Nicholas

 

 

I stop breathing when I see the look in her eye. It's pain. Clear and honest pain caused by me. I'm so fucking pissed at myself for doing what I did to her.

"I talked to my friend, Cadence, the other day about forgiveness."

Forgive my sins, Sophia. Please fucking forgive me.

"Did it help you?" I hold my breath after I ask. I pray to God her friend isn't one of those women who hold a man's transgressions against him until his heart stops beating. If I have to walk this earth for the next sixty years knowing Sophia is out there somewhere and not by my side, I'll be dead inside.

"Talking to her always helps me." She manages a small smile. "She's very logical."

"What did she say about forgiveness?"

Her grip tightens on the wine glass. "She said that I'd forgiven you weeks ago. She's right."

"You did?" I ask hoarsely.

"If I saw some of my designs on a runway at fashion week, I'd lose it." Her voice is even and measured. "I'd think twice before blaming my lover for it, but maybe that's just me."

"You're more than my lover," I subtly correct her. "What we have is more than just that."

"We have nothing if you don't trust me."

My stomach drops. She's right. A relationship can't survive without trust. "I trust you. I trust you more than anyone else in my life."

"Do you trust me enough to talk to me about what you're feeling?" Her pale blue eyes search my face. "You can't lash out at me like that again, Nicholas. If you do, I don't think I can forgive you a second time."

"I wouldn't want you to forgive me again." I take a deep breath. "I won't hurt you, Sophia. If you give me another chance, I'll get it right. I won't fuck it up."

"You hurt me so much." She pinches the bridge of her nose. "I promised myself I wouldn't cry about this. I haven't yet, but I'm so mad at you for what you did to me."

"You should be fucking pissed." I reach across the table for her hand, but I stop myself. "I need to know how I made you feel. I want to hear it all. I want you to cry. I need you to scream at me if that helps and I want you to remind me how fucking fortunate I am to know you every single day."

"I may need to talk about this in a week, or two or maybe a year from now."

A year from now? Her eye is on the future.

"Whenever you feel the need to talk about it, you tell me. I'll drop whatever I'm doing and I'll be there for you."

She takes another sip of the wine, her nose scrunching slightly as she swallows. "I'm not promising you forever. We take this slow and see where it goes."

"I'll take it however you want." I pause. "I want to be with you. You set the rules. I'll follow your lead. Whatever you need from me is yours."

"Trust." She reaches for my hand and links our fingers together. "If you don't trust me, we have nothing to build on."

I look down at our hands. "You’ve got that and more."

 

***

 

"Can I see you again this week?" I ask her as we stand on the sidewalk outside Bartlett's Bar. It's still early. It's nearing nine o'clock and if I had my way, I'd take Sophia home with me, but it's too soon for that.

Her mouth twists wryly. "Back here or somewhere else?"

"You want one of Shirley's ham sandwiches, don't you?" I ask dryly. "I've had one, Sophia. I'm telling you now to steer clear of that shit."

Her thumb jerks back in the direction of the door. "Shirley's heart would break in two if she heard you talking like that."

"You're right," I acquiesce with a push of my glasses up my nose. "I'm right too. You can't eat one of those sandwiches. I won't let you."

"You won't let me?" She challenges me with a quirk of her right brow. "Is that a dare?"

"No, it's a public service. I'm pretty sure I got food poisoning the last time I had one."

She sighs dramatically. "It couldn't have been all that bad. You look fine to me."

"I look fine to you?" I emphasize the word 'fine.' "You think I'm hot, don't you?"

"You're all right." Her gaze drifts down the street at the oncoming traffic. "I can see you on Thursday night if that works for you."

Any fucking minute of any day works for me. "I'm free."

"What do you want to do?"

Fuck you until you're raw. Listen to you play the piano. Love you.

I don't say any of those things aloud. "Tell me one thing you've always wanted to do in New York that you've never done."

Her eyes search mine as if she's looking for something there. "Do you promise you won't laugh when I tell you?"

I hold my hand in the air. "Scout's honor."

"You were never a boy scout, Nicholas."

"It doesn't matter. Tell me, Sophia. Let me give you an experience you've never had before."

She bites her lip to stall a smile. "I want to go for a ride on the Staten Island Ferry."

"Consider it done."