Tyler's leaned against the desk, arms crossed and glaring at me from across the room. Brandt's leaning against the window frame, staring out the window with anger written all over his face, and when Garrison slams the door I shake my head, moving for the most comfortable looking chair in the room.
“You're all too old to be fightin' with each other over a girl. And before any of you start yammering you're not fightin' over a girl, I know damn well what you're doin'. I've known you since you were a boy.” He points at me. “And I've known you two since birth. This isn't like the men I know. Ty, that faded black eye ain't always on that face. And Chase, that split on your nose and lip ain't from walking into a wall. What's goin' on and don't none of you tell me nothin'!” His voice gradually gets louder and now he's just out right screaming at us with his face ablaze.
Garrison Kenshaw isn't someone I've ever crossed in life, mostly because he's someone I've always respected.
“With all do respect, sir, they started it.” I nod toward the other two in the room. “I'm tryin' to be a better man.” I cross my ankle on my knee and shift back in the seat. Something tells me we're going to be here a while.
“Fuck that,” Brandt laughs out.
“They started it,” Tyler mocks me in a whiny tone. “You sound like an idiot.” He scowls at me.
“Shut the hell up! All of you! You're doin' what I said not to do! All three of you will leave this room with black eyes if you don't start talking now! Kaydence happy with you?” he barks at me.
“I love her, sir,” I say. “Don't know how she feels, but she says she's happy. I'm tryin'.”
“And what the hell is wrong with that, Tyler? Why can't you be happy for your sister?” Garrison looks over at Tyler.
“Because he's a fuckin' player, Uncle Garrison!” Tyler gestures to me and I shake my head. This little twerp thinks he knows all about me. “He's had sex with every girl in this town, and half the chicks in Vegas as I understand it. You think I want that shit with my fuckin' sister?” The grimace on his face makes me want to punch it off. “He's probably carrying diseases that haven't even been invented yet!”
I bark out a laugh, clapping my hands. “Diseases aren't invented, fuck-wit.” I groan and let out another sarcastic chuckle.
“Y'all got some simple minds talkin' like that,” Garrison grumbles before looking at his son. “And, Brandt? What the hell is your damn problem with your cousin's happiness?”
“I've known what type of guy Chase is since we were kids, dad. He's a woman user. Always has been. I ain't about to see him run over my cousin like that. She's the closest thing to a sister I ever had growin' up.”
I can't help but laugh at him but the look that Garrison throws my way cuts me short. “It was funny,” I mumble, rolling my eyes. “You barely saw Kay growing up,” I point out and Brandt narrows his eyes at me.
Garrison shakes his head, looking me square in the eyes. “Chase. What do you have to say? You simply tryin' to be a better man, isn't bein' a better man for my niece. You don't damn try. You do it. I don't know if you know anything about that girl, but she hasn't had the easiest life, and that smile may look real, but I know damn well it can't be. You tryin', or are you doin'?”
“I'm doing,” I blurt, offended that everyone else in this goddamned room knows more about her life than I do. Granted, they're all family. But I love the girl. I should know whatever he's hinting at and it makes me feel like utter shit that I'm in the dark here. “I'm doing.” I say again, firmly this time.
I feel like shit tonight. A relationship with the girl I'm in love with shouldn't be this hard. This is why I'm saying that she's too good for me. Any other man and her life would be peaches and fucking cream. They wouldn't be fighting it this much and they wouldn't make some other man feel like this. Like he's the scum of the earth for falling in love with someone so amazing.
“You got girls comin' into the shop all the time, Chase,” Brandt mumbles and I snap back.
“To get fuckin' tattooed! It's not an orgy in there!” I huff and stand up, pacing the room. “You two think I'm not good enough for her? News fucking flash! I'm not! But that doesn't matter when you love someone. She's good for me. And I know I'm good for her.”
“You don't fuckin' love her! You fucking loved Bo's wife before you left for Vegas!” Tyler shouts. “I know that 'cause someone Brandt doesn't even know told me! Get what I'm saying? Everyone in this town knows about you, Chase. Give it a rest, man. Leave my sister alone.”
