Vivian went to bed that night thinking about Jeff, and she woke up thinking about him still.

She had no idea what had happened, but the past four days had flipped some kind of switch in her mind, and now her whole being seemed to be focused on him—what he was thinking, what he was doing, what he was feeling about her, how he looked as he sipped his coffee over breakfast and occasionally slanted looks over her.

He was cute. Adorable. She’d always thought so. But now he was more than that. The chiseled line of his jaw, the strong curve of his shoulders under his golf shirt, the kink at the front of his thick hair he could never quite tame, the course hair on his forearms. Every detail she noticed. Every detail made him more attractive.

Every detail made her shiver in excitement.

It was honestly rather unnerving, after knowing Jeff for so long.

Even her memories of the serious, slightly geeky college guy had transformed, and she kept playing over the first few times she’d met him, wondering if there were any signs even back then that she’d one day feel for him this way.

She had to struggle to maintain her normal, confident demeanor over breakfast since she felt ridiculously like giggling and swooning over Jeff. But she’d worked hard to become the person she was, to have people look at her and see success and authority, and she wasn’t going to throw all that away by acting like a high school girl over a cute guy.

She liked what was happening with Jeff. After their conversation in the primitives shop yesterday and then in her room afterward, she felt closer to him than ever, closer to him than she’d ever felt to another living person. She wanted it to continue, but she didn’t want the entire world to know.

She wasn’t even sure why.

It just made her feel… vulnerable. Like making it public would increase the odds of her getting hurt by this. So she wanted to keep it just between them.

Her social life wasn’t the rest of the staff’s business anyway.

“Oh, Viv,” Rachel said just then, her green eyes sparkling behind her wire-framed glasses. “I’ve decided on the perfect guy for you.”

Vivian stared, momentarily bewildered because it was like Rachel had literally read her mind.

The rest of the table grew silent in interest, and Vivian could feel Jeff’s gaze moving from Rachel to Vivian. He was listening. She couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking.

Pleased that her cheeks weren’t flushing too much from the wave of self-consciousness, Vivian manage to smile lightly. “Oh yeah? Who’s that?”

With a mischievous smile lurking at the corners of her mouth, Rachel nodded across the large dining room.

Vivian turned automatically, and her eyes widened when she saw Zeke standing in the far corner, talking to Cecily. Today he wore a camouflage T-shirt and a pair of bright blue shorts—with orange deck sandals. His dark hair was standing on end, and his beard had clearly not been trimmed in weeks.

Rachel was visibly trying not to giggle. “What do you think?”

Vivian rolled her eyes. “Perfect,” she said dryly. “It was like we were made for each other.”

“Now, don’t dismiss him out of hand. He’s a really smart guy. He has a degree in mechanical engineering, and then he went to seminary for a year, although he never got a degree there. His wife died, and he dropped out.”

Genuinely interested in this information, Vivian asked, “How do you know all that? Did you manage to get him to talk?”

“Of course not. He doesn’t do anything more than growl when I ask him questions, but I asked around about him from other people who work here, and they told me. His wife died a while back, and that was when he let everything go. He dropped out of seminary and moved out here to work for Cecily. But I’m sure all he needs is a good woman to get him back on the right track. And maybe give him a good makeover.” Rachel was smiling brightly. “You’re just the person for the job.”

“Uh-huh.” Vivian was actually relieved by the turn of this conversation. Since Zeke was obviously not a real possibility for her, she didn’t have to sidestep the topic without letting the others know she already had a man she was interested in. “Sounds perfect.”

“I’m serious,” Rachel protested. “You should try to talk to him. You never know! What if he’s perfect for you?”

“That would be… unexpected,” she said carefully, ensuring her tone was light and teasing. “But I suppose anything is possible. I’m sure he’s a very nice guy under all the scowling.”

“So you’re going to try talking to him?” Rachel asked.

Vivian wished the topic had never come up, and she wished Jeff wasn’t looking at her in that particular way, as if he was expecting something from her.

