As soon as I leave Brady, I call Greg. For once, my brother listened. He didn’t complain or ask a ton of questions when I asked him to meet me at our childhood home. It still pains me to go there even after five years. Too many memories. Sure they’re happy ones, but vivid reminders of losing my parents are there too. Before I moved in with Brady, I spent every waking minute trying to escape the constant flashbacks—our last holiday, our last family night, and so on.
While I ran from my ghosts, my brother tried to drown his memories along with his guilt. I understand what he’s going through. He was supposed to drive Mom and Dad to New York. Greg was going to hang out in the city until they returned and then drive back to Falls Creek. At the last minute, Greg changed his plans. A friend of his was coming to town, and they wanted to catch up.
His perch on the porch steps surprises me when I walk up. Looking around for signs—empty bottles—of his current condition, I ask, “Why are you out here?”
Greg tucks his hands into his jacket and shuts his eyes. “It’s too much today. You know what tomorrow is?”
“The day they left for their trip.” The world either speeds up or slows down. It’s hard to tell. The ground shifts, and I lose my balance. My ass lands on the bottom step.
No matter how hard I try, I can’t forget the date. Mom and Dad had spent a month planning their getaway. At one point, Dad called it a second honeymoon. They drove to New York, caught a flight from JFK, and headed to Jamaica. Mom hadn’t been in years and was dying to see the island. Little did we know the trip would be their final one.
“Welcome to my world, sister,” Greg says quietly. “If you want me sober, we talk out here. I go in there, and I can’t deal with it.”
“Then fucking move!” My gaze snaps to his. Greg’s been hiding behind his grief for too long. “That’s a lame-ass excuse. Life goes on, Greg. It hasn’t been easy for any of us, but we’re managing. You’re giving up.”
My brother hangs his head. He mutters, “Says the sister who abandoned me.”
“I didn’t abandon you, Greg.” My moving in with Brady is an old argument I don’t want to revisit. I can’t go there. Not again. Right now, I need to lean on my brother. Fighting isn’t something I want, but I can’t help saying, “Don’t you think it’s time for you to grow a pair?”
“Maybe I could just borrow yours?” Greg quips.
A snarky comment dangles on my tongue, but I swallow it. Although my wolf would love a battle, I only want my brother back. The one I still love despite all his issues.
Before our parents’ deaths, Greg and I were so close. I told him everything. My brother was the first one to meet Brady. If it hadn’t been for Greg, our relationship would have died before it started. Mom and Dad were convinced I was too young to be so serious about anyone. Greg intervened, arguing for Brady and me to be together.
Greg changed when Mom and Dad died. The carefree wolf, loved by all who knew him, became secretive. Argumentative. Most of his waking hours were spent in an alcohol-induced haze, turning him into a disparaging asshole. At some point, Greg resorted to using his fists to work through his anguish. Constant fighting keeps him in jail and keeps me doling out money on his behalf.
Only the crude crowd of women who don’t mind a quick romp get to enjoy Greg’s prevailing charm. He doesn’t care whether they’re human or supernatural as long as he can fuck them without strings attached.
This new version of my brother doesn’t interest me though. I need the wolf who reminds me of our father—strong and wise and able to smooth over any hurt.
“I’m not here to fight,” I start as I stare out at our quiet street. Not a soul stirs—human or otherwise. Thank the gods. “But if that’s what it takes, bring it. I need my goddamned brother back!”
Greg’s hand rests on my shoulder. “I’m sorry. I know I haven’t been here for you.”
“Understatement,” I mumble.
Rubbing a small circle over my back, he says, “Tell me what’s wrong?”
My vision blurs as the first tears slide down my cheeks. I’m tired of being strong. Alphas don’t cry. They don’t get to show any weakness. Unlike my brother, I’m not allowed to fall apart. Only Brady has seen my frailty. The likelihood of losing him brings on more sobs.
Greg moves down a step and puts his arms around me. He rocks me back and forth like he did when I was a pup. “Shh, Audra. It can’t be that bad.”
“Y-yes it is.” I choke out. “I’m going to lose Brady.”
“The rumors?”
I nod against his chest. “But it’s a lot worse than a hook-up with the Broussards. There’s a war brewing, Greg. Cal and his brother want Brady and me dead.”
“Shit.” Greg’s grip tightens. “How do I help?”
I look up into his face. If only he were the powerful wolf he could be… If only my brother was the wolf my father hoped he could be… Only then could he truly help me. “Are you ready to assume your role? Be the alpha our pack needs?”
Greg scrubs his hands over his face and holds back his dreads. Words aren’t necessary to tell me he isn’t ready, not even remotely. My poor, useless sibling is still trying to hide from his responsibility.
“Audra.”
Wiping my face, I turn on my brother. “Don’t. Just don’t.” This is why I don’t cry. Tears don’t provide solutions. They only bring up emotions which benefit no one. “All of us lost Mom and Dad, but I’m the only one continuing to lose shit. I gave up my dreams to lead this pack.”
