Chapter5
Damien
“So, did you see her?”
Damien was sitting with his brother having lunch. It was the second time that they had seen each other. It was Damien that had called to ask if they could meet up and his brother had seemed pleasantly surprised. This time they weren’t at a greasy burger joint but were enjoying a rather classy lunch in the city. According to Wesley, it was the only place to go for something that is both healthy and delicious. Damien hated to admit how much he was enjoying it but his body seemed to actually be screaming ‘thank you’ with each bite he took. A few years ago, he would’ve teased his brother about a place like this.
“Yeah. I went to her school.”
“I’m assuming from the look on your face that it didn’t go too well.”
“Not particularly. Although, I’m not exactly surprised by her reaction either. She hadn’t expected me to be out for another two years, at least, and I suppose nothing could quite prepare her for it. She asked me to leave. I don’t think she wanted the kids to see me. I don’t blame her. I left her my number and my address but I haven’t heard anything yet.”
“Ah, you going to try again?”
“Definitely. I’m not giving up. No way. But I’ll give it another day or two at least. I don’t want to freak her out. Ah Wesley, man, it was so good to see her again. I knew I had missed her but I didn’t quite realize just how much until I saw her. She’s so damn beautiful. Of course, I couldn’t say that to her, even though all I wanted to do was go up and kiss her. Ah sorry, don’t know why I’m telling you all of this.”
“Uh… because I’m your brother. Damien, I’m glad you’re talking to me about all of this. I’ve missed this, you know. You didn’t see the kid, though?”
“No. And I don’t think she even knows that I know about him. Or her. I really need to speak to her. There’s just so much that I want to say. I knew that I couldn’t ask too much of her on the first day. I just hope she gives me a chance to speak.”
“She will.”
“Yeah, give it time and all that crap. I know. I know. I’ve become the king at waiting.”
Wesley suddenly looked very uncomfortable and Damien looked at him suspiciously.
“What’s up, Wes?”
“Look, I know we’ve just reunited and all that. But… I’d love you to meet my family.”
Damien punched him on the arm. “Seriously? You’re nervous to ask me that? Of course I want to meet them. Tell me about them. Let me guess… five kids and you live in a mansion, three cars, a Jacuzzi and a sauna. Oh, and a butler?”
He laughed. “What a bizarre image you have of me. One house. Normal size. One car. No Jacuzzi or sauna but we do have a pool. Well, my wife is Christie. She’s absolutely gorgeous but super down to earth. More a trainers and jeans kind of girl. And get this… she likes playing games more than me.”
“What? Dude, nice.” Damien didn’t want his brother to know that he didn’t even know he was a gamer. He thought it was better to leave that out. He was glad that Wesley had found someone that made him so obviously happy.
“Yeah, check her out.”
Wesley pulled out his wallet and showed him a photo of himself and Christie on their wedding day. He was right. Christie was beautiful. She actually reminded him a lot of Hazel. A blonde version. There were some people that you just had to look at once to know they were good inside and out. He felt a tugging at his heart that he hadn’t been to their wedding. He had, in fact, received the wedding invitation but it had collided with a big ‘job’ of his and he had decided not to go. It was one of the biggest regrets of his life.
“She’s beautiful. God, Wesley, I can’t believe I didn’t come to your wedding. I’m so sorry. It is by far one of the biggest regrets of my whole life. I am such an idiot. I really am sorry. You must’ve hated me so much.”
“It’s okay. I did hate you – I won’t lie. But I don’t anymore. We’re talking again now. And you’re moving on from all of that. We all do things that we regret. But you’re the only family I have left so I’m not going to hold it against you.”
“Dammit, why are you so nice? I feel like you got all of the nice genes.”
“Nah, I also got the good looking one.”
Damien laughed, and again he wondered how much different his life would’ve been had he just stayed in his brother’s life and listened to his sense. “So tell me about Christie. What does she do?”
“She teaches high school. Poor thing. Lucky teenage boys though. Imagine having a teacher like that!”
She teaches! She’s even more like Hazel than I thought. Maybe all teachers are nice people.
“Yeah, I don’t think I would’ve gotten much work done with a teacher looking like that. We just had old men when we were in school.”