Did he expect her to announce to the table that she was actually already in a relationship with Jeff?

Surely not. They’d agreed to keep it secret for now.

“We’ll see,” she said with another smile, this one slightly more forced. “I’ll see if the spirit moves me.”

She couldn’t resist shooting a glance over to Jeff, and their eyes met for a minute. He looked slightly amused, as if he understood how she was put on the spot, but also something else.

Maybe resignation.

Maybe disappointment.

Was he disappointed in her?

What had he wanted her to do?

How had she let him down?

She hated that feeling more than anything, and she brooded over it for the rest of breakfast, going back over what had been said and what she could have said differently.

She hated the idea that she might have let Jeff down, that she wasn’t who he’d wanted her to be.

They were finished with breakfast when Cecily walked over to their table. Today she was wearing a pale gray pencil skirt and a vintage satin blouse, with heels that had a cute little buckle strap. Vivian eyed the outfit appreciatively, wishing she could pull off that look herself.

If she wore it though, she would look like she was wearing a costume.

“There’s a phone call for you,” Cecily said with a smile, her blue eyes focused on Vivian. “You can take it in the front office or in the sitting room off the lobby. Just press line three.”

“Oh,” Vivian said, surprised and starting to stand. “I wonder who it is.”

“Your parents,” Cecily replied. “It’s no emergency, they said. They just wanted to say hi.”

Vivian nodded, relieved after an immediate sharp pang of concern. There was no reason to expect an emergency, but they were out of the country and didn’t always play it safe. She told the others she’d be back and walked into the lobby and then toward the sitting room, thinking that would be more private than the front office.

She sat for a few seconds, breathing deeply and putting on her game face before she picked up the phone.

As she did so, she had a sudden vision of Jeff, telling her she didn’t need her game face.

Maybe that was true.

Maybe he was right.

She’d been completely herself with him for the past few days, and she was happier and more excited than she could ever remember being.

Maybe Jeff had a point.

“Good morning,” she said brightly, after picking up the phone.

“Hello, dear,” her mother said through a slightly crackly line. “Your father is here too. We were just thinking of you and wanted to see how you were doing.”

Vivian couldn’t help but smile. Who didn’t want to hear that? “I’m doing good. Really good. How’s the clinic going?”

“It’s been a real success. We’ve been able to treat almost five hundred people. When we have more time, I have to tell you about this little girl I met, but I know you’re on that retreat thing this week, so I don’t want to take too much of your time.”

“I have time,” Vivian said. She paused to see if her mother would continue, tell her the story, but she didn’t. If her mother got it in her head that it wasn’t a good time, nothing she could say would convince her otherwise. “Well, be sure to tell me later,” she added. “I’d love to hear about her.”

“Of course, dear. How is the retreat going?”

“It’s going really well. This is a great place, and everyone seems to be really enjoying it and unwinding.”

“But not you, right?” Her mother’s voice was teasing.

Vivian paused a moment. “I’m doing okay. I haven’t used my phone in three days.”

“Wow! Is that a record for you?”

“I think so. Since college anyway.” She paused again, working on restoring her game face so she wouldn’t sound anything but optimistic with her mother.

Then suddenly she imagined Jeff’s eyes on her, understanding but also slightly disappointed.

He didn’t think she needed to wear her game face all the time.

He thought she should be herself.

“And is there anything else happening with you?” her mother asked.

“Well, uh…” Vivian normally wouldn’t have said a word to her parents about Jeff—not this early, not when things were this tenuous. But she had the sudden urge to be genuine, to be real, to try to really connect with her family.

They loved her, after all. They would be happy for her.

“There’s something?” her mother prompted. “What on earth could it be?”

Vivian cleared her throat. “Well, uh, there might be… might be a man.”

There was a pause on the other end, longer than normal.

Then, “Who?” The brief question was from her father.

Swallowing hard, Vivian admitted, “Jeff.”

