I don’t know what I expected. I was so dumb. Of course there was nothing more there between Kane and me than sex. I mean, it’s really, really good sex, but only an idiot would take that to mean love. All this time we were just playing House, like one of Amanda’s games. My mom’s right, I really haven’t grown up one bit.
I throw my head down into my pink frilly pillow and let out a sob. Look at me. I’m in the same bedroom I had since I was a kid, I just got fired from the only job I ever wanted, and I have one of the biggest problems that a woman can have growing inside of me. I can already hear my mom’s lectures ringing in my ear. Would she even be supportive of me? Would she let me keep the baby? My hand tightens over my belly. No matter what, I’m not giving it up. Even if I’m raising him or her all alone. I am meant to be a mother, and even if it’s not a traditional way of going about it, there’s no doubt that I already love this little bean. It’s all I’ll ever have of Kane.
“Kane,” I say softly.
Somehow, in between the spaghetti dinners and the scorching hot sex, I fell in love with the single dad. He’s such a good father, even if he made mistakes in his past, and he was always so good to me. And the way he made me feel, making every part of my body come alive… I don’t think I could ever find another man in the world who could do that to me again. In fact, I know it.
I shouldn’t have fallen in love with him. And I definitely shouldn’t have loved his daughters as if they were my own. That was the other part of this whole mess that I regret more than anything. Because I care about those two girls. Amanda with her easy nature and quick acceptance. Amelia, who was harder to get to know, but smart as a whip and more sensitive than she wants to let on. In fact, it took everything in me to pull it together enough to tell them goodbye. Good thing they were mostly focused on their T.V. show that I was able to just say goodnight and book it out of there. I didn’t explain that I was never coming back. Their dad could handle that part after what he did.
And it was mean what he did. I understand that he has the girl’s best interests in mind, but I thought that it was kind of an overreaction. Amanda’s so young, and she misses her mommy so much, of course she would jump at the chance for me to be one. I’m sure she didn’t intend it the way Kane took it. But he’s their father, and he knows best.
I take the little box from my bedside table and put it into the drawer. I went all over the city to try and find a cute charm bracelet for Amelia. Her birthday is coming up, and a charm bracelet topped her list. I even bought a few charms to start her off: ‘A’ for her name, a little kitty, because she loved them, and finally a paint palette, because she wants to grow up and be an artist one day. Maybe I could still mail it to her, I think dejectedly.
What am I going to do with myself now?
There’s always school, I know, and with the money I saved up from babysitting, it would probably at least pay for one semester. Mom’s always going on about how high school didn’t show the full range of choices for careers, and that maybe if I take a few classes I would find something. Cooking or baking maybe? I did like to do that with the girls. And there’s always retail again, my original plan before I entered the Morrison’s lives. None of it sounds good though. The hole left by that family is too big to fill.
Just then, the doorbell rings.
I sit up in bed. Weird. We never have late visitors. Mom and dad just aren’t the kind of people to always have people over all the time. They would have told me if they were having company for dinner. I get out of bed and peek out the window. A familiar SUV sits on the curb. I freeze. Could it be? I press my face to the glass, trying to angle and see who’s at the door. My heart stops when I see the familiar profile of Kane’s face.
What is he doing here?!
Whirling around, I take in my room. He’s here. For me. It has to be for me. If he comes up to my room… but I can’t talk to him downstairs. I’m bound to dissolve into tears and then my parents will really suspect something. I stare at my room with crazed eyes. Immediately, I leap into action. All the clothes I’ve flung onto the floor are pushed into my closet, and I try hard to tidy the bed. I can hear the front door close, which means that mom or dad must have let him in already. I throw the bedspread over the mess, and then race to the mirror. Luckily I have waterproof mascara, but my hair is a mess. I run a comb through it, just as he knocks on the door.
“Penny?” he calls in a low voice.
I reach for the doorknob, take a deep breath, and open it.
He looks… sad.
“Come in,” I say.
He steps inside, taking in my whole room at once with his cool blue eyes. I try to fit him into context, but it’s strange to see him in my room. It feels childish, and for the first time, I realize that I’ve grown up. I know my purpose in life, I know what I want. We’ve always been to his. My bed’s just a twin, too small for the two of us. Are you seriously thinking about sex right now? I push my hair behind my ears to cover up my completely inappropriate thoughts.
“What are you doing here Kane?”
My voice cracks when I say his name.
“Penny,” he says, coming forward to take my hands. “I’m an idiot.”
I don’t say anything, not trusting myself to speak.
“When I sent you away, I was scared. Fucking scared. You see, I’ve never felt this way about any woman. Never. Andrea and I married young because she had gotten pregnant. It was the right thing to do, I thought at the time, plus she would have been ruined. I couldn’t do that to her when it was a mistake on both our parts. But I never loved her. Not in the way I loved you. It’s powerful, overwhelming, more than I realized. I gave my heart to you before I knew it and it scared the shit out of me.”
He pauses.
“I realized, once you had left, that I was alone, that instead of doing the right thing, I had given up everything. Only this time, I decided I wasn’t going to just live with it. This time, I was going to make things right. Amelia and Amanda love you too, as much as I do, and together we can be a family, if you’ll still have me.”
“You’re saying that you love me?” I say, my heart racing.
“I love you Penny.” His hands pull me close, and I let him. “I love you more than anything in the world. In fact, I don’t ever want you to leave my side again. And if you’ll do me the honor, I want to marry you.”
My heart fills with joy at his words, and I can hardly believe it. Kane is offering me everything I’ve ever wanted.
“Yes!” I cry out. “Yes I’ll marry you. I’ve fallen in love with you too Kane Morrison, and as long as you promise never to do something so silly again, yes I will marry you!”
He picks me up, kisses me hard on the lips. Our tongues dance against each other, and I feel love coursing through me. My hands reach around his neck, pulling him closer, wanting him more. But then I realize I haven’t told him the news yet. I pull back.
“Wait, I have a surprise for you,” I tell him. “I forgot to but it’s kind of important.”
He puts me back down onto the ground.
“A surprise?”
I nod. Even though we’re together now, there’s still a whisper of doubt as to whether or not he’ll be happy at the news. I mean, his ex-wife and him had an accidental pregnancy… No, you can’t think that way. You have to believe that this is different. I take a deep breath, memorize everything about this wonderful man’s face as I wrestle with how to tell him. In the end, I decide just to keep it simple.
“We’re going to have a baby together.”
For a split second, I worry, but then Kane breaks out into the biggest smile I’ve ever seen. Seriously, if our baby is half as gorgeous as its dad, they’re going to be trouble.
“You’re pregnant?” he asks.
“I am. I only found out today when I realized I was late for my cycle. I took the test three times.”
“I’m going to be a dad!” he exclaims.
I let out the breath, relief washing over me. He’s just as excited about this as I am.
“You are. And I’m going to be a mom.”
I’m going to be a mom. Those words burn bright in me. He pulls me towards him again in a kiss.
“We’re going to have to have the wedding soon then,” he says. “There’s no way we’re going to have time after.”
“I’m guessing you want to do something exciting like get married in a hot air balloon over the Grand Canyon?” I tease.
“Something like that,” he says with a grin. “But the bride will get final say of course.”