CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Rock Bottom Has A Basement
Theo
Friday
For the last week, I had spent my time basically living out of Felicity’s hospital room. I hadn’t spoken to my family for the most part, other than Walt and Tori. I just couldn’t deal with them. No one knew of Felicity’s condition, and she wanted to keep it that way until after surgery, which hopefully would happen over the weekend.
Just two more days. Two more days and we could put this part of our lives behind us. I knew she was scared. On the first day she found out about the tumor, she seemed to take it all in; however, as the days went by, the gravity of everything sort of hit one by one. Not having friends. All the conversations she’d had with herself in public and in private. She was doing her best not to piece together what were her own memories and what were her hallucinations.
Feeling my phone buzz in my pocket as I headed down the hall to Felicity’s room, I answered without even looking.
“Darcy—”
“Theo, where are you!” I winced when Walt yelled on the other side of the phone.
“What do you mean, where am I? I told you I’d be at the hospital until—”
“Reagan Medical, right?” He cut me off.
“Walt, what’s going on—”
“Arty overdosed on whatever drugs he’s on. We’re in the E.R.”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” I yelled, startling the nurses at their stations as I turned and ran in the opposite direction, hanging up on Walt in the process.
Again?
This was happening again?
Felicity I could excuse. Arty. Goddamn it, Arty. No matter how hard we tried to get him off heroin, he just went right back to it. Over and over, it felt like he was stabbing us in the heart. This was the third time! Part of me didn’t even want to go, but…urgh goddamn him.
“Theo!” Walt stood up from the waiting room at the E.R. Beside him stood my aunt and uncle, both of them barely even dressed for the day. For the first time, I saw my aunt dressed in jeans and just a shirt. Arthur wasn’t much better, his black-and-gray hair a mess on his head.
Shit. I inhaled deeply. I never wanted them to be in this situation. I had covered up Arty’s prior visits here just so they could have peace of mind. I was the emergency contact for Arty, but since I hadn’t been answering calls, his parents must have been notified instead.
“Look who finally wants to be part of this family again,” my aunt retorted, her eyes and cheeks red as she crossed her arms, like she was doing what she could to hold herself together.
“Lorelai,” my uncle said sternly, shaking his head and not bothering to look at me. “Not now.”
Without a word to either of them, I took a seat in the chairs beside Walt, hating how all too familiar this seemed.
“I was worried because I hadn’t seem him in so long,” Walt whispered, leaning forward with his head in his hands. “We made plans tonight and I came by… I knocked. I could hear his phone ringing. For some reason I knew, Theo. I just knew. When I got inside, I saw the needle still in his—”
“STOP!” my aunt shrieked, rising to her feet and shaking her hands. “God. I can’t… I just—”
I watched as she staggered towards the exit. I expected my uncle to go after her, but he didn’t; he just sat as if he were made out of stone. His eyes were fixed on the E.R. doors.
Damn you, Arty.
Rising to my feet, I followed behind my aunt, quietly leaving my uncle for Walt, but I doubted he would say much or anything at all. Pushing the glass doors open, I stepped out into the cool summertime breeze. My aunt sat on one of the benches outside, gripping it as she tilted her head up to stare at the full moon. Not a star was in the sky. Quietly, I sat down beside her. It was best to wait for her to start talking… and that never took long.
“Where did we go?”
I wanted to tell her the moment she thought she had full control over our lives. But she didn’t need that right now.
“Arty will be fine, Mom.”
She laughed bitterly. “Don’t call me that if you don’t believe it. To me you will always be my son, but every time I look at you, I feel as though you are screaming at me.”
Most of the times I did look at her like that. So I couldn’t say anything.
“You were always the quiet overachiever. Walt was the baby; he wanted all the attention on him and his dancing. Arty was always with you, laughing, being the prankster. I’d figured I didn’t have to pay that much attention to him because he was always all right. Now I feel like I missed something. Like he’s been crying out for help and I’m just now realizing it.” She tried to catch the tears before they fell from her eyes, but it was with no luck. Wrapping my arms around her shoulder, I pulled her to me. “When did I become a bad mother, Theo? All I’ve ever wanted was the best for you all, and I feel like I’ve failed.”
“Mom,” I said again, remembering all the times she sat next to me when I cried as a child. “You aren’t a failure. I might not always agree with you or do what you want me to do, but that doesn’t change the fact that you are and always will be important to me. I’m sure Arty and Walt feel the same way.”
“Mom?”
We both glanced up to see Walt coming out of the building. She stood up quickly, brushing her hair behind her ears and cleaning her face.
“What happened?” she asked.
