CHAPTER ELEVEN
BY THE TIME Élise let herself into Heron Lodge she was soaked and shivering. The rain poured down on the roof and thunder rolled in the distance.
Despite the rain, the party had been a success. The Boathouse would open on time. She should have been elated.
She wasn’t.
It was no good telling herself that what had happened had been inevitable. That it had been building for months. The truth was, she’d lost control.
But it was still just sex, wasn’t it? Still just sex. Not a relationship. Not feelings. She didn’t do that. Would never again allow herself to feel because every emotion she felt was exaggerated, stronger, deeper than other people’s.
She’d done it once before and it had ended in disaster.
She’d lost everything that had mattered to her.
There was no way she would ever risk that happening again.
Sick with the memory, palms sweaty, she pushed her hand through her soaking-wet hair and then heard the door open behind her.
She turned and saw Sean standing in the doorway, black hair sleek from the rain, those blue eyes fixed on her face. His shirt was plastered to his body, still half-undone and revealing hard muscle and a shadow of dark hair. Even with bits of the forest clinging to his trousers and his clothes wet and stuck to his body, he still looked insanely attractive.
Her tummy tightened and panic sank its claws into her flesh. “What do you want?”
“Are you seriously asking me that? You used me and abandoned me alone in the forest with no protection. Do you have no conscience?” His eyes gleamed with humor but that sexy smile simply spelled danger to her and she shook her head.
“Go away, Sean.”
He didn’t budge. “Call me old-fashioned, but when I’ve had a date with a woman I like to see her home safely.”
“You can see I’m safe.” But she didn’t feel safe. She didn’t feel safe at all with those powerful shoulders wedged in her doorway and those blue eyes fixed on her. “You’re letting in the rain.”
His response to that was to close the door with himself on the inside. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“What makes you think something is wrong?”
He raked his fingers through his hair, sending droplets of water flying. “We had sex. You walked away.”
“And women don’t usually walk away from you, is that it?” The look in his eyes told her that she was right and she gave a tired smile. “You don’t want a relationship and neither do I. It shouldn’t matter which one of us walks away.”
“It’s true I don’t have time for relationships. I’ve never made any secret of the fact. Right now work is my priority and I’m not prepared to compromise. Work comes before everything, including coming home to Snow Crystal, which makes me a selfish son-of-a-bitch or a dedicated doctor, depending on which way you look at it. If you’re my grandfather, it’s the first. Most of the women I’ve known would probably agree with him. And now you know just about everything there is to know about me and I know nothing about you.” He swiped his palm over his jaw, removing droplets of water. “Do you want to give me some clues?”
She’d expected him to walk away. She hadn’t expected him to come after her and she certainly hadn’t expected him to still be standing here.
And she hadn’t expected him to ask questions.
“I don’t want a relationship. The reason for that doesn’t matter.” She didn’t talk about it. Not with anyone. She’d buried it deep and she never, ever wanted to dig it up again. She’d left that part of her life behind and she wasn’t ever going there again.
“If you don’t want to talk about it that’s fine with me, but do you have a towel I could borrow? I’m dripping on your floor.”
“If you left, you wouldn’t be dripping on my floor.”
“I’m not leaving until I’m sure you’re all right.”
“Why wouldn’t I be all right?”
“Sweetheart, you ran through that forest like little Red Riding Hood with the wolf behind her. I know you don’t want a relationship and I don’t have a problem with that. If I’m honest, it’s a relief. You didn’t need to freak out in the forest. You didn’t need to run from me.” His voice gentled. “You don’t ever need to run from me.”
“I did not freak out.”
“Yeah, you did. And so did I. It was pretty intense. Wild. Did I hurt you?” His tone was rough and she felt her tummy clench and emotion jam in her throat.
“No. You didn’t hurt me.” But the fact that he’d ask, that he’d care, unraveled a few more strands of the protection she’d wrapped around herself.
“So maybe I got the wrong fairy story. Is your middle name Cinderella by any chance? You lost your shoe back there so I guess you could have been running for a pumpkin pulled by mice.”
Only then did she see that he was holding her shoe. She’d run through the forest without a shoe and hadn’t even noticed. “I hate rodents.”
“Right, so I won’t buy you a pet rat for Christmas.” A faint smile touched his mouth. “So was it the spiders? There are quite a few of those in the forest.”
“That’s it. That’s the reason.”
“Really?” The smile had gone and suddenly those eyes seemed darker than usual as they lingered on her face. “Because I figured it had to be that you were afraid. What happened between us scared you.”
“I’m not afraid. It didn’t scare me.”
“Are you sure? Because it sure scared the shit out of me. I’m used to being able to walk away after sex but it’s hard to walk anywhere when your brain is blown.”
She stepped back and the edge of the counter dug hard into her hip. “I want you to leave now.”
“I’ll leave when I’m ready. You need to take off those wet things and get into a hot shower before you freeze. Is your foot all right? You could have stepped on something sharp.” His gaze slid down her body and she felt as if she were on fire. She didn’t need the shower to warm up, she just needed to look into those blue eyes.
“I’ll shower when you’ve gone. And I didn’t step on anything.”
“Do you always ignore what the doctor tells you?” He pulled a face and glanced down at himself. “The problem is that if I turn up at Jackson’s looking like this there will be questions I’m not sure I want to answer. I was hoping to use your shower and your clothes dryer.”
The last thing she wanted was Jackson asking questions. He was very protective of her and she didn’t want to come between the two brothers or be the cause of disagreement.
She would never, ever do anything that might damage a family, especially not this family. She loved them too much. This was the closest thing to a home she’d had for a long time and she wasn’t going to put that at risk.
“You can use my bathroom.”
“You use it first. And while you do that, I’ll make us both a hot drink. Hot chocolate?”
