At the midnight hour, Tricia lay curled on her side in a fetal position. Freddie had brought her home, staying with her until she just forced him to leave. She hadn’t told him what happened, but he could see she was upset. Tricia knew he was afraid she’d have another seizure. In truth, she half expected to have one also, but she didn’t. The dread of waiting for something that didn’t happen almost made her ill. Even worse, the words Lance had shouted at her replayed in her memory over and over.

He hated her. She disgusted him.

Tricia wanted to die.

Why couldn’t she stop loving him?

 Sleep came slowly and when morning arrived, she dreaded facing the day. For so long, Lance had the focus of her thoughts and hopes. To have that dream shattered with one fatal blow left Tricia drifting aimlessly. None of it seemed real. Dragging herself from bed, she mechanically readied herself for the day. She had much to do, there were two local funerals and she had several dozen orders to process.

Work proved to be cathartic, Tricia found a rhythm and she followed it, turning out one floral tribute after another. She took a break around noon and called Bryn Harmon to introduce herself and follow up on Avery’s offer of employment. They agreed to meet and Bryn seemed excited about the prospect of working at the florist shop.

About the middle of the afternoon, she heard the back door open and knew Kristen had arrived. “I’m glad you’re here, girl. You have your work cut out for you.”

“Great!” Kristen seemed to always be in a good mood. “How are you feeling?”

“Oh, I’m good.” As she began to carry the arrangements to the van, Tricia stopped to help her. “Did you know I’ve never received flowers from a guy?”

Kristen was flabbergasted. “Seriously? How is that possible?”

Tricia shrugged. “I haven’t been on that many dates.” Two, if you counted the night she’d spent with Lance. “I guess now that I own a florist shop, I could send them to myself. I don’t really want to wait until I die, like this poor guy, to get them.” She picked up the card that accompanied a stand of mums. “Rooster McGruder. Isn’t that a strange name?”

“It is an unfortunate name,” Kristen agreed. “But he did get some nice flowers.” She continued to load the wreaths and potted plants, but just before finishing, she stopped and glanced at Tricia with an expectant smile. “Speaking of dates, Miss Yeager, I have one this weekend.”

“You do?” Tricia squealed with delight. “Who with?”

“Nathan McCoy.” She smiled as she blushed. “He’s so cute.”

“Oh, he is.” Tricia agreed. “Nathan is a very nice guy. So, where are you going?”

“Into Austin, to a movie and dinner.” Kristen grasped her heart. “I’m trying to decide what to wear.”

“Oh, you’ll be lovely in anything you choose.” Her mind began to weave a fantasy of her own. As Kristen drove off to make the delivery to the funeral home, Tricia imagined what it would be like if Lance called and asked her out to dinner. She pretended that none of the bad things between them ever happened. In her daydream, Lance kissed her awake the morning after they made love. When he left, he promised to call later in the day and when he did, he told her he would be by to take her out on the town, a real date.

Tricia closed the shop in a daze as her fantasy continued.

 

* * *

 “This is the life, I don’t think I could be happy doing anything else. Could you imagine sitting behind a desk all day and adding numbers on a calculator?” Denver kept his eye on the right flank of the large herd of Santa Gertrudis they were guiding down from the foothills into the green pasture land closer to the river.

“No, ranch work is all I know,” Lance muttered, guiding his horse to coax one rambunctious steer back into place.

“How long have you been with the McCoy’s?” Denver asked, pulling his hat down over his eyes to shade them from the afternoon sun.

“Too long.”

Lance’s answer surprised Denver. “No kidding? Can I have your job?”

“Unfortunately, no. The only way I’d want to leave Tebow is if I had a place of my own and that isn’t going to happen anytime soon.” The nest egg he’d spent years building had gone for Skye’s legal defense, not that he resented it, he would’ve given everything he owned to save his sister.

“I hear you.” Denver understood. “There’s a lot to be said for job security.”

