For the next week, she thought. She thought on long walks through the Kinsle/Lewiston fields while the boys were studying with Tims. She thought while she sat up rocking Adam to sleep. She especially thought every time the boys disappeared for Daniel’s house. The logic of his proposal seemed flawless. The benefits to him and the boys were numerous. The benefits to her were not inconsiderable.

Daniel had made it plain that he would take an active part in raising the boys. While she could not gainsay Nathan’s love for their sons, his voyages, which usually kept him away from them for eighteen months or longer, made it impossible for him to help raise them. A part of her couldn’t wait to share the burden. And a very selfish part of her couldn’t wait to live in a house with servants at her beck and call. She could not say she would be sorry to never darn another sock, never plead with the authorities for money, never cook her own dinner from food that was barely fit to eat in any circumstance. She could have fine clothes again, someone to fix her hair, a rose garden! And the boys would have the schooling that befitted gentlemen.

And what would she have to give up to provide this life of luxury for herself and her sons? Every time she reached that point in the argument she found herself shivering. Nathan may not have been home much, but the eleven months in total they had spent together had given her a pretty good idea of what daily life was supposed to be like between husband and wife. She had run away with Nathan because she was madly in love. She could not make the same claim about Daniel, for all that she admired his character. Could she be intimate with a man for whom she held no romantic feelings? And if she found that prospect daunting, did that give her the right to deprive her children of such an opportunity?

As far as she could see, the only way to settle the matter was to explain her concerns to Daniel. Her courage failed her twice before she forced herself to accompany the boys on one of their visits to the Lewiston estate. Evenson answered their knock and escorted them with proper solemnity through the house to the back garden, where, he explained, Daniel was overseeing the replanting of a hedge that had been damaged in a spring storm. She tried not to let the deference shown her and the boys influence her determination to get answers to her questions, but when Daniel was so obviously glad to see them and quite willing to listen to her, she found it even more difficult to begin.

“Now then,” he said with a smile when he had led her to a secluded stone bench away from the gardeners but within earshot of the scampering boys, “what can I do for you?”

She could smell the aroma of the nearby rose gardens, which ought to have been a good omen, but she felt as nervous as he had looked the day he had proposed. “I’ve given a great deal of consideration to your proposal,” she told him. “And there are several issues we must discuss before I can give you my answer.”

He brightened, then put on a solemn look, as if unsure whether to be pleased or alarmed she was taking him seriously at last. “Of course. Please continue.”

She took a deep breath and plunged in. “First, I realize that you proposed this marriage for my sons’ welfare. I think you should understand that this is a long-term proposition. They will need to be sent to school, to be assured a place in the world. They would be assured a much greater place if you were to adopt them. I do not think their father would have objected.” It was a great deal to ask, and she knew it. But it would show her whether his intentions toward her sons were sincere.

“I would be honored to have them become Lewistons,” Daniel replied warmly. “With your permission, I’ll have the papers drawn up before we are married, and we can sign them on our wedding day. I will also have my will changed for your review, leaving everything to them.”

“Oh, my!” She gasped at the enormity of his gesture. “Daniel, I wouldn’t dream…”

“I would,” he replied. “They’ll be my sons after all.”

“Yes, I suppose they would.” She sat for a moment stunned.

He cocked his head, hair tumbling down across his brow. “Was there anything else?”

Cynthia blinked. “Yes, but it is much more difficult to discuss.”

He leaned back on the bench. The day was warm and sunny. Birds sang in the trees of the garden, and he looked perfectly at peace with the fact that he was moments away from becoming a father. “I am at your disposal.”

She rose and paced, then, realizing how nervous she looked, she forced herself to be seated beside him on the bench. “I think you know that I ran away with Nathan Jacobs because I adored him. You and I have a different relationship. I like to think we are friends.”

He nodded. “Certainly. And partners for the boys’ wellbeing.”

“Yes.” She tried to take strength from his calm demeanor, but her palms were sweating in her gloves. “I hope you will understand, then, that I am somewhat reluctant to resume a wifely role.” She looked at him pleadingly.

He smiled encouragingly, and the sunlight glinted off the rich mahogany of his hair. He looked even more innocent than her sons. But if he was plotting mischief, it would be more dangerous to her than anything her sons tried. If Daniel succeeded in becoming her husband in every sense of the word, she would lose her heart again. She wasn’t sure she’d ever be ready.

 

*

 

Though he kept his smile in place, Daniel’s spirits dipped. So, he’d make an excellent father even though she couldn’t bear the thought of him as a husband. That was really the heart of the matter. He hadn’t been able to compete with the dashing Nathan Jacobs when the man was alive, and he couldn’t compete with him now that Jacobs was dead. Yet, if she could be so forthright about her feelings, so could he.

“You’ve had more experience being a wife than I have being a husband,” he replied. “But isn’t marriage supposed to be about more than simply caring for children?”

