When the doorbell rang, Lucas was busy restocking the fridge in the game room. It was important to keep it full of beer and snacks, or else there would be an outcry from the guys.

Honestly, he wasn’t looking forward to the next game night. It was going to be fucking awkward after what happened in here last night. How would he be able to sit at the table and roll dice, thinking of the way Ash had looked sitting there, all tense and anguished and hot?

The doorbell rang again, and he muttered and closed the fridge. It would be either Pete or Rex.

Rex lived right here on the property though; he was so used to coming over to hang out that he wouldn’t bother to ring the bell, he’d just come in. He even had his own key.

And Pete would probably have called first.

Which left…well, anybody, practically. He went to answer the door.

He hadn’t expected it to be Ash. His heart fluttered, and he smiled…maybe even blushed.

Oh god, please tell me I didn’t blush.

“Surprised to see you here,” he said. “Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

Ash grimaced. “Work is the last place I want to be.”

They were back in the game room, since it had the best places to sit, and Lucas offered him a beer. Ash accepted it, and walked over to the broad window.

“I made some calls after leaving the office,” Ash said to him. “I found out where Ricky is staying. Not surprisingly, he’s not here in town—nowhere posh enough for big software money, I guess. He’s up in the city, renting a massive office suite.”

“Fancy.”

“I’m amazed he never showed up on my radar, but I guess the work he’s been doing is low-key. Lots of behind-the-scenes applications that you and I have never heard of, but that software companies pay big money for.”

Honestly, Lucas didn’t want to talk about Ricky right now. He knew they had to. He knew how important it was. But his body ached, having Ash this close to him. He wanted to forget all the conversation, and strip Ash bare, right here.

I wonder if the pool table is strong enough to hold two men?

He shook his head. Time to focus. Ash was here on business.

“So what are we going to do, beat him up?”

Ash laughed at that. “That’s plan B. Plan A: We schedule a meeting.”

“That’s not nearly as interesting.”

“You have to trust me on this, Lucas, I know how to handle rich guys.” A sudden look around the game room. “No offense.”

Lucas gave him a quizzical look. “Why would I be offended? Dude, I know everybody’s richer than me. It’s not something I care about.”

“You are so strange. Anyway. I figure we schedule the meeting through an intermediary. We don’t want to spook him, or give him any reason to turn us away. It’ll look like a sales call, something like that, only it’ll be us showing up for the meeting.”

“Yeah, the part that’s missing from your plan is how we convince him to go away.”

Ash smirked. “I figured we’d improvise, based on what we found out.”

“Maybe we could offer him a couple of bucks to go away, like a homeless guy.”

“Maybe you could throw yourself at him, get him so riled up he can’t think straight.”

“Hm,” said Lucas, “that’s not a bad idea. Not me, obviously, but I wonder if we could get Rex or Pete to go after him, since they’re single.”

It had just slipped out, without him thinking it through.

Ash cocked his head. “Are you not single?”

Suddenly Lucas felt hesitant. “I mean…are you?”

“The world is conspiring to make us talk about this,” Ash said.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” said Lucas.

“Me either! I was just telling Callum—”

“Oh shit, Callum knows?”

Ash chuckled and said, “Apparently everyone on the top floor of the Cray Building knows.”

“Oh, great.” He looked around the game room. It was still possible to keep it a secret. Most of the higher-up Cray employees didn’t live in town, they commuted down from the city. So it wasn’t like any of them were friends with the guys.

The Cray Quarry gang could not find out about this. It would wreck every friendship he had.

“I’d rather keep this between us,” he said finally.

Ash nodded. “I know. Then I think, this is as bad as high school, when we were afraid of letting anyone know.”

“Yeah, that’s because nothing’s changed since high school. We’re still at the mercy of our fathers, our friends…well, you don’t have any friends, but you know what I mean.”

“What’s changed is that we’re grown up,” said Ash. “We don’t see each other every day at school anymore. We have to make the choice to see each other. If I walk out right now, go back to my office, go back to my daily life…you won’t see me. Our paths won’t cross.”

