Chapter Thirty-Five

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The first semester back to work and school flew by. I settled into my routine easily and honestly enjoyed the four classes I was taking. As I neared the end of my degree, the courses became harder but they were also more specific to my program.

It had taken me about a month to really start to feel like myself again. My heart wasn’t mended by any stretch of the imagination and I missed Drew every day, but it got easier.

Mom moved back in with Dad and it was amazing. I ate dinner with them at least once a week, sometimes more, and it felt like we were truly a family again for the first time since Kira had died. They were like a couple of teenagers around each other, though, and I had actually caught them in a compromising positon one afternoon when I’d come over.

Let’s just say I wouldn’t be sitting in Dad’s armchair ever again.

Briana and Marco were in full wedding planning mode. The date had been set for the week after the three of us graduated. They were planning a two week long honeymoon-slash-graduation celebration in Europe right after that so the timing was perfect.

My best friend was a tiny bridezilla, though, and I had threatened her life several times. In exchange for my patience and understanding, she was allowing me to have full control over the bridesmaid dresses that her sisters and I would be wearing. That concession helped keep me from smothering her in her sleep. Lovingly, of course.

Bri had been my biggest cheerleader when it came to getting over Drew. Hannah, on the other hand, thought I needed to reach out to him. I forbade her from telling Jordan what I’d seen that night I went to his house because I knew he would tell Drew and that was humiliating. She told me that Drew had probably been hurt and was trying to dull the pain, which I understood, but the image of that redhead standing naked in his doorway was burned into my brain. Setting myself up to get hurt again wasn’t going to happen.

Hannah and I talked all of the time and text at least once a day. During one of our many FaceTime calls, she had bonded with Briana and the two of us were planning a trip out to see Hannah during spring break. She was also coming to Arizona for Briana’s wedding in May.

She and Jordan were doing really well, something that lifted the sadness in my gut somewhat. He had flown out to see her during fall break and she was planning on flying to Chicago to meet his family over winter break. It was perfect for them both and I was truly happy for them.

“Hey,” I said to Bri as I stepped inside our apartment on a Friday afternoon, less than a week before Thanksgiving. She was leaning against the counter in the kitchen, staring at her phone, and she grinned when she saw me.

“Spill. How was your date last night?”

I let out a long sigh and dropped my backpack and purse onto our small kitchen table. “We need to call Hannah so I don’t have to divulge details twice.”

“Already on it.” She turned her phone so I could see the screen and Hannah’s smiling face stared back at me.

“I’m with Bri. Spill.”

“Fine,” I replied with a chuckle as I headed to the couch, Briana following close behind. She sat on the couch next to me and leaned in so we were both in view of Hannah. “It was horrible.”

The girls had been bugging me to date for months and I finally conceded after being asked out three separate times by the same guy. His niece went to the school I worked at and he had been by to pick her up several times. He was cute, he was charming, but he was also a pig.

“We need details, Shaylee,” Hannah demanded. “We need to know if it was horrible because he wasn’t a certain someone or if was legitimately horrible.”

“Well, it started out okay. Clark picked me up and took me to Outback for dinner.” I took the phone from Briana and she dropped her head to my shoulder. “We ordered and talked a bit while we waited for our food. When I say we talked, I mean he told about his stats from when he played football in college. I pretended to be interested but he didn’t stop talking until our food came.”

“Maybe he was nervous,” Bri offered but I shook my head.

“There’s more. He ordered the ribs and ate them obnoxiously while watching the football game on TV above my head. He said sixteen words to me between when our food was dropped off and when the check came that he subtly pushed my way.”

Hannah’s eyes went wide. “No!”

“I mean, I’m a feminist. I don’t believe a guy should have to pay for dates but he literally pushed it my way without saying anything. Not an offer to pay half, not asking if I minded getting it. Nothing.”

“Shit,” Briana muttered, sitting up. “Okay. That sucks.”

I held up my finger. “That’s not it.” Both girls stared at me expectantly and I continued. “Since it was a weeknight, we were only doing dinner anyway so he drove me back here. The second his car was in park, he leaned over and attached his lips to mine. Lips that had crusty barbeque sauce in the corners.” I shuddered at the thought.

“Oh, gross.” Hannah wrinkled her nose. “Was he at least a good kisser?”

I shook my head. “Nope. He basically found my gag reflex with his tongue while his hands planted themselves on my freakin’ boobs like suction cups. Twenty. Seconds. Into. Kissing. And to make it even better, whatever he was trying to do hurt like a bitch.” I shook my head. “He only took his tongue out of my mouth long enough to ask if I was ready to fuck, using exactly those words.”

My friend’s faces were almost comical. Briana was the one who spoke first. “I hope you smacked him.”

“I grabbed his wrist and bent it back until he was whimpering. Then I told him there would be absolutely no fucking and that he shouldn’t ever call me again.”