“Jeff?” her mother repeated.

“Yes, Jeff. Jeff Owen. My business partner. Remember him? You’ve met him before.”

“Yes, of course we remember Jeff. So the two of you are courting now?”

Courting.

Right.

That was what they were doing.

Vivian cleared her throat again. “I don’t know about courting. But we’re… there might be something between us. It’s just beginning, but… I don’t know.”

“That’s very nice, dear,” her mother said, sounding less surprised now. “Of course, I’ll believe it’s serious when it happens.”

Vivian was feeling ridiculously nervous about admitting a truth this vulnerable to her parents, and now her mother’s light tone felt like a slap. “Why wouldn’t it be serious?”

“How many boyfriends have you had over the past ten years? How many of them were serious?”

“Some of them… I mean, I wasn’t just playing around. The relationships just didn’t work out.”

“I know, dear. That happens, of course. You’ve always been so independent. Not everyone is made for marriage. There’s so much more work you can do when you’re single anyway. It’s nothing to worry about.”

Vivian realized—even through a blur of pain—that her mother was trying to be nice, trying to make her feel better, trying to assure her that she didn’t need to be married to have value.

But even knowing this, it felt like an attack—like her parents had decided long ago that she was never going to get married, that she wasn’t the kind of woman a man would want that way.

All the guys she’d dated in her life—from her high school boyfriend to that attorney a year and a half ago—had all obviously come to the same conclusion.

There was something about her—underneath the surface—that men just didn’t want.

Her throat hurt so much she couldn’t immediately respond.

Maybe her mother picked up something in the quality of the silence because her tone was softer when she continued, “But if this is the real thing with Jeff, then of course we’re happy for you.”

“I… I don’t know if it’s the real thing or not.”

It felt different—being with Jeff. It felt different than it had felt with any other man in her entire life.

But that didn’t necessarily mean it was real.

It didn’t necessarily mean that Jeff would always want her.

“Then just give yourself time to figure it out. He always struck me as a very thoughtful, intelligent young man. He’s not going to want to jump into anything anyway.”

That was very possibly true.

Jeff was smart. And he was thoughtful. And he usually made good decisions.

He might return home after the week was over and realize he’d made a huge mistake in kissing her for the first time.

“Are you upset, dear?” her mother asked after another moment’s pause. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Vivian took a breath. Put back on her game face. With a smile she knew could be heard in her voice, she said, “Of course not. It’s just… this thing with him is new, and I don’t know what to make of it yet.”

“Then you’ll figure it out.”

They chatted for another minute, and then Vivian hung up the phone.

She slumped forward, dropping her head in her hands for a minute—suddenly feeling heavy, exhausted, helpless.

Like nothing she could do would ever be enough.

Then she straightened up and squared her shoulders. She glanced in a wall mirror as she got up to leave the room.

She looked fresh and natural today—with no makeup except mascara and undone hair. But it was still a basically pretty face, and her lavender top was cute and flattering.

She was still Vivian Harper. She was who she’d always been.

And she could always show the world her best face.

Willing her roiling feelings back down to a dark corner of her heart, she walked out of the sitting room and into the lobby.

The first person she saw was Zeke.

He appeared to be repairing a broken leg on a console table against the wall.

“What happened to it?” Vivian asked, coming over to stand beside it.

Zeke looked up, his blue eyes visibly surprised above his dark messy beard. “Broke,” he grunted.

She gave a huff of laugher. “Obviously. I was just wondering how it got broken. Is it some sort of secret?”

Zeke’s eyes searched her face, and his scowl lessened slightly. “It got knocked over by a suitcase.”

She could well imagine the scene. Some poor hapless guest let their suitcase roll at the wrong angle, very likely suffering the wrath of Zeke’s scowl at the damage to part of what he considered his responsibility. “Too bad,” she murmured, her lip twitching slightly.

Zeke was still eyeing her, almost suspiciously, as he stood up. “What’s going on?”

