It had only been a week, but Tajael was aching for the Penance room.
He needed some blessed release and discipline for the Sinful thoughts he was having by the bucketload. Or simply a break from the constant enticement of Charlotte.
Especially at the moment. He sat on her couch, hands covering his ears, but try as he might, he couldn’t block out the sounds from her bedroom. The moans and the gasps and the breathiness. He’d fully witnessed orgies in the shadow realm, and none of those had afflicted him as much as Charlotte and her vibrating device behind a closed door.
The thing had arrived only a day after the attack. At first, he had no idea its purpose, only that it was elongated in shape and produced an interesting range of buzzing sounds and motions. Charlotte was curious about it as well. Then that night, when she went to bed… well, he quickly realized its similarity, at least in shape, to the male organ used for sex. The one he possessed and which seemed to have a keen empathetic response to her use of the device, rising and falling with her cries. Every night. Each session seeming to last longer and result in more fevered moans from the bedroom.
It would drive him mad.
She was there now, and he could tell she was near the end with how loud the cries had become. Sweet angels of light, he’d nearly fled four times since she started, but duty kept him rooted in her apartment. Although, he’d vowed that as soon as she was finished, he would summon his friend Oriel. There was only so much an angeling could take, and Tajael was at his breaking point.
As much torment as it caused him, he was glad for her and the pleasure she was experiencing. She seemed to have recovered from the attack quickly, perhaps with the aid of the device. She had also sought him out twice in the last week, walking to the door where he pretended to live and knocking on it.
The first time, he was in luck, as the occupants weren’t home. The second time, the fates frowned upon him, and he’d been forced to induce a sudden sleep in the man who legitimately lived there. Each time, Charlotte had brought him a token of affection that had touched him deeply. The first was cookies she had made herself. He had little need for food, which meant most would go to waste. He hid them under Hank’s blanket to be discovered later. The second was a small paper dragon she had folded. She had noticed his tattoo—the one meant to remind him of his inner shadow—and she thought he must be fond of dragons. He was, in a way—his best friend had mated with a dragon from the House of Smoke—but he couldn’t tell Charlotte any of the Truth. Still, he accepted the gift and kept it with him at all times.
Mostly they merely talked. Which was its own version of torment.
She tempted him. So very much. And the tiny dragon gift, each time he felt it tucked in a special fold in his toga, reminded him of what he couldn’t have with her.
That, and the rising moans from the other room.
Sweet magic… he leaped up from the couch and paced the living room.
He had learned much about Charlotte Brennan in the last week, his second of Guarding duty with her. She went by Charlotte Netherman now, thanks to a visit with a very official-looking woman in a downtown office who signed and stamped several pieces of paper. He observed the whole accord from behind his cloak, but much of what he knew about Charlotte came from their two sessions of engaging in conversation, each lasting over an hour. He’d had to invent a life of his own to share, for her to share hers more freely. His life of lies was of no consequence, but it loosened the truth about hers. He learned of her divorce, and how her husband drove her away with mistreatment. She didn’t say what exactly, but judging by her response to Jerry, he could guess. That wasn’t the first time she had a man force himself on her. He witnessed such things in the shadow realm, although there, all present were already damaged in ways beyond counting—a solid reminder to avoid his own Fall. But for Charlotte, the damage, while great, seemed repairable. Which was the reason he indulged their talks. She needed healing, and while he had healed many humans with a life kiss—powered by his angel side—he obviously couldn’t reveal himself that way. This relief she sought with the vibrating device was another healing he could not provide. But talk? The comfort of words and small gestures and a simple friendship? That he was perfectly positioned to give.
Not least because Charlotte Netherman didn’t have friends, not that he observed, with the exception of Hank, who was beset by his own limitations. He charmed her, but he couldn’t give the care she needed. And she needed a lot, so Tajael gave the only thing he could—words. Confidence. A faith in her that he truly believed. It was just as her employer, Daxon, had said—she could be the one to truly change the world. And Tajael’s mission was not merely to protect her life, but to ensure she could proceed with her work. Which was going well, with equipment and supplies and progress being made every day. His efforts were helping.
These were the stories he told himself, and they had the near ring of Truth.
Which didn’t mean his desire for more wasn’t breaking him.
“Tajael!” Hearing his name yanked him out of his thoughts and surged his heart. But there was no one in the living room with him, and he sensed no one in the bedroom but Charlotte. A moment later, also from the bedroom… “Yes! Oh, God, yes, yes, yes…” He covered his ears, but he still heard her final exclamations over the hammering of his own heart. Sweet angels of light, why was she calling his name? He knew she was in the throes of pleasure, not distress, which only meant…
His throat was dry. His mouth parched. A hunger welled up that would consume him. Roughly, he drew his blade and held it in both hands, and with anger and no small amount of fear, he summoned his friend.
