“Mr. O’Brien is here to see you again,” My favorite nurse announces from the door.

My breathing tube was just taken out, leaving my throat raw. I shake my head no.

“Tell him not now,” Dad replies.

“No,” I barely get out. “Tell him I never want to see him.”

“I know that you’re hurting, Firecracker, but he saved your life.”

I roll my eyes. I’ve heard the story a dozen times how he opened my airway on site, blah, blah, fucking blah. I wouldn’t be in this bed if it weren’t for his lying ass.

“You’re going to have to talk to him one day.” I look over to Scout in the doorway holding a large bouquet of flowers. “He sent these up. Just like he’s sent flowers up every single day for the last three weeks, O. He’s not going to give up.”

“What?” I slam my fists into the mattress. “Am I just supposed to forgive him? He has a fiancé and used me.”

Alarms go off and I know it’s my oxygen levels.

“Okay, okay.” Dad pats my shoulder. “Just sleep, baby girl.”

That’s something I can do. Close my eyes and forget the last four months of my life. I begin drifting off and hear Scout and my dad converse.

“I just wish she’d listen to him.”

“You know her Scout, she’s stubborn, and once hurt like this, I doubt she ever will.”

“Oren deserves the right to explain himself.”

“I know he does. I just don’t think it will ever happen and right now she gets too worked up. She just needs to heal.”

“I know,” Scout agrees. “But she needs him to heal.

---

Dear Diary,

The life of a complete loser. I’m really kicking around the idea of writing my autobiography and titling it that. Yes, I’ve moved in with my dad, sleep on the couch because there’s no way I can go in my old bedroom, and have perfected being a hermit. I have another week before I have to go back to work, which I’m dreading like no other. I’m sure my class is a wreck and my new students wild. Turning a wrench with my dad and Diesel sounds pretty damn good now.

Love, O

PS- I miss him.

Physical therapy is going well. My back is the only part killing me, but I guess with time, it will heal too. My heart, on the other hand, never will. The crisp autumn air helps kick some of the depression to the curb. Pedro loves his walks around the neighborhood bounding out on his leash.

“Pooping again? Good hell, Pedro.”

Using my little baggie I scoop it up; he tugs on the leash, pulling the handle from my hand. The sound spooks him and he runs. The more he runs, the louder the handle clangs on the sidewalk.

“Pedro.”

I toss the bag to the ground and try to jog as fast as I can to catch up with him, yelling his name the entire time. The leash wraps around a pole and I think it’s stopped him, but the harder he pulls, he wiggles out of his Velcro harness.

“Pedro.” I use my voice to get his attention. Nothing works and soon he’s gone, out of sight.

I plop down on the curb and burst into tears. There goes the other love of my life.

“Olivia?” I look up to my dad in his work truck.

“Pedro just ran away.” I get out between my tears.

Dad gets out of his truck, pulls me from the curb, and tucks me into the passenger seat. “Let’s go home, honey.”

“I lost him, Dad, I lost him.” The tears stream down my face.

“He’ll come back, honey.”

“Or get run over or find another woman who is prettier with big ol’ boobies and blonde hair.”

“Olivia, you need to settle down.”

“Yeah, Dad, I’ve lost my damn mind.”

“I’ll go call animal patrol and the neighbors.” Dad kills the engine and runs inside. He doesn’t address my craziness of losing Pedro and Oren.

I sit on the porch huddled on the front swing, crying. Dusk is beginning to settle over the city and no sign of Pedro. I’m beginning to lose hope when a cop car pulls up. I sprint down the steps and sidewalk. What if he’s dead? I can’t do this.

I don’t even notice Oren standing in front of the driver door until I’m face to face with him.

“Hi Olivia.”

I swallow my pride and will the tears to stay at bay. I’m sure my puffy red eyes give enough away.

When he realizes I’m not going to talk to him, he turns and opens his door.

“Here Pedro. I found your momma,” Oren says into the car.

“Pedro,” I squeal when Oren hands over the little fur ball to me. “You scared the shit out of me.”

I look up to Oren. “Thanks.”

When I turn towards the house, my dad is behind me, but I don’t stay. Scurrying back up to the house, I nuzzle Pedro and will myself to forget the sight and smell of Oren. It’s just another strike to my already shattered heart.

I watch through the window as Dad and Oren talk for a good thirty minutes.

“Movie tonight?” Pops asks as he walks through the front door.

“Yeah, I have it ready.”

“Give me a few minutes to get out of my work clothes.”

“Okay, Dad.”

I stay on the couch huddled up with Pedro. I want to beat the shit out of him for running like that and I also want to hug the shit out of him. Everything inside of me wilted up at the sight of Pedro fleeing. The fucker was off for the border, I swear.

“Popcorn?” Dad hands a teal bowl overflowing with popcorn towards me.

“No, I’m trying to quit.” I wave him off while staring at him and Mom’s wedding picture. “Dad, do you think you can sign me up to be a mail order bride and ship me to a foreign country.”

“It doesn’t work that way, honey.” He sits close to me, wrapping an arm around me. I melt into his safe haven.

“I don’t know how to live anymore. It sounds stupid, but I’m hurt.” Tears begin rolling down my face like they always do when I attempt to talk about my feelings.

“I know you’re hurting, sweetie. Mom and I had bad times, too.”

“Did you lie to her about another woman?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Then you don’t get it at all Dad and it’s not fair to compare the two.”

“Your mom cried for nearly the first year of our marriage. Every night she’d roll over to face the window and cry. She wanted to go back to her family and things she knew. I tried to help her, but she had to do it in her own time. I placed an envelope of cash for her in her drawer and told her she could leave whenever she wanted to.”

“But she stayed,” I whisper.

“She did. We both fought to make it, never giving up on each other.”

“Still not the same, Pops.”

“Olivia, I need to talk to you about something.”

“Oh for Christ sake’s Dad, you can take me off suicide alert.”

“Oren came by the shop today.”

I bolt up from his chest. “Dad.”

“Olivia, you will sit and listen to me.”

“Dad,” I warn again. “I’m already hurting enough. Why are you doing this to me?”

“Because you need to hear him out and since you won’t, I’m going to tell you.”

“I’m hurt enough.” I cuddle back into the arm of the chair and face my dad.

“What if this helps you heal? Just listen, Olivia, and then I’ll never bring it up again.

I nod and clutch a throw pillow to my chest like it even stands a chance of protecting my already shattered heart.

“Oren was engaged before he moved here. He broke it off to the dismay of his family. His parents pretty much disowned him since he wouldn’t marry his high school sweetheart. Rachel was a close family friend as well.”

“Don’t say her name, Dad.”

“Are you listening, Olivia?”

“He wasn’t engaged. It had been broke off for nearly a year and Rachel came here to try to reconnect.”

“Well, he was in his boxers Dad, with the shower running. Sounds like she made it happen.”

“He answered the door thinking it was you and it was her. She wouldn’t leave and he did his best to ignore her and then you showed up.”

“Are you defending him?”

“Yes, Olivia, I am. Dammit.” Dad slams the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table. Several pieces scatter across the table and topple to the beige carpet. “He’s so tore up that he’s leaving town, Olivia. Can’t stand the fact you were hurt because of him. I’ve never seen a man so torn up. He’s put in for a transfer and if you don’t do something about it, you’ll lose him forever.”

Dad stands to his feet. “I know what it feels like to lose the love of your life. Oren’s lost that and his family.”