Lance cut away to the right when he saw a mama cow take off after a wandering calf. Really, all he had to do was nudge his mount in the right direction. Once the experienced mare caught sight of the errant pair, she knew just what to do. All he had to do was hang on for the ride. This is what he needed, a day out of the ranch office, where he could feel the sun on his skin and the wind on his face.

“Hey, Boss, do you know a lot about how women think?”

Denver’s question struck Lance as funny. He threw back his head and laughed. “Oh, hell, no. They’re a damn mystery to me.” His inability to reconcile Tricia’s sweet nature with her secrets and lies was a prime example. “Having problems with Bryn?”

“No, not exactly.” Denver clicked his tongue to coax his horse to pick up the pace. “We had a good time on our date the other night, I thought. I took her out to dinner and over to the game arcade. When the evening was over, I tried to kiss her goodnight and she evaded me.”

“Evaded you, like a duck and weave?” Lance chuckled. “Maybe because you took a grown woman out to play kid games? She probably would rather kiss a man’s man.”

Denver shot him the finger. “She enjoys video games. It was her idea.” He frowned, deep in thought. “No, it’s something else. I just can’t put my finger on it. She seems to want to be around me, she just doesn’t want me to touch her.”

“Now, that could be a problem.” Lance sympathized with his employee. His thoughts flew to Tricia. She’d enjoyed his touch, or appeared to. He didn’t think she would fake something like that, but she sure had conned him about who she was. The woman never let on she was from a moneyed background. She’d never acted like she thought she was better than him.

“I like her, Lance. There’s just something about her. She’s real, no put on. You know what I mean?”

“Yea. I understand what you mean. Just be careful, Denver. Women are different than men.”

“Thank God for the difference!” Denver laughed.

“No, I mean they think differently. Most of their decisions are made on an emotional level, rather than logically.” He let out a harsh breath. “Just be careful. I would hate to see you get hurt. Take your time getting to know a girl, before you let your heart get away from you.”

“Have you been hurt, Boss?”

“Me?” Lance started not to answer truthfully. Maintaining his macho image in the sight of his men was important. Oh, hell, he was human. “Yea, I’ve been hurt. I was falling in love with someone and I found out she lied to me.”

“Tricia?”

“Does everybody know my business, Bolden?”

“Well, the ranch is big, but not that big.” Denver fidgeted in his saddle under Lance’s hard gaze. “People talk.”

“Well, this conversation is over. Let’s get these animals where they need to be.”

“Yes, sir.” Denver seemed properly chastised.

Over the next hour, they continued to move the hundred head of cattle across the rolling field. Lance’s mind hashed and rehashed his last meeting with Tricia. If the truth were known, he’d have to confess that the first sight of her in the restaurant had made his heart leap with joy. His body missed her. His soul missed her. He wished he could reconcile the knowledge in his head with the longing in his heart.

As they neared the pasture they were aiming for, Denver pointed to a rider headed their way. “Looks like your sister, Boss.”

“You’re right, she’s coming fast. I must be in trouble.”

When she drew closer, Lance was sure he was right. Skye had her back up about something. Her dark eyes flashed at him. She looked to be on the warpath. “What’s wrong, Princess?”

“I need to talk to you.” She cut her eyes toward Denver. “Alone. Now.”

Denver raised his eyebrows at Lance. “I can finish this up.”

“We’re close, Skye. Let me open the gate for Denver and as he guides the herd through, you and I can talk.”

She nodded, her lips pressed together in a straight line.

Lance did as he said, opened the gate and pulled his horse back behind it, giving the animals plenty of room to go through. Denver circled the herd from the rear, easing them forward, ready to take after any strays.

Skye’s mount sidled up next to his, unused to being so close to so many cattle.

Lance hoped to God this wasn’t about Tricia. He had no desire to defend his actions to his sister. “What’s on your mind?”

“I was in your office just now, retrieving some reports so Noah could file the paperwork on the land he’s wanting to designate as a protected watershed.”

“Okay.” So far, Lance didn’t see a problem. “Did you find a mistake in my figures?”

“No, I answered your phone.” She looked at him with darts in her eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me you took out a loan to pay the lawyer?”