Greg glares back with cold, hard eyes. “Then walk the hell away.” He pauses for a beat or two as if he’s waiting for the words to sink in. “Fuck the pack, Audra. If the other wolves want to survive, let them figure it out.”
Selfish asshole! The pack may not be blood, but it’s still our family.
“I took the oath!” I yell. “We need the pack. It’s how you and Tia get to live your lives.”
“Bullshit.”
“You’re fucking clueless.” I push to my feet and face him. “The proceeds from the pack provide income for us. If it weren’t for that help, you’d need a job.”
My brother has never had any interest in our finances. He’s unaware that profits from the bar feed our bank account. Without the money from both sources, we’d be destitute, and his ass would be homeless. But I wouldn’t let my siblings suffer. I abandoned my dream of college and took on odd jobs. I saved the pack’s earnings and helped Brady start the bar. As soon as we were operating in the black, I gave up the part-time gigs but continued contributing to Tia’s college fund. She gets an education, and Greg gets a fucking allowance from me.
Everything I’ve ever done was for my family and the pack. And this is the fucking thanks I get. No one’s in my corner helping me out.
Then walk away. Let Brady shoulder the load. Be an alpha’s wife.
Not the vow I took.
Greg’s expression tightens. “The pack can keep its money. I have no problem working.”
My feet won’t stay still. I’m pacing back and forth, dragging my hand through my hair. “Who in the hell would hire you? Have you forgotten about your police record? Everyone in this damned town knows you as a lost cause.”
“Then I’ll leave.” Greg’s eyes, focused on something in the distance, darken.
“Leave?” I stop in my tracks and stare up at the blackening sky. It’s getting late, but this needs to be addressed. Now. “You’re an absolutely worthless piece of shit! You’ll walk away from our legacy. Screw the pack over just to keep from being responsible.”
“You don’t get it, Audra.” Greg jumps to his feet. “I created this fucking situation! Why would I choose to be alpha? It’s a goddamned reminder of my failure to be a good son! I’m sorry you chose it. Either live with it or pass the fucking torch.” He lowers his voice. “Just stop worrying about me. I’ll figure out my own life.”
Wow.
This is the first time I’ve heard those words from my brother. Yes, I knew Greg felt guilty for Mom and Dad’s deaths. But I had no idea his remorse was why he didn’t want to shoulder the responsibility.
Softening my posture, I look at him. “Why didn’t you tell me this before I took on the title?”
Greg reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes—a new bad habit. He places one between his lips and lights up a match. The glow is like a beacon in the night. Greg cups his hands against the slight breeze and touches the flame to the cancer stick. Sulfur mixes with the more toxic nicotine scent. I gag and wave my hand in front of my nose. Which vice is worst?
He takes a long drag before speaking again. “Because it wouldn’t have made a difference. Once you get a thought in that thick head of yours, no one can dislodge it. If nothing else I’ve said tonight sticks, try to remember to do what’s right for you. Stop worrying about the goddamned pack. Stop worrying about me.”
I close my gaping mouth. “What about Tia?”
“What about her? She’s creating her own future.”
The breeze picks up, and I pull my jacket closed. “What are you talking about?”
Greg’s anger dissolves into a smirk as he balances the cigarette between his fingers. “You don’t know about her boyfriend?”
Exhaling loudly, I say, “No. Please, fill me in.”
“Tia came by the bar while you were gone. I thought she came to meet you.” A laugh breaks through Greg’s lips.
My eyebrows squish together as I scratch my temple. “What’s so funny?”
“Tia met up with Brian.” Greg takes another hit off the cigarette.
My eyes widen. “Brady’s brother?”
“Yup. They ran off to New Orleans.”
“For what? Why didn’t you stop them?” I hold the hair off my forehead and stare at him. Surely, my parents couldn’t have whelped such a moron.
All sorts of possibilities tear through my thoughts. I didn’t even realize they were a couple. Brian and Tia have been friends since they were pups. I should have seen it myself. The pack made me blind while family shit kept me preoccupied.
“Calm down, Audra. They’ll be back. Tia’s helping him with Romero business. Just like how you help Brady. It’s what mates do. According to our little sister, Brian claimed her when they entered Colgate.”
“Damn.” My gaze ping-pongs everywhere. I notice the lone domestic cat prowling for rodents. On the next street over, a car engine revs while my heart ricochets in my chest. “Was there a ceremony?”
“Tia said their friends witnessed it. That’s all that’s really needed.” Greg shakes his head. “What’s with you two and those Romero wolves?”
I hold up my finger and point it at Greg. “Don’t say another word. I’ll speak with Tia when she returns. In the meantime, get your shit together. Either support me and this pack or leave.”
Disbelief flickers in my brother’s eyes.