“Ha! Not that it made you do your work. You still hated school!”
“That’s true. I really hated it. Hey, I just realized that I don’t even know what you do? Flip, I’m a terrible brother.”
“It’s okay. It’s been a while. I’m a teacher, too. Different school though and different subjects. She teaches English and I teach Science.”
“What?! You’re a science teacher?”
“Yeah, I was always a little bit nerdy. So you can’t be surprised.”
“I’m not surprised. But I am actually very impressed. A science teacher. Wow. Hey, maybe you can go all Breaking Bad on me and the two of us can get together to make drugs. You make them, I’ll sell them.”
“Ah, thinking just like a man who has just been to jail.”
“What a bore! So… any kids?”
Damien watched as Wesley’s face broke into a smile. It was easy to see that his family were his whole life.
“Yeah, two. Here…”
Wesley took out another photo from his wallet. Two little girls grinned into the camera – their faces every bit Christie and incredibly angelic. Damien could see why he smiled when he spoke about them.
“They’re beautiful. Wow – so you live with three girls!”
“Yep. They rule the kingdom. And I am their slave. They’re amazing though. They really changed our lives.”
“Twins?”
“Yep. Sarah and Ashley. They’re five now and more talkative than ever before. And they are very strong willed – which they definitely get from Christie. At the moment they are refusing to wear dresses. They said dresses are restrictive because they can’t run around and get dirty in them. And yes, they also actually used the word restrictive. They also both want to become scientists at the moment. They said it’s not fair that it’s normally boys that do science.”
“And you know what… I bet you that’s exactly what they’ll become.”
“I think so, too.”
“So, when do I get to meet them?”
“Actually, Christie is picking me up soon as we’re going to a friend’s place for the afternoon. They also have kids so we can actually have some adult time. Uh… want to say hi when she comes? It will just be a quick meeting. I mean… of course you don’t have to. I’ve just kind of thrown this at you at the last minute. I know the whole thing might be a bit much.”
“Don’t be crazy. I’d love to meet them. I assume she knows all about me?”
“She does. And she’s glad that we’ve reconnected.”
Half an hour later and Wesley got a call from Christie to say she was outside. Damien felt incredibly nervous, almost as if he were meeting his girlfriend’s parents for the first time. It reminded him of the first time that he had meet Hazel’s family. The night when it all went wrong. As they approached the car, he saw Christie get out. She had her hair pulled back and she was wearing a t-shirt, some jeans and trainers. Wesley was right – she was definitely a very laid back person. Yet she was beautiful.
“You must be Damien. I’m Christie.” Her voice was soft but confident.
“Christie, it’s so great to meet you. Wesley has been telling me all about you.”
“Oh dear.” She glanced between Damien and Wesley.
“Trust me, only good things.”
“You just never know with this one. Let me get the kids.” She opened the door and two little girls came out. They were both dressed in clothes similar to their mother and it was very hard to tell them apart. “This is Sarah and this is Ashley. Say hello girls. This is your Uncle Damien.”
Uncle Damien. Uncle Damien. The words tugged at his heart.
“Wow, we have an uncle! Cool!” the one said and the other one giggled shyly. “Will you come visit our house? We can show you all of our toys! Our daddy helped to build us our very own scientist lab. So we can show you how to make cool potions.”
Damien looked up at Christie, unsure how to reply. Thankfully she noticed his discomfort and replied for him.
“We will definitely be inviting your uncle over soon. But only if you girls are on your best behavior. Deal?”
“Deal!”
She laughed and then looked back at him. “Well, we better get going, but we really would love to have you over for dinner. I make a mean lasagna.”
“Deal!” he said and they both chuckled.
He said his goodbyes and then made his way home. He felt a strange sensation as he walked. A mixture of happiness and sadness. He had missed out on so much – Wesley’s first love, his wedding, the birth of his children. Why had Damien been such a fool? All he had thought about was himself all these years. He was deep in thought, so much that he didn’t even notice the figure standing in front of his motel room.
“Penny for your thoughts?”
He jumped when he saw her. Hazel!
“Hazel!”
“It’s my turn to frighten you with an unplanned visit.” She was smiling at him but there was still so much sadness in her eyes.
