It was nice to be back home visiting my family for the holidays. Every time I came back home, it was like I reverted into my teenage self.

I stopped doing my laundry and let my mom take care of it. My parents paid for all the food, and they cleaned up after me, they complained, but I think they secretly liked having me home to take care of again.

Earlier that day, my parents had asked me to go to mass with them, I reluctantly agreed. The only reason I’d agreed was because I knew it would make them happy. If it were up to me, I wouldn’t waste my time.

After I’d left for college, I’d stopped going to mass. It wasn’t that I stopped believing in God, it was just more like I stopped believing in going to church. I could talk to God anytime I wanted… I didn’t need a special building to connect with Him.

What I needed was time to catch up on my needed sleep. Hopefully, He’d understand.

I slipped into a black ruffled skirt with lace edging and pulled on a brand new white shirt. It was a little small, but it would have to do.

I sat down on the bed and pulled on my favorite boots. Hopefully, I wasn’t showing too much skin, but I’d seen people dressed in less at church.

“Livie, time to go. I hope you’re ready,” my mom sand out from downstairs.

“Coming,” I said, grabbing my sweater and stopping at the mirror to check my makeup. I smiled at myself. It looked perfect. Watching all those YouTube videos was making a difference.

I looked around the room. The walls were pink, and the room was decorated the same as when I’d left it. It would always feel like my room.

I turned out the light and ran down the stairs. At the bottom of the stairs my mom gave me a sideways look, but then apparently, she decided not to say anything about my outfit.

If it was a bit too much skin, at least it wasn’t bad enough that she didn’t feel the need to comment on it. Screw it. I looked good. Everyone would be at church to listen to the priest, not to worry about what I was wearing.

We drove to the church mostly in silence. I looked around at how much the small town had changed since the last time I had been there. The changes were small but they were noticeable, so they felt bigger than they actually were. Before college, I had spent every year of my life in this little town. I knew everything about it and most everyone in it.

The church looked exactly the same as it had years ago. Everything inside was the same except for the carpet, and it felt oddly familiar being there. It had the same dark wooden pews, same hymnals, and the same stained-glass windows.

I followed my parents down the middle aisle and into one of the front pews. Everyone slowly gathered and picked their seats glancing and waving to my parents or other familiar faces. Since it was a holiday mass, it was pretty full, but it wasn’t overly crowded. Everyone in town was probably there, but it was a very small town.

The organ started signaling that mass would begin soon, and after a few measures the choir of six people joined in with the music. I reverted to my teenaged self, pretending I wasn’t there, or that I didn’t want to be there. But really, I was secretly gawking and everyone and everything. Seeing who was there that I recognized and how much they had changed since the last time I saw them. They were probably doing the same about me.

After what felt like forever, the priest made his way down the aisle and made his way to the front of the church. He stopped in front of his wooden chair and waited for the music to stop. He looked over his flock with a small smile on his face. His gaze paused on me for a moment. I blinked. Did I know him? He looked familiar.

“Who is that?” I whispered to my mom.

“That’s Heath. Remember Heath? Now hush!” she said flapping her hand at me which was way more noticeable than my whisper.

I couldn’t stop the smile that spread across my face. Heath had been my childhood crush. He was my older brother’s best friend back in high school and had frequently been at my house. When he and my brother hadn't been at school, they were hanging around in my brother’s bedroom.

I had held that damn secret crush inside for my whole life. Never once had I told him or any of my friends.

He was six or seven years older than I was but at the time it didn’t seem like the difference was that much. Hell, looking at him right now it didn’t seem that much still. I couldn’t believe how good he looked.

When had he become a priest? It was almost shocking to see him in the long, heavy-weight robe.

I could still remember hearing him swearing like a sailor and talking vulgar with my brother when they thought no one was listening. I could remember him telling my brother about the first time he kissed a girl, and the first time he felt a breast. At the time I remember covering my ears not sure if I wanted to hear him, but then I’d remove my hands just slightly so I could hear him talk in detail about where he’d stuck his finger.

