I think I need to apologize to you,” Lucas said to Rex.

Rex looked around the game room, at the pool cues broken in half, the billiard balls on the floor beneath dents in the sheetrock where they had hit the wall with some force.

“I think you need to apologize to the room,” he said.

Lucas shook his head. “All this…it’s just stuff. I can replace it. I guess I got a little crazy last night. That’s why I called you over. Ash and I are finished.”

“Whoa, what?” said Rex. He looked back at the damage in the room. “You broke up with Ash? After our big conversation yesterday?”

“I mean, it was more of an ambush, but yes, we broke up.”

“You broke up with him for me?”

Lucas shrugged. “He broke up with me for you, if you want to be exact. Or, more likely, he broke up with me because being with me was pulling him away from his one true love, his company. So I guess I owe you two apologies: One for getting together with him in the first place, and one for not breaking up with him before he could break up with me.”

Rex moved around the room, picking up the broken cues, the pool balls. “I’m a little shocked,” he said. “I honestly expected you to stay with him.”

“And lose all my friends? Damn, you must think as little of me as he does.”

Rex shook his head. “That’s not what I mean. I don’t know, it’s confusing. Just thinking about you two together, my chest closes off a little, and I feel like I can’t breathe. But…that’s my problem, not yours. I spent a long time last night talking to Pete.”

“Never a good decision.”

“He told me I was over-reacting.”

“Really?” asked Lucas. “Because he gave me a lot of shit for falling for Ash.”

Rex nodded. “Of course he did. But that’s natural. It was a shock. But…he said I was wrong, too. He didn’t come out and say I was being manipulative, but I knew what he meant.”

“Dude, you’re not being manipulative. You nearly died.”

“Yeah. Of course I did. It’s the one big defining event of my life. The one thing I ever accomplished. Almost dying. I mean, from one perspective, you might say I failed at that, too.”

As much as Lucas had wanted to mend things with Rex, he was feeling so sore and heartbroken after his breakup with Ash, that he almost wished they could change the subject.

Maybe Rex understood that, because he glanced over at Lucas. “I don’t mean to make my problems the centerpiece right now. But Pete helped me to understand, I was being too hard on you. You’ve done everything for me. You gave me a place to live. You gave me a job. If there’s one person in the world who deserves some slack, it’s you. I shouldn’t have let my emotions get the better of me.”

Lucas picked up a ball off the floor and rolled it between his fingers. There was something satisfying about its heft. It had certainly been satisfying, hurling them at the wall last night. He’d come close to sending one through the window…but that would have been pretty damned expensive to replace.

“It’s fine,” he told Rex. “It is. I should have just listened to you. That Ash could break it off that easily with me…it was a sign we didn’t have anything that deep to begin with. How could I have been so stupid, though? It felt like he understood me. When we were together, it felt like I was finally with the person I belonged with.”

Rex sighed. “I’ve never felt that in my life.”

“Me either. That’s why it hurts so much to have it snatched away like this. But that’s not your fault. You were right. There’s something rotten inside Ash Cray. He doesn’t have a heart, not really.”

Except he does, and he loves me, and that’s why this makes no sense.

That was the true core of the rage that had swept through Lucas last night. It didn't make sense. He knew Ash, knew him deep down. This wasn’t like him.

Or…was it?

The confusion had driven Lucas insane.

“Even if I was right about him, I’m sorry for being part of this thing that hurt you,” Rex said. “You’re my best friend…I should have been more tolerant.”

“All I could think about was what it would mean to lose you guys,” Lucas said. “I mean, I love Ash—or, rather I loved him, or at least I thought I did—but the idea of never seeing you guys again, of having you hate me…that broke my heart almost as bad as it’s broken now.”

Rex reached out and put his hand on Lucas’ shoulder. “It’ll be okay, man. You’ve still got us. It’ll feel better eventually. Look, why don’t I call the guys? I know everyone will want to see you. It’ll make you feel better. Like old times.”

“It’ll be awkward as hell,” said Lucas. “A night of apologies.”

Rex glanced back at the damage. “Well, apologies will give us something to do, at least, since you wrecked the pool table.”