“Hey… I’m glad you’re here.”
“Yeah… look… I’m sorry about the other day. It was just a huge shock to me. And like I said, I didn’t want the kids to see you. They’d have a million questions that I am just not strong enough to answer right now. But… we do need to talk.”
Damien was in such shock he was surprised words were actually coming out of his mouth. “Want to go for coffee? Or come in?”
“Uh… you have coffee in there?”
“Of course I do! Come in.” Damien was surprised that she was happy to be alone with him. But then he supposed the conversation was not something that she wanted everyone else to hear. He opened the door and let her in, slightly ashamed by his little motel room – the few clothes, and sparse belongings. There was nowhere to sit down but the bed so she gingerly sat down on the end while he went to make them coffee.
“Okay, is that a coffee press?” she asked him.
“It sure is.” And held it up with pride.
“So let me get this straight, you don’t even have two pairs of shoes at the moment but you have a coffee press?”
“Yeah… I got it the first time I went shopping. I felt it was imperative.”
“Ah… priorities.”
“Of course.” He made the coffee and was surprised at how easy it felt to have her there.
Although he was aware of her eyes watching him as he made the coffee, he tried desperately not to spill. Finally, he walked up to her with two steaming cups. He didn’t want to tell her that the biggest reason he had gotten the coffee press was because he had spent the last two years drinking coffee that just tasted like dirty water. That he had dreamed about coming home and taking a sip of proper coffee and how it still reminded him of her – and how they had always loved their coffee together. He didn’t want to tell her anything of that just yet. He was too scared of ruining the moment. He was so afraid she would just run away the moment things got serious.
“Thank you. Where did you just come from?”
“Actually, lunch with my brother.”
“Seriously?”
He smiled at her. “Yeah. He fetched me from prison and we got talking the whole way – went for lunch and everything. Some crazy place offering the biggest and most delicious burgers in the area – and they weren’t wrong. It was fantastic just watching my brothers face biting into it – he’s on this major health kick so you can imagine what a burger that size and with that much bacon and cheese tasted like to him. Priceless.” Damien realized that he was talking too much but he just suddenly didn’t know how to stop. He took a deep breath. “I called him to meet me again today. And get this… I even met his wife and kids. Seems I missed out on his whole life. I’m going to make up for it though. He’s my brother. I didn’t quite know how much I missed him until now. You’ll like him Hazel.”
“I’m sure I will. Well, I’m happy for you Damien. It’s always good to have family. They have your back for you when nobody else does.”
Damien looked deep into his coffee, suddenly too afraid to look into her eyes. He knew that he had hurt her so much and he wondered just how much her family hated him right now. Especially since Hazel had already been hurt so badly before.
“I’m sorry, Hazel.”
“I know you are. But… oh Damien, sorry is just not enough.”
“I know. Can I explain?”
That was all he wanted. To just get the chance to explain why he had left her. So that she could know that he had never ever wanted to do that to her. He watched as a few different emotions crossed her face.
Finally, she sighed, looked up at him and said, “Yes. You can. But first, I have something to tell you. I really need to get this out of the way first before I lose my nerve.”
“I have a child.”
He saw her head shoot up. “What? How did you know?”
Damien took her hand but she pulled it away and he tried to ignore how much that hurt him. “Hazel… you came in to see me. You told the guard that you were pregnant with my child. I heard the stories but no matter how much I begged them they wouldn’t allow me to see you. They told me that you were probably making it up as an excuse to see me but I knew you weren’t. I just knew.”
“So… all this time… you knew?”
“All this time. And it’s been the hardest two years of my life. Not because I was in jail. That part I could handle. In fact, that part I most definitely deserved. But because I missed you so much, and all I could think about was the fact that you were about to have my child. It’s been… hard. But it was the reason why I was let out early.”
“Oh good behavior?” she asked.
“Yeah… I knew that I could get out early if I just kept my head down and worked hard in there. I kept you and our child at the front of my mind the whole time. You were the only thing that got me through it. It’s why some of the guys there just never come out – because they don’t have a big enough reason. And if you have nothing on the outside – then jail can be so much easier. But not for me – I had everything waiting for me on the outside. Although I was so scared that you would never want to see me again. Hazel… did you have the child?” Damien took her hand again and this time she didn’t pull away.
