I just can’t believe how fucking far apart Talon and I have grown over the past year. He’s distanced himself from me and Steel, our three-year old boy, since he’s become a patched member. He’s volunteering to take runs that aren’t his, he’s staying and working overtime at work, and when he comes home, it’s usually after we’re already in bed for the night. This morning, I asked him to pick up Steel from daycare because I had a final exam tonight, my last one before graduation. It’s ninety percent of my grade, it’s what will get me my diploma! But no, he had to tell me he has to work late and won’t be able to make it. Luckily, the woman I’m interning for agreed to let me test during the day instead of our allotted appointment time. She told me the other day that I was ‘a natural’ and whatever it took to get me to the point where I could achieve my dream, if she was able to assist, she would do so.

I was distracted during the exam, but think I did good enough to pass and will still receive my diploma as scheduled. But that’s not the damn point! I’m fuming as I leave to head to pick up our boy, so I decide that I’m tired of holding it in, not telling him what he’s done to me emotionally. I get my hands-free device and hit the screen on my dash.

‘Connected’, it tells me

‘Call Talon’, I instruct.

The phone rings five times before he answers. “What’s up?” Not hello, how are you...what’s up!

“I’ll tell you what’s up,” I sneer. “I had to take my exam early, before the rest of the interns because our son wasn’t important enough to you to stop what you were doing and go and pick him up! I’m tired of this, Talon, so fucking sick of it! When do we start mattering to you again? When does putting your son to bed and kissing me goodnight, hell even talking to me, become worth your time?” I take a deep breath as I hear his become rapid over the line. “I tell you what, since I now don’t have time to make it to the grocery store, how about you pick up dinner and bring it home...or are you not coming home tonight? Because honestly, it wouldn’t surprise me if you didn’t!” Through my rant, I don’t notice the car run its red light and come right at me. I don’t know anything is wrong until I hear the screeching of tires and feel the metal bend all around me. I scream out in shock, agony, and fear. “Talon!”

I’m sitting at the bar drinking a beer when Dad comes up and sits next to me. “Need to talk to you, Son,” he states, motioning for his own beer.

“What’s up, Dad?” I ask. I’m so fucking tired lately and honestly, I don’t need any shit. With all the businesses growing again, we’re stretched thin and I swear I’m like a dog chasing its own tail trying to help fill in the gaps until more people get hired.

“What the hell is going on with you and Claree?” he asks. Right to the point, no pussy footing around the topic with my dad.

“What’re you talking about? Nothing’s going on.” I try to convince him, or is it me I’m trying to convince? At this point I’m not even sure.

“Uh, you can sell that fucking line of shit to someone else, Talon. Your old lady is exhausted and has dropped weight. You’re lucky I told your mom I’d talk to you because she’s ready to kick your ass into next year.”

Fuck. I don’t need this shit. I have so much on my plate right now. Money is tight with Steel in daycare, and Claree in school. We have so many extra expenses that they are eating us alive, and I’m doing everything I can to get us ahead, and keep us afloat, instead of living paycheck to paycheck. “We’re just busy, Dad. Her with school and me pitching in everywhere.” The lie rolls off my tongue and leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

“When’s the last time you actually looked at her? She’s got circles under her eyes that no make-up can hide. Hell, her shoulders are always down, and if it weren’t for the fact that your mom and Trinity were pitching in as much as they are, I think she would have tossed in the towel already. Talon, there’s nothing more important than being there for your woman and son. Or your family. Nothing. Life’s too fucking short for you to be working this damn hard.”

“Just trying to get ahead, Dad. We’re struggling, and I don’t want us to fail, I’d rather work endless hours, and miss some milestones, than to look back one day and my family is living in a cardboard box, under a bridge, somewhere on the wrong side of the tracks.”

“At whose expense?” he questions. “Because right now, it seems like it’s at hers and my grandson’s, not yours at all. You come and go as you please, and yeah, I know you’re working your ass off, but I don’t see you coming to work in dirty clothes and you’ve always got a packed lunch. So, my guess is it’s your old lady taking care of all the house shit too. And there’s no way in fucking hell you’d ever have to live in a damn cardboard box. Really? You think so little of your family?”

