Walker
I don’t say much in Doctor Monroe’s session and he doesn’t push it, makes no mention about me going over what happened in Helmand. I’m grateful for that but also uncomfortable, aware from the tone he used with Didi that he thinks he walked in on something and that he’s not happy about it.
I feel awkward, but then again, what is there to feel awkward about? There’s nothing going on. Even without being able to see and pick up on the normal cues, my gut is telling me that all those things I’m feeling—the connection, the hyperawareness when I’m around her, this attraction, if that’s even what it is—are one-sided. If she was staring over at me in the gym, it was probably because she was surprised to see me with my bandages off. Dodds was probably overplaying it. She just feels sorry for me. Hell, she’s said it two or three times. And she has a boyfriend.
If the girl who supposedly loved me and wanted to spend her life with me—in sickness and in health—was so repulsed by me, why would a girl who never knew me before, and who barely knows me now, ever look twice at me? No. If Didi feels anything for me, then it’s just pity.
After the hour’s therapy session is up and I’m back in my room, I find I can’t stop thinking about her. It’s frustrating as hell. I need to find a way to get her out of my mind. I think about going to the gym again. My knee is throbbing, but I could probably go a few more miles on the rowing machine. Maybe I should take the painkiller next time José comes around with it.
“Hey, Lieutenant.”
It’s Dodds. I hear him bang his wheelchair into the door.
“How you doing?” he asks.
“Good. You?”
I hear him sigh. “Yeah, okay. You shaved.”
“Yeah.” I run my hand across my jaw. She did a good job.
“You want to come and play poker with Sanchez and me?” he asks.
I give him what I think is an arch look.
“Oh yeah,” he says, realizing how stupid the question was. “Well, the game’s on the TV,” he says. “You can come and watch it. I mean listen to it.”
I start to say no thanks, but then I figure what the hell. Anything to take my mind off Didi. And I should really give my knee a rest or I might not be able to work out tomorrow at all.
In Sanchez’s room I sit on his bed and listen to the game, though I can barely hear it over the bitching happening between Sanchez and Dodds as they shuffle and deal.
“I’m putting fifty dollars on Walker beating you,” I hear Dodds say.
“Nah,” says Sanchez, “it don’t work like that.”
“What do you mean?”
“We’re going to be tied together.”
“What?”
My ears prick up. What are they talking about?
“Yeah, that’s how they do it with these kinds of triathlons. They tie us together for the running and the swimming part.”
“Like on a leash? He’s, like, your dog?”
“Wait,” I say, interrupting. “Hold up. What are you talking about?”
“The triathlon,” Sanchez says. “We’re entering as a team.”
Dodds bursts out laughing. “You’re going to be tied to him!”
“I’m your eyes,” Sanchez explains. “You’re my legs. It’s a win-win. We use a tandem bike for the cycle ride. When we swim and run you’re tied to me.”
Tied to him? For a moment I think about laughing and telling him there’s no way I’m taking part, but then I remember that I’m supposed to be setting a positive example. I also recognize that Sanchez needs me as much as I need him, and I know how much this triathlon means to him, so I just nod. I can feel the competitive streak in me stirring to life.
“You better be fast,” I say.
“Road Runner’s got nothing on me,” he answers, laughing. I hear him tossing some coins into a pile. “Figure between the two of us we’ve got about one and a half functioning bodies. We’re gonna win this thing for sure.”
“How the hell did I let you talk me into this?” I say, shaking my head.
“He could sell ice to the Eskimos, that’s how.”
It’s Valentina. She bustles into the room and I hear her planting kisses on Sanchez and Dodds before my turn comes. She wraps me up in a hug and I get a waft of eyewatering perfume.
“You know, you can’t call them that anymore,” Dodds interrupts. “Eskimos. The real name’s Inuit.”
“I watched this show on National Geographic,” Dodds explains.
“You know what, Dodds?” Sanchez laughs. “You aren’t half as dumb as you seem.”
“Screw you, Sanchez,” Dodds says, but he’s laughing under his breath too.
I join in.
“Amor,” Valentina interrupts, “I just stopped by to bring you boys some food.” I hear the sound of plastic containers being snapped open and suddenly the aroma of Mexican food fills the room, making my mouth water. “I have to go.”
“Where?” Sanchez asks.
“To the volunteer meeting,” Valentina tells him. “I’m helping with the food for the party next week.”
“Sweet,” says Dodds. “I was thinking we’d just get cold cuts and jello.”
“My cousin Angela’s coming. She’s going to help too.”
“What with? Eating all the food?” Sanchez asks.
Valentina says something in Spanish that makes Sanchez mumble something under his breath like a scolded child.
“Okay. I have to run,” Valentina announces. She strokes her hand down my cheek. “You look so handsome without the beard,” she clucks. “Keep it off. Angela prefers her men clean-shaven.”
“Shame she doesn’t apply the same philosophy to herself,” Sanchez laughs.
There’s a pause, then a sharp slap, and Sanchez lets out a yell.
“You say one more word about my cousin and I’m going to tell Doctor Monroe all about that thing you don’t want anyone to know about . . .”
“You wouldn’t dare!” Sanchez shouts, but I hear the fear in his voice.
“Oh, wouldn’t I? Just watch me.” And with that she leaves. I imagine she probably flounces out the door.
“Damn woman,” Sanchez mutters once she’s out of earshot.
“Don’t say that,” Dodds says and I pick up his angry tone. “You got a wife. And she loves you. You know how lucky you are? Jesus. You got way more than the rest of us have got.”
Sanchez doesn’t say anything in reply. A minute later, though, he mumbles “Fold” and I hear Dodds gathering up the coins.
I get up from the bed and make my way to the door, my hands out in front of me, feeling for the wall. I’ve counted the steps from here to my own room and if I hug the wall I can manage on my own.
“See you, Lieutenant,” Dodds calls to my back.
“Yeah,” I say in answer.
I head to my room, leaning against the wall the whole way.