“He’s out of the woods and okay. We can see him—” He didn’t even get the chance to finish before she ran back in.
Walt gave me a sad smile, following me inside.
“Where is Tori?” I asked as him as we walked. I wished I could be more panicked over Arty, but in all honestly I was used to it and just damned tired of it.
“She’s visiting her mother for the weekend. She said she would be back in the morning, but I thought it would be best for us just to stay. Dad right now is—”
“I don’t understand you!” we heard Arthur holler from inside Arty’s room when we reached the door.
“Arthur, not—”
“No. Lorelai, no. Drugs? He’s not some teenager anymore, he’s a grown man! I’m just wondering when the hell he’ll start to act like one!” He went on, but Arty didn’t look like he cared or even heard him, as his head hung low. His was ghostly pale against the white bed sheets.
“I’ve been waiting and waiting to see when you’d grow up, but at every turn, you continue to disgrace this family and yourself—”
“Arthur, I swear to God if you do not stop right now!” my aunt screamed.
Shaking his head in disgust, he brushed past Walt and me on the way out.
“Sweetheart, don’t mind him, all right? Just rest. We will get you all the help you need—” She tried to hold his hand, but he pulled away and leaned back into the bed, closing his eyes. God. I wanted to strangle him. Uncle was right. When would he grow up? I didn’t know what else to do but just be there.
So that’s what we all did. We all just stayed near him.
Felicity
“Theo?” I yawned, shifting in bed when the door opened.
“So this is really the reason he’s been unreachable. I had someone look into his whereabouts, but I should have figured it was you.”
My eyes snapped open, and I sat up, vaguely remembering that voice. Even in the dimly lit room, I could clearly see Arthur Darcy, Theo’s uncle and for the most part foster father, standing at the door. He looked worn and beaten down, not at all like the person I had seen at his house party only weeks ago.
“Mr. Darcy—”
“This is a nice room.” He frowned, looking around the hospital suite before stepping in front of my bed. “Did my son pay for it all?”
I knew where he was getting at, and I didn’t like it at all. But I wasn’t going to lie either.
“Yes, however I never asked him to—”
“You didn’t need to.” He interrupted me. His green eyes, reminding me of Theo’s, glared into me. “It’s just the type of person he is. Once you’re part of his life, he’ll give up everything in order to take care of you. Which is why the more I think of you together, the more distressed I become.”
“I’m sorry, did you come all the way here to tell me what type of person Theo is? Because I know—”
“If you know, how can you live with putting him through all this unnecessary stress?” he asked, and for some reason it stung to hear. “Our family is busting at the seams, our business is taking half of our lives, and here you are making everything even harder. The reason Lorelai and I can’t accept you is because you are like a dark cloud floating over his head, adding to the issues. Of all my sons, Theodore is the one I can always count on to never let me know. With your sickness, you’re just another burden he has to carry, and because he is a hardheaded fool, he’ll bear it all. That isn’t fair to him—”
“Please leave!” I didn’t want to listen to this anymore.
“Felicity.” He sighed deeply, gripping the edge of my bed. “I would do anything for my sons. I want them to by happy. It’s all I want… ask yourself honestly, do you think you could do that for Theo? Can you make him happy? If you’re thinking reasonably, you’ll see you can’t. What if you both had kids? He’d have to deal with your sickness twice over—something your own father proved he couldn’t do—”
“GET OUT NOW!” I didn’t hold back, ignoring the sting in my eyes.
“Please let him go. I can’t afford to worry about him too.” He frowned, opening the door and leaving just as quietly as he came in.
Pulling my knees to my chest, I tried to calm myself down. What made all of this worse was the fact that I wanted to talk to Cleo and Mark. They weren’t real. But I still wanted to speak to them. That proved how pitiful I was. I had no one but Theo.
I just wanted to be normal. I wanted to be the person his uncle wanted me to be. The type of person that made him happy. But even with everything, I still felt broken.
When would this end?
Leaning over, I pressed the nurse button, waiting only a few seconds before a nurse in purple scrubs came.
“Did you need something, Ms. Ford?”
It’s Harper.
“When is my surgery?”
“Nine a.m. on Sunday,” she said to me.
Sunday. I just had to make it to Sunday and maybe I would wake up and be a better person.
I hoped.
“Did you need anything else?”
Shaking my head, I leaned back on the bed and took a deep breath.
Saturday
“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked Theo as he fixed his tie.
“Because I knew he was going to be fine, and you have enough on your plate.” He forced himself to smile.
“Theo, your brother overdosed. That’s a big deal!”
