Epilogue

“GOD, I feel like I could fly,” Aaron said as he and Spencer lay in bed side by side at his father’s house, Spencer’s curls still wet from the shower. Spencer laughed.

“I. Think. That. Is. The. Drinks. From. Dinner.,” he said with a grin as Aaron rolled over on top of him.

“Maybe. But I only had three. God, they’re really gone, Spencer. Really, really gone.”

“Yes., They. Are… And. You. Made. It. Happen….”

“They are going to prison for ever.”

“They. Will. Never. Hurt. Anyone. Again.,” Spencer agreed.

Spencer wrapped Aaron in his arms, his heart lifting when Aaron didn’t hesitate at all to be there. His father had taken these last six weeks, since the verdict, to have intensive therapy with Aaron, helping him process all of the feelings from the trial and conviction of the men who had butchered his body and his soul. Spencer came back every single weekend, spending Friday and Saturday night in bed with Aaron. Things at work were slower since the software launched a few weeks before, and the stress levels were more manageable. Clare started speaking to him again after the trial. Eric and Paul stopped hiding from him, and things were more under control.

It didn’t matter. Spencer had made his decision.

“I. Am. Putting. In. My. Notice. At. Work.,” Spencer said quietly as he stroked Aaron’s hair.

“What?”

“I. Did. What. They. Wanted… I. Launched. The. Software… I. Want. To. Go. Back. To. School… I. Want. To. Be. Here. With. You….”

“Spencer, I can’t ask you to do that. As much as I miss you, I can’t—”

Spencer cut him off with a kiss. It started gentle but deepened slowly, gently. Aaron moaned into his mouth, the vibrations making his lips tingle.

“You. Did. Not. Ask. Me.,” Spencer said between kisses. “I. Fucking. Miss. You. So. Much… You. Are. Not. Ready. To. Move… I. Will. Do. Anything. To. Be. With. You., Aaron… Anything….” Spencer cupped Aaron’s face and held his gaze. “You. Are. More. Important. Than. Any. Job….”

“I… I’m going to ask Dr. Mayer if I can TA for him next semester.”

“You. Are.? That. Is. Great., Aaron….”

“I’ve been thinking about it for a long time. There’s something else I’ve been thinking about too. And I feel really good right now, so I wanted to talk to you about it.”

Aaron flushed, a rosy red hue creeping up from his neck to his cheeks. He couldn’t see because of the shirt Aaron wore, but Spencer thought his chest had probably flushed too. It might go all the way down to his feet.

“You. Can. Talk. To. Me. About. Anything….” Spencer’s curiosity was piqued, tapping at the back of his mind. Maybe he wanted to try the blow job again. Nothing but sex would make Aaron blush like that.

“I want to try making love with you.”

“What.?” Spencer sat straight up in bed, dumping Aaron onto the mattress. Aaron scrambled up to his knees, the pants he wore pulling down just a bit to show the sweet skin of his stomach.

“Hear me out,” Aaron said, holding up his hands like he was trying to steady a wild animal. “I will not be able to bottom, not for a long time, maybe not ever. But my shrink and I have been working on things. He has me watching porn to so that I’m not so freaked out by sex. I am able to jack off to it now and not panic. I have been working on it for weeks.”

Spencer stared at him, silently thanking him for not using his dad’s name in that conversation. His dad had Aaron watching porn?

“Why is this the first time I am hearing about this?” Spencer asked, forgoing speech because, to be honest, he was pretty fucking speechless.

“I did not want to get your hopes up. It was something I needed to work out myself.”

“I. Don’t. Know., Aaron… You. Have. Been. Doing. So. Well. Since. The. Trial., Baby… I. Don’t. Want. To. Fuck. That. Up….”

“Then we do what we always do. If things get too difficult, we stop. Please, I love you so much, Spencer. I want to try.”

“I. Love. You., Aaron… More. Than. Anything….”

“You haven’t been with anyone since we’ve been together, right?”

“How. Can. You. Ask. Me. That.?” Spencer asked, horrified by the question.

“I know you haven’t, and you know I haven’t. We’re both clean. I want to make love without condoms. Just us. My skin against yours.”

“Jesus., You. Are. Serious….”

“I’ve never been more serious.”

“Come. Here.,” Spencer whispered and pulled Aaron on top of him, Gingerly, testing Aaron’s responses, he wrapped one leg around Aaron’s hip. He felt so fucking tiny.

“Is. That. Okay.?”

Aaron pulled back so Spencer could see his face. Spencer didn’t see the fear he expected, maybe because of the drinks still in Aaron’s system. Instead, he saw love and heat, the love and heat he had always wanted to see there.