Damn, he hadn’t been expecting this. He wondered if his previous thoughts had conjured up this confrontation. “What do you think a brother is for?”

“You went into debt for me! Don’t you think I’d want to know?”

Lance could tell she was hurt. “Look, I’d do it a thousand times over.” He still hated to remember how Skye had suffered after he’d left home at seventeen. If he’d had any idea she would be subjected to such unfair treatment and racial prejudice, he would’ve moved heaven and earth to keep her with him. “Don’t you know how guilty I feel about what happened to you?”

Skye tightened her hold on the reins as her horse sidestepped. “Don’t you know I love you? I can’t stand the thought of you doing without anything you want or need because of me! I’ll have Noah pay you back.”

Lance took off his hat and held it in his hands. “Oh, no, you won’t. This happened before you met Noah and I’m not going to him with my hat in hand. Having you near me and knowing you’re safe is worth it all.”

“You used the money that you intended for a down payment on your own ranch and you went into debt in the process.”

“I have a good job, Skye. I’m near you. I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not fine. You were cheated! Lance, I remember every word you ever told me about Shenandoah. I only wish I could’ve seen it. My heart aches that you lost your birthright. Please, let us help you.”

“I don’t need help. I’ll make my own way with no help from anyone.” He was adamant, his eyes flashing. “If I can’t do it myself, I’d rather not have it.”

“You’re stubborn!” Leaning over and placing her hand over his as it rested on his saddle horn, she frowned at her brother. “You came to me when I needed you the most. I have Noah. I have Blue Dawn. I have a home and I have you. Can’t you see that I want to share your life, Brother? We must stick together. Please don’t shut me out. Don’t shut Tricia out, she loves you.”

Lance hardened his heart. “I want you and your family in my life. Tricia is another story. There are things you don’t know, things that I’m not prepared to tell you – not yet.” The temptation Marcelle Lambert had thrown in his lap galled him. He still couldn’t fathom the game she was playing with him. All he could come up with was that this bargain was some kind of sick trick. Hell, if marriage was what Tricia wanted, all she would’ve had to do was keep that picture hidden and bide her time. Didn’t she know he’d been head over spurs for her? If she’d just waited a little while, he would’ve had a ring on her finger and headed to the altar. No, it just didn’t make sense.

He wanted Shenandoah back, there was no doubt about it.

But not this way.

He’d longed for Tricia. No other woman had ever touched him the way she did.

But not this way.

Tying the two together tainted them both.

Now, he wouldn’t get anything he wanted.

Maybe, he was a fool.

“I don’t understand what happened with you and Tricia, but that’s not the most important thing.” His sister threw her regal head back and gave him a hard stare with her coal black eyes. “I am on your side, Lance. I won’t be mean to Tricia. When we’re together, I can see the hurt in her eyes. Whatever happened, she had no intention of betraying you or hurting you.” Skye held up both hands in surrender. “Nevertheless, you are my brother and my loyalty is to you. But please, don’t shut me out. Don’t carry burdens alone when Noah and I are here to help you.”

“I don’t need any help.”

Skye shook her head. “I hope you don’t live to regret the decisions you’re making.”

“I do too, Skye. I do too.”

She leaned over to kiss him, then nudged her mount to ride away.

Lance sat there and stared until his sister rode over the horizon, deep in thought. Had he made a mistake? Should he have just fallen into line and accepted Marcelle’s deal? Some men probably would have. But he wasn’t most men.

“All done, Boss. They’re settling down to graze. I’m going to head back. You ready?”

“Yea, I’m ready.”

Thankfully, Denver seemed preoccupied with his own thoughts and they made the ride back in silence.

After seeing to his horse, Lance stopped by his office to make sure there were no more messages. He hated Skye had learned about the debt he owed, but maybe it was for the best. Secrets never failed to come out. He wondered if Tricia had regrets about the secret that tore them apart.

He did.

Mountains of regret, but a mountain he couldn’t climb.

Settling down in his desk chair, Lance checked his messages. Seeing one from Zane, the family’s attorney, he placed a return call.

“Zane, this is Lance. What can I help you with?”

