HE WASN’T KIDDING. IT was the best burger I had ever tasted. I groaned after my second mouthful. Juice from the meat, bacon, and cheese ran down my chin. I grabbed a napkin to swipe my chin and cover my mouth in an attempt to hide the indelicate display.
Shaw watched me, his eyes intent on my face, and I worried that I was making a pig of myself in front of him and probably turning him off. And then I reminded myself that that wouldn’t be a bad thing. Putting Shaw firmly in the friend zone would be a good thing.
Okay. So the idea was kind of crazy given that last night he had given me a mind-blowing orgasm. He would have given me two if he hadn’t decided to punish me and leave me hanging right on the precipice of number two. I would never be able to relegate him to friend. But then it didn’t matter how I viewed him. It was how he viewed me.
“I can’t tell you how impressed I am that you went for the Death Burger.”
I took a sip of my Coke.
“You’re not one of those girls who orders a salad in a burger place.”
I rolled my eyes. “I never let a guy’s presence dictate what food I eat.”
I looked around the diner as I dipped a French fry in ketchup. The place was definitely a dive with its peeling floor tiles and cracked picture of Elvis behind the cash register. “I’ve never been here before.”
“Not surprised. Ask Pepper. I bet Reece has brought her here. We used to eat here a lot in high school.”
He sat with one arm stretched along the back of the booth, his long-sleeved shirt stretched temptingly across his broad chest. The cut of his muscled pecs was visible beneath the fabric and my mouth dried a little. I looked up at his face, trying to avoid the sexy distraction of his body, but that only presented another distraction. His face. His eyes. He watched me so intently it was unnerving. I looked away and surveyed the room, noticing there were a few bikers sitting at a booth in the corner. It reminded me of the first night I’d met him.
“Gone to Maisie’s lately?”
“Why? Want to go back?” He grinned.
I shook my head.
“I’ve been there once since then . . . it’s a good way to mingle with prospective clients. If I open my own garage, it helps if I’m a familiar face among them.”
I was right then. He went to Maisie’s to further himself career wise. “So you want to open a bike shop?”
“Yeah. Custom bikes. My grandfather got me into them. It’s something we did together. I’m already doing all the bike work at the garage where I work now.”
“I’d like to see some of your bikes.” The words slipped out before I could stop them.
There was a pause before he said, “I’d like to show you.”
I quickly looked down at my basket of food, concentrating on dipping another fry into ketchup. What was I doing making arrangements with him to see him again? I took another bite from my burger. The quicker I ate, the quicker this pseudo-date was over and I could get back to my room. Minus him.
“Pepper says you have a bunch of artwork in the studio on campus.” My eyes snapped back to him. Just how much had Pepper told him about me? “I’d like to see more of your work.”
I shook my head, struggling to swallow my food. My eyes teared up a bit as I swallowed a particularly spicy pepper in that bite. “I don’t really show my stuff to anyone.” Well, other than what I put up on my walls. Just the idea of him seeing the one I did of him made me shudder.
Of course my work would go on display at the winter showcase coming up. Not that I was mentioning that to him. The showcase was for a grade. I had to participate. But I didn’t have to choose to display Shaw’s picture.
“How can you be an artist if you never let anyone see your work?”
“I told you. I’m probably getting a real job after college.” I used air quotes around “real.” “There’re a couple of design firms—”
“Lame.” He took a drink, watching me over the rim.
My mouth sagged for a moment before I recovered my voice. “Excuse me?”
“I said that’s lame.” He set his glass down on the Formica tabletop with a click. “It’s one thing to try to make it and not get anywhere, so you take a job behind some desk, out of necessity . . . but you haven’t even given it a shot. You’re not going to even give yourself a chance.”
“You don’t know anything about me,” I bit out, his words seeping uncomfortably inside me.
“Well, tell me then. Explain how I’m wrong. Explain how not even giving your dream a shot is for the best?”
I stared at him, words strangling inside me. How could I tell him it was too hard? That putting myself out there like that, exposing myself in such a personal and intimate way . . . I just wasn’t comfortable doing that. Not now. Not ever. I couldn’t.
“I’m full.” I tossed my napkin on the table. “Take me home now please.” I dug around in my bag for my wallet.
“Put your wallet away. I got it.”
“No. This isn’t a date.” I dropped a twenty-dollar bill on the table and scooted out from the booth. Without waiting, I strode out of the restaurant. He caught up with me quickly outside, his jaw clamped tight, so that I knew he was angry. He didn’t touch me, just moved ahead of me to open my door. Again, like this was a date. I compressed my lips and uttered nothing. It was almost over. Next time I wouldn’t let him persuade me to go out with him. It was sending the wrong message. Not just to him, but to my brain, too.