“It’s not y’alls place to take care of us, it’s mine! I’ve got this, Dad, I just need to find some common ground. The last year hasn’t been easy, not only has Claree needed books, but she’s needed a baker’s smock, supplies, and a fucking hat! A damn hat that cost me nearly a grand! I just need to work some extra hours to make up for it. Everyone needs to get off my back, and let me get my family where we need to be. Plus, Steel’s constant ear infections haven’t helped.” I start to get up, done with this conversation, and everyone sticking their noses where they don’t belong. We’re not financially irresponsible, but with all that I told him, plus the normal bullshit expenses, life has been very tight. I know that the moms have been helping, dropping off things they know Steel likes to eat, and it kills me that I cannot support my damn family! As I get one leg off the stool, I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. When I see it’s Claree’s name popping up on the caller ID, I groan. I’m sure this isn’t a conversation I want to add to my day either.

Dad starts to say something, and I hold my hand up. I see him arch his eyebrow at me, but right now, I need to see what my old lady wants. Doesn’t surprise me when she lays into me, I deserve it, I haven’t communicated with her the way I should have been doing, but I hope it’s something I’m able to rectify tonight. I start to tell her that we needed to talk things out tonight, and work on us again, but as soon as my mouth opens, my heart drops. I hear her scream out my name and the phone gets disconnected.

“Claree!” I scream to dead air, by now, I’m surrounded by all of my brothers.

“What’s the matter, what happened?” Axe, our president asks me.

“I... I think she was just in an accident! I have to go!” I scream, but where do I go?

“You go, find out about your woman, I’ve got Steel,” Dad says. But I hear the emotions clogging his throat, as he says this to me. I immediately run out of the clubhouse, and jump on my other girl. I rev her up and speed out of the parking lot. I can feel the asphalt slide under my tires, as I hit the throttle and pick up the pace. I decide to head in the direction towards her job, from the road she’d be taking to go and pick up our son. I hear the roaring of bikes behind me and glance over when I feel one pull next to me. Seeing Chief, the intent look on his face as he looks back, has my heart racing harder than before. That was his girl first, and although we’ve come a long way since then, I think my fear of what he can do to me if I don’t take care of her to his expectations is what drives me to keep going. That, and my fear of the unknown, and worry if she’s badly hurt.

We’re going around a corner, near town, when I see the traffic is at a dead standstill. I can see crumpled metal ahead and know it’s gotta be our SUV. I’m off my bike, and running, before the kickstand has even hit the ground, screaming out her name. “Claree!” I can hear the pounding of boots behind me, but I’ve gotta get to her. We may have hit a rough spot, but she’s mine.

Always has been.

Always will be.

Strong arms grab me, and pull me back, as I get closer to what used to be our SUV. I don’t remember falling down to my knees as they hit the ground, but those arms, they never let me go. I watch in horror, as they get the jaws of life out. They work to cut the side open, and get her out, I can hear voices murmuring from the other side. Shit, I don’t understand. There’s an echo in my ears, as my blood is pounding with my fear.

This can’t be happening!

I need her, our son needs her, we all need her!

“Claree!” I moan, hearing the paramedics talking about needing a line, and other shit. I catch a glimpse of her bloodied body, as they carefully and gently lift her out of the mangled vehicle, and lay her on the waiting gurney. The police have set up a perimeter and I watch as Chief goes over and speaks with them. I see him turn from a worried father, to a man that’s full of aggravation, and anger. I see him pointing at Claree, then to his chest, then he points in my direction. I watch as the officer shakes his head no, and points towards the awaiting bystanders.

“He’s not going to let him go to her?” I hear Smokey ask.

“Doesn’t look that way,” Axe replies.

“That’s not a good sign,” I hear my dad mutter from behind me. I’m glad that his arms are still banded around me, because I wouldn’t care if they had their guns pointed at me, I’d go to her.

As she’s loaded into the ambulance, my dad pulls me over to his bike and tells me, “Hop on, there’s no way in hell I’m letting you drive yourself in the state you are i.” He wants me to ride bitch?