He hadn’t meant it as a criticism of her first marriage, but she obviously took it so. “Nathan and I shared a bond that went far beyond our children,” she told him haughtily. “Did you expect me to immediately form such a bond with the first eligible bachelor who proposed?”

He refrained from pointing out how quickly she seemed to have formed the bond with Nathan, leaving family and friends behind for nearly ten years. “Of course not. But if you put constraints on our marriage, will you keep that bond from ever forming?”

She got up and walked to the edge of the hedge. Likely this was not how she’d wanted this conversation to go. She had loved Nathan, would always love Nathan. For all that Daniel was gentler, more forthright, and much more dependable, he had not captured her heart.

“I’m sorry, Daniel,” she murmured. “But I’m simply not ready to be so intimate.”

She had not said it, but he seemed to hear the word “yet” echoing after her declaration. He could also hear the boys calling in the greenery and tried to remind himself again that he was doing this for their sakes, after all. He had no right to assume that Cynthia would be his reward. But if she were here, with him, would he have a chance at winning her heart? The desire to do so was suddenly overwhelming.  

“I understand completely,” he lied, doing his best to keep his usual smile in place. “Please, Cynthia, let me assure you that I did not make that proposal to put you into a compromising situation. If you wish our marriage to be platonic, I will honor your request. But you must not ask me to give up hope that one day you will change your mind.”

John called to James and Adam, voice strident. She shifted from foot to foot as if seriously considering running after them, away from him. But she squared her shoulders and nodded, and he thought he might slide right off the bench.

“Very well, then, Daniel,” she replied with a bright smile. “I accept your proposal. I will marry you.”  

       

*

They were married two weeks later in the church in Wenwood, Daniel having procured a license from the local bishop. A pleased Jonathan hosted a wedding breakfast at Kinsle House, then Cynthia, the boys, and their assorted belongings were packed into the carriage and trundled down the drive, around the bend, and up the road to the Lewiston estate.

The boys ran laughing into the hall when they arrived, voices echoing to the hammered beams a full story above their heads. Cynthia suspected they had already begun to see the house as home, but she still detected a change in their attitudes, as if they had suddenly been set free in a new world. They wanted to explore and touch and demand an explanation for everything from the Tompion marquetry clock in the library to the gilt-framed Lawrence painting of Daniel’s great-aunt Chloe upstairs in the portrait gallery. Daniel followed them from room to room, smiling as he answered their questions, as if he’d never realized what a fascinating house he had.

Cynthia found it difficult to share her sons’ joy in their new home. The lofty Gothic ceilings with their open carved beams, the dark wood that seemed to panel each room, and the thick-limbed many-knobbed furniture with the scarlet upholstery seemed oppressive to her. Odd that she had never noticed it as a child, but then most of her memories of being in the house with Daniel’s sisters were pleasant.

Now the dust she had first noticed in the withdrawing room was everywhere, and the thought of cleaning it from so many rooms depressed her further, until the footmen began marching past with her belongings and she remembered she would not have to lift a finger if she didn’t want to. She trailed behind the procession up the massive central stairway, gazing at the rich-hued tapestries, Oriental vases, and Greek statues that lined the long halls, until Evenson stopped her at the doorway to a large bedchamber.

“Your room, Mrs. Lewiston,” he intoned.

The name sounded surprisingly lovely on his lips, and she smiled as she stepped past him. Then her smile froze on her face. Staring at her in the center of the chamber was a huge box bed whose burgundy and gold hangings reached to brush the high ceiling. Twin dressing tables stood on either side of it, the elaborate carvings of twisting dragons on their fronts matching the headboard of the giant bed. The size and complexity of each piece of furniture was overwhelming enough, but what upset her far more was the tortoise-shell comb and brush set on one of the dressers, with all the accouterments a gentleman might need to shave and dress in the morning. A young woman in a black dress and white apron was setting Cynthia’s brushes and belongings on the other table.

“This,” Cynthia said in icy tones, “is not my bedchamber.”

Daniel, who had been chasing Adam down the corridor, must have heard the tremor in her voice, for he wandered into the room.

“Hey, ho,” he called, moving to his butler’s side. “Is something amiss?”

How could he doubt it? Under the pale pink rose buds on the rim of the straw bonnet she had worn to their wedding, her chin was as firm as Adam’s when he was determined to have his way. Even the lady-like flounce of her pink silk wedding gown failed to hide the fact that her dainty foot was tapping in her agitation.

Evenson cleared his throat. “Madam does not find the bedchamber to her liking.”

“Oh?” Daniel glanced around the large chamber as if he didn’t see the problem. Of course, he’d likely seen the room every day since he was a child. “If it’s the decor that bothers you, Cynthia, we can easily have it redone. I suppose it is a bit on the manly side.”

Cynthia drew in a breath, blushing. Daniel must have noticed her agitation at last, for he nodded to the butler.

“Evenson,” he remarked casually, “go see what the boys have found to amuse themselves with so quietly, would you?”

Evenson bowed with obvious relief. “With pleasure, sir.”