And if I thought he was hot back then, he was off the charts now. Even standing up there in his robes and holding that bible he was absolutely gorgeous. He was obviously in shape, and he was tall, taller than I remember. Heath was all grown up. He was a man. And sexy as hell. Too bad he had become a priest.

Our eyes locked for a second and he grinned at me. He recognized me probably only because I was with my parents. I likely had changed quite a bit since he last saw me. I smiled back and gave a tiny wave as my mom nudged me. If my thoughts about how hot he was continued, I’d have to go to confession for having impure thoughts about a priest. That had to be a sin. I giggled at the thought.

“Knock it off!” my mom scolded as her eyebrows almost touched in the middle.

“Sorry,” I whispered, wiping the smile off of my face.

I followed along with the mass as if I was trying to impress Heath, but really, I hadn’t heard a word of any of it. I remembered all the standing, sitting, kneeling, and the prayers by heart. I swear it was the first Homily I’d ever actually tried to listen to in my whole life.

When it was time for communion, I walked behind my mom to the front of the church. I felt nervous as I approached him. It felt like my hands were starting to shake, but it was too late to turn back. My mom had stepped to the side, and it was my turn.

“Body of Christ,” he said unable to hold back his smile as he lifted the communion up between us.

“Amen,” I said putting my hands out. Heath put the communion wafer in my hand and watched me as I opened my mouth and slipped the bread onto my tongue. His smile faded, and I swear the air between us changed. I walked back to my pew wondering if anyone else had felt the difference, but no one else seemed to have noticed.

After mass, I walked towards the back of the church with my parents. Heath was standing there shaking hands and putting his hand lightly on shoulders of his parishioners as they told him what a good job he’d done. How much they appreciated everything he does for the community. Definitely not having the thoughts I was having.

My parents saw him every weekend when they went to church, so they waved and kept walking towards the car. I glanced his way before catching up to my parents, maybe for one last look, after all, I didn’t know when I’d see him again. Heath raised his hand at me and excused himself from the elderly couple he was talking to.

“Livie? Wow, is that really you? All grown up?” he said smiling and laughing. He put his hands on my shoulders and looked me over as if he almost didn’t believe it was me. He was even hotter close-up. His smile. And oh God, those lips.

“The one and only,” I said, “and it’s Liv now.”

“All right, Liv. I can’t believe how great you look. I mean, you look well. How are things going?”

“Thank you. I’m visiting my parents from college. Just back for the holiday’s and they begged me to come to church with them,” I said forcing myself not to get lost in his gorgeous eyes. Then I realized he probably didn’t want to hear I had been practically forced into going to church, “Oh sorry, I didn’t mean it to sound like they dragged me here kicking and screaming. I like church.” I wanted to slap myself with how stupid that sounded.

He smiled. “That’s right I heard you were in college now. Say, it would really be great if you could stay awhile so we could catch up. I’d love to hear how things are going. I’ll only be a minute or two longer,” he said with wide, bright eyes. The smile he unleashed was almost enough to melt me into a pool of whatever he wanted me to be at his feet.

I had to stop thinking about how hot he was. My thoughts were distracting me, and it wasn’t like it mattered. There wasn’t anything I could do about it.

Heath was a priest now. If that didn’t solidify the of my crush once for all, what would?

Heath wasn’t just my older brother’s best friend anymore. He was a priest. And priests had rules. Strict, unbreakable rules.

“Yeah, that would be nice. I don’t think my parents would mind. Let me just tell them where I’ll be.”

“Great! Wait for me by the church doors I promise it won’t take long. Everyone’s in a hurry to get home to get on with their evenings anyway. Football season and all,” he said with a wink.

“OK,” I said, and my heart fluttered. I forced myself to walk to my parents instead of skipping which was what I felt like doing.

“Everything all right?” my mom asked, but I knew she was just being nosy. She knew everything was fine.

“Yeah, I’m going to hang out here with Heath for a bit. I won’t be long.”

My mom clicked her tongue at me teasingly but waved as she walked away with my dad holding onto his arm as they went to find the car. I wasn’t exactly sure how I’d get home, but it wasn’t that far, I could always walk if I had to. Priests didn’t drive, did they? I had no idea.