Oriel appeared almost instantly. “Tajael, what’s the matter—” He stopped, eyes wide at the haggard look that must be on Tajael’s face.
“I am afeared, Oriel,” he gasped out. Then he flexed his wings just to check—they were still snowy white. He was still in the light.
“What is it, my friend?” Oriel stepped forward, drawing his own blade, looking around for the source of his distress. But Charlotte’s moans had subsided, and even the small buzzing sound of the device had abated.
“I fear my Fall is at hand,” Tajael said in a rush. “Please spell me in my duty. Just for the night. I’ll return before my charge awakes, I promise. I just need…” He didn’t know what he needed. But he knew it was away from the well-pleasured woman in the next room.
“You are merely tired,” Oriel said, sheathing his blade and resting a hand on Tajael’s shoulder. “All the Guardians are showing their fatigue. I’ve argued for rotation, but Markos won’t hear of it. He’s overseeing all of them.”
The surge of Wrath that comment aroused was no match for the Lust still charging Tajael’s body… but it distracted him somewhat. “You needn’t tell him about this. I will not.”
Oriel nodded. He was in a Chastity faction just like Tajael but under a different angel named Raeph. So his allegiance to Markos was lessened, even if he rescued both Tajael and Oriel from a life in the shadow realm.
“Go,” Oriel said. “Spend some time in the Dominion. Choose a Penance and spend the night in it. Or simply rest, my friend. Whatever soothes you and brings you back to the light.” Oriel was strong in the Virtues, and a good friend. Kindness shone on his face, and it strengthened Tajael.
“Thank you,” he said. “I’ll return as promised.”
“And if you are delayed, fear not,” Oriel said. “Your charge will be Guarded.”
Somehow that last part tugged him with a small bit of Envy—which made no sense, given his torment—but Tajael wasted no more time. He twisted to open an interdimensional door and stepped through into Markos’s Dominion.
The shining crystal walls of his cell were almost too bright. He’d forgotten the heavenly power that thrummed everywhere, the brilliance of the energy that permeated the Dominion. But he soaked in it for a long stretch of minutes, reveling in its restorative powers. Once the silence and solitude and searing light had brought a sense of calm to his body—a body inflamed by the nearness of Charlotte in her throes—he considered his next step.
He could, by rights, spend the night in one of the Penance rooms. The flogging wall called to him. A few lashings, the sweet release of pain, a lifting of the burden of his longings… the only problem would be requiring someone to administer it, and there were no secrets in the Dominion. Markos would know or soon find out. And while Tajael needed to inform him of the potential of Charlotte’s experiments, he knew Markos would send him immediately back to her apartment, once he had given his report.
Plus he suspected Markos was keeping vital information from him—Oriel said all the Guardians were struggling, but Markos had mentioned no such thing. Was it simple strain, as Tajael was experiencing? Why not spell the Guardians? Was Markos so bent on trying to mate angelings and humans—to test the potential of this new way to build his army of the light—that he would risk the human scientists they were supposed to Guard? Why not simply send angelings out to try the pleasures of the flesh and see if they could avoid a Fall? Or was the war going so badly that they were stretched for every angeling for the battle?
Tajael was woefully out of touch with the larger events—and he needed to know what was happening. What he was up against. Not least because he was deep in the middle of it with Charlotte and her experiments.
Better to go to someone he knew would tell him the Truth.
Erelah. An angeling from his cohort, his best of friends, and at one point, he had pledged his life to protect her and her child—the very angeling baby that had ushered in a new day for angelkind. At least, that’s what Markos seemed bent upon.
Erelah would tell him the Truth of what was happening in the immortal realm. And Markos’s part in it. And she, of all angelings, would understand his struggle with temptation.
Tajael twisted away from Markos’s Dominion, directly to the weigh station for immortals outside the House of Smoke. He was perched on a slender, rocky ledge among the mountains outside Seattle, where the dragon shifters’ keep was shielded from view, hidden from the mortal world. Wards guarded against immortals like himself, erected to protect those within—including Erelah, now a princess, since she had mated with a prince of the House—but there was an angeling contingent circling the keep as well. Last he heard, Markos had arranged to have a legion of angelings both inside and out, all to protect Erelah’s angeling child from the shadow realm, should Elyon and his dark angelings take their vengeance upon them.
But all seemed peaceful, at least at the moment.
It was night, but Tajael’s mere presence at the weigh station alerted them. After he was vouched for by one of the angeling guards—she had helped protect Erelah during her pregnancy—Tajael was ushered in through a series of ward levels until at last, he was at the lair of Leksander Smoke, prince of the House of Smoke, and Erelah’s mate. It had only been a few weeks since Tajael had fought side-by-side with Leksander to protect his mate and his child—Tajael hoped he would still be welcome.