“What about my bike?” I ask the question.

“We’ll have a prospect drive it over to the hospital, now get on, they’re pulling out, and we need to be there when they get her to the E.R.” I look over, and sure enough, the lights are flashing, and I hear the starting...beep, beep, of the sirens as they get ready to leave the scene. Instead of replying, I jump on the back of his bike and we speed after them.

My thoughts are all over the place as Dad flies behind the ambulance. Will she live? Is she going to be okay? What will I do if she doesn’t make it? What about Steel? Oh, God, what if...no, I won’t think like that. I can’t let my mind go there. All I need to be concentrating on, is getting her better, and fixing us.

And when she recovers, I’m putting a fucking wedding ring on that damn finger, because once again, I know it’ll be her parents making the decisions for anything that needs to be done. Just like when Steel entered the world.

We reach the ER., Dad quickly pulls in, and shuts the bike down. I’m running through the doors before the ambulance has had a chance to fully back in or get her out. I don’t want to wait for them to get their shit together. I’m scared, and I’m anxious, to find out what’s going on with my woman. I’ve had to stay in the background with no clear answers to how she is, and I’m not going to continue to hold off, or be held back, until I get the chance to set my eyes on her, personally.

“Sir! Sir! You can’t go in there!” a nurse hollers out as I attempt to go through the doors, that are standing between me and my woman.

“That’s my woman back there!” I scream at the top of my lungs. The arms that band around me, aren’t my dad’s, but I recognize them anyhow. Chief has me, and I can physically feel the shudders wracking his body as he holds me close. To know that this strong, fierce, badass is crying, has my emotions ramping, and my heart beating faster. “I need her! Please let me go!” I am now a sobbing mess. I don’t even try to hide the tears, as they slide down my face. They belong there, they don’t show my weakness, they show my love, and devotion, to the only woman who’s ever held my heart in the palm of her hands.

“I gotcha, Talon,” he whispers. “We...none of us are letting you go.” I realize that my dad has joined us, and then see Axe walking toward the woman who yelled.

“His woman was just brought in, any way he can see her?” he asks. He’s not using his president’s voice per se, but his commanding presence has the nurse straightening up.

“I’ll...I’ll go see, sir,” she states, before going through the doors that hold my life, my future, and the mother to my son.

“C’mon, let’s get you cleaned up,” Mom says coming up and wrapping her arms around my waist. No clue when she arrived, but when I look around, I see them all. My family. They dropped everything for me, for us...and it has my tears overflowing again.

Why did this have to happen to her? She’s never done anything to deserve what’s happening. Is it me? Am I being punished for being a bad husband and father? I don’t think I can take this much longer without being able to hold her in my arms and promise her that things will be different. I’ll be different, and that I will make everything alright again. She deserves it all, the world if I can make it happen, and I’ll never let her down again.

“Mom,” I croak out. My voice doesn’t sound like my own. “I can’t lose her.”

“Talon Hatchet, get your shit together. Your old lady needs you to fight for her like the badass you are,” Mom says. Yeah, her words sound harsh, until I see that she’s got tears flowing down her face, and she looks less than put together. I bet she was writing today based on what she’s wearing. When she writes, she usually has her ‘comfy’ clothes on and her hair is usually piled on her head. I bet she stopped working and hauled ass as soon as my dad called her. She normally won’t step foot outside of the house until she’s put together. Her words, not mine, because my mom is beautiful to all of us, even without having her leaving the house with the right clothes, makeup on and hair perfect. Why am I thinking about this right now? It’s like my brain can’t focus on one thing without jumping to something completely off the wall.

I follow her to the family restroom, unable to tear my eyes away from the devastation I see plastered on the faces of my family. While Mom fusses over me, something I’m too freaked out to stop, it dawns on me, and I ask, “Where’s Steel? Where are the younger kids?” With the sheer amount of kids that there are in this huge-ass family of ours, I only see the adults.

“Nan.”

“Nan?” I ask. I’ve loved her ever since she stepped in as a grandparent, to me and Jasper, all those years ago. She did it with every child, whether they were biologically ‘hers’ or they were adopted in, saying that every child needed a Nan.

