Caden
“Met someone you might know,” Cash says conversationally as I sit across from him. We met on my lunch break since he called me first thing this morning, saying he wanted to see me.
We’re at a crowded restaurant that’s close to where I work. Yes, work. I have a job. A job that I love. One that’ll pay almost enough to maintain Mom’s many expenses, though I’m guessing the man sitting across from me might help me with the load considering they’ve been dating hot and heavy since I returned from London.
Weird but true. They finally made it happen. Mom is head over heels in love and I think Cash is, too. They’re already talking marriage. At the very least, they’re going to move in together. Mom’s already preparing to sell the condo.
“Who was it?” I ask just as the waitress sets my plate in front of me. I lift the bread off my turkey sandwich to check for pickles and yep, there they are, the offending little bastards. I pick them off, wipe my hands on my napkin, and then take a big bite. I’m starved.
Only just got my appetite back, too, since I’ve been a miserable little fuck the last two months.
“I went to this rooftop party. Got invited … not sure how, but I’m not questioning it. Big shindig. Took your mom and she was dazzled. She met your friend, too. Once we got over the initial shock of her passing out cold, Cora found her a truly lovely person.”
I go still. I have no idea who he’s talking about and he’s being evasive. Drawing this out. I know lots of women in Manhattan and most of them I’ve done wrong. Hence my happiness that I’m working in Brooklyn. I know hardly anyone here and I like it that way.
“What do you mean? Are you talking about Mom?” Worry consumes me and I set down my sandwich. “Is everything okay with her?” She’s getting older. Her health could be failing for all I know.
“She’s fine. Stop your worrying.” Cash waves a hand and grabs his sandwich, taking a bite. His expression is contemplative as he chews. “Though maybe you should start worrying once I tell you what I found out,” he says after he swallows.
I push my plate away. “Quit being so mysterious and just spit it out.”
“So cranky. Jesus, you haven’t been the same since you returned from England—you know that, right?”
“I have my reasons,” I mutter, wishing I could have a beer. Not that I’ve been drinking excessively or anything, but a few beers help numb the pain. Help me cope with my troubles. Help me forget I’m missing a particular woman so much my entire body aches.
“Well, maybe I can push you out of that shit mood once and for all.” Cash leans over the table and lowers his voice. “I saw Lily and Rose Fowler Saturday afternoon.”
What the fuck? “Are you serious?” I swallow hard, trying to get past the lump that formed in my throat. “You met Rose?”
Cash nods, looking smug. “So did your mother.”
Holy shit. “Wait a minute.” My mind is racing, going over everything Cash just said. “Who passed out? Was it Lily or—”
“It was Rose,” Cash says, interrupting me.
My heart grows heavy and I absently rub at the center of my chest, messing up my tie. Now that I’m a working stiff, I have to dress like one. I bought a few new suits and dress shirts and a handful of ties. Though I usually come to work in trousers and a button-down shirt with the tie, nothing too formal. I like my boss, Stanton, and I like my job. I’m damn good at my job.
Considering it’s pretty much all I have, I put my heart and soul into it, vowing I wouldn’t fuck it up. I can’t afford to fuck it up. I refuse to go back to my old lifestyle.
“You going to ask what happened or what?” Cash says, blasting me from my thoughts.
“Tell me,” I say, worry clawing at my chest. I hope Rose is all right. I miss her so damn much. I’ve been working hard to make myself a better man. I had a loose idea of what I needed to do to make things right. Secure myself in my job, guarantee I’m not going anywhere after the ninety-day grace period, and then go to her with my heart in my hands and words of undying love falling from my lips.
Sappy and ridiculous, but that was my plan.
“She looks frail, Caden. I’m not going to lie. A little pale and tired, and when I introduced your mother to her—”
“You introduced her as my mother?” Holy hell. I’m sweating. No wonder Rose dropped to the ground.
“No, jackass, I introduced her as Cora Kingsley. But I knew she’d put it together. Or at least assume something. Or think of you. I don’t know what she thought.” He shrugs and takes another bite of his sandwich, chewing for what feels like forever. “All I know is once I said the name Kingsley, Rose fainted.”
“She fainted?” Aw, hell. What did that mean? Is she okay? Cash said she looked frail. Why? What’s going on? I should call her. She might hang up on me—not that I can blame her, I still regret that stupid letter—but I need to make sure she’s all right.
Cash sets his sandwich down, his expression serious. Scary serious. “You need to know what’s going on, son. Your mom was in the restroom and overheard a few … things, which was semi-confirmed after Rose fainted.”
“Jesus, what is it?” Cash is talking in circles and he’s losing me. I hate it. The panic has grabbed hold of me and isn’t letting go. I feel its fingers sinking deeper and deeper …
“There’s no easy way to tell you this, so I’m just going to be frank.” Cash’s eyes narrow. “We think she’s pregnant.”
Panic has its claws fully embedded in me now. I feel like I can’t fucking breathe. “Are you serious?”
He says nothing, just gives me a tiny nod.
“Pregnant? With my baby?” Of course it’s my baby. Why didn’t she call me? Holy shit, this is all my fault. Those few times we had sex without protection and now she’s paying the ultimate price …
I start to push away from the table, ready to go in search of her, but Cash reaches out, clamping his hand around my wrist and keeping me in place. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“I have to find her. I have to talk to her.” My mind is going a hundred miles a second and I’m desperate with the need to see Rose.