As his man hurried off down the hall, Daniel stepped to Cynthia’s side. “Now, then, suppose you tell me what’s troubling you.”

She glared up at him, anger rising as she felt a tear trickle down one cheek. How could he stand there and pretend the only thing troubling her was the color of the bed linens? She had once thought him lack-witted, but now she wondered whether he was a lecher as well. “You promised!” she hissed.

Daniel blinked. “Promised?”

She stepped back from him, livid. “Oh, don’t pretend you don’t remember. To think I trusted you. Call the carriage at once. The boys and I are leaving.”

“Cynthia!” He caught her hands in his, and she pulled them quickly out. “I don’t understand. If you don’t like this chamber, you have only to pick another. Gads, there must be at least twenty in this monstrosity.”

Arrested, she stared at him. “Choose another?”

“Yes, please, if that’s what’s troubling you.”

She stepped a little closer, peering up into his face but saw only earnest concern. He stood so still she might have thought he considered her dangerous.

“Where are you sleeping?” she asked, eyes narrowed.

“I asked Evenson to move my things down the corridor closer to the nursery stairs,” he told her honestly. “I thought you’d need the bigger room. But if you don’t like it…”

She expelled her breath slowly and forced her fists, which were balled at her sides, to open. “No, no, this chamber is fine. I’m sorry I made a fuss. You see, this is obviously the master’s bedchamber, and I noticed your things on the dresser and that made me think…”

“That I was installing you in my bedchamber,” Daniel finished, brow clearing. “I’m sorry I’m such a slow top. I should have explained it to you. In fact, I probably should have let you make the arrangements. It strikes me now that perhaps you’d rather the boys slept on this floor, near us.”

She picked at the lace on the sleeve of her gown, afraid to ask him for even such a small favor after making such a silly mistake. “Would you mind?”

“Not in the slightest. As I said, we’ve plenty of space. I daresay John at least is of an age at which he’d like his own room.”

John gasped in the doorway. “My own room!”

Cynthia could not help her smile. Despite her son’s look of astonishment, John seemed cheerier now than anytime she could remember. By the way Daniel smiled, he was pleased to think he might have had some hand in that.

“Your very own, if you’d like it,” he told John.

“I’ll say!” John declared. “Hear that, you two?” he called to his brothers who were hurrying up the corridor with Evenson puffing at their heels. “I’m to have my own room!”

“I want my own room too!” Adam demanded.

James looked thoughtful. “I don’t think I should like to sleep alone just yet. Especially in a strange house.”

“It’s not a strange house,” Adam said with a pout. “It’s our home, isn’t it, Mr. Daniel?”

“It certainly is, my good man,” Daniel told him, scooping him up and depositing him on his shoulders. Evenson grimaced at the gesture, which only made Daniel grin. “There are at least eight bedchambers along this corridor. You may have your pick of the lot, with your mother’s approval, of course.”

Cynthia nodded, and John and James dashed off in opposite directions, whooping in delight. On Daniel’s shoulders, Adam wiggled.

“Hurry up, Mr. Daniel. We don’t want them getting the best rooms!”

Evenson cleared his throat. “Might I be excused, sir, madam? If you’re going to be making alternative living arrangements, I really should let the staff know.”

 

*

It took over an hour for them to inspect each of the chambers in the family wing and decide on a likely grouping. Daniel found it a little odd being pointed by a child hanging onto his ears, but Adam wasn’t a heavy burden, and they were quickly in the midst of the search. In the end, John picked a corner chamber with a turret window overlooking the west fields. After some consideration, James and Adam decided they would share the larger chamber next door for the time being, as it had a connecting door to a chamber that could be used as a playroom.

Cynthia settled on the chamber opposite theirs and next to John’s. The single large south-facing window let in plenty of light, and the rose gardens were just below. The yellow and green bed hangings and upholstery on the chairs and stool near the white stone fireplace made the chamber seem much cheerier than the master bedchamber.

Daniel didn’t even think before choosing the chamber next door. Then he caught her eyeing the connecting door with obvious misgivings. As the boys discussed where they would put their few belongings, he drew her aside, hoping to calm her fears once and for all.

“Interesting architecture, don’t you think?” He nodded toward the offending door.

She managed a polite smile. “I suppose it was to allow visiting couples to reach each other more easily.”

“Undoubtedly. But the Lewistons of the past were a practical lot. Just in case the couples weren’t all that interested, the door can be locked from either side.” He reached up over the door jamb and took down the brass key that was kept there. “Here. You keep the key. If you ever need me, just use it.”

She paled again, and for a moment he thought he had gone too far.

“You are too good to us, Daniel,” she murmured, eyes bright with unshed tears. “I promise you, I’ll repay you somehow.”

Adam dashed up suddenly, hugging Daniel around the legs. “This is the best day yet, Mr. Daniel. We have our own rooms, and we get to be with you always.”

Daniel felt the now familiar constriction near his heart. He glanced from Adam’s beaming face to Cynthia’s watery smile. “Believe me, my dear, you already have.”