“I like that. So fucking much,” Aaron said and covered Spencer’s mouth again with his, swallowing any protest Spencer could make, even halfheartedly. He didn’t want to protest. In his heart, he wanted to make love with Aaron. He’d waited so fucking long.

Aaron’s weight disappeared, and Spencer opened his eyes. He grinned as he watched Aaron scamper off the bed and over to the door, where he locked it.

“Good. Idea.,” Spencer said, remembering his father walking in on them down in the rec room. It showed, more than anything, that Aaron was serious about wanting to make love to him. Spencer had never bottomed, always needing to be in control, but for Aaron, he would do anything.

Aaron stopped about a foot from the bed, his face glowing not just from the moonlight streaming in from the window but from his own triumph. Holding Spencer’s gaze, he unbuttoned the shirt he wore. Each button revealed a little more of his beautiful skin until the shirt hung loose and open. He winked as he pulled it back off his shoulders. Spencer scrambled to the side of the bed, ripping off his own pullover sweater, and pulled Aaron’s belt loops so he stood between Spencer’s thighs.

“You. Are. So. Beautiful.,” Spencer said and pulled Aaron closer, resting his cheek on Aaron’s chest. He felt the steady thrum of Aaron’s heart, and the excited breaths he’d always wanted across his skin. Joy burst through him, like he’d just gotten everything he’d ever wanted.

Aaron tilted his chin up so that Spencer could see his face.

“You are amazing,” he said, threading his fingers into the back of Spencer’s hair. Spencer kissed every inch he could reach: collarbones, pecs, the light dusting of hair in the middle of his chest. He felt the moan rattle through Aaron and took one sweet little pink nipple into his mouth. Licking, sucking, scraping with his teeth, but not biting, he made it harden under his tongue. Spencer would never cause Aaron pain. Ever. He refused to let Aaron associate pain with sex. It wasn’t about pain. It was about love.

Spencer looked up into Aaron’s face to make sure he saw no signs of distress, and his breath caught. Aaron’s eyes were closed, his head slightly back, arching his body into Spencer’s touch. He didn’t look scared or upset but… happy. A single tear rolled down Spencer’s cheek. He couldn’t help it. The emotion in his chest welled up and spilled over.

At his soft sob, Aaron’s eyes popped open, and he frowned.

“Spencer?”

“I. Am… Oh. God., Aaron… Happy. Tears., I. Promise.,” he said, wiping them away.

“I’m happy too, baby.”

Spencer hid his face against Aaron’s stomach, kissing down his happy trail, and Aaron’s fingers tightened in his hair. Spencer felt each tooth of the zipper as he pulled it down, memorizing every moment because he never ever wanted to forget this night. White briefs peeked through Aaron’s open fly, and he nuzzled against them, the scent of Aaron’s body filling his senses. Aaron released his hair, took Spencer’s hand, and pushed the pants farther down his legs, giving Spencer silent permission to undress him.

Stepping back, Aaron got them off his feet, and Spencer tugged down his briefs, so he let those come off as well, until he stood naked except for perfect white ankle socks. He smiled down at Spencer, still seated on the edge of the bed. His breathing was rapid and shallow but not panicked. Aaron seemed apprehensive, maybe a little scared, but hell, so was Spencer.

Spencer continued his exploration of Aaron’s body finally, finally unencumbered by fear and pain. The skin of Aaron’s hip warmed his lips, and he smelled like spicy bodywash and musk and love. The fingers were back in his hair, encouraging him, and he went for their first real test. He licked Aaron’s cock.

Aaron pulled on his shoulder, and he looked up, disappointment welling in the pit of his stomach.

“Stop,” Aaron said.

“Okay…,” Spencer said and bent to pick up the discarded clothing from the floor.

Aaron pulled him up again so Spencer would see and said, “No, I just wanted us to get in bed.” A sheepish smile crept over his face, and he jumped onto the bed, lying near the center. His eyes found Spencer’s, and he waited. Spencer couldn’t get out of his pants fast enough. The button sailed across the room somewhere, but he didn’t care.

Spencer wanted to be naked with Aaron right then more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life.

The boxers he’d been wearing ended up somewhere in the vicinity of the desk, and Aaron laughed. Though he couldn’t hear it, the sheer joy on Aaron’s face brought him to his knees on the edge of the bed. He crawled to Aaron’s side, pulling his lover against his naked body. If heaven had a feeling—it would have been that one. Pressed tight against the man he loved, naked and free.