“Yeah, and then Ricky will buy up all the land.”

“Exactly. So we have to see each other. At least for a little while. Until we stop Ricky.”

Lucas looked away from him. “And then…?”

“I don’t know. Rationality and logic say, after it’s over, we go back to normal. I go to the office, you go to the farm.”

“City mouse and country mouse.”

“Exactly.”

“So is that what you want?” asked Lucas. “We just use each other for a while? Can you go back to normal after this?”

He watched Ash carefully. For once, Ash was not doing the expressionless thing. Every emotion, every thought, was plain on his face. He was a man in agony. He paced, he glanced out the window, at the walls, anywhere but Lucas. His brow furrowed with his thoughts, and Lucas had the vision of a great, powerful, but somehow very old-fashioned calculator, clicking and ticking, brass wheels spinning as Ash’s logical mind came to a final conclusion.

When he had finished crunching the emotional numbers, he turned to Lucas, and Lucas felt the most horrible suspense. He couldn’t read Ash’s face now. Was it confusion? Decisiveness?

“No,” said Ash.

“Wait, no to what? No to us?”

Ash blinked. “What? No, no to going back to normal. What we were just talking about.”

“You’ve been pacing for like three days now.”

Ash looked around. “Really?”

“But that’s not the important part.”

“No, I suppose not. Lucas, I don’t want to go back to normal. You know what normal is? Normal is lonely. Normal is sitting in my fucking office night after night because at least I can pretend I’m not alone. If I go home, if I hear myself echoing around my place…it’s awful. Every step is a reminder that I've cut off everyone important to me.”

Lucas glanced around the game room. That was like how he felt when the guys weren’t here.

“I know what you mean,” he said. “So…we’re just two lonely guys hooking up because we’re lonely?”

“Yeah, no. That’s not going to work,” said Ash.

This sent a strange thrill through Lucas. “It won’t work?”

“I think it’s part of my problem. Why I can’t seem to get into a relationship. I’m no good with the first part. The part where you’re only halfway seeing someone, the part where you’re hooking up. I’m too possessive. I’m too used to being in charge.”

“Oh, I see. So what you’re saying is, we can’t be together unless you’re in charge? That would certainly explain the problems we used to have when we tried to be together.”

“You know what I mean!” said Ash, laughing. “I’m not saying I’ve got to own you, don’t be ridiculous. I’m saying, if we even thought about trying to be together, and I had even a hint that you were interested in seeing other people—”

“Wait, wait,” said Lucas. “What you’re telling me is, you’re jealous.”

“I didn’t say that. What I said was—”

“No, don’t try to hide it! I think it’s cute, Ash Cray being all jealous, peeking out from the blinds to watch his boyfriend walk down the street to make sure no other boys talk to him…”

Ash threw himself onto the couch and sighed. “You make it sound so stupid.”

“It’s a little stupid.”

“I just hate to lose. That’s what happened with Ricky, you know? I liked him. You know, as well as I could like anyone back in those days. And then poof, he was gone.”

“You’re jealous because you’re afraid,” said Lucas.

“What, are you my therapist now?”

Lucas laughed, then opened the fridge back up to pull out a beer. “Do you want one?”

“God yes.”

“The thing is, I don’t think it's weird at all, being afraid of losing someone. Especially for us. We’ve grown up our whole lives hearing how we'd lose our land and our fortunes, thanks to the feud. You get really…attuned to loss, you know what I mean?”

Ash nodded and sipped his beer. “That’s it exactly. Except…again, I don’t mean any offense by this, but you’ve lost a lot over the years. And I’ve never understood that.”

The last thing Lucas wanted to talk about right now was his dad. But who else would understand better than Ash?

“My dad has given it all up,” he said. “The feud, the family name, everything. He wants to cash it in, all the work our ancestors did on this land. Sit back with his books, not think about anybody but himself. We used to bring jobs to so many people in this town, here on the farm…and now? It’s a waste. We’re not doing anything for anybody. Worse, he insists that I lead the same kind of life. He refuses to let me do any farming.”

