lawyer draw up the paperwork. The law requires us to be separated for a year before we can get a divorce, but because of your unique situation, they’re allowing me to take Lily out of state. If you want to contest it, you can, but please don’t.” Her voice doesn’t even quaver. There’s not an ounce of remorse or fear, no emotion at all. Just…hollowness. An empty vessel of what used to be there.

My wife is gone. When did that happen?

I grit my teeth and stare at her, assessing the situation, trying to figure out how to get through this as if she’s an op and I want to minimalize the collateral damage.

She won’t look at me again. “I wanted to tell you when you came home, but I don’t think I’m strong enough to face you in person. I just want what’s best for Lily.”

“What’s best for Lily?” My heart thrashes as I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself the hell down.

As a SEAL, I’m trained for the unknown. I can turn any object into a weapon—if I remain calm, that is. If I keep my shit together.

But let me tell you what I’m not trained in—keeping my wife happy while I put my life on the line every day. And no, I never got instructions on how to deal with the intense blow she’s delivered.

“You’re not taking Lily anywhere.” I bow my head, knowing I’m on the other side of the world and can’t do a damn thing about it. Hell, I’m about to go into dangerous enemy territory and might not even make it out alive.

My skin crawls, and my body slightly trembles. I’ve never once, in all my goddamn years as a SEAL, thought about the possibility of not coming home. You can’t think like that because it puts your men at risk and takes your eyes off the end game, the goal.

What is Cindy doing to me?

I pinch the tight skin at my throat and close my eyes. I have to keep my shit together for my men, for the mission. “Please, can we talk about this when I get back? I’ll be able to call you in a few days. Don’t go anywhere or do anything before then. Give me your word. We’ve been together for thirteen years. You can’t just drop this on me right before I’m about to go—”

“I’m sorry to do this to you, but this is your fault.” She actually looks annoyed instead of sad. A scowl mars the pretty features of her face. “You were only going to be in the military for four years. This wasn’t supposed to turn into your life. I-I can’t handle this anymore.”

“Are you asking me to choose? Are you at least giving me an option?” My eyes flicker open at the possibility that I might be able to save my marriage. I just need to give up being a SEAL.

You know, give up breathing…

I take another breath as if it might be my last, stealing time as I wait for her response.

“It’s too late for us. Lily needs a family. A better home life.”

My fist pounds the metal desk, shaking the laptop, as I bite out, “I am her family.”

Cindy covers her face with both hands. “I’m sorry, but we’re going to New York.”

I stumble back a step. “What the hell is in New York?”

Is Cindy following her old dream of being an actress? If that’s what she wants, I can sacrifice—I can do something—but dammit, the woman isn’t giving me a choice.

Her hands fall from her face, showcasing her dead eyes. No tears. Not even a hint of sheen over her green irises. “I met someone.”

The words are so low it sounds like a coo from her lips as chills rake my spine.

“Say that again.” My heart isn’t beating fast like it probably should be. Instead, it’s like a slow drumbeat. So slow I wonder if it’s still working.

She’s standing now, her arms folded over the blue sweater that has the word NAVY on it.

My sweater. Is she fucking kidding me? She’s going to tell me she’s leaving me for some asshole while wearing my goddamn sweater? A sweater that represents what she apparently hates about me—the military.

I can’t even look at her anymore.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen. He’s a stock broker,” she says it casually as though she isn’t shattering my world right now. “I met him while at my mom’s, and now he’s transferring to New York, and I—”

“Are you screwing him? For how long?” This has to be a nightmare. It can’t be real. I face monsters in the dark. Hell, in daylight too. People who blow themselves up to kill soldiers and civilians…but when I finally look at her again, she is now what I can’t handle.

“A year.”

I slump back into the chair, and my palms press against my fatigues.

She cheated on me even while I was home. My stomach shakes a little, and I think I might puke.

“He’s taking a job on Wall Street, and he asked Lily and me to come with him. He has money. He has the ability to give me—I mean, Lily, the life she deserves.”

Thirteen fucking years.

Gone.

“This has been a long time coming, you know that. You don’t love me anymore. You love being a SEAL. You’d rather be off in a war zone than home with me. I need someone who can take care of Lily and me. Provide a safe and stable home.”

There’s a high-pitched ringing in my ears, and I clench my jaw tightly as I try to formulate the words to say.

“We gotta move.” Wyatt is back in the doorway. “Noah?”

“Not now,” I rasp.

“Go, Noah. There’s nothing left to say for now. You’ll get the papers when you’re portside. Call me when you’re in Virginia, and we’ll chat.” Cindy spoke as if we were discussing getting a cup of coffee together. Is she out of her mind?

“Wait.”

But it’s too late. She’s already ended the call, and I have to resist the compulsion to break something.

Calm. Cool. Collected. The three Cs—the normal me. But not right now. Cindy has ripped out my heart, and I can’t even fight back.

“You okay, man?” Wyatt comes toward me as I push my fingers to my temples, where an intense throbbing gathers.

“No, man. No, I’m not.”

And that means I might be putting my team at risk when my boots hit the ground in Iran.