Rebel invited us all for a team building event, as he called it. Something about increasing the level of trust between the biggest names in the Ballsy Boys line-up right now. That means me, Campy, Pixie, Heart, and of course, Tank. Then there’s Rebel himself, Bear, and the two camera men Joey and Bryce, because Rebel wants us to build a rapport with them as well, whatever that means.

I have no doubt it’s because of the freak accident that happened with Tank, but whatever. As long as he understands I draw the fucking line at trust falls. If you ask me to let myself fall backward blindfolded and trust someone else to catch me, I walk out. It’s never gonna happen.

Much to my surprise, the address where we were told to show up at seven is an indoor climbing gym. My stomach drops when I see the immense walls at various reverse inclines with all kinds of knobs and crooks and grips. Suddenly, trust falls don’t seem like such a big deal.

“Hey, you’re here,” Rebel greets me with a hearty slap on my back. We do a pretend-manly half hug thing, and then I follow him into a room where the other guys are hanging out, chatting with each other. Tank stands in the corner of the room, talking to Bear. Not that I was looking for him or anything.

“We’re waiting for Heart to arrive, and then we’re good to go,” Rebel says.

“What exactly did you plan for us?” I ask, trying to keep the stress out of my voice.

He shrugs. “We’ll start with some games to get to know each other better, and we’ll see after that.”

I wriggle my eyebrows, taking on my Brewer persona. “I thought we all already knew each other pretty well.”

That earns me a slap on the back of my head from Rebel, and I grin. Some things never change. Tank shoots me a murderous look from the other end of the room, and I can barely suppress the urge to stick my tongue out to him.

Heart walks in a few seconds later, and once we’re done with another round of man-hugs, Rebel gets down to business. “Okay, as I explained in the email, the goal is to get to know each other a little better, build more trust, and also to have fun. We’re gonna start with the latter and play a round of Cards Against Humanity.”

There are laughs and snickers all around the room. This should be fun, actually. I don’t need to look at Tank to know his face will resemble mine after eating something sour. This is so not his kind of thing. Me, however, I live for this kind of shit.

We order some soft drinks and then take spots around the large oval table in the middle of the room. “Just to make things easy, I’ll start as the Card Czar,” Rebel says.

He hands us all our white cards, and I read through them quickly. It’s got some great ones, but of course it all depends on what the black card says.

“Okay, here goes,” Rebel says. “Gimme your best option for...I learned the hard way that you can’t cheer up a grieving friend by…”

I quickly reread my options and already start to grin when I see one that’s gonna kill it. We all slide our choices toward Rebel, facedown of course, and he quickly shuffles them before reading out loud. The first one—Ebola—already has us laughing and by the third—masturbation—we’re all dying. But he hasn’t read mine yet.

“Okay, next one,” Rebel says. “I learned the hard way that you can’t cheer up a grieving friend by talking about the size of your penis on live TV.”

He barely manages to say it before breaking out in laughter, and within seconds, we all join in. Pixie sags against Heart, holding his stomach, and even Tank’s face splits open in a grin.

“Brewer would totally pull that off,” Joey says, wiping the tears out of his eyes.

I widen my eyes and fake innocence? “Moi?”

“Don’t even try and deny it. You have no shame,” Campy joins in.

I shrug. What can I say? They know me well.

Rebel reads the last answers in this round, but this awesome point is mine, as expected.

Campy is up next, and he’s got a good one. “This month’s Cosmo: spice up your sex life by bringing...dot, dot, dot...into the bedroom.”

I look at my options again. Hmm, which one should I do? I have ‘dead babies’, which is kinda creepy, or ‘powerful thighs’, which could work. Maybe my best option is ‘tasteful sideboob.’ I slide that one toward Campy.

There are some hilarious combinations again. Campy reads mine third, and it results in some snickers. “No boobs for me, thank you very much,” Pixie says, laughing. “I much prefer balls.”

“Tasteful sideballs, then,” I joke.

Pixie shakes his head at me. “Balls are always tasteful...though they all taste differently.”

“Oh, now we want a ranking. Rank all of us on whose balls taste the best,” I challenge him.

Pixie grins, making him even cuter. He’s so freaking adorable, there are days where I just want to take him home to cuddle with him. “First of all, that’s not a nice question to ask, because you’re suggesting that I’ve had all of you, which isn’t true. Aside from Joey and Bryce, obviously, there’s the elusive Tank I haven’t had the pleasure of...connecting with.”

I almost hold my breath, waiting for Tank to dismiss him with a grunt, but he surprises me by saying, “Say the word, baby boy, and I’ll gladly put my balls in your mouth.”

From the corner of my eye, I catch Bear stiffen for just a second before pasting a smile on his face again. What is going on between those two? I can’t help but poke, just a little. “There’s also Bear, of course. You haven’t tasted his balls, have you?”

Pixie stiffens, and his cheeks grow red, while the others merely laugh and dismiss the notion out of hand. Bear, however, is not laughing. He’s trying to stay composed, but he’s shooting laser eyes at me right now and fuck, am I happy to sit at the other end of the table.

Joey leans back in his chair and says,” I’ll take boobs over balls any day.”

“You are plain fucked up, man,” Heart says. “You watch live gay porn pretty much every day, and you’re still straight? How the fuck is that even possible?”

Joey shrugs. “It is what it is, man. I don’t mind watching your asses all day, but it doesn’t really do it for me, sorry boys.”

“Well, if Brewer’s fine ass doesn’t turn you gay, nothing will,” Heart jokes.

“Or Rebel’s cock,” I quip. “That thing is a work of art.”

Rebel flips me the bird but with a big grin on his face. “Miss me?”

I blow him a hand kiss. “You know I do, baby.”

“You like Brewer’s ass better than mine?” Pixie asks Heart with a pout.

Heart recovers fast. “Nothing and no one can top your ass, baby boy.”

“Top,” Pixie says and giggles. “You can top me anytime.”

He jumps on Heart’s lap, all bubbly and blissfully naive, it seems. Does he notice Bear is anything but happy with his flirting? If he does, he doesn’t seem to care as he kisses Heart on the mouth and then settles on his lap.

I wonder if Dean hadn’t died, if I would be just as happy and carefree as he is, if my outside would match my inside. Then again, how do I know he’s truly happy on the inside? No matter what BS Rebel spouts about getting to know each other better, none of us truly know each other. No one sure as fuck knows me.