We sat in silence on the way back to my dorm. I slid him a glance. His jaw was still locked tightly. He was mad. Good. So was I. Arms crossed, I stared straight ahead again. “You were the one who twisted my arm into going out to dinner.”
Why I felt compelled to remind him of this, I didn’t know. Maybe I felt a little guilty for tossing that money down and storming from the diner. If this had been a date, it was ending badly. My chest felt hollow inside and I sucked in a deep breath as though I could fill every little empty corner. I was such a liar. The idea of never seeing him again made me feel like crap. Why was this happening to me? I slid another glance his way, wondering if I shouldn’t just give in, surrender, and see where this could go. Just scratch the itch.
“That’s right.” He nodded as he turned on the street that cut in front of my dorm. “I’m such an asshole for trying to buy you dinner.”
“I didn’t say that,” I whispered, my eyes suddenly burning.
“I wanted to take you out. You didn’t really want to go. I get it. You made that clear from the start. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Then why did I feel like I had?
He pulled into my dorm parking lot and parked in an empty space. Killing the engine, he climbed out of the vehicle. I watched him through the windshield as he stalked around to my door and pulled it open for me.
He walked me to the front of my building, keeping pace beside me. At the front door, he stopped and waited for me to open the door. I faced him. “Thanks—”
“Nu-uh.” He shook his head. “I’m taking you to your door.”
A quick glance at his face told me that this wasn’t open for discussion. Almost meekly, I led him inside. Tension swirled between us as we rode the elevator to my floor.
Thankfully, my hall was empty as he walked me to my door. I didn’t need anyone glancing at his brooding expression and wondering if I wasn’t being escorted by a serial killer.
I stopped at my door. “Good night.” And I might as well have said good-bye because that’s what this felt like. I’d done what I set out to do and pushed him away. I should be patting myself on the back.
He didn’t move away. Just stared. Looked down at me with an unreadable expression. His eyes roamed over me. He wasn’t touching me but it felt like he was. All over I felt him. My breath slipped in shallow spurts from my mouth.
“You know what the most frustrating thing about you is?”
I moistened my lips, and even though I told myself to say nothing, to not ask, I did. “What?”
“You don’t know what you want.”
That wasn’t true. I knew what I wanted. I wanted him. I could admit that much to myself. I just wasn’t going to let myself have him.
He continued. “I could walk away if I really believed there wasn’t anything between us.” It was like he was saying this more to himself than me. He lifted a hand to touch my face, but he stopped, his hand in midair, inches from my cheek. He lowered his head until our foreheads touched. “If you didn’t look at me the way you’re looking at me now, I could just go.” His breath brushed over my lips and I couldn’t help myself. I came up on my tiptoes and pressed my mouth to his, a betrayal to myself, but I couldn’t help it.
It was like a wire snapped. His hands slid around my back and hauled me close. My head rolled back against the door, my throat arching beneath the onslaught of his lips on mine. Hot and devouring. His tongue parried with mine, stroked and tasted. My hands flattened against his chest, fingers digging into the solidness of his flesh, hating the fabric separating my skin from his.
So much for convincing him that I didn’t want him.
In that moment, I didn’t care. I couldn’t care. There was only craving. Only need. If I could crawl my way inside him, I would.
“Fuck, Emerson,” he mumbled against my mouth. “You taste so good.” His hand slid down my back to cup my butt and lift me against him. Instantly I felt him. His hardness prodded against my belly and my stomach clenched with need.
A loud throat clearing penetrated dimly. Shaw lifted his head and I had to stop myself from diving back for his mouth. It took me a moment to focus my gaze on Georgia, standing there looking amused.
She waved, her eyes going back and forth between me and Shaw. “Hi.”
“Oh, hey, Georgia.”
Shaw stepped back from me, putting much needed space between us. I tucked my hair behind my ear, my hand shaking.
“Hey,” she echoed.
I motioned with a still shaking hand toward Shaw. “This is Shaw. Shaw, my roommate, Georgia.”
They shook hands. “Pleasure to meet you, Shaw.” Georgia’s smile was blinding, and I knew she was enjoying my discomfort a bit too much.
She motioned to the door. “Sorry to interrupt. I just needed to get something from my room, so if you two—”
“No worries,” I said quickly. “Shaw was just dropping me off.”
“Oh. Great.” Her voice didn’t sound like she thought it was great though. In fact, she looked a little disappointed. Like she regretted interrupting us if it meant our making out was coming to an end.
Shaw looked at me steadily, and I knew if Georgia wasn’t here he would definitely be saying something more. Or, actually, maybe nothing at all. We’d probably still be lip locked.