“You need a plan, son. You can’t just go after her and, say, burst into her office at Fleur and offer your undying love or whatever the hell. She’s probably mad at you.”
“She should be,” I agree wholeheartedly. “She has every right to be furious with me.”
“Right. So you need to think this through. Make this right. You can’t tell her you want to be with her because she’s going to have your baby,” Cash says.
“Why the fuck not?” That just gives me more reason to want to be with her. She needs me now more than ever and I want to be there for her.
“She’ll think you’re with her because of the baby and for no other reason.”
“But that wouldn’t be true. I love her. I want to be with her.” I blink, absorbing his words. What Cash is saying does make sense …
“What was your plan anyway, huh, kid? You’ve avoided her for the last two months. What exactly were you doing?”
“Straightening out my life. I already told you that.”
“You got that job within a week of your return,” Cash points out.
Less than that. I interviewed on a Monday and was working my first day that Wednesday. “Yeah, but I didn’t know if it was going to stick. I still don’t know if it is. I have another month before Stanton decides to make me a permanent employee,” I say.
Cash makes a frustrated noise. “You’re in. You don’t have to worry about that.”
“And I wanted to get a nice place. I can’t keep staying at your place, Cash.” I’ve been looking for something in Brooklyn, closer to my work.
“Rose has a very nice apartment downtown.”
“Yeah. I know. I wanted to have things on my own merit. I wanted to prove to her that I can be the man she wants. The man she needs. I don’t want to have to rely on her money or anything like that,” I say bitterly.
“I don’t think she’d care as long as she has you.” Cash’s eyes are full of sympathy. “She looked so lost, Caden. Just about as lost as you do. When Cora and I left that party, I told her who Rose was to you.”
“Ah, fuck.” I rub the back of my neck, hating that he said anything to Mom.
“She burst into tears, son, and told me Rose had thrown up in the bathroom when she was in there. And then she fainted … It was your mom who came to the conclusion that she must be pregnant. She cried because she knows that Rose is carrying her grandbaby.”
The guilt is heavy, almost too much to bear. Cash is laying it on thick, the ass. He knows just how to work me. I can hardly process the thought that Rose is pregnant. With my baby. “Have you had this confirmed? That Rose is really pregnant?”
“No. But it’s simple math, son. Two plus two equals baby.”
“I need to go to her,” I say, shaking my head when the waitress pauses by our table, a pitcher of iced tea held up high in her hand, indicating she wants to give me a refill. “But you’re right. I need a plan.”
“You need to tell her that you want to be with her not because she’s having your baby but because you love her.” Cash shakes his head. “Jackass move, leaving her that note, staying away from her so you can try and prove that you’re worthy.”
At the time it seemed like the right thing to do. We needed distance, because with distance comes clarity. I left her the note and went back to Mitchell’s house, hiding out there until we flew out of London that Sunday night. I immediately went to my job interview with Stanton first thing Monday morning and he gave me the position right then and there.
It all fell into place, just as I hoped it would. I’d work hard, save up, live a respectable life, and give up all criminal activity once and for all. I changed my phone number, not wanting any of those old temptations to call me and try to coerce me into something I shouldn’t be doing. No one could reach me, beyond Cash, Mom, and my new boss and fellow employees.
I am a new man. A working man. An honest man.
A man who’s going to be a father in approximately … “How far along is she?”
“You should know better than I do.”
I shrug, feeling like an idiot. I’m a guy. I don’t pay attention to those types of things. “Around two months I guess?” So I’ll be a father in seven months. I mentally count. There will be a baby born in March. My baby.
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
“She’s so young,” I tell Cash, soaking up the guilt that’s consuming me at the realization that I did this to her. I’m the one who got her pregnant. Does she hate me for it? Or is she happy that she’s having a baby? Does she feel all right? If she looks pale and is vomiting and fainting, then no, she can’t be. This pregnancy must be hard on her.
And I’m the one to blame.
“So,” Cash says, peering at me, his gaze hard. “Are you sure you’re ready for this type of responsibility? It’s big, son. It’ll change your entire life, leave you connected to this girl forever, whether you end up together or not. So know where you stand on this. Don’t go running to her declaring your true love for her and then ditch her months later. She’s going to need you more than ever. This is a huge commitment. So.” He stares at me hard and repeats himself. “You ready for this?”
Am I ready? I think I am. I should be. I left Rose because I didn’t feel worthy of her. I firmly believed she deserved a much better man and I would never measure up. I wrote that letter pouring my heart out on the pages and the minute I snuck out of her hotel room, leaving her all alone and sleeping naked in that bed, my baby already inside her and oblivious to what I’d just done, I became consumed with regret.
You don’t walk out on love. You stay and fight for it. You prove to the woman who means more to you than anyone or anything else that you will do whatever it takes to make her happy.
It’s been two long months now. More than enough time to fuck everything up. She might have changed her mind. She’s probably over me. She should be over me. I’d deserve that.
I don’t deserve her love.
I don’t deserve her.
But I’m going to do whatever it takes to get her back and make her mine. If I have to beg, cheat, borrow, or steal, I will do it.
Whatever it takes.
Because Rose Fowler belongs to me.