Aaron slid down the bed, placing random soft kisses over Spencer’s skin until he wrapped his lips around Spencer’s cock. The moan rumbled up from Spencer’s chest and escaped around the bottom lip tugged into his mouth. Careful, oh so careful not to trap Aaron in any way, he put a hand on Aaron’s shoulder instead of holding his head. The small, wickedly soft tongue bathed his cock even as the hot mouth around it sucked, taking him to the edge of sanity. He wanted so badly to thrust his hips up and bury his cock deeper in the warm, wet suction but kept them anchored to the bed. No way would he scare Aaron, not for anything.

In a moment, Aaron pulled back, a haunted look in his face.

“Are. You. Okay.?” Spencer asked, sitting up quickly.

THE MEMORIES assaulted Aaron even through the haze of booze, but he refused to let them take hold. They had no more power. He nodded at Spencer and stroked the cock in his hand to let Spencer know he wanted to continue. But he needed to do it quickly before he lost his nerve.

“Lube?” he asked, and Spencer flipped onto his side and dug in the nightstand.

Spencer’s profile blurred in the semidarkness, but Aaron could still make out the lines of his face, though his freckles seemed to hide in the shadows. His chest swelled with emotion, threatening to burst the seams of his sanity. It had been a very long time since Aaron had felt such overwhelming happiness. Love, he felt, but generally not the joy that accompanied it. Court officers had dragged the monsters away, and the pressure in his head, which had bored into his brain for the last five years, eased. He’d never be the Aaron from before the attack, but the post-apocalyptic Aaron wasn’t too bad. He could feel comfortable in that skin, scarred as it was.

“What.?” Spencer asked, tracing Aaron’s face in the dark. His skin tingled with the touch, so gentle he barely felt the pressure, just the spark of love and… and need. God, he hadn’t felt that kind of need in so long. Part of it was the booze, he knew, but even when he and Spencer messed around, mostly he felt fear. Right then, his cock strained, just from the love and light in Spencer’s eyes. Aaron couldn’t believe the lightness in his heart that came with freedom from the men who had stolen his life. Now he’d taken their lives. They would never get out of prison. Ever. He made that happen by standing up for himself. Him. Aaron Downing.

“I love you,” Aaron said simply.

“I. Love. You. Too….”

Spencer’s fingers were in his hair, and he loved the way they carded through it. The tactile affection which once terrified him was comforting. Aaron rose up onto one elbow and pushed Spencer’s shaggy hair out of his eyes. His boyfriend’s answering smile made his heart skip. He couldn’t stop himself from leaning down to kiss Spencer so he could feel that smile under his lips.

He took the lube from Spencer’s fingers and popped the cap. Aside from the underlying panicky feeling he always lived with, he didn’t feel too scared because he knew what to do. But, God, he knew how wrong it could go, and he really wanted to make it good for Spencer. After dribbling a little lube on his fingers, he spread it around and got it warm. Then he set the bottle to the side, and Spencer spread his legs in invitation. Aaron stopped, just gazing down at him.

“What.?”

“You’re so beautiful,” Aaron said simply, and the self-conscious expression on Spencer’s face cleared a bit.

“Make. Love. To. Me.,” Spencer said, and Aaron nodded. Nothing mattered anywhere else in the world in that moment except Aaron and Spencer naked and making love in Spencer’s bed. School, the trial, Spencer’s job, nothing—only they existed. Aaron rubbed his fingers over the sensitive skin between the globes of Spencer’s ass, bathing the little hole he ran across with lube. He ran his fingers around the puckered skin before sliding one finger in as gently as he could.

Spencer grunted, a tiny sound that was barely more than an “oh.” His eyes were closed, and Aaron watched for any signs of distress. It kept his mind off his own dark thoughts, thoughts Spencer didn’t need to see. Coating Spencer’s skin with lube, he moved his finger in and out until Spencer writhed under his touch. Then he added a second finger.

The “oh” was louder that time.

He moved his fingers, creating friction, stalling, panicking. Spencer’s legs fell farther open, and he moved his hips harder against Aaron’s hand. It was the most erotic thing Aaron had ever seen, and his cock throbbed, almost begging to be buried in Spencer’s sweet body. Yet he didn’t move. He put his other hand on Spencer’s cock, stroking it with lubed fingers. Maybe he should get Spencer off like that so he didn’t fuck up anything. So he didn’t hurt Spencer the way the men had nearly destroyed him.

Spencer’s eyes popped open, the plea plain on his open face.

Aaron took a long, deep breath. He wanted to know he could do this, that he could be intimate with Spencer in the way he needed. In the way they both needed. The alcohol blazed through his blood, fueling his courage.