“Holy fuck, you believe everything you hear?” I bark. “I was a tool, yes. I thought I wanted Kinlee, sure. But looking back, I just wanted something real. With someone. And she was as close as I fuckin' got to real.” I run my hands through my hair. “This town's smaller than the apartment complex I lived in in Vegas, people fucking gossip all the goddamned time. That counts for nothing, Tyler.”
Garrison looks at all three of us. “I'm going to go out there and enjoy my dessert. None of you are invited until this bullshit is figured out. And amends are made.” He walks to the door and slams it closed behind him.
“Fucking hell, this is stupid!” Tyler whines.
“All you gotta do is leave her. And this whole thing will be better.” Brandt mumbles, crossing the room and sitting on the sofa.
“I'm not leaving her,” I growl.
“Does she even love you?” he asks pointedly.
I nod a few times. “I think so.” I fucking hate that I don't know for sure.
“You think so?” Tyler laughs. “You don't know my sister, man. You're so stupid. If you went out there right now and told her you were breaking up with her, she'd say 'everything happens for a reason',” he mocks a female tone, rolling his eyes but his words send a knife through my heart. I'm not stupid. I've seen her constant positivity. “She's a ditz. She's a happy go lucky bimbo. Our fucking sister killed herself because she hated life and Kaydence doesn't want to end up like that so she keeps her head in the clouds, man! You don't know my sister! She doesn't love you. She loves everything!”
Holy fuck. My eyebrows dip and I shake my head. Her sister killed herself?
“That's how she died?” I whisper. Holy fuck. Things are starting to click into place that I never put too much trouble into figuring out before...but he's starting to make fucking sense and it makes me want to hurl. She's never had a bad thing to say about anyone. She doesn't get bothered by much. How many times have I raged over something for her just because she doesn't do it herself? Holy fuck. “Kaydence never told me.” My gut turns and I try to blink away the terror that he's right. He can't be right. She loves me.
Right?
“Yeah, you ain't even privy to our family secrets 'cause she don't love you. You're just filling her time until you dump her. That's all she knows. Guys take her time then dump her and she moves the fuck on. It'll be the same with you. No one can put up with her push over happy ass that long. Eventually they all dump her. You're not the first, you won't be the last.” He's trash talking his sister like she's not a fucking human being.
“Shut up,” I growl. “Just...fuck, stop talking.” I sit back in the chair and throw my head into my hands, trying to process this.
I fucking fell in love with the girl she is. I wouldn't dump her for it! Right? But if she doesn't love me I can't stay with her. What's the point? What the hell am I even fucking doing here?
“He's right, Chase.” Brandt says. “She ain't got much of feelings inside of her other than 'hey look, that pony over there's pretty.'“ He shrugs. “She's sweet. But she's not the type of girl you'd be able to stand for a long-term relationship. You're gonna get tired of her real quick.”
“I said shut up!” I growl, shaking my head while they insult their family. “That's not us, guys. She's not the girl you're telling me about. That's not her.” My mind flashes to the pills in her purse. To the panicked look on her face when her mom kept talking about them.
What the hell's she hiding from me?
“Where's my dad, Chase?” Tyler asks, crossing his arms over his chest.
“He passed away. I know that, you shit,” I snarl.
“How?” he challenges and I rack my brain, trying to remember what Kaydence told me. If Kaydence told me.
“Cancer?” I mutter, rubbing my face. “Fuck, Tyler. I don't know.”
Brandt's jaw is clenched as he sits in silence taking in my complete destruction, apparently.
“Cancer,” he snorts, shaking his head. “She hasn't even told you anything important that's molded her into who she is. He killed himself too. When we were little kids. Depression made him kill himself. Just like my sister. My mom lost her shit and started drugging us with depression meds but we finally stopped taking them when we were old enough to realize we didn't have to. When we were old enough to fuckin' know they weren't helping anything! You don't even know anything about her or us, but you're in love. You're you, Chase. My sister's a piece of ass to you, and a steady one. You're not in love, you just want some steady ass for awhile,” he hisses at me.