“Doubt me all you want, but I’m serious.” I draw in a deep breath, attempting to calm down. “I understand why you don’t want the role, but I need you. Step up and be the alpha at least until the beta can be trained. I don’t want to lose Brady over this.”
Greg takes one final drag on the cigarette before flicking it away. The smoldering item rolls over the curb and into the gutter. “If you lose Brady, my dear sister, it’s your fault. Can’t drag anyone else on that boat. You know where I stand on the whole alpha thing.” Greg stands, pivots on his heel, and walks up the stairs.
“Where are you going?”
He doesn’t stop moving or even look over his shoulder. “It suddenly occurred to me that my ghosts make for better company. They don’t argue. They don’t pressure. And they sure as hell don’t point out my flaws.”
Coward.
Home or back to the bar? The first choice might offer me a little solitude if Brady stayed at work. I told him I’d think about the situation. What on earth am I supposed to tell him? Because of my brother’s guilt, I have to remain alpha? Because my beta isn’t worth the title, I have to be alpha?
Maybe I should go to the pack instead. Tell them my predicament and let them vote on it. My decision involves more than just my life. And that’s the problem.
Brady needs to protect his family, his pack, and himself. He can’t do that and deal with this problem between us. And I can’t forsake those I’ve sworn to protect. Good alphas don’t do that. I park my Jeep near the waterfront and get out.
As much as I love Brady, as much as losing him is going to hurt, I have to do it. It’s the honorable thing to do. Greg won’t mind my moving back home as long as I lay off pressuring him. Brady and I own the bar together. Money will continue to flow into my account whether or not I’m working there. Somebody in the pack might have a job to occupy my time.
Sitting on a boulder, I stare out at the water flowing swift and strong. A symbol of how I need to act. If I think too hard, I’ll chicken out. Brady deserves a wife who can put aside her dreams while supporting her alpha.
She isn’t me.
She’ll never be.
Alphas deserve compliant spouses. In time, when the hurt passes—if it passes—I’ll find a suitable mate within the pack. He’ll need to be the complete opposite of Brady though. Forgetting him won’t be easy. Tia becoming Brian’s mate muddies the damn water. Why didn’t she come to me with her decision? I’m her sister for fuck’s sake!
“How long you plan on sitting there?”
The familiar voice doesn’t frighten me. I sensed his presence shortly after I sat down. “For as long as it takes.”
“You made a decision.” Pain coils around his deep voice. “You’re wrong. You know that?”
“It’s the best for everyone,” I tell Brady.
“Maybe for our packs. Maybe for the Broussards. Not for us. Audra, you do this and you might as well rip my heart out. Hell, rip my damned throat out. I don’t want to live without you.”
I choke back a sob. Here isn’t the time or place for it. “I’m going to move back in with Greg. I won’t come back to the bar. That would be unfair to you.”
Brady moves behind me, and I melt into his chest. He pushes aside the hair on my shoulder, kisses my neck while caressing my cheek with his hand. “Mi querida, no lo hace.”
Speaking Spanish isn’t playing fair. “Run with me. Make love to me once more in the moonlight.”
Brady steps back. “No. If you want to end this, I can’t do it. I won’t do it.”
“But…”
“Audra, I don’t want the memory. If we break up, it’s a clean break.” Brady sets his jaw and looks toward the water. “I saw the lawyer today. You can have the house. I’ll move back in with my parents.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
He side-glances at me and shakes his head. “Already done. Mom will appreciate me being around more. You get Balls Up. I want no part of it without you. I’m going to fill in for my father at Romero Enterprises.”
A suit-and-tie job? Brady never wanted that. “Don’t. I can find something else.”
“The paperwork is already signed. Sebastian brought it by an hour ago. It was supposed to be a backup plan. I held out hope for…” Brady’s voice fades, and he clears his throat. “I’ll do my best to keep a safe distance from you.”
“Do you know about Brian and Tia?”
“No. What’s happened?” Brady’s voice is flat and far-off. He won’t look at me.
“Brian claimed her. They’re bonded mates.”
“Interesting. Nice to know at least one Romero can have the female he loves. I’ll be sure to welcome my new sister with open arms.”
I don’t miss the spite blanketing Brady’s tone. There’s nothing I can say or do to change the fact I’ve hurt him.
“Audra, is there anything else I should know?”
“No.”
Only that I love you with all my heart. What’s left of it anyway.
His head bobs up and down. “Fine. Give me an hour. I’ll be out of the house by then. If I leave anything behind, you can send it to the estate or trash it. I don’t really care anymore.”
My throat burns too bad to speak.
“Audra, te amo más que palabras pueden decir. Sin ti, mi vida estará vacía. No me caso con Amber hasta fin de mes. Si cambias tu mente, ya sabes donde encontrarme.”
Good to know that we have until the end of the month before our lives completely shatter.
“I love you too.” It’s all I can choke out. My life will be just as empty as his, but I can’t change my mind. Not unless my brother changes his first.