Daniel had no idea how things had come to this pass. Here he stood with Cynthia in his arms in the middle of the garden of all places, the feel of her mouth under his still fresh in his mind. Fresh? It was overpowering. He found himself staring at those lips, warm, dusted with moisture like dew on the petals of a rose. All he’d have to do was lower his head once again and…

“Aw, she caught him!” Adam cried from the hedge. “Do we have to go to tea now?”

Daniel forced himself to let go of her. Cynthia smoothed down her skirts and stood a little straighter. He had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. Her effort was completely in vain with her hair wild about her shoulders and dust caking the hem of her skirt.

“That’s only fair, Adam,” she told her son with a smile. “I did catch Daniel, and he promised we’d go in when I caught one of you.”

“Oh, all right.” Adam sighed. Within minutes, they had rounded up James and John and were headed back to the house with Daniel in the lead. Cynthia picked up her basket and trailed behind as if deep in thought.

Daniel could only be disappointed that she didn’t choose to stay up with him after the boys retired. He had grown used to playing chess or billiards with her. His kiss seemed to have completely unnerved her, for she didn’t so much as meet his gaze when she bid him goodnight.

After she had departed, he sat staring into the fire, thoughts unfocused, or rather refusing to focus on a particular incident. He nodded at Evenson who came in to check the windows and doors before going to bed.

“Is there anything more I can do for you, sir?” his butler inquired.

“Can you explain women to me, Evenson?”

Evenson sighed. “If I could do that, sir, I would no longer be your butler; I’d be the richest man in England.”

“In the world,” Daniel amended.

“Just so, sir. Goodnight.”

Daniel nodded again as he left. He continued to sit in front of the fire, watching the red coals dimming one by one to black. Around him the room grew still and cool. He had spent many such nights before Cynthia and the boys had come into his life, but the memories were far from pleasant. His life was richer and better with them in it. He had thought he was content with his lot. But after the kiss this afternoon, he knew he could never be.

He had fallen in love with Cynthia.

He shook his head. How could he have been such a fool? He had wanted to win her heart, but somehow he had never considered that he might lose his own. He’d thought the poets mad, but now he knew they were no madder than he was. The frog was hopelessly in love with the beautiful, clever, wonderful mother of his sons. If she had felt for Nathan half of what he was feeling for her, he suddenly understood how she could run away and leave everything behind.

Most likely it had been creeping up on him all summer long, only he had just noticed it this afternoon when she had run up behind him. He really hadn’t been intending to kiss her, but with her mouth so delectably close he hadn’t been able to stop himself. And the taste of her and the feel of her had been so sweet. He closed his eyes just thinking about it. How could he ever be in the same room with her again without wanting to hold her that way once more?

He leaned back on his elbows. He couldn’t face her without saying something, that much was clear. But what was he to say? “My dear Cynthia, I know I made a bargain when I married you, but I’ve changed my mind. I want ours to be true marriage. You will report to my bed this evening.” He shook his head. That would hardly do. Yet he balked at the idea of simply telling her he loved her. Surely she would just smile politely and tell him to go to blazes.

“They’re all right about you, my lad,” he said with a sigh. “How much of a man can you be if you can’t even tell the woman you love that you love her?”

 

*

 

Upstairs the woman he loved was having a similar conversation with herself. It was equally plain to her that she had fallen in love with Daniel, although she couldn’t remember when it had happened. She looked at herself in the mirror of the dressing table and a slow smile spread across her face. In love! She had never thought to feel this way again. A blush was spreading with the smile. She was in love with her darling, gentle, sweet-natured husband. But was he in love with her?

The smile and blush faded as quickly as they had come. True, he had kissed her, and he seemed to have been as affected by it as she had. And she had realized some time since that his awkwardness around her was a sign that her presence meant more to him than he wanted it to. But did that truly mean that his heart was engaged? Men did not necessarily love where they lusted, she had heard. Should she trust him with her heart when she did not know his?

But how could she face him without blurting out her feelings? And what was she to say? “Daniel, I know I asked you for a marriage of convenience but would you mind if I shared your bed?” The blush returned in full force. She would sound like a veritable wanton!

And yet she had to do something. They had been rather cozy together this summer, but that kiss changed everything. She could try to ignore it, but she feared her feelings would only fester. The best thing for all would be to tell him the truth, that she was hopelessly in love with him and wanted to make theirs a true marriage. Knowing her Daniel, if he felt otherwise, he would be very gentle about telling her so.

She resolved to speak to him as soon as the boys were off to the vicarage school that next morning, then spent so sleepless a night worrying about his answer that she arrived at the breakfast table late and feeling haggard. She took some comfort in the fact that Daniel did not look as if he had slept well either. There were bags under his stormy grey eyes, and his hand stirring the honey into his tea shook on the spoon. The boys did not seem to have noticed the difference; they sat eating and laughing as they usually did.

“We are going to the pond to fish this morning,” John announced, cramming a piece of toast in his mouth and speaking around the wad. “Wanna come, Mr. Daniel?”

Daniel managed a smile. “I’d love to, but isn’t Mr. Wellfordhouse expecting you at the vicarage?”

John avoided his eyes. “Oh, I’m sure he’d understand if we took a day off.”

“Fishing!” Adam exclaimed, waving the spoon from his porridge in the air. “I’m gonna catch a whale!”