“That's not fucking true!” I stand and storm over to him. My heart's hammering out of my chest, because he's getting to me and I fucking hate it. The pills. She's still taking those fucking pills and he doesn't know. The fact that she's keeping that from him is the thread still keeping me together right now. “She's so much more to me than anything you'll ever understand.” I blink a few times, wanting nothing more than to even out those black eyes. “Than either of you assholes will understand. I've never fought for a girl like this. Five years ago, I fucking wouldn't have thought twice about leaving this drama behind. But I can't do that.” I curse and start to pace the room. “I can't let her fucking go.”
“You don't fuckin' get it. She's not in love with you. She would have told you this shit. She wouldn't be hiding this shit from you. And she wouldn't fight for you. She doesn't fight for anything and she's more than happy just walking away from the drama. What's the point if she's not actually feeling the same way you are? You're wasting your time.” Brandt's words crush me. Because as much as I'm feeling for this girl...he's got a fucking point.
“She has to feel it. She has to be,” I mumble the excuse, not even sure if I believe it myself. “I... Fuck!” I start to pace again, then kick the chair. “Fuck!”
“But you're in love,” Tyler snickers with a shake of his head. “Man, normally I don't have to step in like this when it comes to my sister. People weed themselves out. You're a cool guy, Chase. I'd like you if you weren't one of my sister's fuck boys. But that's all you are, and not even entirely by your choice. You just are. You won't be anything else to her. Hell, I don't even think she's capable of having anything serious. I know when I'm in love with a girl, I tell her my secrets because...that's just what you do, man. Get the hint.”
“Fuck, Tyler! You're talking about your own sister like she's fucking stupid! That's the girl I love. Yes, I fucking love her still, and nothing you say is going to make me love her less. You can't fucking stop love.” I groan and curse then glare at him. “You can't stop yourself, can you? Putting her down? Has it been this way your whole life? You get off on breaking your sister down and keeping her under your fucking thumb? Moving her here, to live with you? So you can hold that power over her still? Just because she hasn't told me yet doesn't mean she doesn't love me. She's fucking capable of more. I fucking know she's capable of more.” I can't stop pacing. “I need to fucking get out of this room.”
“I'm starving for dessert,” Brandt mumbles, watching me. “Chase, look. I never hated you like you probably think. I used to think you were a cool guy. Hell we used to be decent friends. But I'm fiercely protective of that girl out there. I wanna give you the chance, but your track record sucks, man.”
“I don't hate you for fucking my sister then trying to ghost her,” I blurt and Tyler lets out a laugh. I glance at him, then back at Brandt. “We're grown fucking adults. I can see him having an issue with it, even though it's fucking stupid,” I say, waving to Tyler. “But you? Sometimes I think you just have it out for me, for no reason other than I intimidate you.”
“She intimidates you. That's why you're sticking around. Once you crack her, and figure out there really is nothing more than those smiles and ponies, you're going to dump her.”
“No. I fucking won't,” I growl. “That's not what this is.”
He stands. “Look, nothing I say is going to make this any better. Do I believe you love her? Sure, I believe you think you love her. I'm not sure I fully believe you're capable of that but time will tell. I think Tyler's right, unfortunately. I'm not sure she's ready to give any more than sunshine and rainbows. But I'll let you dig your own grave. If anyone's getting hurt over this, I may just think it's going to be you. I'm leaving this room. Because I need dessert. I'll tell them me and you figured shit out. I'll tell them you two are still working on things.” He nods at me. “And I'm sorry it all had to come to this. But you're better off knowing.” He shrugs, leaving the room and it's just me and Tyler.
An hour ago I'd have punched the kid in the face the minute I got the chance. Now? Now I don't know which way is up.
“Tyler, I'm... I have to get out of here,” I blurt.
He just stares at me with his hands in the pockets of his jeans, nothing else to say, so I walk out of the room from the door opposite the dining room and head straight for the front door. I need out of this house. I need fresh air. I need my girl, but right now I need to calm the fuck down before I face her.
The air is unusually crisp and the minute I make it outside my phone starts going crazy in my pocket, so I walk around the corner of the house and pull it out. It's a group text between the guys and I have a ton of shit to read through. I scroll to the top and lean back against the house, hoping this will give me the time I need to calm down.
Felder: Chase bro. You're not gonna like this.
Grant: For starters, we're assholes. But we needed to know.