When the door opened, it was Erelah who greeted him, a smile wide on her face, radiant with angelic beauty as always. “Tajael! What a joy to see you!”
Leksander stood behind her looking more haggard, dark circles under his eyes. “Well, don’t stand there. Come on in.”
Tajael stepped inside. “I don’t want to bother you and the child, but I seek a word with Erelah.”
Tajael worried about the fatigue on Leksander’s face, but the joy was clear as he nestled his infant child in his arms. Aurora was half angeling, half dragonling, but she appeared pure angel in the innocence of her sleep.
“You’ll never be a bother,” Leksander said. “But I’m totally taking this baby for a nap. You angelings party on without me.” He yawned and turned away, heading toward the long hallway to the child’s nursery.
“Is he unwell?” Tajael asked quietly, bending his head to Erelah.
“Just tired. The baby’s a true angeling.”
“Ah.” Tajael could see it. “So she rarely sleeps? Yet her father still needs rest.”
Erelah beckoned him into the great room of their lair. “Which wouldn’t be a problem if he didn’t insist on making love whenever someone takes the child for a spell. And then he insists on playing with Aurora whenever she’s here. So really, the only time he rests is when she happens to nap while she’s with us. So you came at a good time.”
“I see.” His surge of Envy was unmistakable… and unexpected. All the time he had been Guarding Erelah and her unborn child or helping Leksander do the same, he’d never had to fight off Envy of their love or their very exuberant sexual activity. While it was imperative that Erelah bear the child and renew the treaty, Tajael knew well no such fate lay before him. And Erelah was a direct descendant of an angel of light, not born in Sin like him. She was stronger from the outset in all the Virtues. But his Envy now wasn’t of her… it was of the dragon father. In love with his mate. Free to partake of the pleasures of the flesh. And cherishing his child.
All the things Tajael, by birth, would never have. But also things he never thought he might desire… until he spent two weeks with Charlotte Netherman.
“Tajael, you look as though a demon has possessed you and stolen your soul.” Erelah scowled at him. “I said nothing when Markos sent you on Guardian duty, but I fear I will not be able to keep my tongue if he has pushed you too far. You do not deserve this!”
Tajael’s smile pained him. His friend misunderstood—or perhaps understood all too well. “I haven’t spent this long Guarding a single human since... well, since I came back from walkabout.”
“Ask him for relief,” she demanded, her scowl etching deeper.
“Asked; and refused. Oriel is watching her in secret at the moment.” He shook his head. “And Charlotte is… I’m not like you, Erelah. If I succumb, I am lost.”
Her eyes narrowed. “You are as strong as any angeling I know.”
“That is not Truth,” he chided her. Then he pulled aside his toga, baring his shadow tattoo. “And I bear the marks of my weakness.”
She scowled. “That is not weakness, Tajael. I would not say this to just any angeling—I fear most would have no idea how to handle the complex feelings that come with having love of a mortal—but you… Tajael, you are different. And you, above all, might claim Love without being lost to Lust.”
He stepped back and squeezed his eyes shut. “Don’t say such things. I have temptation enough.” She didn’t respond, so he opened his eyes again
Her expression was pained. “I’m sorry. I thought…”
“It’s all right,” he said with a small smile. “I’ll bear the temptation as long as I need to. What I must have, and which I hope you can help with, is information. Markos is keeping me in the dark, I am sure of it. What news do you have of the fae Courts? Of the shadow realm? Has Elyon returned? Have other angelings taken the path of temptation? Are they Falling?”
Erelah held up her hands, so he stopped. “If you’re afraid the End of Times is upon us… no, it has not begun. As far as I know.”
Tajael nodded, relief washing through him. “I fear Markos is pushing it, though. He wants more children like Aurora. He wants to build an army.”
She frowned. “This is why he’s forcing you to endure Guarding for so long?”
He nodded. “Meanwhile, he claims we are losing angelings in a battle against the shadow angelings in Seattle. That the demon uprising cannot be put down as long as the shadow fight us there.”
“That much is true.” She scowled. “I hear it whispered among the angeling legion he has here at the keep, Guarding us. That their numbers dwindle more every day.”
Tajael winced. “What end is there to this?” He knew, but he didn’t want to speak it.
“The Warrior Class?” She visibly shuddered. “If they must be loosed, that is a sure Sign. The End of Times will have to be near. Tajael…”
“I know,” he said, exhausted and exasperated. “A full war between light and shadow? Humanity will suffer in the crosshairs. We cannot let the fae bait us into unleashing the apocalypse.”
“Zephan will get his wish, even if he’s not here to see it.” There was a righteous anger in her voice with that, and Tajael couldn’t blame her for it.
“And my Charlotte could well be the very threat he feared,” Tajael said. “She has a brilliant mind and a fierce will. And a theory that may actually bridge the realms. And what then? I fear… I’m not certain, but perhaps there is no stopping the inevitable.”
