Fourteen

A SICK ache twisted Spencer’s gut as he thought about the text from the night before. Jordan—not Aaron, but Jordan—telling him that Aaron didn’t want to talk to him. He’d been going fucking nuts all day worrying about the meeting with the prosecutor. Finally, about eight, he’d called his father to get the lowdown because he couldn’t stand not knowing anymore. His father told him about the meds, and he understood. It hurt, especially since some other guy was taking care of his boyfriend when he should have been there. The image of Aaron kissing some blond stranger in a moment of weakness tortured him.

He sat at his desk, staring at Aaron’s name on his chat list, gray and silent.

They were ramping up the testing, trying to get it done by Thanksgiving break in just two weeks. He tried to muster up the enthusiasm he needed to be excited about a January 1 launch. It meant they would deliver on time, and his very first project as a technical lead would be a success. A dark voice in the back of his mind asked if Aaron would still be in his life when their software launched, but he blocked it out and focused on what he needed to do.

[Clare] Sorry I’m late. Kid problems.

[Spencer] You have a little boy, right?

He remembered her talking about needing a babysitter the night they went out dancing, something they’d only done that one time.

[Clare] Yeah, my mom is sick, so when I dropped Kaden at my parents’ house and Dad took him instead of Mom, he had a meltdown. It’s weird what will set kids off. If he thinks I didn’t hug him long enough before I leave, he screams.

[Spencer] Sounds like fun…. Not. ;)

[Clare] You’ve never thought about having kids.

[Spencer] Nope. Never thought I’d find anyone to put up with me long term.

[Clare] And now?

[Spencer] And now I’m still not sure I’ve found someone who’s going to stick around. Even if he does, I don’t think Aaron would deal well with kids. In some ways, he’s kind of a kid himself.

[Clare] Yeah, and trust me, doing it alone isn’t easy.

[Spencer] His dad doesn’t help out at all?

[Clare] His dad died about a year ago when Kaden was six months old. Cancer.

[Spencer] Oh God, I’m so sorry. And Kaden?

[Clare] No signs, at least not yet. We’re hopeful.

No other messages came through, and Spencer tried to process the bomb she’d just hit him with, and a flush of heat rose in his face and neck. Other people had much more significant problems than whether their boyfriend, terrified of sex, would have kissed another guy. The argument in his head bordered on ludicrous. Of course Aaron hadn’t done anything with that guy. If he had developed feelings, they’d deal with it. The two priorities in his life right then were helping to get Aaron through the trial and launching his software on time. Everything else was just noise.

Making a decision, he opened his e-mail and typed Eric’s name in the address line.

To: Eric Stancel

From: Spencer Thomas

Subject: Personal Time Off

Eric,

I know this isn’t the best time, and I apologize for that, but I have a family emergency. Susan in HR said I’ve accumulated five days of PTO including sick time, and I’d like to know if I can take it December 9-13. We’ve put the VPN in place so we can remote desktop into our work computers, so I can check in at night. I’ve also loaded my corporate e-mail on my phone.

Thank you,

Spencer

Spencer Thomas

Integration Technical Lead

Voyager Technologies

Ahead of the curve, one technology at a time.

SPENCER WENT to his dad’s that weekend, even though he only had a three-day week the next week and would spend Thanksgiving in the suburbs. His heart ached as he sat in on a session between his father and Aaron in which Aaron had to talk over and over again about being left for dead on the floor next to Juliette. They had planned to work on something else, but Aaron flat-out refused to recite whatever it was with Spencer there.

“Aaron., I. Am. Going. To. Hear. It. In. Court. Anyway.,” Spencer said as he picked up his dinner plate from the table that night and put it in the sink. When he turned to take Aaron’s, he saw Aaron staring at him, the shards of his own plate scattered like confetti around the hardwood floor. The horror in Aaron’s face permeated even the drugs his father had insisted Aaron take before the session started. God, he hated to watch Aaron struggle as they shut him down.

“What.?” Spencer asked as he kneeled to pick up the pieces of chicken Aaron moved around his plate but didn’t eat during dinner.

“I do not want you there. Do not come to court,” Aaron signed, moving his hands slowly and deliberately to make sure there were no questions about what he meant.

“What do you mean? Of course I am coming to court. My boss already approved the time off.” Spencer stared at Aaron. “I would not let you go through that alone.”

“Why not? You left. I go through everything alone.” Aaron’s mouth moved as he signed, doing what Spencer generally did, talking and signing at once. At some other time, he might have been moved that Aaron felt so comfortable signing. Right then, however, the power of Aaron’s words pushed the knife deep into his heart.

“I am trying to build a future for us.”

“What happens when you build your future and there is no us?”

Spencer didn’t know if the drugs were talking or if Aaron really felt that way, but the pain of it stole his breath. He stopped picking up the shards of plate and looked up at Aaron, who towered above him. His helplessness weighed on his chest, and he had to remember to breathe.

“Look, I have to focus on this trial or I am not going to make it. I cannot add the stress of us on top of that. I love you, Spencer. I do, but maybe we should not see each other again until after the trial. Just give me a few weeks.” Aaron walked to the rec room, and it took Spencer a minute to follow. He couldn’t wrap his head around what just happened. The drugs in Aaron’s system had to be affecting his judgment. He couldn’t have just told Spencer he wanted to take a break from their relationship.

Aaron hoisted his backpack up on one shoulder when Spencer walked into the rec room, but without another word, he shuffled past Spencer with a quick kiss on the cheek and headed for the door. His father followed, ready to take Aaron home. He considered going after Aaron but thought better of it as he watched the front door close behind the guy he loved more than anything on earth.

What the fuck just happened?