Tommy: Dude is there something wrong with Kaydence?
Tommy: I mean, she's sweet. But she's SUPER sweet. She never has anything mean to say. About anyone.
Grant: We drilled her last night.....
Grant: Ha...
Felder: That's what she said
Tommy: Fuckers, back to the point. Chase we think she's not really as into you as you think.
I huff and slide to the ground, shoving my hand to my face and rubbing my eyes hard. This is the last thing I need right now. The last fucking thing. For my friends, who I thought were rooting for us, to be against us. Everyone's fucking against us.
Felder: I even fucking poured my beer on her to try to get a reaction out of her. She's fucking slow or something. Didn't mind seein her tits, but how do you not yell at someone for doing that? And sorry for pouring my beer on your girlfriend. It was all in the name of science.
Grant: AND! She's not jealous at ALL that Sarah was shoving her tits in your face. Fucking weird.
Tommy: We just don't want you...ya know. Confessing how much you're in love with this girl when she doesn't even care.
Felder: That fucking phrase. Everything happens for a reason. I fucking hate that phrase! But she said it like six times last night!
Grant: Oh! And when we talked about you breaking up with her? No emotion. This girl has no backbone or something. Or she legit doesn't care about anything.
Felder: Maybe she's a druggy or something. She's loopy. A little crazy. I don't know.
I huff and set my phone down, ignoring the rest of the messages. There's a knot in my throat and I'm too pissed to see straight. My fucking friends are against us. Her family is against us. There are two people in this entire town that are okay with this, and I'm starting to wonder if one of those is even me anymore.
Tyler's right. She should've told me about her family. But worse yet, he's right about her demeanor. Her attitude. Each time I've seen this girl, there's always been that smile on her face. She's always seemed happy, but what if it is just the fucking pills? What if this whole time the girl I've fallen in love with isn't really who she is? And even worse, if he's right and they don't need them, why the fuck is she still taking them?
I shove my phone in my pocket after standing up. I need to talk to her. We can figure this out. I know she loves me, and I love her. I choose happiness. I fucking choose her!
“Kaydence,” I blurt, storming into the dining room where she's still sitting at the table with Jo, Donna, and her mom. They all three look up at me and I hold my hand out. “Come on. We're going home.”
She gets out of her chair and hugs Donna first, before the other two. “Thank you for dinner. It was amazing. Mom, I'll talk to you tomorrow,” she quickly says before walking toward me and taking my hand. “You okay?”
“I'm fine,” I huff, starting a march toward her house that she almost has to jog to keep up with.
I don't want to fight with her. I don't want to bring this shit up. But those guys got in my fucking head. And then the texts from my boys backing all this shit up and I just need to know she's okay. I need to know she's not just walking around, addicted to fucking Prozac. If she really needs it is one thing I'm totally fine with, but having that unnecessary need for it is a completely different thing.
“I didn't see Tyler again. Brandt said you all sorted your differences.” The happiness in her tone is always the same.
It's like a prerecording she's memorized, set in a certain tone to make you think it's real. And I don't fucking know if it is or not! She leans her head toward my shoulder and I sigh. It's not even anger I'm feeling. Not yet, at least. It's hurt. It's confusion.
“Yeah,” I mutter. “We had a good talk.” I see her porch light on and I can bet any amount of money that if Tyler never came back, he's in that fucking house.
We make it through the front door and I head straight for her bedroom.
“Are you staying over?” she asks, trying to keep up with me.
I stop when she walks in the room, then walk over and close the door behind her.
“Kaydence, what happened to your sister?” I shove my hands in my pockets and pray she'll tell me the truth.
“She passed away, Chase. I told you that. Do you want something to drink or anything?” she offers innocently.
I grit my teeth and give my head a quick shake. “How, Kaydence? How'd she die?” I take a deep breath in and let it out slowly. Please, just fucking open up to me.
“She was sick,” she mumbles and crosses the room, grabbing her phone from the dresser. “She was mentally sick. Hey, look, I made it fit.” She grins and holds up her phone, showing me the phone case she couldn't get on yesterday.
And there's that damn knot again.