“What do you mean?”

He glanced around the otherwise empty lobby. “Did someone put you up to this?”

This was the most she’d heard him speak—ever. In a way, it was a kind of victory. “Of course not. Can’t someone just have a conversation with you without an underlying motive?”

“Not really,” he muttered. He was looking at her for real though. Still peering at her, trying to figure her out.

“Well, I don’t have a motive. I just find you interesting.” She smiled at him. It was a good smile. It usually got a very good response from men.

Zeke shook his head. “No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do!” He was definitely the strangest man she’d ever met. She pitied Cecily, for having to put up with him on a daily basis. “Don’t you ever smile?”

“Sure.”

“When?”

Zeke’s eyes left hers, shifting over to somewhere past her shoulder.

Vivian turned to look and saw Cecily standing in the doorway to her office, talking to Jeff.

Both Jeff and Cecily were watching them.

Vivian met Jeff’s eyes and was hit with the strangest feeling.

Guilt.

Like she’d done more than disappointed him. Like she’d somehow betrayed him.

All she was doing was talking to Zeke. She wasn’t even really flirting with him. She was just being friendly. She was allowed to do that. She could talk to anyone she wanted.

But Jeff’s brown eyes were sober, knowing, as they rested on her.

Vivian had to turn away from what she saw there.

“When?” she asked again, focusing on Zeke again. “When do you smile?”

Zeke’s attention turned back to her too. “When there’s reason,” he muttered. Then he knelt back down to continue working on the table.

Vivian was about to walk over to Jeff, feeling kind of sick all of a sudden and wanting to get rid of the feeling. Wanting to fix things. But the rest of the staff had appeared in the lobby from the dining room, and they surrounded her.

By the time she’d finished talking to them, Jeff was already gone.

***

Vivian struggled for about a half hour, trying to figure out if she really had any reason to feel guilty.

She decided she did.

It wasn’t wrong to be friendly with Zeke.

She knew it wasn’t.

But still…

She’d been doing it for a reason, and that reason wasn’t worthy.

Finally she felt so bad that she had to do something to fix it. She went upstairs and knocked on Jeff’s door.

She didn’t even know if he was there, but she didn’t know where else to look for him.

He opened the door after a minute. He didn’t say anything, and he didn’t smile, although he didn’t look angry or resentful.

Just quiet.

And really tired.

“I’m sorry!” she blurted out.

“For what?”

It was a test. She knew it was, and she didn’t begrudge it. He wanted to know if she understood what was bothering him.

So she told him. “I was… upset. I was trying to feel better. I wasn’t being… real. I shouldn’t have flirted with him. But you know I’m not interested in Zeke, right?”

“I know,” Jeff said softly. “What happened with your parents?”

She shook her head, not wanting to go into it, not wanting to cry, which she was afraid she might do if she talked about it.

He waited a moment, still standing in the doorway to his room. “You’re not going to tell me?”

She glanced down the hall. “Can I at least come in?”

Jeff’s face relaxed slightly. “Of course. Sorry.”

She stepped inside, and he closed the door behind her.

It was strange being in his room. A pair of shoes was on the floor next to the bed. A shirt and a pair of shorts were draped over a chair. There was a book lying on the covers and a half-drunk bottle of water on the nightstand.

It felt… intimate.

“You want to sit?” Jeff asked, gesturing toward the chairs by the window. “Or we can sit on the balcony.”

“Let’s go to the balcony.” The sun was warm but not oppressive today, and for some reason outside felt safer to her.

They went outside, and she sat down on one of the straight chairs at the table. Jeff sat on the chaise.

“What happened with your parents?” he asked again.

“Nothing really. We just talked.”

“Why do you try to foist me off like that? You were okay this morning, but then you talked to your parents, and now you’re… damaged, fragile. Tell me what happened.”

His voice had taken on that tone that brooked no argument, and his expression had changed to his stubborn face.