He knelt between Spencer’s thighs. Spencer pulled them high, exposing himself for Aaron. Their eyes met, and Aaron saw the love and need in Spencer’s. He wondered briefly what Spencer saw in his. Then he used his right hand to line his cock up with Spencer’s entrance and pushed forward gently, slowly. The head slipped away, glancing off instead of penetrating Spencer’s ass. He tried again and felt a pop as his dick slid past the ring of muscle.

Aaron wasn’t big, but Spencer’s ass gripped his cock like a vise, and he had to take a quick breath, stopping so he didn’t come. When the urge passed, he moved his hips forward in a tentative push, and all at once, they were chest to chest. Spencer’s arms wrapped around him, and his legs came up over Aaron’s hips.

They were ready.

“Please.,” Spencer whispered, and Aaron punched his hips forward in an experimental thrust. Spencer sucked in a sharp breath but moved his hips to press closer to Aaron. So Aaron pulled back and did it again and again. Spencer moaned low in his ear and hissed a quiet “Yes.,” bolstering Aaron’s confidence. He started a smooth, steady rhythm, slow enough that his hips didn’t slap into Spencer’s body—they met his skin with gentle pressure.

A symphony of sound came from Spencer, sweet, wild, unguarded cries that made Aaron throb inside him. The slick slide of skin against skin was so much better than the ineffective jack-off sessions he’d had watching other guys in the act. They got him off, yeah, but this, this was an explosion of feeling and sound and color and light. He slid his arms under Spencer’s, pressing his face into Spencer’s shoulder, hiding the tears in his eyes. The emotion welled so high in him he couldn’t stop it.

He whimpered against Spencer’s skin, uncensored because Spencer couldn’t hear him anyway. He had no reason to be restrained. Spencer turned his head, searching, and Aaron covered his lips, their cries mingling in the razor-thin space between their mouths as they raced toward oblivion.

Aaron reached it first, shocking them both.

The tingling in his stomach spread to Aaron’s groin, his movements stuttered, and he jerked with quick, awkward thrusts.

“Come., baby.,” Spencer said in a breathless cry against his cheek, and Aaron nodded so Spencer could feel it. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the all-encompassing feeling building inside him. The buzz of alcohol had started to wear off, and the images came to him then, but he pushed them aside. They were so close, almost there, and he would not let the monsters steal this moment. No fucking way. Instead, he focused on the pleasure in Spencer’s voice, the smell of sweet sweat and sex, and the feel of Spencer’s ass gripping his cock in almost painful pressure.

He laughed in triumph and pure joy as his orgasm hit, and he pushed deep into Spencer, jerking slowly, filling him.

“Yeah., Honey., Oh. My. God….”

Spencer’s arms and legs tightened around him, almost like a spasm, just for a second, holding him against Spencer’s warmth. He tightened his arms around Spencer too, clinging as his balls emptied and he panted against Spencer’s shoulder.

“Your turn,” he said, though Spencer couldn’t hear him. He reached down and batted Spencer’s hand out of the way between them, stroking as he continued to thrust his half-hard cock.

Beyond words, Spencer threaded his fingers with Aaron’s on his cock so they could both stroke him. It didn’t take long for Spencer to tense, his head thrown back against the pillows, eyes closed, mouth open in an almost silent scream. Aaron started to get hard again at the sight and fucked him a little faster even as Spencer’s cock erupted into his hand.

“Aaron.,” he whimpered. “Aaron….” Jets of warm, sticky semen pooled on Spencer’s stomach while Aaron’s thrusts slowed and he collapsed, his smaller body landing on Spencer with his huge smile buried against his lover’s skin. It took several minutes before either of them moved or spoke or maybe even breathed.

“That. Was. Amazing.,” Spencer whispered into his hair, but Aaron would have to sit up in order for Spencer to see his face, and he didn’t want to move, so he just nodded. It was amazing. Beautiful and fucking amazing, every minute of it. The dark thoughts came, they tried to destroy him, but he had power they didn’t have anymore, and he won. He won.

“Please., Look. At. Me.,” Spencer said and rolled them to their sides. He put a finger under Aaron’s chin and tilted his face up. His mouth opened in surprise, maybe at the smile on Aaron’s face.

“You. Are. Okay.?”

“I could not be better,” Aaron said, snuggling into the safety of Spencer’s arms.

“You. Know. What. This. Means., Right.?” Spencer asked, his voice suddenly serious. Aaron sat up and looked at him. Spencer sat up too and held his hands up in a sign that took Aaron’s breath away before he mimicked it.

Forever.