“Kaydence, stop,” I bark. “How did your sister die? Why aren't you telling me? What about your dad? What happened to him?” I snap, yelling probably too loudly but the pain searing through me that she's not opening up to me just solidifies what Tyler said. She doesn't love me.
“Chase, what's wrong?” Crossing over to me, she reaches out but I pull back. “What's wrong with you, babe? Why are you asking me this stuff?” She shakes her head like she's confused and I'm the strange one.
I let out a strangled chuckle and look around her room, feeling like a fucking bull in a tiny goddamned pen. I need to get a reaction out of her. I need to prove them wrong that she's capable of more. I fucking know she is! She looks at me with love in her eyes. She looks at me differently than she does everything else in the world. I fucking know it!
I have to try, and I'm going to hate myself in the morning but I have to get a rise out of her and prove to myself and everyone else in the family that she fucking loves me. I take a deep breath and press my palms to my eyes, letting out a groan.
“Hey, Kaydence, I hired Sarah at the shop. She's the new front desk girl,” I lie, needing to hear the precise, perfected response. Fuck, I hope it doesn't come. I hope there's jealousy or something negative to say about that bitch.
“That's great! It'll take some of the load off you then, right? I hope she's helpful.”
Mother of God.
“Hey, what's this?” I blurt, reaching out and grabbing a photo that looks like Kaydence and another girl, probably her sister from the looks of it. “Oh shit,” I say, letting it slip out of my fingers and dropping it to the floor, letting the frame shatter. “Sorry.” I shrug, waiting for her to react. Do something. Anything.
“It's okay.” She rushes to the mess and starts to clean it up. “It was an accident. I gotta...I'll clean this up.” She fishes the picture out of the broken glass.
Snatching the picture from her hand, I study it a minute. “This your sister?” My heart squeezes in my chest, noticing the similarities between the girls. I glance at her, still cleaning up the mess with that goddamned smile on her face...then I tear it in two so slowly my heart shatters. Fuck, fuck, fuck what am I doing? “Oops.”
Her head jerks to look up at me while she crouches on the ground and she blinks a few times, her eyes locked on the ripped paper in my hand, but that fucking smile is gone. Finally. Fucking react! Do something! Rage! Cry! Hate me for ruining that memory!
“Was that important?” I push, silently begging her to go ape shit that I've just walked in here and started ruining her world.
“I have more,” she whispers and gently takes the shreds from my hand. “Are you feeling okay? You want to lie down? Maybe you're tired.” She goes back to cleaning up the glass.
“Holy fuck, Kay!” I bark, laughing. “Do you fucking care about anything?” I scream. “I'm...I'm over here head over heels in love with you! Did you know that?! I love you, Kaydence! And I'm going crazy over here because you're just Miss Happy-Fucking-Go-Lucky without a care in the world! Sure, Sarah, fuck my boyfriend. I don't care because I don't love him! It's all going to happen for a fucking reason! Right? Am I fucking right?” I curse and pace the small area next to her bed. “Kaydence, you... Why won't you let me in?”
“Is that what this is about? You're upset I don't want to share the ugly parts of my life with you?” She shakes her head in confusion. “Chase, I'm going to assume you know what happened to my dad and sister and now you're upset I don't want to share that sadness? Happiness is a choice and I choose to be happy. Is there something so wrong with that?”
“You're...” I laugh harshly. “You're choosing to be happy?” I storm over to her purse and flip it open, digging through it and finding exactly what I was looking for. “This isn't you choosing to be happy, Kay!” I shake the pill bottle at her. “Do you even need this shit?!” I shriek and glance at the label. “Martha Kenshaw. Is that your fucking name? No! No, it's not! And do you know why this bottle doesn't have your name on it? Have you figured it out yet?” I start to pace again. “Kaydence, it's because no doctor in their right mind would prescribe a healthy girl this strong a prescription of fucking Prozac. No one!” I bark. “I fucking looked it up! This isn't doing shit for you!”
“Let's calm down.” She takes the bottle from my hand. “We can get in bed and relax. I'll rub your hair and tell you what happened at one of my lessons yesterday.” She chuckles. “I almost fell off Surge.” The pill bottle shakes as she turns down the bed.