She was shivering but she didn’t know if it was because of the rain or because he was standing in her kitchen. “Chocolate is fine.”
He reached into a cupboard and took out two mugs and then paused. He put the mugs down and picked up the photo of her with her mother. “Is this you?”
Her mouth was dry. “Yes.”
“You were seriously cute as a child. And your mother is beautiful. You look like her. And she clearly adored you.”
Her mouth was dry. “What makes you say that?”
“The way she’s looking at you.”
Élise looked at the photo, wishing she could rewind time and do everything differently.
“Sean—”
“Go and have that shower before you freeze.” He put the photograph back carefully and pulled milk from the fridge. “Don’t use all the hot water.”
* * *
SEAN HEATED MILK and spooned chocolate into mugs. Then he stood and drank his, looking at the photograph.
The faint sound of the shower came from above his head. Because he knew she was going to be a few more minutes, he picked up the photo again.
His house was full of photos. His mother put them everywhere. Not just pictures of Tyler on the podium with medals around his neck, but family snaps—the three boys dusted with snow after a snowball fight, all of them grinning on a sled, the family dogs, pictures of his grandparents in their twenties, Snow Crystal before the lodges were built. A visual record of the passage of time. The whole house was plastered with memories. Jackson joked that their entire family history was right up there on the walls. And it wasn’t just the photos. His mother still kept pottery the boys had made in school, wonky, shapeless, unidentifiable lumps of clay that for some reason she refused to part with. She kept drawings they’d done as children, a medal Jackson had won for being young entrepreneur in tenth grade. Hell, she even kept a certificate Sean had won in Science.
He stared down at the photo in his hand, seeing the dimple in the corner of young Élise’s mouth.
Lifting his head, he glanced around Heron Lodge. Apart from the photo in his hand, there was nothing else that told him anything about her past. No clues as to who she was or where she came from. No more photographs. No objects. Nothing. It was as if her past didn’t exist. Of course, it could have been argued that Heron Lodge was too small to house too many sentimental objects, but still he would have expected to see something.
This was the only possession of hers. This one photograph.
Mother and child.
The mother she’d lost.
Guilt stabbed him. More often than not, he saw family as stifling, whereas in fact it was a cocoon. Not a straitjacket, but a protection. He’d always had that, it had always been there, even when he hadn’t noticed, or wanted it. Staying away didn’t change the fact his family was always there for him.
And he took it all for granted.
The sound of water stopped suddenly and Sean put the photo back quietly and finished his chocolate.
A moment later Élise appeared in the kitchen, her cheeks flushed from the hairdryer.
Her face was scrubbed clean of makeup and the sexy black dress had been exchanged for a simple strap top and a pair of cozy lounge pants tied at the waist with a cream ribbon.
He fought the urge to carry her straight to bed and instead handed her the mug. “I made you chocolate.”
“Thanks. If you leave your clothes outside the shower, I’ll put them in the dryer.” She took the mug and sat down on her sofa, curling her legs under her.
He took the stairs to the upper floor, remembering when he and his brothers had built the place. He’d banged his head a million times on the beam at the top of the stairs. So had Tyler.
The bathroom was off the bedroom and he had another glimpse of her personal space.
The bedcover was white and piled with small cushions. On the table by the bed was her phone, a small bottle of mineral water, various tubes of makeup and a notepad. There were no photographs. The only photograph he’d seen was the one downstairs.
The smell of her perfume was everywhere.
Feeling as if he was intruding, he walked into the shower room and blinked as he saw the number of bottles and potions lined up on the shelves. This, he thought, was another reason why he never invited a woman to stay at his place. He’d have to build an extension.
Smiling, he stripped off, dropped his clothes outside the door and showered. The shampoo smelled of flowers, smelled of her, and it was impossible not to remember that night they’d spent together last summer. Leading up to it, they’d been flirting. Still in the raw stages of his grief, his anger with his grandfather white-hot, he’d been so relieved to talk to someone who wasn’t family, he’d sought her out. They’d talked about everything from wine to European politics.
Still, he’d kept his distance, knowing he had nothing to offer, not wanting to do anything that might destabilize the work Jackson was doing at Snow Crystal.
But then he’d taken a walk through the forest to the meadow behind the house and she’d followed him.
Remembering it, Sean cursed softly and switched the shower to cold.
They’d barely spoken. Barely exchanged a word, but what had followed had been the most intensely erotic night of his life.
And afterward, when he was afraid it might be awkward, she’d simply smiled and walked away.
At the time he’d thought he was the luckiest guy on the planet.
He’d found someone exactly like him. Her working day was almost as long as his, she was a perfectionist, a talented chef and devoted to doing everything she could to help grow the business at Snow Crystal. A workaholic who wasn’t interested in a relationship.
He hadn’t looked deeper. Her wild, passionate nature had stopped him seeing how guarded she was.
Stepping out of the shower, he knotted a towel around his hips and opened the door.
There, exactly as he’d left them, were his wet clothes.
Assuming she’d forgotten, he picked them up and carried them downstairs only to see her fast asleep on the sofa, the mug of chocolate cooling on the floor beside her, untouched.
Frowning, Sean walked across and studied her for a moment. Considering how hard she’d worked, the hours she put in, it was hardly surprising she’d fallen asleep, was it?
She was obviously completely exhausted.
Her dark lashes were the only smudge of color on her pale face.
Deciding that if he left her there she’d wake up with backache, Sean scooped her up in his arms.
She barely stirred.
Wishing it had occurred to him when he’d built the lodge that one day he might one day need to maneuver up the narrow staircase with a woman in his arms, Sean carried her carefully and lowered her onto the bed.
Then he pulled the white cover over her, switched off the lamp and walked away.