* * *

Far from normal, the game room felt more like a funeral parlor. The guys were so silent. Nobody knew what to say.

“Come on,” said Lucas, “let’s drink something. Let’s play a game.”

The guys glanced at each other, and he hated the sympathy on their faces.

“Don’t you want to talk?” said Simon.

“That’s the one thing on earth I don’t want to do. Let’s just do something,” Lucas said. “I don’t care what.”

Pete shook his head. “You’re in bad shape, man. It’s okay. We’re here for you.”

“Dude, don’t be here for me. I’m not a baby. I can handle this. The Crays pulled another fucking hit-job on me, that’s all. Sure, it was a little different this time, but it’s always the same deep down. Put a Cray and a Phelps in the room together, and only one will walk away unharmed.”

Pete looked desperately over at Simon. “What about you? Can you talk to him? I’m no good at this stuff.”

“No, Lucas is right,” said Simon. “He doesn’t want to talk. He wants to blow off steam. That’s fine. We need to let him have room for that.”

“I’m in the fucking room,” said Lucas. “You don’t have to talk about me in third person. Are we going to play a game or not?”

“Sure, of course we can,” said Simon. “Pete, go grab something.”

“Yeah,” said Lucas. “Just pick something. I don’t care what. Let’s get back to normal. Get back to fucking normal. Back to my shitty fucking life.”

“Uh…” Pete hesitated at the game shelf. “Does that mean you do want a game, or don’t?”

“Why don’t you decide, Pete?” said Lucas. “You know how my life works better than I do.”

“Whoa,” said Pete. “There was a kind of tone just then.”

“I’m doing exactly what you guys asked me to,” said Lucas. “I followed your orders. Now I’m single, and I would like to play a fucking board game to while away the empty fucking hours of my life.”

You can’t blame them for what happened, he thought.

Of course I can. They forced me to break up with Ash.

Well, no, said a more sensible side of him. Ash broke up with you.

But they never liked him.

Well, but you never liked him. You’ve only loved him and hated him.

Over and over his thoughts circled, like two wary dogs unsure of whether to attack. He looked hopelessly up at his friends. Far from being stung by his bitter words, they were giving him looks of sympathy.

Rex reached over and took his hand. “It’s going to be okay, dude. We’ll get you through this.”

“It hurts so much,” Lucas said. “I know you guys hate Ash. I know all the reasons. But there was a connection between us, something I’ve never felt with another person.”

Rex looked stricken. “Look, Lucas, I’m sorry if my reaction caused this, I never meant…”

“I know. I should have known better. Why did I let myself get involved with him? I knew it couldn’t last. I knew the trouble it would cause with everyone.”

They didn’t end up playing any games. It turned out the game table was good for just sitting around keeping an eye on Lucas, and occasionally offering words of support, while he worked through things in his head.

I’m not working through anything. I’m just hurting. I can’t believe how much this hurts.

“Part of me thought maybe this time it would be different,” he said. “We’re all grown up now, and I thought Ash would have grown up too. That he would care about something other than being number one.”

Rex cleared his throat. “I can’t believe I’m about to defend Ash—”

“Then don’t.”

“—but from what you said, it doesn’t sound like it’s being number one he cares about. It’s about not having both your lives stripped away by this Ricky guy.”

“Fucking Ricky Talbot,” said Pete. “A billionaire. Who could have guessed? He didn’t seem that smart back in school.”

“He wasn’t,” said Simon. “I remember him bombing in math.”

“Then how come he gets to be a super-rich software guy?” asked Pete. “I did pretty well in math. Solid B’s.”

Rex looked over at him. “Solid B’s aren’t pretty well. Besides, you wouldn’t have even made B’s if I hadn’t helped you study.”

“Ricky is still a problem,” said Lucas. “Now that Ash and I have broken up, I can tell my dad…but will he decide not to sell to Ricky? I mean, the main problem is still there.”

Except that’s no longer the main problem. I still care about the land so deeply…but it’s still second place compared to what I felt for Ash. Why did he do it?

Round and round.

He put his head down on the table. He wished the guys would go home. He didn’t want them to see him tearing up over Ash.