Chapter 5
The air was still warm. The night dark. Quiet. As if the heavens were also mourning the loss of someone so young and full of life.
Hey Riley, when are you going to marry me?
Her heart shattered. She could see him as clear as day. Brown hair lightened by the dust of the Syrian desert. Eyes shimmering with mischievousness. The quirky grin.
Had that really only been a few hours ago?
Now—he was gone. The light extinguished. And Riley wondered if the sun would even bother coming up the next morning. What was the point? One of the most amazing, sincere, fun-loving men she’d ever met was dead. Riley never wanted to see daylight again. The rest of her life should be spent in the dark cloak of night to remind her of how she had failed him. Failed them all.
Her heart pounded in her chest. Painful. Destroyed. She stopped, closed her eyes, and raised her head to the night sky. Why? Why him? Why not her? Or that fucking piece of shit, Dix? Why did you have to take Ripper?
She held her breath.
Silence.
There was only one answer that rang through her head.
Because you failed them.
A strangled cry burst from her chest as she released her breath. A body stood next to her. Warm. Alive. An arm wrapped around her shoulder. For what? Support?
“Riley—” Lance’s voice took her by surprise. He was the one offering her support?
He was a SEAL. He lost a brother.
No! She shrugged out of his tight hold. I don’t deserve comfort. I don’t deserve understanding. Or support.
Emotions overtook her body. They ravaged her like two demons waring to take possession of her soul. She couldn’t be there. Especially not with Lance.
She had to get away. Far away. Her legs burst into action of their own accord. A defense mechanism since she was unable to put together a coherent thought of what the hell to do next.
She kept running despite the sound of Lance’s voice calling her name. She had nowhere to go. Her feet pounded the solid dirt ground, each step in perfect cadence with the two words screaming in her head like an angry drill sergeant.
Your. Fault.
* * *
Lance hadn’t expected Riley to be a fast runner—but there she was, kicking his ass. Granted, she had gotten a pretty good jump on him.
They were moving out of the main area of the compound. Into an area where there were no lights. Darkness enveloped them. His eyes were still adjusting to the inky blackness all around them. Breaths echoed in his head as his feet hit the ground. He could barely make out her figure moving ahead of him.
Where the hell is she going?
He needed to catch her soon. Before she hit the fence. That’d be an unwelcome jolt of electricity she didn’t need.
He called her name, but she either didn’t hear him, or was ignoring him. The latter, he suspected.
Knowing so little about her, Lance had nonetheless come to the conclusion that Riley depended on no one but herself. The attitude was like a warning beacon whenever she was nearby. Don’t fuck with me. I know my shit. And I don’t care about your rules, your chain of command, or your politics.
She was mission oriented. Placed the safety of her team above all else.
And Dix had taken that away from her. Lance had no doubt that if Dix would’ve listened to her regarding the oddity of the meeting—had called back the men when she had first suggested it—Ripper would still be alive.
Hell, if they had all taken her advice and put off the mission, none of this would’ve happened.
They had to be getting near the fence. With a burst of speed, he gained on her until she was within a close enough proximity to grab hold of her arm.
“Let go of me,” she screamed at him.
“You have to stop.”
“No,” she pushed against his chest, and tried to wrench her arm free of his grasp.
He shook her to get her attention. Her eyes were dark, pain and sorrow churned in them like a turbulent sea. “You’re going to hit the fucking electric fence, Riley.”
For a moment he thought she might actually be contemplating running into the fence on purpose. He grasped her shoulders, squeezing them in frustration. “You need to listen to me.”
She shook her head and looked out into the night sky.
“This is not on you, Riley.”
“It is—”
“No, this is all Dix. He could’ve listened to you, called it off before anything happened. Ripper’s death is on him—not you.”
She swung her head around, dark eyes flamed. “Are you insane? I should’ve done more in the beginning to make sure this mission was put on hold. I should’ve made Flaherty give the abort order and gotten them out of there.”
“How, Riley? How could you have done anything different? You gave the order. Dix overruled you.”
She lifted her arms in a quick thrust, breaking the connection between them. “I don’t know, Lance. Thrown his fat ass out of the tent. Shot the fucker. Anything to have made sure my team was safe. I should never have held back on anything to ensure Ripper returned.” A sob broke free from her chest. “Alive.”
He gathered her in his arms. Surprisingly, she didn’t fight him. Face buried in his chest, muffled cries filtered through the desert silence. She grasped the sides of his shirt and clung to him.
He rested his head on hers. There was nothing in the world he wanted to do more than lift her chin, wipe away the tears, and kiss the pain and anger and hurt away. He wanted to let her know just how much he admired her.
She was burrowing under Lance’s skin, making him consider things about the type of woman he was really drawn to—not the knockouts without wits who would let him use them for sex. No…he was drawn to someone strong, smart. Someone who didn’t take shit, who worked her ass off to make the world a better place. Someone who put other people’s lives before her own, and would move heaven and earth to keep them safe.
He was drawn to Riley like a moth to the flame. And he was sure to get burned.