“And so did you. Plus you have a tumor in your head. Don’t worry about Arty. He does this. He won’t talk about it. He won’t get help. He won’t stop. Just focus on getting stronger.” He kissed my forehead and took my hand. “One more day.”
“One more day,” I repeated.
This time, the smile that spread across of his face actually made me smile in return. “I have a meeting, but I’ll be back—”
“Go. I’m fine. Thank you for hovering, but you need to work too.”
“Hovering?” He pouted. “Here I thought it was showing I cared.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I rolled my eyes, and he kissed my lips once before heading towards the doors.
“See you.”
I waved until he disappeared down the hall.
I waited for as long as possible before pressing the help button again, and another nurse dressed in purple scrubs came in.
“Is everything all right?”
“I have a friend here, Arty, I mean Bartholomew Darcy. Is there any way I could go see him?”
She smiled a nodded. “Of course. I’ll have one of the nurses bring a wheelchair and take you—”
“I can walk…”
“Your doctor most likely won’t let you go without approval first.”
“Fine.” I didn’t really care as long as I got the chance to go see him.
She nodded, turning back, and I sat up, flipping the blankets off my legs. As a nurse came in, I held on to him in order to stand. I had spent so much time lying down, plus the medication made it harder for me to walk on my own.
I hadn’t realized how close Arty’s room was to mine until the nurse stopped only three doors down.
“Mr. Darcy, you have a visitor.” The nurse knocked on the door. Arty didn’t even look; he just played cards on the table over top of his bed. I noticed his dark hair had been given a buzz cut.
“Thanks, I’m fine here.” I smiled up to the nurse who nodded and left us alone, and I wheeled myself over to his bedside.
"If it isn’t number thirteen,” he muttered to himself, his eyes never looking to me.
“Number thirteen?”
“Your number for the sugar party I threw. You really forgot how you got into my brother’s bed?”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “Do you treat all of the people who go to your parties like shit, or am I special because I’m with Theo? If you do, doesn’t that make you a hypocrite? Isn’t the number one rule of the sugar baby community no judgment.”
He sighed. “What do you want?”
“I wanted to see you.”
“Why?”
“Because you almost died.”
He shrugged. “So did you, apparently. But, you didn’t see me coming to your room.”
“Wow.” I tried to stay calm. “You really are doing everything you can to push people away, aren’t you. Believe me, I would know. I’m the queen of keeping people at a distance.”
“Congrats, but you and I aren’t the same, so don’t pretend you know or understand me,” he muttered, flipping another card onto the table.
“You’re right, I don’t know you, but I would like to. You’re important to Theo, and even though he won’t show it, you being here like this really hurts him. He is always trying to help the people around him. Just once, I would like to take some of the burden off his plate and not add to it.” Like his uncle had said.
Arty laughed bitterly. “Poor Theo. God forbid he suffers even a little bit.”
“You want to him suffer?”
His eyes glossed over and his hands trembled. “Just get the fuck out, please.”
I stared at him for what felt like forever. He looked like he was going to puke every time I spoke.
“Arty, what happened?”
His eyes widened. “What?”
“What happened to you? Forget the drugs. What happened to make you hate Theo? No. You don’t hate him. You want to hate him. Even though you do care.”
“Didn’t I ask—”
“Arty, I won’t say anything. I just want to understand—”
“You can’t understand!” he yelled. “No matter what you do, no matter what you say, you can’t fucking understand. No one can! Every last one of you gets on my nerves, goddamn it. It’s always about protecting Theo. Helping Theo. Well, I did my part, okay? I took it so he didn’t have to. He got my parents and I got his.”
“What do you mean you got his?”
He frowned, and a tear ran down the side of his face. I wondered if this was how Theo saw me, right before I took those pills. Did I look this broken?
“Please—”
“Theo’s birth mother is dead. The only parent he has left is his father, whom he never sees. So how did you have his parents?”
Arty just glared. “He should be thankful he never spent time with his father. God knows what he would have done to him too… or even Walt. I could handle it. Those two…he would have broken them…he would have never stopped.”
“Arty.” My mouth dropped open, and I wasn’t sure what to say. I connected the dots and wished I hadn’t.
“You said you wanted to help Theo? Well, go back to your room, pretend you never spoke to me, that you never heard anything, and just forget—”
“Arty, you need—”
“Felicity, if you tell him, if you tell any of them, you will break him and my family. Everything will come shattering down around us. My mom. My father. Just forget. I’m getting help my way, so just forget.”
I couldn’t speak, but I felt myself cry for him.
Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, the world seemed to open underneath me and I fell further down again.
I thought of what would happen to Theo if I told him.
“I won’t say anything.”