“We’ve got problems.”

Lance leaned forward over his desk, his hand going automatically to palm a paperweight. “What kind of problems?”

“I haven’t called Noah and Skye yet, I wanted to talk to you first.”

“What about?” He felt a tingle of apprehension wiggle up his spine.

“I was contacted by the paternal grandfather of Skye’s baby. He’s suing for custody.”

Lance sucked in much needed oxygen. Skye would be devastated if someone took Blue away from her. “I thought the natural father waved his rights.”

“He did, but his family thinks they shouldn’t have been left out of the equation.”

“What does this mean? What kind of shot do they have? Can they take the baby?”

Zane sighed. “Not so fast. I’m working on the answers to those questions. Right now, I’ve blocked the suit. I talked to the judge and explained the situation. She agrees the baby should be left where she is now until a determination can be made if the father’s family has any rights.”

“Oh, hell. How am I going to tell Skye?”

“I don’t know, buddy. I’ll certainly be available if you need me to talk to her. I felt the news would be easier coming from you.”

“I don’t know about that, I’m not in her good graces right now. She found out I went into debt to get her out of prison.” Not to mention her discontent over his love life.

“Well, you’re her brother, you know her better than anyone.”

“I’ll do my best.”

Lance hung up the phone with a heavy heart.

He felt deluged by problems.

“When it rains, it pours.” He sighed as he pushed to his feet. “What in the hell am I going to do now?”

 

* * *

 “Just put this hospital gown on and we’ll get this test over quickly.”

Tricia submitted to the nurse’s assistance. “Will this take long?”

“About twenty minutes, but you’ll have to lie still.”

This was her first brain scan. Tricia didn’t really like the idea of lying in the sarcophagus shaped machine for so long. “I’m a bit claustrophobic. I hope I can do this.”

“Oh, we’ll pipe some soothing music in there. Don’t you worry about a thing.”

“If you say so.” She let the nurse help her to lie back.

“Do you want something under your knees?”

“No, I’m good.”

The nurse patted Tricia on the shoulder. “I can see you’re worried, don’t be. We’re not going to be using any gadolinium today.”

“Any what?”

“Usually we shoot a solution into your blood stream that serves as a magnetic contrast. The doctor opted not to do that today, we don’t want to do anything that might risk the health of that baby. Right?”

Tricia was lying still, but every cell in her body froze. “Baby? What baby?”

“Your baby.”

“I don’t have a baby.”

The nurse laughed. “You will.” At Tricia’s confused expression, she picked up the chart. “It says so right here. You didn’t know?”

“I didn’t know,” Tricia said slowly, her mind blowing over the news. Now, she remembered her late period. “God, so much has been going on. I forgot about my period.” This was an impossible situation. A baby? “How far along am I?” Stupid question. She’d had sex once.

“It’s early. A couple of weeks, maybe?”

“Oh, God.” Tricia hoped she didn’t throw up. This explained a lot. The queasiness. The fatigue. She’d been blaming everything on the epilepsy. She closed her eyes as the reality of her situation washed over her. How would she manage?

A baby, in her condition.

“Just relax. Everything will be fine. A baby is always good news.”

The positive outlook of the nurse didn’t do much to assuage Tricia’s fears. She held her breath as the mechanical platform she rested on slid back into the cavernous machine. “Twenty minutes, huh?”

“That’s right. Take a nap.”

Tricia wouldn’t be napping. She’d be worrying.

As she lay there, she tried to get a handle on her condition. A baby. A baby! Could she do it? Oh, the shop made her a decent living. She had a place to live. Insurance wasn’t a problem. Daycare would be unnecessary, she could put a playpen down in the shop. The baby’s presence would probably draw customers and she could keep it with her all the time. Her little boy or little girl would have a playmate in David McCoy. A smile played on her lips. “A baby?” she whispered. “Lance’s baby.”

Peace enveloped her.

Yes, she wanted the baby.

More than anything.