But, strangely, Erelah had a small smile on her face. “Your Charlotte?”
For the love of magic… “Yes, my Charlotte. She is my charge, after all.” His anger was irrational, but he couldn’t seem to quell it.
Kindness softened Erelah’s face. “Oh, Tajael. If you care for her—”
“I care too much,” he threw back. “That is the very problem!”
She pressed her lips together and said nothing.
He sighed. “I’m sorry. For the love of all that’s holy, Erelah, I don’t know how you resisted the pull of Lust as long as you did.”
She gave him a sorrowful look. “It wasn’t Lust that I resisted, Taj. It was Love.”
He drew back, confused. “But you Fell—”
“I Fell from Lust.” Her face took on that familiar steely, determined look, as if this were a great truth she was telling him, and he had better hear it. “But it was Love that restored me.” Then she sighed. “But I cannot promise it will be the same for you. Taj, I just wish…”
“What?” He knew that she was unique among angelings. He did not need her to tell him this.
“I just wish for you to be happy, my dear friend.”
He laughed. “I will settle for duty well served.”
“You should not.” Her expression was filled with both heartbreak and concern.
It tore at him. “Well, if we are headed for the apocalypse in any event, perhaps I shall demand happiness as well. At least for a brief time before I Fall.” He had meant it to be a joke, but the sorrow did not leave her eyes. So he changed the topic. “What about your father? I feel like the uprising in Seattle is key in all this. If he would only help…” Erelah’s father, Razael, was a dark angel but an ally of sorts. He helped save his daughter and her baby, at least, even though she was in the light.
“If Razael were to brawl with Elyon’s angelings, on the side of the light, in the streets of Seattle, how long do you think it would be before the Warriors were called out of retirement?”
“Not long,” Tajael admitted.
“And for the same reason, Markos does not call out legions of angelings from other angels of light to fight this battle. It’s a delicate balance, I fear.”
Tajael shook his head. “One that centers on the humans. A battle for the soul of humanity, with the added complication that they may soon enter the battlefield themselves. What does that sound like to you?”
She sighed. “It might not be the End of Times, Taj. We don’t know. At least… that’s what I told myself when I fought to keep Aurora. To give her a chance at life. Love and life can’t be the wrong choice, Taj… they just can’t.”
“I feel the Truth of that, but still…” He didn’t finish. There was no more to be said about it. He had a duty, and he was wrong about one thing—knowing more about the larger battle raging around him did not help. Just as it wouldn’t help Charlotte to know the dangers that surrounded her, either.
Erelah stepped closer and placed her hand on his shoulder. “Go Guard your charge, Tajael. Do your duty. And if your heart leads you to Love… remember what we were created for.”
“To serve?” Tajael didn’t need that reminder—it was a constant mantra inside his head.
“To love.” She smiled, and he couldn’t deny that Truth. But the holy love of angels for humanity was a far cry from the stirring and tormented feelings he had for Charlotte.
“I’ll try to remember.” He mustered the best smile he could. “Forgive me for interrupting your time with your mate and your child. For all that you have fought through, you’ve earned the right to enjoy your new life.”
“Good luck, my friend.” The way she said it made Tajael hesitate, but then he turned to go. Soon, he was outside the keep, then opening an interdimensional door and returning to Markos’s Dominion.
He should plead his case to Markos once more. He should warn him that Charlotte may hold the key to everything. But he was no longer sure that was wise.
Wisdom might be spending the evening in Penance, expunging the body-thrilling desires that Charlotte roused in him. But in Truth, her absence felt unnatural, like a hole in his heart where her presence should be. Had he already fall in love with her? Was returning to her just one more step toward his doom?
He didn’t know. But returning to her side seemed the only choice worth choosing.
So, he twisted again, and this time arrived in her small bedroom in Seattle. Oriel hovered over her, watching her sleep. The small rise and fall of her chest seemed to mesmerize him. Tajael’s sudden appearance didn’t startle him… at least not enough to tear his eyes away from Charlotte.
Oriel finally raised his gaze to meet Tajael’s. “I understand your battle, my friend,” he said softly so as not to wake her.
This spiked a sharp jealousy through Tajael. He did not want Oriel to understand how tempting she was, how bright-shining her soul, how brilliant her mind.
“I am restored,” Tajael said stiffly. “I can resume my duty.”
Oriel nodded his head, but in a sad way. “Do not Fall, Tajael. We can’t afford to lose you.” And then he twisted and disappeared, no doubt returning to the immortal realm whence he came.
His words fell hard on Tajael’s shoulders. For, in Truth, he couldn’t afford to Fall, either… if he were in shadow, then someone else would take his place as Guardian for Charlotte.
And suddenly, that appeared the least attractive option of all.