“I did. We have a little boy. His name is Ben.”
“Ben.” Damien whispered his name and felt tears in his eyes.
He had a son. It was strange, because in the whole time that he was in jail and up until now he knew that he had a son. And yet, hearing Hazel tell him for the first time – it made it all just seem so much more real. It was as if his dream was turning into a reality. When they had first started dating Damien had told her all about his uncle who had died when he was little. He had been someone that Damien had looked up to and had taught him a lot about life. Damien had been devastated when he died and to this day he believed that a part of him had died along with him that day. That man’s name was Ben.
“Ben,” he said again. “Thank you, Hazel.” It was the nicest thing that anyone had ever done for him. And he knew that he didn’t deserve that from her.
“He looks just like you, Damien. He has dark hair and his eyes shine with so much mischief. He’s just turned two and he’s been the best thing that has ever happened to me. He was the only reason I got through that time with you leaving. He’s like a little angel – untouched by the world.”
“Hazel. I’m so sorry.”
“I know you are. But it’s so hard, Damien. This whole thing is so damn hard. Tell me what happened, Damien. I always knew that you had a little bit of a shady past – it was obvious in the way you presented yourself and the scars on your body that you didn’t want to talk about. But I thought that it was all over. I thought that you were in a better place. Why did you lie to me? Why did you make me think that we actually had a future together?”
“Oh, Hazel, there’s so much to tell you.” Damien cradled his coffee which was starting to get cold and started talking.
He told her everything – from the very beginning, to how he had started getting into gangs, to how he had spent most of his adult life cheating and stealing his way through everything, to the day that he decided he didn’t want it anymore. “And then… then I met you. And I knew then that I had chosen the wrong path in life. Because you were everything that I wished I was. You were perfect Hazel. And you looked at me in a way that nobody had ever looked at me before. I was already out of the business for quite some time. I had found a job. I had a place to stay. I was making it on my own. And when I met you it felt as if I had finally found my way. Finally discovered who I was as a person and what I wanted to be. I never lied to you Hazel. I really wasn’t involved in anything when we were together and I had no plans to.”
“My parents really liked you, you know.”
“I liked them, too. They must hate me now.”
“Yeah. They do. I’m not going to lie.”
“I don’t expect you to. I would hate me, too. I do hate me.”
“So what happened then? That night that you left.”
“I got a call from Tom. And he asked me to help him with this big job of his. He’d gotten himself into heaps of trouble. I said no. Of course I said no. I mean we’d never done things like robbing banks before. That’s another level altogether. But Tom was in deep and he was desperate for my help. He’d saved my life before. I owed him and he knew it. He used that against me. If I had said no then I’m not sure what would’ve happened to me.
"These people… they hold grudges. And even though I considered him my friend at one stage – well, when you’re in this deep, I guess friendship just goes away. So I said yes. He told me that nobody would get hurt. He told me that nobody would get caught. He promised that afterwards he’d never ask me for anything again. Hazel… I had looked at you then. Sitting with your family. And I knew that I wanted nothing more than for my old life to disappear. I thought that by saying yes I could make that happen.”
“So you went.”
“I went. And, as you know, I did get caught.”
There was silence in the room and Damien could see Hazel trying to digest everything that she had just heard.
“I can’t just forgive you, Damien. You hurt me so badly.”
“I know.”
“Listen, I think I have to go. This is a lot to think about. Thank you for your honesty. It sometimes feels as if it’s a little too late. But… I still needed to hear it from you. Two years has been a long time to wait to hear the truth.”
“You don’t want to stay a bit more. Have some coffee?”
Damien suddenly felt desperate not to see her go. It felt so good having her by his side again. She had pulled her hand away again and he felt empty without her touch.
“I can’t Damien. You know I can’t.”
He nodded. He knew. “Thank you for coming, Hazel. Uh… Hazel… before you go. Can I ask you something?”
She nodded.
“Have you… uh… have you met anyone?”
“No. Well… No. I haven’t.” Then she put her head down and quickly walked away.
Damien noticed that she had hesitated and he wondered if that meant anything.