“Chief called Trinity to pick Steel up from the daycare and ended up taking him over to the clubhouse when I received the call from your dad. Braxton apparently called Nan, knowing we’d all need to be here. She’s got him and the younger kids and is keeping them there until she hears from us.”

I nod, grateful that my son has Nan, because right now, my only focus is the bruised and bloodied woman, who is probably fighting for her life. After I get cleaned up, I am in a zombie-like state and get led around to the waiting room to where my parents force me to sit down with everyone. My knees are bouncing, and my feelings are beginning to take hold of me. I’m no longer feeling numb. I’m beginning to experience anger and needing revenge on the asswipe who decided to T-bone my woman. Out of nowhere I announce, “I need to know who it was that did this to her, I want him to pay!”

“He’ll pay,” Chief replies. “Law’ll make sure he does.”

Fuck! I want them to pay in blood. I want them to hurt like I know she’s gotta be hurting. My head drops, and I give a slight nod, accepting his words, but not taking them to heart. I know there’s no use fighting with them right now, but they just don’t understand! I don’t want pretty words, I want, no I need, to see this person face-to-face. Make him understand what type of devastation he’s putting me and my family through. Preferably I can force him to feel these things with my fist to his face.

“Promise, Talon, I’ll take care of it,” Law states.

I’m about to reply when an older woman comes in with someone helping her and goes to the nurse’s desk near the waiting room where we’re all camped out at. “May I help you?” I hear the nurse ask. I’m not really paying attention until I hear the younger woman mention car accident and then, my focus is zoned in on what she’s saying. Surely, I couldn’t be lucky enough to find out who did this that easily, seems a little too good to be true.

“Ma’am, they brought my husband in from a car accident. Where is he?” the older woman asks. She looks to be in her later fifties, which means that her husband, whoever the son-of-a-bitch is, can’t be much older than she is. I find myself starting to stand only to feel hands on my shoulders pushing me back down.

“Just listen, Talon. You don’t know that it was him. No going off half-cocked,” Chief murmurs. Always the voice of reason, even when it’s his daughter laying in the other room, fighting for her life. I glance around me, and see my brothers focused in on what’s happening at the nurse’s desk, and decide that maybe they’re more clear-headed than me, because I’d never harm a woman, and yet, when I heard what she said, my first thought was to shake her, ask more questions, find out why her husband would do such a thing to my Claree.

“He’s being worked on,” the nurse tells the two women.

“How...I mean, we understand that he hit someone else. Are they okay?” the younger woman questions. Oh, Hell No! Where the fuck do they get off inquiring about my woman when their man, father, whatever, is responsible for her to be here in the first place!

‘Are they okay/’ is coursing through my brain, and I want to scream, and rage that fuck no, ‘they’ aren’t okay, but I don’t. I feel someone take my hand and glance up to see Mom holding tight to mine, squeezing so hard the tips are turning white. Why is everyone just sitting around? Why aren’t we saying anything?

“The other driver is also being worked on. I really can’t give more than that due to privacy laws,” the nurse responds. Yeah, fuck that shit.

“It’s my old lady,” I grind out. I’m not quiet but I haven’t started yelling. That might have more to do with how hard Mom is squeezing me, or that Chief has a grip on my shoulder that’s gonna leave bruises.

“We’re so sorry,” she says to me.

“You’re sorry?” I growl out, “let me tell you who’s going to be sorry. Her three-year old son who will be looking for his mother to tuck him in tonight. Me!” I scream pointing at my chest, “who has to sit here, not knowing if his future is going to live! Me,” I shout, “who may never get the opportunity to put a ring on the finger of the woman he loves, while making vows of forever to her! That’s who’s going to be sorry, lady!” My chest is heaving, and I feel a pressure sitting there waiting to pop.

“That’s enough, Son,” Dad says, pulling me back into his arms. I didn’t even realize I had stood up and was towering over the two women. Fuck!

“I can’t lose her, Dad. Steel and I won’t survive without her. How in the hell can we go on living each day without her there?” I question.

“Son, don’t go thinking like that. She will pull through, if not for her, she will because of the love you two share. You’d be surprised what a mother’s love can do when it comes to a woman’s survival,” he tries to pacify me.