Cynthia smiled at him and motioned him to put the spoon down, which he did with a contrite look.

“I do not believe Mr. Daniel’s pond carries whales,” James interjected. “Sturgeon would be the best one could hope for, I would imagine.”

“Minnows more likely,” Cynthia told him. “But I quite agree with Daniel. Fishing will have to wait. You need to go to school.”

John set down his spoon and frowned at her. “Mother, there is more to life than school. Isn’t that so, Mr. Daniel?”

“A great deal more, John,” Daniel replied. “However, you won’t be in much of a position to enjoy it if you don’t have a decent education. I know the pond is calling, but it will be here tomorrow and the day after that. Today you need to go to school.”

John glanced between the two of them. “Is something wrong?”

Cynthia could feel a blush heating her cheek and hastily looked away from the knowing blue eyes. “No, John.”

“Everything is fine, John,” Daniel agreed, although his voice sounded a little shaky. “And I’d be delighted to take you to the pond this afternoon when you return from the vicarage.”

John slumped in his chair and poked at his porridge. “Oh, very well.”

Daniel nodded. “I’ll look forward to it, then. I hope you understand about the vicarage school, John. You more than any of the others need to be attending, because it will prepare you to go to Eton.”

Cynthia gasped. “Eton! Oh, Daniel, how wonderful!”

He beamed at her. “It’s the least I could do.”

“What’s eatin’?” Adam demanded. “I want to go too.”

“And so you shall, my lad,” Daniel said. “First John, then James, then you. And after that Oxford or Cambridge if you like.”

John was frowning again. “I don’t know those places. Are they near Barnsley?”

“No, they’re much farther than that,” Daniel explained. “They’re fine schools, John, where you’ll meet lots of fellows just like you. Your uncle Jonathan attended Eton. So did the Duke of Wellington. I always wished I could. These are places you’ll be proud to say you were graduated from.”

John paled and rose from his chair. “You’re sending me away?”

“Daniel is sending you to school, love,” Cynthia tried soothing, reaching out a hand. John shrugged it away. “John, it’s more than I’d ever hoped for you.”

“You want me gone too?” John cried.

James stared at them all, and Adam trembled in his chair.

“John,” Daniel said firmly, as if hoping to make the boy see reason before the whole lot of them started crying, “no one wants you gone.”

“Perhaps this isn’t the time to talk about this,” Cynthia put in, seeing her oldest son shake with suppressed emotion.

“Why, because you don’t want me to talk?” John accused.

Cynthia recoiled from the vehemence.

“John,” Daniel said quietly. “I think that’s enough.”  

John turned on him, eyes wild, and Daniel had to fight not to flinch away from the betrayal staring back at him. “I know why you’re doing this!” the boy shouted at him, blinking away tears. “You want to spend more time with her! You like her better than you like us! Well, she wouldn’t even be here if I hadn’t told her to. I did everything! I told the ladies in the village she wanted a husband so those awful men would call. I got you to go over there when you didn’t even want to. I got her to marry you. She doesn’t even like you. She thinks you’re fat and stupid!”

“John!” Cynthia cried, hands flying to her mouth.

The constriction by his heart that the boys’ concerns usually caused was gone, and Daniel felt only pain inside him. He had been right all along. It didn’t matter how princely he behaved or how lordly he looked. To Cynthia, he would always be a frog. It would have been easy to give up and go back to his quiet life before they had arrived, a life with small chance of hurt and even smaller chance of love. He straightened under John’s glare. He refused to give up on them.

He rose and went to kneel beside the boy to put himself at John’s eye level. John’s small chin stuck out, and his fists were balled at his sides. His thin chest heaved as he gulped back sobs.

“John,” Daniel said carefully, “this isn’t about my feelings for your mother. My idea of you going away to school is entirely about my love for you. When I married your mother, I gladly took on the responsibility of raising you and your brothers. I take that responsibility very seriously. It is my duty to help you grow up to be a gentleman you’ll be proud of. A good education is a requirement for such a gentleman.”

John sniffed, dashing the tears away with the back of his hand. “But why must I go away? Why can’t I stay here and get an education?”

Daniel could feel all three boys waiting for his answer. He tried not to look at Cynthia. “You can get a good start at an education with Reverend Wellfordhouse. Perhaps that will be all you want or need. But very likely you’ll want to learn more, whether at Eton or Harrow or some other good school. We have over a year before we must make that decision. And rest assured, we will consult you on the matter. Now, do you think you can apologize to your mother for your behavior and get yourselves off to school?”

The boy nodded, gulping back the last of his tears. He threw himself into Cynthia’s arms for a hug. Adam and James scooted out of their seats, eyes wide, and followed John from the room. Like it or not, Daniel knew that left him to face Cynthia.

“I think perhaps I’d better see that they make it to school,” he murmured. He hurried after them, hating himself for being so craven.

No, not craven. Cautious. He had to find a way to prove to Cynthia once and for all that he was the man for her. Words were no longer enough.

Unless, perhaps, they symbolized something far more.

Daniel smiled as he followed the boys out of the house. He might have a difficult time telling Cynthia how he felt, particularly knowing how much she had loved her first husband. But he knew something that could make his point for him. All he had to do was get to Wells and back before dinner.