Another thought swamped her. She’d have to tell him. It was only fair. She didn’t want anything from him. She wouldn’t be asking for anything - - but he needed to know. She would tell him before word got out. Knowing how news of her epilepsy reached his ears so quickly, Tricia resolved to speak to him as soon as possible.

Over the next hour or two, Tricia submitted herself to test after test. When the verdict came from the doctor, it wasn’t a surprise. There was no other explanation for her seizures but epilepsy. Okay. She could live with it. She would adjust. Her main concern was her baby and she told the doctor so.

“Don’t worry, Tricia. Women with epilepsy can deliver a normal, healthy baby.”

“How about taking care of it? Do you think I’m capable?” She had visions of dropping the baby if a seizure hit.

“Well, you’ll have to take precautions as best you can,” he spoke to her kindly. “Do you know what an aura is?”

She nodded. “An aura is whatever sensations a person notices before a seizure. With me, it’s a sense of déjà vu or odd smells or tingles, mostly. I have heard bells and felt disoriented at times.”

“Okay,” the doctor said, “there’s your answer. When you feel a seizure coming on, you have a little time to react. Put your baby down. Call someone. I wouldn’t recommend that you drive, however.”

“No, I’m not driving now.” She thought of poor Freddie waiting in the lobby. He was fast becoming a part of her life. She was having to force him to take money from her, nowadays. “I have help.”

“Yes, make sure you spread the responsibility to family and friends, especially the father. That’s what we’re for.” He smiled at her kindly.

Tricia ran her finger down the seam of her dress, a nervous gesture. “I don’t think the father will be in the picture.” She gazed at her ringless left hand. “I’m not married.” Looking up at the doctor, she sadly smiled. “I’m not much of a prize, considering the epilepsy. Am I?”

The doctor leaned in to her. “Nonsense. Stop that, right now. You’re a beautiful young woman with a great deal to offer a man. I want you to put that idea out of your head right now.” He gave her a wink. “If I wasn’t married, I’d throw my hat in the ring.”

Tricia had to laugh. “You’re a nice man.”

“I have a good bedside manner.” He joined her in the laugh. “No, seriously, I want you to go home and be happy. You’ve got a problem, but not an insurmountable problem. People live good lives with epilepsy and you’ve got something to live for now. Your baby.”

Tricia knew he was right, she just needed to get her head wrapped around everything and start making plans.

 

* * *

 “Noah, I need to talk to you.” Lance hailed him from across the lot. “Gotta minute?”

Noah had been speaking with Aron, who held a pair of wire cutters in his hand. “Go on, Noah. I’ll replace the section of fence. Lance, where are the electric post hole diggers? I’m going to hook them up to the portable generator on the back of the half-ton truck.”

“They’re in the line shack behind the pavilion. Devin was using them yesterday.”

“Gotcha.” He waved at them and started off. “I don’t have my phone with me. If Libby looks for me, tell her I’ll be back for lunch.”

“Will do,” Noah answered, walking to meet Lance at the entrance to the stable. “What’s up, brother-in-law?”

Lance hated like heck to give Noah this news. “Zane called me last night, Blue’s paternal grandparents are seeking to make trouble.”

Concern flared in Noah’s face. “Well, that’s too damn bad. The adoption’s a done deal.”

Lance shook his head helplessly. “I hope so. Zane is on top of it. We’ve just got to be prepared and we’ve got to tell Skye. These people will fight dirty.”

Noah stared at the ground. “I refuse to let these strangers tear up my family. I will not have Skye hurt.”

“I’m with you, Noah. We’ll do whatever it takes, I just wanted to let you know. If you want me to tell, Skye, I will.”

“No, I’ll tell her,” Noah said. “She should hear it from me.”

“When you get ready to go talk to Zane, I’ll go with you.”

“I’ll call him before I tell Skye, just to make sure nothing else has materialized.”

Lance bowed his head, placing his hands on his hips. “I’m so sorry, Noah. I hated to tell you this, if there was anything I could do to keep this from happening, I would.”

“I know, Lance.” He gave his brother-in-law a pat on the shoulder. “You’ll have to help me comfort her, this is going to be a hard blow and she’s had enough of those in her life.”