The three of us laughed for a minute, me the hardest while I imagined Clark’s face when I grabbed his wrist. When he had begun to annoy me at the restaurant, I wondered if I was just being too picky or stubborn. Those thoughts had flown out the window the longer I spent with him, though. He really did just suck.

“At least you’re back on the horse,” Briana said with a sigh. “We’ll find you someone else.”

I rolled my eyes but didn’t respond to that. We chatted with Hannah for a little bit longer but it was late on the east coast and she hung up when she began yawning, saying she needed enough to steam to have phone sex with Jordan.

Briana’s crudeness was starting to rub off onto Hannah.

“My mom wants to know if your family will come over on Thursday,” Briana said about an hour later while we made dinner in the kitchen.

I looked up at my best friend and shook my head. Thanksgivings had been pretty strained with my family since Kira had died. After my parents had split, I’d usually gone to the Gibson household for dinner after spending a tense day bouncing between Mom and Dad. This year was different, though. I’d get to have both of them with me.

“Howard and May are supposed to be coming for dinner. Mom’s making a huge deal out of it since it’s our first one as a family in ages.”

Bri nodded and pulled a beer from the fridge. “Regardless, you’ll make an appearance, right? The more of us there to mock Eldon, the better.”

“Oh, I’d never miss a chance to see your douchebag brother-in-law in action.” I grinned and headed to the couch with my own beer and sandwich.

Briana’s family was awesome. They all stepped in and surrounded my family with support and love when we lost Kira. Her oldest sister, Stephanie, was responsible yet cool at the same time. She reminded me a lot of Kira. The middle sister, Kate, was a total sweetheart. She married young and had two amazing little kids. It was too bad that her husband, Eldon, was a total dick.

The youngest of the Gibson children was their brother, Austin. I wasn’t ashamed to admit that I’d crushed on him at one point. He was a year younger than Bri and I were but was a really great guy. He and I had almost lost our virginity together when I was sixteen but had been interrupted by Stephanie when she’d come over for lunch. It had been super awkward and none of us had spoken about it again. Briana still had no idea and I had no desire for her to ever find out.

“Grey’s Anatomy or Scandal?” I picked up the remote and turned on our TV as she settled next to me.

“Neither. Let’s re-watch The White Princess. We haven’t seen it in a few months.”

“Man, we are such party animals.” I grinned and took long drink of my beer. A lot of college students were out partying since it was a Friday night. Neither of us felt like going out, though. Between the upcoming holiday and finals, the work was piling onto us at an alarming rate.

I’d just started the first episode when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out and smiled when I saw my mom’s name. After pausing our show, I swiped the screen and brought the phone to my ear.

“Hi, Mom.”

“Hey, baby.” Her voice sounded tentative and I was instantly on guard.

“What’s wrong?”

She cleared her throat and I steeled myself for whatever she was going to say. “Howard had a heart attack last night.”

Everything around me froze. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t speak. All I could do was repeat her words over and over in my head.

Howard. Heart attack. Howard. Heart attack. Howard…

It wasn’t until she said my name for the second or third time that I shook myself out of my fog. When I spoke, it was a jagged whisper because I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer.

“Is he alive?”

“From what I understand, he is but his condition is critical.” Mom sighed heavily. “May said she’d keep us updated on his condition. She wanted to call you but she’s… she’s pretty broken up, Lee.”

I stood from the couch, almost causing Bri to spill her soda. “I’ve got to get out to Maine.”

“I’m going to fly out Sunday,” Mom said, her own voice sounding so small. “Do you want to wait and go with me?”

“I need to be there sooner.” Briana’s arm came around my waist, offering me silent support. “I need to leave tomorrow.”

I could picture my mother nodding when she answered. “Okay, baby. Dad and I will buy your ticket right now and get you out first thing in the morning, okay?”

When we disconnected our call, I told Briana what was going on and she offered to drive me to the airport in the morning. She also followed me back into the bedroom to help me pack my stuff.

“Are you going to call May?”

I shook my head and ripped a few things out of the closet. “I’m just going to text her. I don’t think I can talk to her without breaking down and I need to be strong for her.”

My mom called back less than thirty minutes later to tell me she’d purchased my flight and emailed over my itinerary. Briana didn’t even blink when I told her that I needed to be to the airport by five the next morning. She just hugged me tight and told me she’d see me in the morning.

I laid in bed for more than an hour, turning the keychain Drew had given me over in my hand. Since he’d placed it in my palm three months before, I’d carried it with me constantly. It was funny, really. That tiny piece of metal was able to make me feel close to both Kira and Drew, and I craved that feeling.

Placing it on the nightstand next to me, right near where Drew’s Dodgers cap still sat, I stared at them both for a minute. I’d tucked away the picture shortly after coming back from California, not able to stand seeing the image of us anymore.

Like I did most nights, I wondered what Drew was doing right that minute and whether or not he ever thought about me. I still missed him so much.

Turning over so I was facing away from the objects, I forced my mind off so I could get some sleep.