Ash crinkled his brow. “Do you want to farm? It’s so messy.”

“I want the choice. As it stands, all I'll inherit is a lot of dusty old novels that nobody but my dad has ever been interested in.”

“That sucks,” Ash said. “At least, no matter how much my dad drags the family name through the mud, I’ve got the company. He can’t take that away from me.”

“You don’t sound so sure of that.”

Ash squeezed his lips together and shook his head. He sat up and gestured at the window. “You’re right. I’m not sure of it. If he sells the land to Ricky, and can afford the legal team that will get him out of jail on an appeal, he will sweep right in and take the company back. I know that about him. Callum doesn’t realize it. He just wants Dad to be free. But Dad knows I don’t want him to get out. So the minute he’s back in power, I guess I’ll be packing up my desk and getting a job at Perky Pete’s or something.”

“Um…holy shit. I had no idea. I can’t imagine you not being part of Cray Reliable. You were practically born in a suit.”

“Now you see why I want to stop Ricky so badly. I could lose the land, I could lose the company… I don’t like to lose what’s mine, Lucas.”

Lucas moved over to the couch and sat next to Ash. “We’re more alike than either of us is willing to admit,” he said.

“That explains the rivalry,” Ash said. “Both of us convinced we had to fight not to lose everything. Well, congratulations.”

“Congratulations?”

“You’re officially the only person in the world who knows what I’m going through.”

Lucas nodded. “Same to you.”

“It’s not exactly the same for you,” said Ash. “You’ve got your friends. I’m sure you’ve told them all this stuff.”

“That’s the weird thing. I mean, I love the guys. I’d lay down my life for them. Don’t laugh, I would. They are like my family—hell, they’re closer than any of my real family. But there are just things I can’t talk to them about. Things too close to the soul, I guess.”

“Pshaw,” said Ash. “Souls. People don’t have souls. They’re just little bundles of needs and desires. You calculate how they work, you give them what they want, and they give you what you want.”

Lucas peered at him. “You don’t believe that.”

“I have to believe it. It’s the only way the world makes any sense. If I can’t figure people out, if there’s not logic to them…then they’re too damn scary to deal with.”

“Then you’re doomed,” said Lucas. “Because people aren’t logical.”

“That’s what I’m scared of.”

“You don’t seem like you’re scared.”

A weak smile played over Ash’s lips. “I don’t? Then I’m doing a fantastic job covering it up. I’m terrified, Lucas. I have to be logical, because if I follow my heart, things get out of control. That’s why I’m so scared of talking about…about us. Why we’re sitting here talking about who’s in charge or whatever. You do something to me. Something no one else has ever done. You tear down my logic, my programming.”

“Dude, you’re not a robot.”

Ash’s hand slid towards Lucas, his fingers twining around Lucas’ fingers. “That’s the scary part. You make me feel human. And I don’t want to be human. If you want to be the best, you have to sacrifice all that, you know? To get ahead in business, to master all the obstacles lined up in front of you, you have to be cold. You have to inhibit every desire except the desire to get ahead. You have to control yourself…but you make me feel out of control.”

Lucas wasn’t sure how they had gotten so close here on the couch, but suddenly he realized they were shoulder to shoulder, their hands clasped. “Out of control…yeah, that’s me too,” he whispered, his lips only inches away from Ash’s.

“I’ve fought this feeling all my life, but I can’t fight it when I’m around you,” said Ash.

“Then don’t. Don’t fight.”

Ash’s kiss was gentle, soft, like a feather brushing against his lips. So different than the angry passion of their past couple of encounters. Somehow it was more honest, this kiss, more naked, more revealing of the deep need in both of them. Lucas raised his hand and cupped Ash’s cheek, kissing him back, more vigorously but still tender, his heart opening up in ways that scared him terribly but that he couldn’t stop.

I need you so badly, he thought. Ash Cray, I think I might love you.

Their kiss deepened, and he was thinking about all the things they might do together if they could just get their clothes off in the next thirty seconds…

…when he heard the front door open.

“Dude, are you around?” asked Rex.