“Yes, she has.” Lance watched Noah head back toward the house. He dreaded what was to come – for all of them. The one thing he did know, if he was in Noah’s shoes, he’d do everything in his power to protect his child.

 

* * *

 “So, why aren’t you drinking with me?” Pawnee asked Tricia as they lounged at opposite ends of the couch.

They’d kept everything light so far, Tricia had shown her around her shop and apartment and they’d chosen some lovely flowers to enjoy while they ate. The promised lasagna wasn’t too bad and she’d added a delicious coconut pie for dessert. If they took a notion, there was makings for homemade ice cream in the kitchen.

“Why aren’t I drinking?” Tricia debated about being honest. She’d resolved to tell Lance about the baby and she would – as soon as she worked up the courage. She also hadn’t confided in Avery, Kristen, Freddy, or her grandmother. So far, she’d just savored the news herself, pondering it in her heart like the scripture described the Virgin Mary doing when she found out she was with child.

There was just something about Pawnee, though. She seemed so vulnerable and so sincere. Knowing she would be able to sympathize, Tricia decided to confide in her new friend. “I’m pregnant.”

Pawnee sat up so fast she almost spilled the glass of white wine she’d been holding. “Pregnant? Oh, my gracious! Are you happy about it?”

“Ecstatic.” This was the truth. The doubts that had first plagued Tricia were gone. She wanted this baby more than anything.

“And the father…?” Pawnee asked hesitantly.

“The father is the handsome cowboy who you saw yelling at me in your restaurant.”

Pawnee frowned. “Ass.”

Tricia shrugged. “Everything was perfect between us – and then it wasn’t. I don’t know what happened.”

“Have you talked to him?”

“I’ve tried.”

“How do you feel about him?” There was a look of sincere concern in Pawnee’s eyes.

“I love him.” Tricia couldn’t help it. “I wish I didn’t, there’s no excuse for how he treated me.” She ducked her head. “I love him anyway.”

“So, are you going to tell him?”

“I’m going to go see him tomorrow.” She shuddered. “I dread it, but he deserves to know.”

“Do you want me to go with you?”

Her offer surprised Tricia. “How nice of you.” She admired how Pawnee looked, curled up on the cushion, her feet tucked underneath her. The woman reminded Tricia of a Bohemian gypsy or a 70’s flowerchild. She wore a long cotton skirt, a peasant blouse, and an embroidered vest. All the pretty garments were varying shades of blue. Her hair was long and curly, soft chestnut curls. Amethyst colored eyes surveyed her with sympathy. “I need to do this alone. We really need to clear the air.”

 “Well, I’m available if you need anything,” Pawnee said softly. “Is the baby the secret he discovered?”

“Oh, no.” Tricia shook her head. “There’s more.”

“Is your secret as bad as mine?” Pawnee took a sip of wine.

Tricia was taken aback by Pawnee’s frankness. “I don’t know.”

Pawnee pushed her hair back, trying to make her expression look passive. “You don’t have to pretend. My secret wasn’t exactly a secret, was it?”

“I’m not sure.” She hesitated to say. “People gossip.”

Pawnee shook her head. “Once word gets out about something like that, it spreads like wildfire. I know you heard, everybody did.”

“I heard something.”

Setting down her wineglass, Pawnee folded her hands primly in her lap. Tricia noticed her fingernails, they were painted pale pink. She glanced down at her own, buffed to a shine, but no color whatsoever.

“I was born…different.” Pawnee looked up and out the window. “I am a girl.” She laughed, an abrupt sad laugh. “I’ve never felt like anything else. Yet…I had some boy parts too.” Holding up her fingers, she showed Tricia the length of an inch. “I won’t worry you with the details, but I can say that my extra equipment made life difficult. My parents freaked when I was born. My father wanted to smother me in my sleep.”

“No!” Tricia exclaimed, trying to imagine such a thing. “What happened?”