I shrug him off and storm to the other side of the waiting room, looking out the window into the filled parking lot. I need a minute to breathe, without everyone attempting to make me ‘calm’ down. Away from the two women. Away from my dad’s words.

Just...away.

I can’t think.

Can’t breathe.

The words she was saying on the phone right before the impact are playing on a loop in my head. I’ve fucked things up and worry that I’ll never get the chance to make it alright.

“I’m looking for the family of Claree Dennison,” I hear called out and twirl around and notice a doctor standing there in scrubs, blood on the front and for some reason, I can’t take my eyes away from those splatters. Those are my woman’s!

“I’m her mother, this is her father, and that young man over there is her fiancée.” The lie slips from Trinity’s mouth, but I’m grateful for it. Maybe this time around, I’ll be able to get information without having to go through them.

“I’ll meet you in the information rooms. I’ll be in room four,” she turns around and walks away. That’s not a good sign...right?

Trinity, Chief and I go to the room and take a seat. “Why did we have to come in here?” I ask her.

“Because there is a lot of non-family in that room and I don’t feel comfortable giving her diagnosis in front of strangers,” she answers. “Claree is a very lucky young woman,” she begins, “she hit her head pretty hard. We had to go in and stop some bleeding in her cranium, so she has a shunt for the swelling. We’ve had to place her in a coma until the swelling goes down. Her ankle was shattered but we were able to save it. She also has a broken arm, which required some pins and plates. We also were forced to remove her spleen. She may require some therapy when she wakes up, but my biggest concern is the baby. Miscarriage is a high probability at this early stage.”

“Baby? She never told me,” I state, looking at Trinity and Chief.

“She may not have known, she’s in the early stages. Eight weeks and four days to be exact.” The doctor looks up from her notes and looks me in the eyes. “You need to understand that the next forty-eight hours are critical.”

“I need to see her,” I say in a commanding voice. Not wanting her to tell me no on this.

“We’re getting her moved to ICU on the second floor. There’s another waiting room that you can go and wait in until the nurse comes and lets you know she’s ready for visitors.”

“Can we all go back with her?” Chief asks.

“Normally, I would answer no, because there’s only two allowed to stay with her, but given the circumstances, I will allow for an extra person. Now, I need to go check on her as she’s getting ready to be moved, give us an hour and you three will be able to see her. I’m sure you all are anxious to get your eyes on her and see for yourselves that she’s made it through the initial surgery. She may require more, but we’re hopeful that we stopped all of the bleeding.” She stands up and walks out the door that was to her back.

“I’m not leaving her,” I pronounce once the doctor has left. “I don’t care if I sleep on the floor, we haven’t been apart since the night we moved in together, and I’m not starting now. Especially not now.”

“We’ll make it happen,” Chief says. “Let’s go tell everyone else what’s going on.” He wants to go inform everyone, but my instincts have me wanting to go ahead and head on down to the second floor, so I can be there in case they come to get us earlier than she said they would. Instead, I once again, allow myself to be led where everyone else wants me to be.

Back in the waiting room, everyone gathers around us and Chief says, “We can go down to the second floor waiting room. Let’s do that and then we’ll fill y’all in on what the doctor said. There’re too many people around.” I find his comment strange for some reason, because the other people waiting around have already witnessed my meltdown, so what’s the difference? Fuck, where’s my focus? I look around and see the two women who inquired about the man earlier sitting there, holding hands and watching me. I sneer at them and know that I have to be away from their presence or I may not be able to control myself. I walk out of the room and head to the elevator. I stab the arrow down button, when nothing immediately happens I begin continuously stabbing it, then the anger once again takes hold and I begin punching it. Tears are falling down my face and I feel my mom come up behind me and wrap her arms around my waist.

“She’s going to be okay, Talon. Our girl is a fighter,” she whispers to me. I nod my head, but I can’t get any words to come out with the emotions clogging my throat. Jumping from one emotion to the next is draining me. I feel myself slump until the ding that indicates my ride is here dings and then my mission reaffirms itself in my mind.