“Are you even hearing anything I'm saying to you right now? You have got to be fucking kidding me.” I shake my head. She doesn't fucking care. At all. “Kay, I'm leaving.”
“You want to go back to your apartment?” She looks at me then a smile spreads across her face. “We won't have to be quiet.”
“Oh my god,” I mutter. “Kaydence. Listen to me.” I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself. “Your mom is drugging you. Because she likes that power over you and because you don't fight back. Your brother? He's fucking running your life and loves it, because you never push back for anything. Those students of yours? They probably love you because you let them do whatever the fuck they want. And you never push back. Sarah?” I chuckle. “Sarah's a fucking bitch that deserved to be slapped. And I woulda loved to watch you do it. Or at least fucking stand up to her! But fuck, Kay.” I huff. “I guess if you have no emotions inside you, it's hard to stand up for anything, huh?” I walk over to her and yank the pill bottle from her hands. “If I broke up with you, what would you do?” My heart's hammering in my chest and I want to vomit. I'm doing exactly what I told myself I wasn't going to do. I'm trying to crush her, just to get some type of reaction out of her. She's not smiling anymore, but she's not responding either. “Say something!” I bark. “If I leave you, what happens?”
And then the words I was praying I'd never hear her say come flowing from those beautiful lips. “Then that's what was supposed to happen, Chase. Everything happens for a reason.” At least she's not her bubbly self when she says it, but she still fucking said it.
She eyes the pill bottle in my hand then her eyes fly back to mine and I huff.
“You know what,” I blurt, swinging her door open and storming toward the bathroom. “Fuck it.”
“Chase.” She follows after me, grabbing my arm but I keep going. “Baby, come back to the bedroom.”
“These fuckers are the entire reason you live your life the way you do. And you don't even fucking need them.” I snarl, feeling like I've lost my fucking mind. Lifting the lid to the toilet, I lock eyes with her and pop the lid off the top of the pill bottle. “Tell me you don't need them, Kaydence,” I whisper.
She looks from the bottle to my eyes. “Chase, don't play around please. Give me my meds.” She holds her hand out.
“Tell me you know you don't need these, Kaydence!” I shake the bottle. “This isn't your name on here! You've been to the doctor how many times?! Does your doctor even know you take these?!” I shake the bottle a little more and she jumps a bit, stopping herself.
“If I didn't need them, my mom wouldn't give them to me. It runs in the family. It's okay though. It's perfectly okay. I'm okay. That's why I take them.” She smiles like she's trying to calm me down. “It's okay.”
“It's not okay though.” I shake my head, my grip on the bottle loosening the slightest. “Kaydence, if you for real needed these. If this was your name on this bottle. If your mom didn't force-feed these to you and your brother after everything that happened...maybe. Just maybe I'd believe you. There's nothing wrong with needing medical help...when it's needed. But you don't need it. This?” I glance at the bottle. “This shit's probably expired. This isn't prescribed to you, Kay. Tell me you understand this,” I plead.
“Chase.” She stares at the pill bottle I'm holding over the toilet. “Don't.”
I whisper, “I'm sorry,” the minute my hand lets go of the bottle.
The look on her face is crushing, knowing I put it there. But she's gotta react to that. She's gotta fight for something.
“You're insane!” she shrieks and the tone is finally one I've never heard and I'm only slightly relieved.
“I may be! But so are you!” I run my hands through my hair and realize the only thing this girl is fighting for tonight is those fucking pills. “Kay, we're done. I can't keep doing this with a girl that has no feelings for me.” I chuckle harshly. “Holy fuck.”
“Chase, I love you,” she says, her voice back to that calm tone but her eyes are on the pills in the toilet so I lean over and flush it and her gasp shatters my heart.
“You love the way the pills make you feel. You don't really love me. I'm not certain if you're even capable of those types of feelings. We're done, Kaydence. I can't keep breaking my heart over a girl that doesn't care.”
I storm past her and don't stop until I'm at my truck back at the Kenshaws'. Not once do I hear her call for me. Because she didn't follow me out. She's not fighting for me. Because she only loves one thing in this world, and I just flushed it down the toilet.
I don't know what I just did. I think I just ruined the best thing that ever happened to me, but everything happens for a reason.