“They gave me away, they just couldn’t deal with it. I could’ve had surgery when I was small and it wouldn’t have been that big of a deal, but it didn’t happen. I found out when I was older, that people like me are uncommon but not as rare as you would think. Once I was in the system, though, no one seemed to care about helping me, the emphasis was put on hiding me and trying to forget I was different.”

“How did that work?” Tricia asked the question, then wished she hadn’t, she sounded like a therapist.

“It didn’t.” Pawnee snorted delicately. “Other kids were the worst. I didn’t fit in with anyone, anywhere. No one let me close. They didn’t consider me a girl or a boy – I was a thing.”

“I’m so sorry, Pawnee,” Tricia muttered softly. “I can relate…to a certain extent.”

“What do you mean?” Pawnee looked at her with disbelief. “How could you?”

“I had epilepsy.” She shook her head. “I have epilepsy, thought I was cured. Now, years later, it’s returned – just in time to complicate my life beyond bearing.”

“I’m going to repeat what you said and say I’m sorry.” Pawnee looked truly sympathetic.

“Thanks. I understand how you feel when people avoid you and whisper and ostracize you. I’ve experienced all those things. I found it especially hard to deal with men.”

Pawnee laughed harshly. “Amen to that. I wouldn’t even know how to start.”

“You mean?” Tricia didn’t know how to put it. “You’ve never…?”

“No. No.” Pawnee’s hands shook as she drained the last sip of wine from her glass. “I haven’t even come close, not that I wanted to. Not until…”

“Listen, I can relate. Where I’m from, men never saw me as a woman, they saw me as an afflicted sexless person. Only when I came here, where nobody knew me, did I begin to feel normal. Lance was the first man I ever felt anything for.”

“Did he know?”

“About my epilepsy?” she asked and when Pawnee nodded, Tricia continued, “Not at first, but he does now.” She looked down at her hands. “I wished I had told him myself. We might never have been…intimate, but at least he wouldn’t hate me for it.”

“Why would he hate you?” Pawnee asked, then threw her hands up. “I can’t really relate your condition with my problem. Yours, while I know it’s difficult, it’s not…disgusting.”

“You’re not disgusting, Pawnee.” Tricia turned to face her completely on the couch. “You’re beautiful. You’re one of the most feminine women I’ve ever met.”

“If men could be put off by your seizures, can you imagine how turned off they were by my – birth defect? Neither of us chose to be this way. I can’t speak for you, but most people view me as a mistake. They don’t think of me as having feelings.” She let out a long breath. “Only one man has ever looked at me like a woman…once he knew the truth, I mean.”

“Levi.”

Pawnee blushed furiously. “Yes, Levi.”

“He’s a close friend of Isaac and Avery’s,” she said by way of explanation as to why she knew. “Levi is a really nice guy. He’s building furniture now, you know.”

“Yes, I know.”

“Why did you leave?”

Pawnee hugged herself, chafing her arms. “To have the surgery. They were able to do some reconstruction. I’m now fully a woman, mostly.” She half giggled, half sobbed. “I also left so no one would – talk about him. Even though nothing ever happened between us, he was nice to me and people couldn’t forgive him for that. They started treating him like they treated me. I couldn’t stand that.”

“So, why did you come back? Is it any better? How do they treat you at the restaurant? I’m trying to gauge what it’s going to be like at the florist when everyone knows.”

Pawnee wiped her face and Tricia handed her a tissue. “So many questions.” She swallowed. “Most people don’t know about me, the crowd that came to Hardbodies isn’t the same one who comes to the restaurant. There have been a few customers who knew me before and one left without eating when they found out I was the owner, but that was a rare case. As to why I came back?” She paused and twisted the tissue between her fingers. “Because I couldn’t stay away. I had to know if what I felt with Levi was real and if he could ever…accept me.” She stood up and walked to a window, looking out into the street. “I’m not going to pursue him, I’m going to leave everything up to him. If he wants to see me, he’ll come to me, I guess.”

“You are very brave,” Tricia said. “I ran away from home and you came back home.”

“You’re brave too,” Pawnee assured her. “You’re going to be an amazing mother and if Lance doesn’t want to be a part of yours and your baby’s life, it’s his loss.”