I forced myself to meet his too perceptive brown eyes. “Thanks again.”
He nodded. “Good night.” His gaze skipped to Georgia. “Nice meeting you.”
“You, too.” Georgia’s bright smile was back in place. We stood rooted to the floor in front of our room as he headed down the hall and stepped onto the elevator.
“Wow,” Georgia murmured. “I thought I was going to have to get a fire extinguisher for you two.”
My cheeks burned as I turned and unlocked our door. Stepping inside I tossed my bag on my bed and fell down beside it.
“That’s Shaw? Forgot to mention just how beautiful he is.”
“Pepper and I said he was hot.”
“There’s hot and then there’s that.” She waved toward the door.
“Don’t you have a boyfriend?” I reminded her.
She shrugged. “That doesn’t mean I’m blind. But more important, you don’t have a boyfriend, so—”
“And I don’t want one.”
She sank down on her bed across from me. “So you and he are just—”
“Nothing,” I cut her off. “We’re nothing.” I rubbed the center of my forehead where a headache was forming.
“That looked like something to me. It looked kind of intense.”
I bit back the unkind reply that anything would look intense to her given that Harris was her barometer for passionate kisses. The guy seemed more inclined to kiss his image in the mirror than Georgia. I kept my opinion to myself. It wasn’t my place to judge. What did I know about relationships anyway?
Deciding to change the subject, I asked, “Are you heading to Harris’s tonight?”
“No. He’s studying.”
I frowned. “You said you just needed to get something from the room—”
“Well, yeah, I wanted to give you your space. I would have just grabbed some books and headed to the library or something. You were clearly in the middle of something, and I didn’t want to ruin it. Thought I’d give you two privacy.”
I smiled. “Thanks, but unnecessary. Remember? I don’t have guys stay over the night.”
“There’s always a first time, Em.”
I shook my head. “Nope.” Those were my rules, and I wouldn’t bend them.
Georgia rose and started to change. She kicked off her jeans and slipped a pair of comfy-looking pajama bottoms over her shapely runner’s legs. “So, you going to see Shaw again?” she asked as she slid a knit T-shirt over her head.
I shook my head. I didn’t plan on it, but then something told me I hadn’t seen the last of him. And that fired both excitement and panic through me. I really needed to get a grip.
Tugging off my boots, I rose and shrugged out of my jeans.
“You dropped some money.” Georgia pointed to the carpet.
Bending, I picked up a crumpled twenty, deducing that it had fallen from my pocket. Where I had not put it.
“Damn him,” I muttered.
“What?”
Just then my phone buzzed. I dug through my bag and read the screen.
Shaw: It was a date
With a growl, I flung the phone on the bed. The guy didn’t play fair. I was always in control.
Except around him.
“What?” Georgia repeated.
My eyes snapped to her as determination rushed through me. “No. No, I’m not going to see him again.”
Whatever it took, I had to get him out of my life.
My phone buzzed again. I glanced down, fully expecting another message from Shaw, but no.
Annie: You’re in
I frowned, confused. I typed back three question marks and waited, watching as she typed.
Annie: The kink club. I’m a member now. After tonight, honey . . . of course, I am
Me: Congrats
Really. What else could I say?
Annie: You’re my first guest, girl. You better bring your game
My fingers hovered over the keys, unsure how to respond. I didn’t especially want to hang out with Annie anymore. And the idea of the kink club might have sounded fun at first. But now . . . I wasn’t that intrigued.
“Who is it?” Georgia asked.
“Annie.”
“Ugh. Her.” Georgia whipped her long golden hair into a messy knot on her head. “Let me guess. She trying to get you to go out?”
I nodded. “Something like that. She got into that kink club.”
Georgia’s eyes widened. “Really?” Her lips quirked. “Not surprising, I guess.”
I nodded slowly, thinking. “She invited me to go with her next time.” I lifted one shoulder in a half shrug. “Whenever she goes again. She’ll get back to me with all the details.”
Georgia’s amused smile slipped. “You can’t.”
I sat up straighter on the bed. “Why not?”
“Well . . . Shaw . . .”
I bristled. Clearly I was doing something wrong if my own friend thought I was so involved with a guy that I couldn’t carry on as normal and go to a kink club. She wasn’t hearing me when I said there was nothing between us. Okay, and maybe going to a kink club wouldn’t exactly be my normal. It would be a first for me, but I had always been the kind of girl who would have embraced an opportunity like that. At least before.
“I’m going,” I declared with a shrug. “Why not?”
Georgia looked at me warily, disapproval lurking in her eyes. “I hope you know what you’re doing, Em.”
Of course I did. I was taking control of my life again.