Sunday
Staring at my own reflection in the mirror, I sat up perfectly still on top of the bed.
“Are you all right?” Theo sat beside me.
Glancing to him, I felt better and worse at the same time. He looked so happy for me. He had a smile on his lips, and I wanted to smile along with him, but all I could think of was Arty.
“Felicity?” He reached over and cupped my cheek, his thumb brushing away a tear on my face. “What’s wrong?”
I wanted to tell him the truth.
“It’s dumb.” I faked a smile instead of wiping my eyes. “They have to shave the side of my head today.”
“You’ve never been that vain before.” He frowned.
“No one ever tried to shave my head before,” I joked. Urgh, I was horrible liar. Luckily there was knock on the door and a nurse came in holding a tray of scissors, shaving cream, and a razor.
“Give us a moment—”
“No, it’s okay. I’m good.” I stopped him. I didn’t want to put this off for another second.
He gave me a look but stood from the bed, leaning in to kiss my ear before whispering, “Shaved head or no shaved head, you’re always beautiful to me.”
He was too sweet.
“Thank you,” I said, holding his hand when he offered it as the nurse gave me a small smile, coming over to my bedside.
I didn’t say word as she parted the left side of my hair, put it into a ponytail, and then held the scissors to the top of it.
“Ready?”
I nodded, and Theo gave my hand a tight squeeze, rubbing circles over the top of my hand.
He had been my rock in all of this. Theodore Darcy was the very best type of person. Someone I never truly believed existed or would even want a girl like me. I wanted to protect him as much as he protected me. I wanted to stand by his side in every way. I wanted to be his rock.
“Felicity?” he said beside me.
When I focused back on my reflection, I realized I was crying. The tears wouldn’t stop falling.
“I’m sorry, can you give us a moment?” he said to the nurse, who said something before stepping out the room.
“It’s okay. You are okay. It will grow back, I promise—”
“I don’t give a fuck about my hair, Theo.” I sobbed, wiping my eyes. “You asked me what was wrong and I couldn’t think of a lie fast enough, so I just made up something.”
He frowned, sitting in front me. “What are you talking about?”
Sniffling, I took a deep breath. “I love you.”
“I love you too…”
I laughed and sobbed, squeezing his hands. “No, I mean thanks. But what I’m trying to say is that I want to be a person you can count on. Just like I can count on you…”
“Felicity—”
“No, let me finish.” I didn’t want to not say this. “I have to tell you the truth even though I know it’s going to hurt. This surgery is going to go fine. I’m going to be fine. Which is why you should be with Arty right now.”
“Arty? What the hell does—”
“I went to see him yesterday, and he told me what happened to him.” This was going to hurt. “What your father… no, he’s not your dad. He’s a monster. Arty told me what Charles Darcy did to him.”
His eyes widened as I spoke, and slowly he let go of my hand.
I felt like I had broken a part of him… only hoping that I would be around to fix it.
Theo
By the time I had run to Arty’s room, a nurse was already replacing his sheets.
“What happened to the patient in this room?”
She looked at her chart. “He was just discharged—”
Reaching into my back pocket for my phone, I dialed his number, expecting to get his voicemail, but he answered on the first ring.
“I knew she would tell you.” He sighed on the other line.
There was so much I needed to say, but not over the phone.
“Where are you?”
“I’m at the airport going God knows where. But I can’t stay here. Bye, bro,” he said before hanging up.
“Arty!” I yelled, knowing there was no way he could hear me.
The pain in my chest worsened, and for the first time I honestly had no idea do what to do. I just felt sick.
Felicity
My body felt heavy. The machines beeped in silence beside me, and I stared up at the dots on the ceiling.
“You’re up.”
Sitting beside me was none other than Theo. He tried to smile even though he looked… he look so tired and broken. His eyes red and hair messy, I reached up and cupped the side of his face.
“Ar… Arty.” I managed to say even though my throat was sore.
He grimaced, shaking his head. “He left. I’ve tried to find him. I’m going to keep trying, but…”
He trailed off, swallowing the lump in his throat before changing the subject. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m good… You think they will let you lie next to me?” I asked.
“Felicity—”
“Theo, lie down and don’t make me talk so much.”
He nodded and rested on the very edge of the bed with me. I’m sure it wasn’t comfortable, but that wasn’t the point. I wanted him to hold on to me now more than ever. I shifted as much as I could, allowing me to look at him.
He bit the corner of his lip, his eyes glossing over. “For years I’ve been so angry at him… I don’t know what to do anymore.”
“We’ll think of something. We are going to be okay, Theo.” As long as we were together, I really honestly believed that.
We would get could get through anything.