“It really wasn’t anything,” she admitted, resting her head on one hand propped on the table. “They just… I tried to tell them about us, and they didn’t think it could be serious. They don’t think anyone is ever going to want to marry me.”

He was searching her face, and she saw several expressions flicker across his own before he said, “Why not?”

She shrugged. “I’m too independent or something. It’s silly to be upset about it. I wish… I wish I hadn’t even told them.”

“You should be able to tell them the truth.”

“I know. I wanted to… but… I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have no idea why I’m so upset about it.”

“They’re your parents. Of course they have the power to hurt you.”

“But they’re not bad parents. They’re never mean or selfish or… They’re not bad parents.”

“I know they’re not. And I’m sure they love you and are trying to do what’s best. But they’ve always made you feel like you’re not good enough, and they’re still doing it today.”

“They’re not—”

“Yes, they are. And you believe them more than you believe me.”

She stared at him, so surprised she couldn’t immediately respond. “What do you mean?”

“I mean you believe them when they make you think you’re not good enough. You don’t believe me when I say you are.”

“I do believe you. I know I have no reason to feel bad about myself. I know it.”

“You just don’t always believe it.”

She sat for a minute, staring blindly at the floor.

Jeff didn’t say anything either.

She was shaking slightly, but she didn’t want to cry. It felt like she’d cried enough this week.

She wasn’t normally like this.

She’d never thought of herself as an insecure person. It made no sense that it was all coming out this week.

“Come here, honey,” Jeff murmured after a full minute of silence.

She glanced up at him in surprise.

He’d lifted a hand to gesture her toward him, and his face was very soft, warm, tender.

Her throat ached as she got up and went to him. There was no way she could resist.

He pulled her down in the chaise with him, her body stretched out against his. He wrapped both his arms around her and pressed a few kisses against her hair.

His touch was so gentle that she started to shake even harder, emotion rippling through her.

He tightened his arms around her as she buried her face in his chest.

He didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. She could feel his support, his acceptance, his complete understanding in every inch of his body pressed against hers.

He cared about her. Exactly as she was. Even falling apart for no reason this way.

He didn’t care if she was falling apart. He still wanted to hold her, to be beside her. She’d never really believed it was possible.

But there was no way she could doubt it or question it.

This was what it felt like to be with someone for real.

She’d never really understood it before.

***

The lay together on the chaise for a long time, not talking, just holding each other.

When the emotion finally relaxed inside her, she pulled away from him just enough to look up at his face.

His expression was quiet. And tender in a way that made her heart jump.

It still didn’t seem like it could be real—that a man, that Jeff, was looking at her like that, like she was the most important thing in his world.

“I’m really sorry,” she said, her voice cracking from her earlier emotion and from what she was feeling right now.

“You don’t have to say it again,” Jeff murmured, stroking her hair back from her face.

“I know. But I want to. I feel bad about it. I want to fix it.”

“See, and I don’t want you to try to fix it. That’s what you do when you’re trying to be perfect, trying to put on that perfect, pretty face for the world. I don’t want that from you. All I want is for you to be real with me. Real. With me.”

He was utterly serious. She heard it in his voice. Saw it in his eyes.

And she understood it.

She wanted it too.

She might not have ever experienced it before, but she had with him this week. And she wanted it. More of it. More than anything.

“Okay,” she said, resting her head against his shoulder. “If real is what you want, then real is what you’ll get.”

She felt him let his breath out in a long sigh. “Good. That’s all I want. Just be real with me. Tell me the truth. Don’t always try to protect yourself. Trust me not to hurt you.”

She couldn’t help but laugh softly. “That’s a pretty ambitious request, you know.”

“I’ve always been an ambitious guy.” He brushed a kiss into her hair. “But that’s the deal with us. That’s what I want.”

She adjusted so she could kiss his lips. “That’s what I want too.”

She meant it.

She’d never meant it before—not with any of the men she’d ever gone out with—but she meant it with Jeff.